“I have no idea,” Lyssa said and saw his features set. His eyes flashed but he didn’t say anything more, so obviously biting his tongue in front of the boys that Lyssa wished he’d just say what he thought.
“What family?” Logan asked Lyssa.
“Theo’s remembering that a long time ago I had some relations in Pennsylvania. We’ve lost touch, though, and I don’t know where they are.” Lyssa spoke lightly and saw that Logan was reassured. He looked to Theo, though, who was staring out the opposite window.
“You must have friends here, then,” Theo said tightly.
“Just Simon!” Logan said and Theo flicked a potent glance at Lyssa again.
She shook her head. “We’ll make friends.”
“But your business acquaintances...”
“Oh, they’ll fade away once they learn of my retirement. Those aren’t really friends.”
“No one,” Theo said softly and Lyssa had to shake her head.
She’d never felt the lack of other people in her life, but she could see that Theo’s expectations were completely different.
They rode the rest of the way to the hotel in silence, though Theo was gracious when they reached the hotel. He asked the cab driver to wait and opened the doors, then shook hands with Logan and Simon. He gave her a glittering look, and said he’d see them all in the morning, then got back in the cab. Lyssa watched the cab pull into traffic and knew she had to make it right.
Once the boys were playing a game in Logan’s room in the hotel suite, she retreated to the main room and took out her phone. She stared at the contact list, took a deep breath, and called Theo.
“Go ahead,” she invited. “Yell at me.”
Yell at her.
Theo was tempted, but instead he kept his tone as temperate as he could. “What happened between you and your parents?” He could hear that his words were clipped but didn’t care. Lyssa needed to know that he was angry.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said in a fierce whisper. “They’re just not part of his life and never will be.”
“That’s harsh.”
She ignored that. “He’s always wanted a grandmother, so if you’re going to promise to make that wish come true, you’d better deliver to his expectations. If he’s hurt by unkind comments or judgments, I will never forgive you.”
The heat in her words startled Theo. “What happened?”
“I don’t want to dwell on the past.”
“Well, what about the future? How do we go forward? Do we have to get lawyers involved and argue about custody?”
“Custody.” She exhaled the world like it was a toxin.
“Are you going to refuse to let me see or talk to Logan?” Theo asked. “I know that you’ve been the only one for him, Lyssa, but that doesn’t have to continue. I thought we would share responsibility. I thought you would trust me.”
He heard Lyssa take a steadying breath. “Just don’t take him away,” she whispered.
“Why are you so afraid?” Theo asked, his tone exasperated. “The Lyssa I knew was bold and fearless. She charged in without a second thought, never mind a doubt. She was impulsive and confident and sure that she could have whatever she wanted.” He paused and Lyssa didn’t know what to say. “What are you afraid of, Lyssa?”
There was a moment of silence and he wondered if she would confide in him at all.
Maybe he should yell.
“You’ve probably already guessed,” she admitted. “I’m afraid of losing him. I’m afraid of love going away, because love, if and when it exists, is conditional. I’m afraid that I’ll do something that makes him turn to you...”
“Lyssa, that’s not going to happen. That’s not how love works. Sharing makes love bigger and stronger and brighter.”
“I’m not sure of that,” she confessed and it nearly broke his heart.
“You have to be. You owe it to Logan. They say it takes a village to raise a child. Where’s his village? He needs more than you and Simon, more than even you and Simon and me. He needs community and connections and people he can call, to share his triumphs or to ask for help. He needs a network of family and friends and acquaintances, more than just a grandma. So do you, actually. Where’s your village, Lyssa?”
He heard her catch her breath and knew he’d startled her. “I don’t need one.”
“Everybody needs one,” he countered. “But let’s start with Logan’s. If he doesn’t have one, I’m going to build him one. My family will be a part of that and I’ll fight you to defend that.”
There was silence for a moment and Theo thought he might have pushed her too far. Would she run again, but take Logan this time? He refused to believe it.
“Talk to me, Lyssa,” he growled.
To his relief, she did. “You’re sure about your parents?”
“Positive.”
“Okay. Check your email in a minute. I’m going to send you something that proves I’ve been better at making connections than you think. I don’t have time to edit it, so you’ll get the whole unvarnished truth.” He heard the ferocity of her tone. “This is our village, such as it is.”
Lyssa ended the call abruptly, which only added to Theo’s frustration. His phone chimed that there was an email a moment later, and he opened it to find that she was sharing the log-in for a photo album stored on the cloud. Theo clicked and logged in.
It was a baby album.
No, it was a digital photo album of thousands of pictures, all of Logan, documenting his entire life. The sheer volume of images stole Theo’s breath away.
The first picture was like a kick in the gut.
It was a baby, undoubtedly Logan, probably the day he was born. He was wrapped in a quilt that Theo recognized and held by an exhausted but happy Lyssa. It appeared to have been taken in a hospital room. Lyssa was looking at Logan as if he was the most marvelous thing in the universe.
Theo sat down hard and slowly went through all the pictures.
