“Thank you. You’ve been helpful.” Gabrielle knew exactly what to do with the winnings. She was the acting president of the Grinage Foundation, a doctor/student organization her parents had founded that helped doctors mentor underprivileged teen girls and boys who wanted to go into medicine. Her winnings would be deposited into the Grinage Scholarship Fund.
Marjorie and Tristan ran up behind Gabrielle. “Where’ve you been? I thought you weren’t coming or got lost.”
Gabrielle beamed at her friend and her handsome dude. “What I got is a windfall. I won eighteen hundred dollars on a slot machine.”
“You did what?” Marjorie screeched. “That’s quite a haul for a nongambler.”
“I don’t have it in my hands yet. I need to take my card to the cage to cash out.”
“Congratulations,” Tristan said, kissing her cheek. “That’s a huge win.”
“Sorry, but I only did a quick look for you when I first got here, then a machine summoned me with its glitzy stars and stripes. I love all things patriotic. Sucker, huh?”
Tristan and Marjorie laughed.
“Now that we found you, let’s continue introducing you to this ship. Interested in going up on deck and checking out the Sounds of Calypso? They’re an excellent band,” Marjorie said. “Let’s get you cashed out first.”
“I’m all in. Let’s get this party started.”
But will it really be a party without my boyfriend? He’s still missing in action, and I have no choice but to wait.
* * *
Tristan ushered the women out of the casino and they boarded a glass elevator to take them topside, where anything crazy and wild could happen—and most always did.
As soon as they came on deck they could hear the blaring, come-hither, bone-stirring music. Taking Tristan and Gabrielle by the hand, Marjorie moved them closer to the crowd of dancers, though people were spinning and gyrating all over the place. Even the people in the pool were rocking wildly to the music.
Gabrielle suddenly stopped in her tracks. “There he is.” Her heart trembled as she saw none other than Amanda Abraham come up behind Cameron and tap him on the shoulder. He turned around to face her. Now his back was to Gabrielle and she couldn’t see his expression. Was he smiling or frowning, happy or upset? They walked off together, and she figured smiling and happy had won the moment.
Gabrielle’s heart ached terribly. Fighting back her tears, she conceded defeat. Amanda was back and on board, and all the garbage Cameron had fed her was just that, garbage. What about all the beautiful things he’d said to her before the emergency? Was there even a real emergency or was Amanda his emergency?
Gabrielle walked over to Marjorie and Tristan. “I have to go.”
Marjorie’s eyes searched her face. “Did you hear from Cameron?”
Gabrielle nodded. “I did, loud and clear. I’ll see you at work tomorrow.” Before Marjorie could talk her into staying, Gabrielle took off running toward one of the exit doors.
Tears fell as Gabrielle took the stairwell to try to avoid seeing anyone from the crew, especially Cameron and his past love. But maybe she was no longer in the past. It killed her to know that Amanda’s appearance on board wasn’t a rumor but the truth.
Ten minutes later, at the door of her cabin, Gabrielle’s fingers shook badly as she inserted the key card. She headed straight for the kitchen, where she opened the fridge and retrieved a cold bottle of water. If she was a drinker, she would’ve mixed up a stiff cocktail to help her forget the pain and give her courage to face the man she was in love with. She went out on the balcony, then rethought her choice. What if Cameron and Amanda ended up on his balcony?
She tore back inside and plopped down on the sofa.
Even though she knew it wasn’t going to ring, Gabrielle still stared hard at the phone. Cameron was otherwise engaged, and her name probably hadn’t crossed his mind since he’d left. She sat up straight. She decided it was time to analyze their entire relationship, or what she thought was a relationship, an exclusive one.
Once again, combining love and labor had been the culprit. She had been so adamant about not getting involved in another love affair with a coworker but then she’d thrown caution to the wind. That was why all this was happening.
Gabrielle felt like she had egg on her face again. She hadn’t paid attention to her first impression of Jordan and she’d paid a high price. Then she’d repeated the same gigantic mistake by getting involved with Cameron when she knew it could never work. She had willfully set herself up for the worst fall of all. He wasn’t just another doctor; he was her commander, her boss. But unlike Jordan, Gabrielle liked Cameron tremendously, and she was also in love with him.
“It’s over. I’m not giving this another thought. There’s nothing he can say to make me change my mind. Lust, labor and love are deadly combinations.” Even as the words left her mouth, her uncontrollable tears flowed.
The phone rang and Gabrielle ignored it. If it was Cameron, and she was sure it was by her heart’s reaction, she was no longer available to him. Amanda had obviously come first with him, even when he knew she was waiting to hear from him.
There was nothing for her and Cameron to talk about outside of work. Luckily, she also had a way out of her five-month commitment. She’d get the hell off this ship and request to be resigned to another cruise liner in the same fleet. A reassignment was possible before the five months were actually up, she considered. A move would be best for everyone.
