It was nice to walk alongside Theo, the boys running ahead, Theo’s arm brushing against hers periodically. The streets were busy, but not crowded, with people returning home from work, walking their dogs, going for dinner. It was getting darker already and the air was chilly. Delicious smells wafted out of restaurants and bakeries as doors were opened, and she saw people buying groceries, choosing take-out, chatting in drugstores, as they walked along. She could easily imagine living in this neighborhood and was looking forward to it.
Even if she hadn’t lived in one place since conceiving Logan. It was going to be a big change.
Would she end up seeing more of Theo, even when Logan was at school?
Would she end up having more sex with Theo? It was hard not to feel a rush of enthusiasm at that idea.
“Why did you get a tattoo?” she asked before she lost her nerve.
Theo spared her a glance. “Why does it matter?”
“Because it’s a heart,” Lyssa said, choosing to be forthright with him, just as she had been before. It felt good to be completely open with someone and she’d missed that.
“Promise not to laugh?” he asked, his own eyes twinkling.
Lyssa nodded, confused.
“There’s a tattoo shop at F5, owned by Chynna. She gives away a heart tattoo on every full moon.”
Chynna. Another woman.
Lyssa supposed she should have expected that. Even now, there were women smiling at Theo as they passed, either recognizing him from the pop-ups or just liking what they saw.
“There was a full moon on the night of the first pop-up. I found out that she’d been invited to a wedding and wasn’t going because she wanted to give away that tattoo. It was only half the reason, if that.”
“What do you mean?”
“She was afraid to go, so I eliminated her so-called reasons. And that meant taking care of her pet raven over the holidays, as well as being the recipient of December’s heart tattoo.”
“A pet raven?” Lyssa echoed.
“One that tried to steal my cufflinks.”
“You raven-sat. You.” It didn’t sound like something the Theo she knew would do—but then, on the other hand, it did. She could believe that he would help someone past an emotional obstacle, as he’d helped this Chynna. She could imagine him steadily and gracefully removing all the perceived barriers until Chynna went.
Was he doing that with her?
“I did. Turned out he likes Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers movies. I’ve seen them all now. Twice.”
Lyssa laughed in her relief. “The tattoo doesn’t mean anything then?”
“Chynna says it does. She says it brings true love to the bearer. Moon magic she calls it.”
“That’s silly,” Lyssa protested with a smile as he held open the door to a restaurant. The boys raced past them, coming to a halt in front of a large aquarium filled with brightly colored fish.
“Is it?” Theo mused, his gaze locking with hers again. “I met you again that day.”
Lyssa’s heart skipped and seemed to lodge in her throat. “Before or after? You said the full moon was that night.”
Theo smiled. “Are you really going to argue a technicality? It’s been itchy ever since, but when I ask Chynna about that, she just smiles mysteriously.”
“A tattoo can’t bring love into someone’s life,” Lyssa protested.
“Does it bring it, or does it make a person more receptive when it turns up?” Theo asked. “Chynna would argue the second option, actually, but I don’t know. I just know that I have a new tattoo that’s supposed to bring love and here you are again.”
Lyssa couldn’t hold his gaze. “You know how I feel about love.”
“I know what you say you believe about love,” Theo countered. “But then, how do you explain your feelings for Logan?”
“It’s not the same as romantic love.”
“You’re arguing technicalities again.” He seemed content to let her believe what she needed to believe and was confident in his own views.
“The tattoo might not have anything to do with anything.”
He met her gaze again. “Or it might be a reminder that most people don’t get a second chance, so I should make it count.” His eyes were filled with such conviction that Lyssa couldn’t take a full breath. “What if I could convince you to make love instead of just having sex?” he murmured, his voice so low that only she could hear his words.
The very idea made Lyssa blush right to her toes. She couldn’t summon a coherent word to her lips, not when Theo was looking at her so intently, and she certainly couldn’t remember all the reasons why they were wrong for each other. A teeny tiny part of her heart began to yearn, even though Lyssa told herself that she knew better.
Theo believed in love, though, and that was just as seductive as it had been once before.
Convincing her to make love.
Lyssa was halfway ready to ask him to try. She thought of that poem and that painting, the one he still had, how close she’d been to surrendering before and was tempted all over again.
Theo was dangerously good at undermining her assumptions.
She held his gaze, simmered, and couldn’t regret that one bit.
It was Logan who broke the spell. “Mom! Look at all the fish!”
Twelve
It was easy for Theo to show complete incompetence with chopsticks, but he was surprised by how much he enjoyed the result. Instead of pitying him, the boys were determined to help him. Logan was a diligent teacher and even Simon crowded close to give him advice. Lyssa ordered noodles, probably just to test him, but Theo couldn’t even be bothered by that when her eyes were sparkling so much. He didn’t feel as if he was the butt of a joke—he felt as if he was surrounded by friends.
He could get used to this and he wondered what Lyssa thought of their future prospects together. He was starting to think they were quite good—and was ready to coax them along.