There were so many of them. Logan strapped into a baby carrier. Logan being snuggled by Lyssa. Both Logan and Lyssa sleeping on what looked like airplane seats, that quilt tucked over them. Who had taken the pictures? Logan on a glorious white beach, making sand castles with Lyssa. Lyssa, long and lean in a swimsuit, her hair blowing in the wind, apparently at a shoot, given the equipment around her, cradling Logan as he slept. Logan playing pat-a-cake with a smiling man who Theo recognized as a famous designer. Logan blowing out the candle on his first birthday cake with Lyssa’s help, a crowd of smiling people around them.
Logan was adorable.
And it looked as if the people Lyssa worked with did adore him. In every picture, Logan was surrounded by other models or designers or photographers, people who seemed to delight in playing with him and talking to him. There were candid shots of him with many of them, shots taken when neither of the subjects were aware of the camera, and Theo loved how they showed Logan’s mischievous and curious nature. Theo’s throat was tight and his vision was blurred by tears, but he kept looking.
Here, another famous model sat coloring with Logan, maybe between shoots. Here, a designer fed him raw vegetables, apparently making pictures with them on the plate. Here, Logan played hide-and-seek between racks of clothes with a photographer, his eyes alight with laughter. Here, a stylist painted the tip of his nose red as he laughed.
He was healthy in every shot, healthy and happy.
And cherished. This was a village to support him, a gathering of friends and acquaintances, united in their love of Lyssa and Logan. Theo knew they weren’t all going to vanish from her life.
Plus there was Lyssa. Theo couldn’t fault her when he saw the pictures of her teaching Logan to read, cuddling him close, holding his hands as he learned to walk. In every image, it was clear that she loved Logan with all her heart. Logan’s upbringing might not have been conventional, but Lyssa had made it work. Theo ached that he had missed all of these moments and was grateful to see the images of them.
There were vi
deos, too, short films of Logan, like the one of him learning to ride a bike in a park. It looked like Paris in the background to Theo and again, there was a crowd of increasingly familiar faces surrounding him and cheering him on. Every birthday was documented and Theo noticed that many of the same people were there to celebrate them. Two men figured prominently in the pictures and Theo guessed that at least one of the settings that appeared at regular intervals was their home. It looked like a beautiful place.
The quilt that Theo remembered so well was obviously a constant in Logan’s life. He’d been wrapped in it as an infant and tucked beneath it as a toddler. He’d sat on it on beaches and apparently dragged it behind him after that. Theo remembered Lyssa saying that her grandmother had made it and wondered if that was the source of Logan’s desire for a grandmother of his own.
What had happened with her family? Nothing good, Theo would guess. But with her creativity and willingness to think outside constraints, Lyssa had created a family of choice when the family of blood hadn’t been available for Logan.
And she said she didn’t believe in love. Her actions belied her words.
That gave Theo huge hope for their future.
It took him three hours to go through all the pictures, and that was too quick. He knew he’d return to the album again and again, but first he owed Lyssa an apology.
Where’s your village?
Theo’s question tormented Lyssa as the hotel fell silent. The boys slept soundly and even the sirens diminished as the hour grew later. Still Lyssa was awake, wrestling with her doubts.
Theo’s question bothered her because she didn’t have a good answer. The very fact that she hadn’t told Franco and Giancarlo about her plans to retire proved that they weren’t really her inner circle. She hadn’t told anyone, which meant she didn’t have one. It was just her and Logan, against the world. They had acquaintances in the modeling world, but she suspected they were friendships of opportunity—when she wasn’t appearing at shoots regularly, they’d gradually forget about her.
In her heart, Lyssa knew that wasn’t good enough for her son, even though making the choice to widen the circle frightened her. She’d been so concerned about protecting him that she hadn’t realized just how high she’d built her walls.
No one had dared to tell her the truth.
Franco had told her to open her heart, but it had been Theo who had challenged her outright.
It had been easier to be with him and the boys, as much as she hadn’t wanted to admit it. She knew she should be used to people looking at her and Logan by now. The glance always went from Logan to her, then there was a pause. She always wanted to argue with those who seemed to judge the color of her skin and that of her son. She hadn’t been ready for that when Logan had been born, and she doubted she’d ever get used to it. Justin hadn’t been the only one who’d found that hard to face all the time.
But today, the strangers’ gazes had gone from Logan to her to Theo and there was no pause. Some even smiled. She wondered how much of that Logan had noticed. Lyssa wondered for the first time if she’d made things harder for herself and Logan by pushing Theo away. He understood the conclusions people made with a glance. He lived with the results every day of his life. People’s reactions to Logan wouldn’t have surprised him the way they had surprised her.
Lyssa couldn’t think about the mystery house and the message from Justin to Mercedes. She had to talk to both of them, but didn’t know what to say. It was a discussion that needed to happen in person, and she might be wrong.
Her instincts told her otherwise, though, and had her jumping at shadows.
Her phone rang again and she jumped at the sound, realizing only then how late it was.
Theo.
Calling her in the wee hours of the morning.
Like he knew she was awake. Lyssa felt relief that he was calling and wondered if she’d been waiting for his reaction to the photos.
She answered, bracing herself for an argument. “I did my best...”
