For Magnus Chase: Hotel Valhalla Guide to the Norse Worlds: Your Introduction to Deities, Mythical Beings, & Fantastic Creatures

by Rick Riordan

  Bite your tail, Jorry,

  (Rock-a-bye, baby,)

  Under the waves.

  (In the treetop.)

  No need to surface.

  (When the wind blows)

  Avoid the sun’s rays.

  (The cradle will rock.)

  Cuddle an urchin,

  (When the bough breaks)

  Snuggle a shark.

  (The cradle will fall.)

  Just stay down below

  (And down will come baby)

  And sleep in the dark.

  (Cradle and all.)

  Please stay sleeping, please stay sleeping,

  (Are you sleeping, are you sleeping,)

  Jormungand, Jormungand!

  (Brother John, Brother John?)

  Shut your eyes so tightly!

  (Morning bells are ringing!)

  Snooze all day and nightly!

  (Morning bells are ringing!)

  Don’t wake up. Don’t wake up.

  (Ding ding dong. Ding ding dong.)

  CATEGORY: Unbelievably regrettable

  HOME WORLD: Island of Lyngvi

  APPEARANCE: Gray and black fur, powerful build, fangs, and blue eyes. Normal size for a typical wolf, but has an extra-intelligent glint in his eyes.

  BEST KNOWN FOR: Terrifying savagery. Being restrained by the rope Gleipnir. Signaling the start of Ragnarok upon being freed from that rope.

  I want it on record that I never intended to go anywhere near the Island of Lyngvi, and I certainly had no interest in talking to the beast that’s trapped there. I didn’t realize that’s where Hotel Valhalla’s fold-out boat had dropped me until it was too late. So if the following transcript of our conversation seems a little unprofessional at times, keep in mind that I was wholly unprepared.

  SNORRI STURLUSON: Wait a minute. This isn’t Norumbega.

  FENRIS WOLF: Hello, Snorri.

  SS [runs around in circles, screaming]: Where’s the boat? Where’s the boat?

  FW: Nice of you to drop by.

  SS [falls to knees]: Gods help me! Someone get me out of here!

  FW: We never talk anymore. How’ve you been?

  SS [covers head with arms and moans]: Leave me alone. I have nothing to say to you.

  FW: That hurts me, Snorri. It really does. Here I’m thinking, wow, a thane has come to see me. Not even the gods do that. He must be more courageous than they are. [Editor’s Note: At this point, the raven records that Snorri stopped moaning and started tuning in to what Fenris Wolf was saying.] But you’re just like the rest of them. [Hunches shoulders and hangs head.] Aw, why do I even bother.

  SS: I—I’m sorry. It’s just, well, I was tricked into coming here.

  FW [gestures at Gleipnir with snout]: Just as I was. We’re a lot alike, you and I.

  SS: Except I’m a human and you’re a wolf.

  FW: Technicalities. We’re alike where it counts. In here. [Restraint interferes with attempt to tap chest.] Darn this rope. It ruined a special moment for us.

  SS [shuffles closer to FW]: It looks like a nuisance. Is it really tight?

  FW: Not as bad as it used to be, but it does get in the way. What can I do, though? No one is brave enough to come near me and untie it.

  SS [moves closer still]: I’m brave. You said so yourself.

  FW [widens eyes]: You’re right! Guess that makes you brave and smart. But I bet you hear that all the time back in Valhalla.

  SS: Oh, not as much as you’d think.

  FW: Go on. Good-looking thane like you? Those Valkyries probably flit about you like bees around honey.

  SS [blushes]: No. Well. Maybe a few.

  FW: I knew it! And I know something that would really impress them. You could…nah, you wouldn’t do it. Never mind.

  SS: What? What were you going to say?

  FW: No, it’s too much to ask. Forget it.

  SS: Seriously, tell me. I insist.

  FW: Well, if you insist. I was just thinking, you being such a smart, brave, good-looking thane, if anybody could figure out how to untie this old rope, it’d be you.

  SS: Oh. Um, gee, I don’t know if I should. I mean, the gods bound you in it for a good reason. Didn’t they?

  FW: Oh, sure, sure. Assuming being true to myself was a good reason, that is. Was it my fault that I was a boisterous pup who liked to wrestle and play tug-of-war, or that I grew up to be a strong, fierce fighter? You’d think those traits would be appreciated in Asgard, not punished.

  SS: Is that why you’re here? I could have sworn—

  FW [turns his back]: Listen, just forget I asked, all right? I took you for a guy who stood for decency and fairness. I read you wrong. My mistake.