Chapter 11
Loud pounding on her cabin door woke Gabrielle from a fitful sleep. She turned over on her back and laid her head flat onto the pillow. Her phone had been blowing up all evening, and now the door was being bombarded. She didn’t have to guess who was out there. No one but Cameron Quinn could be responsible for all this godforsaken chaos.
She heard a keycard be inserted into the cabin door, and she sat straight up in bed. Fear streaked through her eyes as she crept out of bed and went over to the closet, where she armed herself with a heavy metal tennis racket. Then she took a spray bottle of mace out of a drawer. She moved into the center of the bed and sat cross-legged, surveying the entire cabin, ready for whoever had plans of invading her personal space. She heard whispering, and she leaned forward to try to hear what was said.
Lights flooded the cabin, starling her something fierce.
“Dr. Grinage, it’s security. Are you okay? I’m coming into the living area. Shout out to me if you’re okay and I’ll back off.”
“I’m okay. Sorry for the inconvenience. Did you come because there’s been suspicious activity in the area?”
“We had calls from several people who were concerned. I’m leaving now, but Dr. Quinn wants to check you out to make sure you’re okay physically. Sorry for disturbing you.”
Gabrielle went into a panic, but she wasn’t surprised by Cameron’s tactics. He was a man who liked to be heard. But he wasn’t callous, no matter what a monster she’d made him out to be in her mind.
Cameron walked into the alcove and just stood there looking at her. He wasn’t wearing a happy expression. His eyes narrowed and raked her over the hot coals. “Why?”
She shrugged with nonchalance. “Why what?”
He moved over to the bed and sat on the side of the mattress. “Don’t play coy with me. Why have you ignored my hundreds of calls?”
She jutted her chin in an act of defiance. “I was too busy pondering my past, too tied up wallowing in it. You were right—I have no future. I now accept your observations on my life.”
His brow wrinkled. “Sarcasm doesn’t become you. When I left you, we were happy and in love.”
She threw out her hands. “Just goes to show how quickly things change. I’m still happy but not in love. My dreadful past won’t let me love ever again.”
“So we’re back to your past. You do love to revisit ashes.”
She shot him an angry glance of intolerance. “That’s me. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, the state of my
nonexistent love life.”
He looked troubled. “We need to have a serious talk, Gabrielle.” Instead of asking her to get up, he took off his shoes and laid down, turning on his side. He’d made it a point to keep out of striking distance, and she knew she looked like she wanted to hit something.
Her heart thudded hard against her ribs. She didn’t like the serious expression he wore and she didn’t know what in the world might come out of his mouth. But she was curious enough to sit there and listen.
He took her hand. “Earlier I told you I was thinking about you, and I’m concerned about a few things. One of the things is your opt-out contract clause, though I understand it. Where do you see yourself in the next few years? What are your goals for practicing medicine after this sea stint?”
Gabrielle looked perplexed. “What does this have to do with anything?”
“It has everything to do with us, Gabrielle. Please answer my questions.”
Her insides shook like Jell-O. “This may surprise you, but I want to someday become a wife and mother. My parents did all right with a houseful of kids and full-time careers. Before age forty, I’d like to have a baby or two. What about you? Can you answer the same questions?”
“I can honestly say I’d never thought about being a father. That is, until I met you.” Moisture shone bright in his eyes. “I can see you as the mother of my children. I’d want a daughter to look just like you and a son in my image. It’s premature, but it’s not just a fantasy. Please hear me out, Gabrielle. Something happened today that accelerated my thoughts.
“Your insecurities worry me more than anything else in our relationship. Despite your saucy replies, if you don’t find a way to cut ties with your past, your future is grim.”
“I’m well aware of that, and this isn’t the first time you’ve said it. It’s like a running diatribe. Have you completely cut ties with your past?” Her eyes pierced into his. The answer to this question would tell her a lot.
“Seeing how you reacted so haughtily to me got me thinking about what a future with you would really be like. I personally think you’ve still been reacting to Jordan. I figured you weren’t going to have a future with love as long as the hurt he caused is around. And it sickened me that I’d also be excluded from your future.”
She was worried about what this heart-to-heart meant. “Why are we having this conversation now? Is that what you were so thoughtful about when I went into a major funk?”
He desperately wanted to touch her but he knew she wouldn’t want him to. “Our relationship is so new, but I want it to grow and grow and never get old. I love the sea, as you know. But I can’t see cruising around the world, practicing medicine, while a wife waits at home for my ship to come in. That wouldn’t be a life for a spouse and certainly not for children. I want to be a deeply involved dad and a super-supportive husband when the time comes.”
Gabrielle shrugged. “I don’t see where you’re going with this. We’re nowhere in the ballpark of marriage and kids. We’re just getting to know each other.”