The boys ate well then went back to look at the fish in the large aquarium. There were a lot of different kinds and it was clearly someone’s pet project. Logan began to ask questions of the maître d’ and probably because it was a quiet night, a man came out from the kitchen to crouch down with the boys and answer their questions about the fish.
Lyssa, to Theo’s surprise, looked a bit pale after the boys left the table, and her gaze followed them as if she was avoiding Theo’s gaze.
“This was nice,” he said. “Thank you.”
“Thank you,” she replied with a quick smile. “I didn’t mean for you to buy us all dinner.”
“It wasn’t a big deal.”
They fell silent then and Theo couldn’t let it be. “Something wrong?”
“Maybe. Probably.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“I’m not sure I should.”
“It won’t go any further.”
“I know.” She shook her head. “I don’t want to make false accusations, but I’m just not sure what to think.”
“Maybe talking about your doubts will help.”
She frowned at the table, then nodded. “I found an email message in the domain email account. Actually, I was looking for your messages about my coming to F5, and I found them all. I’m sorry about Mercedes’ reply. It wasn’t very nice and I don’t understand why she never mentioned the whole thing to me.”
“When will you see her?”
“Monday. When she comes to lunch and I terminate her employment.”
“I’ll guess you’re not looking forward to that.”
“No, but on the other hand, I now have good cause to let her go. I found a lot of messages there that I hadn’t been told about, including several from the VP of a cosmetics line that donates to a charity that funds medical expeditions to other countries. I’d met him at a party.” She named the charity.
“I’ve heard of them.”
“I thought it was an exciting idea,” she said. “There are teams of plastic surgeons who s
ign up for a tour of duty: they donate two weeks a year and the charity funds their travel to third world countries. They fix facial birth marks and deformities, as well as cleft palates, so that those children have a better chance of success. We’re not always compassionate to those who are different, and this makes those kids less different.”
“True enough.”
“He asked if I’d be interested in being a spokesperson and model and I was thrilled. Apparently, a lot of models turn it down, but I love the idea and was looking forward to being a part of it. I thought it would be a good way to use whatever fame I’ve got for a good cause.”
Theo nodded agreement, thinking it was a great plan and one that meshed beautifully with his own ideas about making a difference. He liked that Lyssa was thinking about more than money and felt once again that they could be great together. He heard the qualifier in her tone, though. “But?”
Lyssa winced. “He’d contacted Mercedes a number of times. Not only did she not mention it to me, she demanded that he stop harassing me.”
“Ouch,” Theo said. “So, you have some more fences to mend thanks to your publicist. Why would she do that?”
Lyssa sighed. “Well, there’s no money in it. The idea is that everyone donates their skills and time so that there’s more money for the charity.” She shook her head. “Justin may have given her instructions. He’s very much about the money.”
Theo had to say it. “I thought you were, too.”
“I was, at least until Logan came.”
“And since he asked to have a room of his own,” Theo guessed.
Lyssa straightened. “Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it can buy a lot of things to help make us happy. I’m glad I have it, or enough of it to make his wish come true. I don’t regret my choices, and really, having money means I don’t have to rely on anyone else.” She met his gaze. “It is liberating.”
Theo nodded, remembering her insistence upon independence before. He watched Logan, wondering how he fit into her idea of their future. “Did you change all your passwords?”
“Yes. That was my first thought.”
Theo had to wonder if there was more to this than she’d discovered. “Tell me about Justin.”
“What about him?”
“Why does he work for you now?”
“Well, he managed everything at first, but when we split up, we went our separate ways in all things. I’d see him once in a while or hear about him, because it’s a small world, so to speak.” Theo nodded understanding. “But then, he came to me with the idea that Logan should model. In fact, he already had some bookings.”
Theo didn’t say anything but he didn’t hide his surprise. He waited to hear what Lyssa had done.
“We had a huge fight,” she admitted and he was relieved. “I didn’t want Logan to sacrifice his childhood and didn’t think he needed to. Justin was sure I was leaving money on the table.”
“He is a handsome kid.”
“Everyone thinks he’s adorable,” Lyssa said with an affectionate smile. “And very photogenic, but no way. I know what he’d be giving up and if he wants to do that when he’s an adult, that’s fine. I refused to push him into it as a child. I won’t be one of those moms.”
Apparently, when it came to Logan, everything wasn’t about money to Lyssa, and Theo was reassured by this proof of what he’d already suspected. “Good,” he had to say and her smile flashed.
“Justin wouldn’t let it go, probably because he’d already made commitments. He insisted that we ask Logan, and Logan really didn’t want any part of the idea. Justin argued with him and that’s why he dislikes Justin so much.”
“Then you parted ways again?”
“Not exactly. Justin then appealed to me to help him. It seemed that he hadn’t made many good discoveries since spotting me, and he was short of money—and he said I owed him. He pointed out that he’d made my career, and when I disputed that, he said he’d prove his skills if I let him manage it all again. He said he could take things to the next level.” She shrugged. “I agreed. I mean, why not?”
“More money is better,” Theo murmured.