  SS: But—

  FW: I thought we had something in common, seeing as how you were hoodwinked into coming here by the gods just like I was. Again, my mistake.

  SS: Well, maybe I could just loosen one knot.

  FW: I don’t even want you to do it now.

  SS [stands]: That’s too bad, mister, because I’m going to!

  FW: Seriously, don’t come near me.

  SS: You can’t stop me!

  FW: I’m warning you, you come one step closer and I won’t be held responsible for my actions!

  SS: Get ready to do your worst, then, because here I come!

  [Editor’s Note: At this point, the raven stopped recording the conversation. The following is its report of what happened next.]

  RAVEN: The thane had clearly fallen under the wolf’s spell. A few more steps and he would have fallen into the wolf’s jaws or, worse, succeeded in untying Gleipnir and freeing the beast. I prevented this by giving the thane a severe pecking, which broke the spell.

  [The transcript picks up again here.]

  SS [runs around screaming]:

  AAAAAAHHHH! Stop pecking me!

  [Pauses and looks around] Wait a minute…

  AAAAAHHHH! Get me out of here!

  [Runs screaming onto fold-out boat, which has miraculously reappeared.]

  NAMES: Otis (aka Tanngnjóstr, aka “Teeth Grinder”) and Marvin (aka Tanngrisnr, aka “Snarler”)

  CATEGORY: Edible

  HOME WORLD: Wherever Thor is

  APPEARANCE: Unkempt brown fur, curved horns, yellow eyes

  BEST KNOWN FOR: Being a satisfying meal roasted, grilled, or stewed. Also pulling Thor’s chariot.

  Listen up, punks. I don’t go in for therapy the way Otis does. If there’s a problem, I head-butt it straight on. And right now, I got a problem with you. I don’t like how you treat us. Think I’m joking? Well, chew on this. Every night, it’s the same thing: butcher, cook, chew, swallow, resurrect, repeat. That’s fine. It’s our fate to be slaughtered. Whatever. But what I want to know is, would it kill you to spice us up a little now and then? We’re bored to death with being served the same way dinner after dinner! Look at it from our point of view, for crying out loud! A little effort is all I’m asking. Here are some ideas even dimwits like you can follow:

  BUFFALO GOAT TENDERS

  Slice us into strips. Dip us in milk and coat us with panko crumbs. Fry us in oil on both sides. Dry us on a paper towel. Move us to a serving dish and smother us in Buffalo sauce. Serve us with blue cheese dressing and celery.

  GOAT POT PIE

  Cube us. Combine us with peas, carrots, celery, and goat broth. Boil, drain, and set aside. Sauté chopped onion and garlic. Mix with us and dump us into a piecrust. Cover us with another crust. Bake us in a dwarf kiln until golden brown. Scoop us into bowls and eat us.

  GOAT CAESAR SALAD OR WRAP

  Cook and dice us. Toss us with Caesar salad dressing, hand-torn romaine lettuce, shredded parmesan cheese, and croutons. Serve us as a salad or roll us in a wrap for an on-the-go meal.

  For additional recipes, consult Saehrimnir, will you? Sheesh.

  Dear Valued Guest:

  Your journey through the pages of this helpful guide is coming to a close. Yet your existence in our world is just beginning. Exciting new adventure
s await you daily.* How will you die tomorrow? The next day? The ones after that? The possibilities are endless.**

  But perhaps your destiny will take you in a different direction. Odin chose you once before, when he snatched you at death to join the ranks of his einherjar. He may choose you again, this time to venture on a noble quest beyond the safety of Hotel Valhalla. If he does, know this: Only the best of the best are singled out for this honor. Those who return in triumph rise higher in the ranks. Some, like Gunilla, Davy Crockett, the Eriks, and even, inexplicably, Snorri Sturluson, are awarded seats at the thanes’ table. Those who fail, however, return in disgrace—or don’t return at all, for death awaits beyond Valhalla’s protection.

  So when you put this book aside and turn out the light, ask yourself this question: Do you have the strength, bravery, and wisdom to achieve a higher level of greatness? I emphasize that you should ask yourself. Know that if you ring the front desk and ask me this question, I will be forced to remind you that while we provide additional towels free of charge, answers to such questions cost extra.

  Thank you, and sleep peacefully so you can arise and do glorious battle in the morn.***

  —Helgi

  MANAGER OF HOTEL VALHALLA SINCE 749 C.E.

