Barefoot and Lost

by Brian Francis Cox

  ‘He is, he is the nicest man I know, he wants to foster me, but they won’t let him because he is a Jew and too old, how unfair is that?’

  ‘I’m afraid that is part of life, nothing is fair. I must go it’s nearly lunch time the bell will sound in ten minutes.’

  ‘What did you mean when you said the Reverend had gone?’

  ‘I think they are calling it leave of absence; seems quite popular don’t you think?’

  ‘Do you think we have them scared?’

  ‘It may not be us, but some one has; my God Phillip, there’s the bell and I‘m not at my station in the dining hall come on, hurry up.’

  I feel so tired; not the same dream, but something has woken me. It is still dark my blanket is on the floor and the sheet is wound around me, I must have been tossing and turning, my mouth is so dry I have to go to the bathroom. It feels good to be roaming the corridor without the fear of meeting Flynn. The stairs to the library seem tempting but, when I put my foot on the first stair it creaks loudly, the noise, and the dark suddenly make me shiver, I change my mind and run back to the dorm, as I scramble into bed, Brian’s deep voice startles me, ‘You alright Phil.’

  ‘Yeah fine, I just needed a drink. I must have been dreaming my mouth was so dry’

  ‘Okay but if you can’t sleep, do you mind giving us that can a chance to sleep’

  ‘Sorry’ I snuggle down and in no time at all Mr. Simmons is shouting, wakey, wakey.

  Spectacles, is taking chapel, this time without a sermon. He recites the Lord’s Prayer and then asks us to say a prayer for the speedy recovery of the Reverend Harrison, who has suddenly been taken ill. I mumble my way through the first but can’t bring myself to say anything for the second.

  The van is waiting; Rachel with her nose pressed up against the window gives me her special smile the one that makes me tingle. I slump down beside her, eager to tell her about my fostering but, before I can start she goes off into a very long story, about an argument about Mir, she has had with another girl at St Gab’s. Before I know it we are at school I think I only managed to say two words, both were yes, I will just have to wait until tonight.

  Mathematics is a mystery to me, and also most of the class. Dickfire is introducing us to algebra, he has written on the blackboard, 2x +7 x + 18 solution x = 11, how can that be, it just doesn’t make sense. The only one that appears to understand is Rodney. My eyes wander out of the window, being drawn to a convoy of American trucks in the distance; they are passing the school on the other side of the playing field. I can see G I’s in the back of some trucks. At the front is a Jeep with military police in it, their white helmets gleaming in the sun. I’ve counted eighteen so far then, in my ear I hear a shout, ‘Where are you Phil?’ I’m startled to see Dickfire bending over me, ‘What was my question?’

  ‘I don’t know Sir.’

  ‘You don’t know, whose benefit do you think I am here for, yours, certainly not mine I can think of better things to do with my time so I expect you to pay attention, is that understood?’

  ‘Yes Sir.’

  ‘Report to me after school, so you can explain what you have learnt from this lesson today.’

  ‘I can’t Sir; I have to get the Van back to St Stephens straight after school.’

  ‘In that case, come to me at lunch time.’

  ‘But Sir, I have to have my dinner.’

  ‘Do you now, in that case you will have to go hungry, there is nothing like a rumbling stomach to remind you that you must pay attention.’

  ‘Yes Sir.’

  Returning at twelve thirty to our form, there is no sign of Dickfire, so I sit at my desk to wait for him. Ten minutes must have passed, then I notice, written on the blackboard in large letters, Phil Snell, there is no point in me missing my lunch as well, so write for me one hundred times, I WILL PAY ATTENTION, also solve this equation, X+16 = 30. Both items are to be with me at our next math’s lesson. Quickly, writing down the sum on the back of my exercise book, I race to the dining room only to find the dinner lady scraping the pans into the pig swill bin. She stops and looks at me, ‘You’re a bit late aint yer or are yer looking for seconds?’

  ‘I’m late Miss; Mr. Cockburn kept me back, sorry Miss.’