“I thought it couldn’t hurt. Logan’s going to want to go to college and I knew I’d have to retire one day. Photographers were already making comments about my age. So, Justin became my manager and he really did book me like mad. I’ve been working full out for over a year. Amazing bookings. Incredible visibility. All the plum jobs. It’s been a whirlwind.” She smiled. “And the great thing about that is that I can afford to retire right now.”
And Justin didn’t know that was her plan yet. Theo turned his water glass on the table, thinking that lunch wasn’t going to go very well. “So, you think Mercedes turned down things that didn’t pay, on Justin’s instructions?”
“That makes the most sense to me, but they still should have told me.” She fell silent, chewing her lip a little.
“But?” Theo invited again.
“There’s an email message from him to her that I don’t understand.” She shook her head. “It’s probably nothing. I’ll find out on Monday.” She smiled. “I’m trying to emulate your discretion. How am I doing?”
“Well.” Theo studied her for a moment, then nodded. “Let’s talk about logistics for a minute,” he said, changing the subject. “I told my parents about Logan and I’d like him to meet them. A Skype call before he goes back to school might be a good idea. We can both be there with him, if you like.”
Her expression became guarded. “Are you sure they want to know him?”
“Of course!”
Lyssa was cautious, although Theo couldn’t understand why. “I think you should ask them first, then I’ll ask Logan.”
“There’s not a lot of time, Lyssa, and there’s a time difference. Let’s just book the call.”
“I want to know for sure that it will be all right.”
“Of course it will be all right! They’re his grandparents.” Was she going to be obstructionist about every involvement with Logan? Theo hoped not.
Her lips set. “Please ask them first. I don’t want him casually hurt by someone who isn’t considering all the possibilities.”
“Traditional expectations aren’t all bad, Lyssa,” Theo said softly.
“No, but people who aren’t traditional themselves tend to end up on the wrong side of the line when facing those expectations.” Lyssa spoke with resolve.
Theo bristled a little. “You don’t think I know that?”
She flushed a little. “Just because you think it would be good for him to meet your family isn’t a guarantee that the conversation will go well.” Lyssa’s voice was rising and Theo wondered what was at the root of her concern. “I don’t want him hurt.”
“I don’t want to let Logan down in any way, either,” Theo replied, keeping his tone level. “But I do think there are some things I understand that maybe you don’t. Logan’s a male and also a person of color in a predominantly white society, and you’re neither. My father taught me how to navigate both of those things and I want to pass that along to my son.”
Lyssa nodded and dropped her gaze to the table, but Theo knew she wasn’t convinced.
He dropped his voice low. “You can’t shield him forever, Lyssa. He’s going to have to learn to deal with things himself and I want to help give him the tools to do it well.”
She frowned. “Okay,” she said finally and he didn’t like that she looked so defeated.
“Am I right that you’re going to the bank tomorrow? You could bring Logan down to F5 and we could make the call, then he could stay to climb the rock wall with me while you have your appointment.” Theo sat back and considered her, well aware of how she was accustomed to having complete control. “How’s that? Too much interference?”
“You’re not pushy.” Lyssa smiled, so obviously trying to meet him halfway that Theo smiled encouragement. “No. That’s a good plan. Thank you, Theo. I’m just not used to sharing him.”
&nbs
p; “It must be hard.”
“It’s harder than I thought it would be.” She glanced toward the boys. “I don’t suppose Simon could come climbing, too?”
“I already see that they’re inseparable,” Theo acknowledged. “And I also sense that Logan gets them into trouble while Simon gets them out.”
Lyssa laughed and he was glad to have put the sparkle back in her eyes. “You’re right on the money, there.”
“It’s a long walk and late for the subway,” Theo said, feeling as if he’d won a big victory. “Let’s get you a cab to the hotel.”
Lyssa thought she’d pretty much conquered her rising panic. It was irrational to give credence to Justin’s insinuations, but she’d heard them for so long that they were hard to dismiss. She knew that Theo wouldn’t take Logan away from her, but his easy conquest of their son’s affections still made her nervous. The bond between them was growing by leaps and bounds, and they hadn’t spent that much time together. She knew she should be glad, because knowing Theo was good for Logan, but it made her keenly aware that Logan was the focus of her whole life.
It made her feel vulnerable.
It made her feel as if she wasn’t in control.
Logan asked if they could drive past the apartment he liked best and Lyssa agreed, watching him point out the window to Theo. Theo asked him questions about the apartment, and Simon pointed across the park to where he lived, as Lyssa struggled against her fears. Theo’s gaze flicked to hers repeatedly and she wondered how much of her thoughts he guessed.
“Why Manhattan?” he asked when the boys stopped for breath.
“Because Simon lives here,” Logan supplied.
Lyssa was aware that Theo was waiting for more. “I like it here. I thought we would fit in.”
Theo nodded agreement. “And it’s close to your family.”
Logan frowned and looked at Lyssa.
Lyssa caught her breath and Theo noticed. “Aren’t they still in Pennsylvania?” he asked, his tone wary.
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