  Aegir EE-jeer

  Aesir AY-ser

  alf seidr ALF SAY-der

  Alfheim ALF-haym

  Asgard AZ-gahrd

  Balder BAHL-der

  Bifrost BEE-frohst

  Brisingamen BREE-seeng-gah-men

  dagaz DAH-gahz

  draugr DRAU-ger

  Eikthrymir ACHE-thry-meer

  einherjar/einherji in-HAIR-yar/ in-HAIR-yee

  Fenris FEHN-rihss

  Fjalar fee’AHL-ahr

  Folkvanger FOHK-vahn-ger

  Frey FRAY

  Freya FRAY-uh

  Frigg FRIHG

  Gerd GAIRD

  Ginnungagap GEEN-un-guh-gahp

  Gjalar gee-YALL-ar

  Gleipnir GLYP-neer

  Gungnir GOONG-neer

  Gunilla Goo-NEE-la

  Heidrun HY-druhn

  Heimdall HAME-doll

  Hel HEHL

  Helgi HEL-jee

  Helheim HEHL-haym

  Hlidskjalf H’LIHD-skelf

  Hod rhymes with odd

  Honir HOH-neer

  Hunding HUHN-deeng

  Idun EE-duhn

  Jormungand YOHR-mun-gand

  Jotun YOH-toon

  Jotunheim YOH-tuhn-haym

  Laeradr LAY-rah-dur

  Loki LOH-kee

  Lyngvi LEENG-vee

  Magni MAG-nee

  Midgard MIHD-gahrd

  Mimir MEE-meer

  Mjolnir MEE’OHL-neer

  Modi MOH-dee

  Muspell MOO-spel

  Muspellheim MOOS-pehl-aym

  Nabbi NAB-ee

  Narvi NAHR-vee

  Nidavellir Nee-duh-vehl-EER

  Nidhogg NEED-hawg

  Niflheim NIHF-uhl-haym

  Njord NEE’ORD

  Norns NOHRNZ

  Norumbega nohr-uhm-BAY-guh

  Odin OH-dihn

  Ragnarok RAG-nuh-rawk

  Ran RAN

  Ratatosk RAT-uh-tawsk

  Saehrimnir SY-h’rihm-neer

  Sessrumnir SEHSS-room-neer

  Sif SEEV

  Skirnir SKEER-neer

  Sleipnir SLAYP-neer

  Snorri SNOH-ree

  Sumarbrander SOO-mar-brand-der

  Surt SERT

  svartalf SVAHR-tahlf

  Svartalfheim SVAHR-tahlf-haym

  Tanngnjóstr Tang-YOST-ir

  Tanngrisnr TAHN-gris-nir

  Thjalfi TH-yal-vee

  Thor THOR

  Tyr TEER

  Utgard-Loki OOT-gahrd-LOH-kee

  Vala VAL-uh

  Valhalla Val-HAHL-uh

  Valkyrie VAL-ker-ee

  Vanaheim VAN-uh-haym

  Vanir Vah-NEER

  Yggdrasil IHG-druh-sihl

  Ymir EE-meer

  AEGIR—lord of the waves

  AESIR—gods of war, close to humans

  ALF SEIDR—elf magic

  ALFHEIM—the home of the light elves

  ANGRBODA—the giantess mother of Fenris Wolf, Jormungand, and Hel, with Loki

  ASGARD—the home of the Aesir

  BALDER—god of light; the second son of Odin and Frigg, and brother of Hod. Frigg made all earthly things swear to never harm her son, but she forgot about mistletoe. Loki tricked Hod into killing Balder with a dart made of mistletoe.

  BIFROST—the rainbow bridge leading from Asgard to Midgard

  BRISINGAMEN—Freya’s signature piece of jewelry, a ruby-and-diamond lacework necklace of unsurpassed beauty

  BROKKR AND SINDRI—the dwarves who made Thor’s hammer, Mjolnir

  EIKTHRYMIR—a stag in the Tree of Laeradr whose horns spray water nonstop that feeds every river in every world

  EINHERJAR (EINHERJI, sing.)—great heroes who have died with bravery on Earth; soldiers in Odin’s eternal army; they train in Valhalla for Ragnarok, when the bravest of them will join Odin against Loki and the giants in the battle at the end of the world

  FENRIS WOLF—an invulnerable wolf born of Loki’s affair with a giantess; his mighty strength strikes fear even in the gods, who keep him tied to a rock on an island. He is destined to break free on the day of Ragnarok.

  FJALAR AND GJALAR—two nasty dwarves who killed Kvasir

  FOLKVANGER—the Vanir afterlife for slain heroes, ruled by the goddess Freya

  FREY—the god of spring and summer; the sun, the rain, and the harvest; abundance and fertility, growth and vitality. Frey is the twin brother of Freya and, like his sister, is associated with great beauty. He is lord of Alfheim.