  ‘Ang on, I’m sure I can find you something, can’t ave you wasting away to a shadow can we?’

  ‘No Miss.’ She hands me a plate with shepherds pie and cabbage on it and a dish of semolina with a swirl of jam on top.

  ‘There yer are, that should keep yer going.’

  ‘Thanks Miss,’ I sit down to eat two servings of cold tasteless food.

  Rachel seems to be over her rant about her argument but, like me in her conversation she is silent about my fostering. ‘You don’t seem very interested I’m quite excited’

  ‘Well, you would be wouldn’t you going to a new life and all that, I don’t want you to go, I may never see you again.’

  ‘I don’t want to leave you, or my friends here, but I also don’t want to live here for the rest of my life.’

  ‘I’m sorry; I’ll try to be happy for you if it ever happens.’

  ‘Of course it will happen, if June says it will then it will; we could always write to each other.’

  ‘That’s not likely; look at the trouble you had getting that letter to your friend, what chance would I have getting one out of St Gab’s.’

  ‘Well we could try, anyway, you may not be there, and you may get fostered as well.’

  ‘That’s true but it could be anywhere, I know it Phil, when you go we will never see each other again, I just know it.’

  ‘Well, I will try my hardest to keep in touch wherever, you are, anyway, the people that foster me will be nice, I just know it, and they will let me visit wherever you are.’

  ‘Okay, if you say so; do you not think you should be getting off the van, you’re home?

  I leap out of my seat, squeeze her hand, and kiss Rachel on the cheek. Jumping off the van I nearly lose my balance stumbling across the gravel I feel such a fool. Righting myself I turn to see Rachel looking at me as the van drives away. One hand is touching her cheek, the other is giving that special wave. I’m not certain but I do believe she is blushing; why did I kiss, her does that mean I love her?

  I haven’t any homework apart from the lines I have to do. So I am sitting in my favourite chair, cheating with them writing very neatly I have written down the left hand side, one hundred I’s and then alongside, the same number of Musts I’m up to ninety eight Pays so I am nearly finished. The algebra is still a mystery, perhaps Brian or Jack know about it, if not I will have to ask Rodney before we go into class as, once again math’s is our first subject.

  During supper we can’t help but notice that Mam is not on the rostrum. In her usual seat instead there is Marjorie; Mr. Simmons is walking the floor like Flynn always did. The microphone is tapped then the speakers let out a squeal that makes everyone take notice.

  Spectacles, clears his throat, ‘Boys and Girls’ a few are still talking and several cough not because they need to but because they can. ‘Pay attention- be quiet stop that babble- you will stay here all night if need be. The noise dies, someone scrapes a chair another coughs.

  ‘That is better; you will have noticed that Mam is not with us this evening, like the Reverend Harrison she has been taken ill. A little later I will ask you to say a prayer for her.

  ‘Marjorie will, during the absence of Mam, take over her duties and I expect you all to give her your cooperation, to make a difficult job easier. With three senior members of staff absent there is an extra strain on those who are here, so I expect you all to help. There are changes to routine that have to be made, the first is, that early morning chapel will no longer take place. A cheer goes up and an excited debate erupts, ‘Calm down,’ the hubbub subsides. ‘This does not mean that we are to relax our religious activities, I am not qualified to hold service, so the morning service will be replaced by Bible reading, which will take place here, a
fter supper every evening, from tomorrow you will come to supper with your Bible. Each evening one of you will be selected, at random, to come to this rostrum and read a passage, is that understood? A murmur of yes sir floats around the dining hall.

  ‘Good- there will be other changes but, as yet, no decision has been made on what they will be. Finally, a prayer for Mam, he rambles on about the good Lord looking after her and how with the power of our prayer, she will be returned to us quickly. Not with mine she won’t, I am thinking about Rachel and my kiss. ‘Now I wish you good night and, stealing a catch phrase from the good Reverend Harrison, I ask you to go about your business, good night.’