“And it was great. Lyssa, I’m sorry,” Theo said, interrupting her. His voice was pitched low, exactly the way it drove her crazy. That he could throw her off balance so easily, just with his tone, shook her again. She sat down. “I was wrong and I’m sorry. You do have a village and it looks like it’s a wonderful one. What a family of choice. I can’t believe these people are going to disappear from your life. There’s so much love in these pictures.”
“I hope they don’t,” she whispered.
“You’re just bracing yourself for the worst,” he said with affection. “Lyssa, you have to give us all a little more credit.”
“Maybe.” She found herself blinking back tears.
“We should all be so lucky as to have a childhood like Logan’s.”
“Could you prove that you’re really Theo Tremblay?” she asked, feeling reassured. “The Theo Tremblay I remember was conservative and traditional, even rigid in his views. He never took chances and always played it safe, usually staying in the background. He was a romantic and a fan of poetry, an advocate for traditional marriage and gender roles, and we never agreed on anything.”
“Your memory is selective,” he murmured and Lyssa felt her toes curl. “I remember us being in complete agreement more than once. Although we were usually naked during those discussions.” He paused and Lyssa could easily remember those moments. “Maybe that’s the key. Should we get naked next time.”
It was a tempting idea. “You mean have sex?”
“I mean make love,” he corrected firmly. “I used to think we could do it forever.”
Lyssa closed her eyes, easily imagining him naked, beside her in bed, trailing a hand over her as he spoke. Those endless afternoons. Sunlight on the quilt. Time out of time. Theo’s heat against her side. Theo’s kisses, so slow, so thorough, so seductive. She never wanted them to end.
He cleared his throat. “Trust you to find an unconventional solution.” Lyssa was glad to hear admiration in his tone. “The other side of you being so passionate and impulsive is that you’re creative, too, and can think outside the box.” He didn’t say that as if it was a bad thing, which gave her a strange rush of pleasure.
“I thought you’d hate me forever once you knew the truth about him,” she admitted and it felt good to say it aloud.
“I was angry and disappointed, but we need to focus on the future.”
“And on Logan.”
“And on Logan,” he agreed with such conviction that Lyssa was reassured.
“I’m sorry,” she admitted. “I should have told you sooner.”
“I’m not going to take him away, Lyssa. I think he needs us both.”
She smiled at that.
“I also should apologize for taking so long to get through the pictures. Were you waiting?”
“Kind of.” She felt the urge to tease him. “And a gentleman never keeps a lady waiting?” She was rewarded by his chuckle.
“Exactly! Even though I’ve only glanced through them, it took a while. There are so many of them. That’s not a criticism. I’m glad.” Theo’s voice dropped and she heard wonder in his tone. They had something else in common. She felt a sense of awe whenever she looked at Logan. “It’s kind of incredible to see him grow up in a couple of hours.”
And she’d cheated him of seeing that in real time. She had to make this right.
“I never remember to take any pictures myself,” he continued. “This is a tremendous archive.”
“Well, part of it was the photographers I worked with,” Lyssa said. “They loved him and photographed him all the time, then sent me the images. I wasn’t nearly so disciplined about it myself.”
“You had a lot to do, being mom and supermodel. I think you did great.”
Lyssa smiled, hugging his praise to herself. “He’s a good kid.”
“I can see that.” Theo cleared his throat. “Do you mind if I share some of these images with my parents?”
Lyssa was startled f
or a moment. “I guess not.”
“I think it will help my mum and dad to deal with not knowing about him all this time.”
Lyssa bit her lip. While she respected that Theo was considering the feelings of his parents, she felt as if things were sliding out of her control. Was he more concerned with his parents or with Logan?
And what would happen to her relationship with Logan when all these people joined his world? She wanted him to be happy, but she didn’t want to lose the bond she had.
“I think we should ask Logan,” she said. “That’s what we do,” she added when Theo didn’t speak. “We discuss things and decide together. I call us partners in crime.”
It took a moment for Theo to respond, probably because he thought parents should make decisions and kids should live by them. “All right. Let me know in the morning.”
“All right.” She verified the time of the call with him and the arrangements for the boys, then he was gone. She sat looking at her phone, wishing his voice back again, wishing she’d done things differently.
Theo had talked about second chances earlier in the day. Was this Lyssa’s second chance, too? What if they could make it work this time?
That possibility was more than enough to keep her awake for another couple of hours.
Lyssa looked fabulous.
Of course.
Theo was at the front desk of the club waiting for her when Logan shouted his name from across the lobby. His son ran to him, then came to a halt and offered his hand. He was wearing what had to be his school uniform, which made Theo wonder what was up. They shook hands as Sonja and Raylene watched and Theo felt their surprise. He’d booked the conference room for the Skype call without making any explanations.
That could all wait for the meeting later in the afternoon, although he wouldn’t be surprised if Kyle spilled the truth or others figured it out.
Lyssa greeted the women with a smile and followed Theo into the offices. She was wearing an elegant navy suit and very high heels. Her hair was tousled a bit and he liked the contrast between her refined clothes and her carefree short hair. She wore lipstick but no other make-up, giving her a look between the supermodel and the student.
Bad Case of Loving You Page 24