  FREYA—the goddess of love; twin sister of Frey; ruler of Folkvanger

  FRIGG—goddess of marriage and motherhood; Odin’s wife and the queen of Asgard; mother of Balder and Hod

  GERI AND FREKI—two wolves who often accompany Odin

  GINNUNGAGAP—the primordial void; a mist that obscures appearances

  GLEIPNIR—a rope made by dwarves to keep Fenris Wolf in bondage

  GUNGNIR—Odin’s staff

  HEIDRUN—the goat in the Tree of Laeradr whose milk is brewed for the magical mead of Valhalla

  HEIMDALL—god of vigilance and the guardian of the Bifrost, the gateway to Asgard

  HEL—goddess of the dishonorable dead; born of Loki’s affair with the giantess Angrboda

  HELHEIM—the underworld, ruled by Hel and inhabited by those who died in wickedness, old age, or illness

  HLIDSKJALF—the High Seat of Odin

  HOD—Balder’s blind brother

  HONIR—an Aesir god who, along with Mimir, traded places with Vanir gods Frey and Njord at the end of the war between the Aesir and the Vanir

  HUGINN AND MUNINN—two ravens who bring Odin information from all over Midgard

  IDUN—a goddess who distributes the apples of immortality that keep the gods young and spry

  JORMUNGAND—the World Serpent, born of Loki’s affair with a giantess; his body is so long it wraps around the earth

  JOTUN—giant

  JOTUNHEIM—the home of the giants

  KVASIR—a wise god born of the saliva of the Aesir and the Vanir

  LOKI—god of mischief, magic, and artifice; the son of two giants; adept with magic and shape-shifting. He is alternatively malicious and heroic to the Asgardian gods and to humankind. Because of his role in the death of Balder, Loki was chained by Odin to three giant boulders with a poisonous serpent coiled over his head. The venom of the snake occasionally irritates Loki’s face, and his writhing is the cause of earthquakes.

  LYNGVI—the Isle of Heather, where Fenris Wolf is bound; the island’s location shifts every year as the branches of Yggdrasil sway in the winds of the void. It only surfaces during the first full moon of each year.

  MAGNI AND MODI—Thor’s favorite sons, fated to survive Ragnarok

&nb
sp; MIDGARD—the home of humans

  MIMIR—an Aesir god who, along with Honir, traded places with Vanir gods Frey and Njord at the end of the war between the Aesir and the Vanir. When the Vanir didn’t like his counsel, they cut off his head and sent it to Odin. Odin placed the head in a magical well, where the water brought it back to life, and Mimir soaked up all the knowledge of the World Tree.

  MJOLNIR—Thor’s hammer

  MUSPELLHEIM—the home of the fire giants and demons

  NARVI—one of Loki’s sons, disemboweled by his brother Vali, who was turned into a wolf after Loki killed Balder

  NIDAVELLIR—the home of the dwarves

  NIDHOGG—the dragon that lives at the bottom of the World Tree and chews on its roots

  NIFLHEIM—the world of ice, fog, and mist

  NJORD—god of ships, sailors, and fishermen; father of Frey and Freya

  NORNS—three sisters who control the destinies of both gods and humans

  ODIN—the “All-Father” and king of the gods; the god of war and death, but also poetry and wisdom. By trading one eye for a drink from the Well of Wisdom, Odin gained unparalleled knowledge. He has the ability to observe all the Nine Worlds from his throne in Asgard; in addition to his great hall, he also resides in Valhalla with the bravest of those slain in battle.

  RAGNAROK—the Day of Doom or Judgment, when the bravest of the einherjar will join Odin against Loki and the giants in the battle at the end of the world

  RAN—goddess of the sea; wife of Aegir

  RATATOSK—an invulnerable squirrel that constantly runs up and down the World Tree carrying insults between the eagle that lives at the top and Nidhogg, the dragon that lives at the roots

  RED GOLD—the currency of Asgard and Valhalla

  SAEHRIMNIR—the magical beast of Valhalla; every day it is killed and cooked for dinner and every morning it is resurrected; it tastes like whatever the diner wants

  SESSRUMNIR—the Hall of Many Seats, Freya’s mansion in Folkvanger

  SIF—Thor’s wife

  SKIRNIR—a god; Frey’s servant and messenger

  SLEIPNIR—Odin’s eight-legged steed; only Odin can summon him; one of Loki’s children

  SNORRI STURLUSON—an Icelandic historian, poet, and author of The Prose Edda

  SUMARBRANDER—the Sword of Summer

  SURT—lord of Muspellheim

  SVARTALF—dark elf, a subset of dwarves