  Our pow wow, before lights out, is all about the disappearance of Flynn, Reverend and now Mam they must be getting out before the police become involved, but who has warned them, someone must have, it is certainly not one of us, so who?

  ‘Hell, I nearly forgot; who knows anything about algebra?’

  ‘What’s that got to do with the perverts buggering off?’

  ‘Nothing, it’s just that I need help.’ I then go on to tell them about my detention.

  ‘Its just doesn’t make sense to me, how can you add letters and numbers together will someone help me?’ Jack gives me a pained look, ‘I’ll help what’s yer problem.’ I show Jack the equation.

  ‘Hell Phil, it couldn’t be easier, what can’t you do?’

  ‘Any of it, it doesn’t make sense.’

  ‘Okay, X plus sixteen equals thirty; what is the question?’

  ‘I don’t know, it doesn’t make sense, I’ve already told you that.’

  ‘Okay, X is an unknown value so it is called a variable, the equal’s sign you know, it means the sum of. You know what sixteen and thirty are they are called constants because their value is constant, with me so far?’

  ‘Yes I think so.’

  ‘Right; so, if you knew what X was you could add it to sixteen and get thirty, right; so, if you take away from thirty, sixteen, what have you got?’

  ‘Err, fourteen.’

  ‘So, X must be fourteen because fourteen and sixteen make thirty; right?’

  ‘Right’

  ‘Then your answer is fourteen simple as that.’

  ‘I think I understand now, thanks Jack wonder why Dickfire couldn’t make it sound simple like that?’

  ‘Who the hell is Dickfire?’

  ‘Our maths teacher his name is Cockburn, he says it’s Coburn but its spelt Cockburn, we reckon his dick is on fire. So we call him Dickfire.’

  ‘That’s a good one, he’s new at TSM, we don’t have him ours is called Mr. Bolton so we call him Meccano.’

  ‘I don’t get that.’

  ‘Meccano; you must know what that is.’

  I do, it’s a lot of metal strips with holes in and you use nuts and bolts to bolt them together-Oh now I get it, Bolton.’

  ‘Jesus you’re slow Phil, you couldn’t catch a cold if you tried.’

  ‘I got flu once; it just happened I didn’t try to get it.’

  ‘Yeah right.’ what is catching a cold to do with teachers nicknames beats me, I think I’ll keep quiet, I don’t want to appear silly, I’m sure Jack means something else.

  No chapel should have meant an extra half hour in bed, but Mr. Simmons was, as usual giving us our wake up call at six-o-clock. When we asked him why, he said, he didn’t make the rules, he only followed orders. In spite of the extra time, which somehow disappeared, I still find myself rushing to catch the van, and as usual, I’m last on.

  Rachel looks very worried; she looks like she has been crying, her eyes are very red.

  ‘What‘s wrong, have you been crying?’

  ‘No, I haven’t slept, worrying about Mir’

  ‘Why, what’s wrong with her?’

  ‘Well, last night she said to me do I have to check myself for nasties now that Mrs. Fitzgerald has gone away?’

  ‘Who is Mrs. Fitzgerald?’

  ‘That house mother that had taken her under her wing. You know the one I said was being very nice to her. Well I’m pretty sure now she has been abusing Mir, just like Mam Miller was doing to Doris and Enid; I’m supposed to be her sister and look after her, but all I wanted to do was have some free time and not have her hanging around me all the time, now look what has happened. I’ve let her down Phil what am I going to do?’

  ‘Are you sure that’s what she meant?’

  ‘What else could it be? When I asked her what she meant she said you know worms and things that crawl inside you. I asked her to explain but she said she had said too much because if she told anybody I would die or God would make me have a bad accident.’

  ‘You have to tell someone and, the only person we trust is Mr. Simmons, he was going to the council about the abuse but the police stopped him.’

  ‘Why would they do that?’

  ‘I don’t know but it’s something to do with a big investigation that’s supposed to be secret, but I don’t think it is anymore because first, Flynn disappeared two days later the Reverend went because he was ill, then Mam and now this Mrs. Fitzgerald, I think they have got the wind up and are running away.’

  My God Phil, they all seem to be mixed up in whatever it is, how can I tell Mr. Simmons, I won’t be able to see him.’

  ‘I’ll tell him when I get back tonight.’ We are at school already; I feel like I want to kiss her again but can’t bring myself to do it. ‘Try not to worry, at least with that woman gone, she is not likely to get abused again; bye, see you tonight.’

  ‘Thanks Phil, see you then.’

  Dickfire is standing beside his desk, as I walk into the room he holds out his hand, ‘I believe you have something for me.’

  ‘Yes Sir.’ I hand him my lines. ‘The equation is on the back of the last page Sir.’ He places them on the desk and continues greeting each boy by name. When everyone is seated he looks about the room with a stern look, this is our signal to be quiet. ‘Phil, I see you have the correct answer pray tell how did you arrive at it?’

  ‘I just worked it out Sir.’

  ‘Did you now well explain how you worked it out?’

  ‘Well, I had to find out what X was Sir.’

  ‘Stop there,’ low down on the board he writes the equation.

  ‘Come out here and explain to the class how you did it.’

  ‘What on the board Sir.’

  ‘Of course not, on the ceiling it will be easier to reach. Don’t be stupid, get up here, and explain how you did it.’ I can feel my ears going red; some of the boys start to giggle as I make my way to the blackboard.

  ‘I just took sixteen away from thirty that was fourteen, that’s how I did it, Sir.’

  ‘So you were paying attention after all.’

  ‘No Sir, I asked someone to explain it to me last night.’

  ‘Thank you Phil, for being honest you may return to your desk.’

  I find myself now hanging onto every syllable he speaks there is no way I am going to go through that again.

  Chapter Twelve

  The driver of the van brakes suddenly as he turns into St S’s gates. ‘Good God what is going on here?’ His shout makes me look up, stopping in mid sentence, I can’t believe it the drive is full of vehicles, there are three coaches, four police vans, two police cars and a couple of other big cars. Brian shouts, ‘Christ, they’ve raided the place.’ Our driver starts to move the van forward, but he is stopped by a constable. ‘Hold it there mate someone will come on board and speak to the kids, just hang on a minute.’

  I can see a group of staff standing together; they all are dressed as though they are going home. Marjorie is standing next to Anne, this time making a ten. The old lady that made a mess of my jacket is standing with her head bowed down, looking very worried, I recognize the lady that serves our meals and the two young women that clear tables. Mr. Simmons is standing behind the group, with one leg on the first step as though he is about to go up but has been stopped by the policeman, who appears to
be guarding the front door. He stands aside to let three constable, carrying cardboard boxes go past to another policeman, who appears to be guarding the van. He opens the rear doors to allow them to place the boxes inside, the van looks almost full.

  We are all gawking each with our own thoughts about what is happening but I think that is about to end as I can see a policewomen, and a very well dressed lady approaching our van. The lady is wearing a blue suit, perched on the side of her head is a small hat that looks like a soldiers forage cap. Our driver gets from his seat and opens the door.

  The lady in blue steps inside, dislodging her hat as she does, managing to catch it before it hits the ground. ‘Good afternoon Children my name is Kathleen Tucker, I am the welfare officer for Tonbridge.’ one or two murmur hello.

  ‘What’s going on miss is it a raid?’

  ‘Sorry- what is your name?’

  ‘Brian Miss.’

  ‘Well Brian, I cannot go into details but what I can tell you is that, from this moment, Saint Stephens and Saint Gabriel’s are closed, as part of a police investigation, you are all being moved to alternative accommodation-

  ‘Where are we going Miss?’

  ‘I’ll come to that; this is what you are to do; now listen carefully. Those of you that live here are to take with you your school things and place them on the seats of coach ‘A’ you will see which one, it has a letter A in the windscreen. You are then to go to your dormitory and pack all your things, clothes, everything that is yours, and nothing that belongs to the house, you will find that your suitcases are already on your beds.