“Stop kidding yourself, Gabby. We’re soul mates. No genius had to tell me that. And if you don’t recall, let me say it again. I’m a man who knows exactly what he wants.”
Gabrielle sighed. “I recall.”
“I know it’s hard to put it all out there at once. What I want to know is if you can hang in there with me. I know I can hang with you. If I know your goals, and what you want from life, and love, it’ll help me considerably with this crisis I’ve suddenly found myself in.”
“I’m willing to take everything I can get out of life and love…and not take it lightly,” she replied. “But not only that, I plan to give back. I want a great partnership filled with love, life and with a man who loves me.” She still didn’t understand the urgency in this talk, but obviously there were things he wanted to know from her. Something had happened to him and it had jolted him badly.
“What was your first reaction to me? Did flashing warning signs go off in your head like they did with Jordan?”
Her heart began to thump wildly. “I had a totally different reaction to you, but I don’t want to get into it. Suffice to say, I immediately thought you seemed kind and compassionate.”
Cameron grinned. “You were spot-on with that. Is there anything that you want to do professionally or personally that you haven’t mentioned yet?”
Gabrielle took a minute to think about his question. “There is one goal I burn white hot for. I’d love to join Doctors Without Borders before I go have babies. It’s been a lifelong dream. And I also want to continue growing my parents’ scholarship fund and keep mentoring underprivileged kids who want to become doctors.”
Cameron’s eyes lit up like fireworks at midnight. “Joining Doctors without Borders is my main goal for when I settle on dry land.” He looked at her as though he couldn’t believe his goals and hers had matched up so perfectly. But why not? They were a perfect match in every other area.
“You’ve given me the help I needed. I think we belong together for as long as we want to give ourselves to each other. And I don’t give myself lightly, Gabby.”
“Neither do I,” she said tearfully.
He pulled her to him, but she pushed him away.
Gabrielle’s tears spilled over. “Since we’re having a heart-to-heart, I need to unburden the heavy load that’s on my heart. I saw Amanda come up behind you on deck and tap you on the shoulder. What was your reaction when you saw her?”
Cameron was surprised that Gabrielle had seen him and Amanda. But what surprised him more was how she knew it was Amanda.
“How do you know what Amanda looks like?”
“Google. I only looked up her name after I’d heard she was aboard the ship.”
He was relieved, glad that Gabrielle hadn’t looked her up simply because she’d had a desire to see what Amanda looked like. It wasn’t like her to do it for any other reason. But regardless, Amanda had nothing on Gabrielle in looks, heart, spirit and personality.
“I’ll answer your question. I didn’t have a reaction, not even irritation. She has no power over me, never really did. I forgave her long ago. I did it for me.”
Gabrielle looked stumped. “What do you mean by that?”
“Forgiveness is not for the person we need to forgive. It’s for the person who needs to forgive. Was I surprised by my reaction to her? I was, but when I cut ties with her, they were cut forever. I never looked back, because I already knew what I’d find behind me.”
“Interesting. Forgiveness is important, and I learned that the hard way.” She blew out a gust of air. “I…I didn’t know what to think. You were gone for so long. I kept waiting for you here in the cabin, but when you never came back, I went out for a while with Marjorie and Tristan. And then I saw you with Amanda.”
“I did come back, several times, after I repeatedly called the cabin and your cell. I also couldn’t reach Marjorie or Tristan. Then I thought you might be ill, so I alerted security. If I hadn’t told everyone about us, I wouldn’t have been allowed in here with security. You’re also my second in command.”
She looked ashamed. “The ringers on both phones were turned off. Because you’d been gone for hours, I assumed you’d been with Amanda all that time. I convinced myself she was your emergency.”
Cameron looked pained. “Gabrielle, Gabrielle, have I not shown you my true feelings? Have I not tried to become your present and help you lose your past? I was with you when my on-call cell went off.” Cameron put his head down momentarily. “How could you question my medical and moral ethics? I’d never tell you there was an emergency as a ruse to see another woman.”
“Why is Amanda aboard the ship?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “No clue. When I walked away from her, I heard her yell ‘I’m getting a divorce.’ I never so much as looked back. I didn’t even know she’d gotten married. That’s how much I’ve concerned myself with her.” Without hesitation he took Gabrielle’s mouth in a blis
tering kiss.
Gabrielle gasped and she inhaled his familiar scent. As tears rolled from her eyes, she lifted up his head and looked into his eyes. “I lost you on deck, Cameron. I thought you saw me and didn’t care.”
He kissed her again, and it was clear he didn’t want to talk. Kissing her and touching her tenderly was the only thing on his mind. The emergency had been an awful one, and he needed the comforting arms of the woman he was rapidly becoming addicted to. He kissed her again and again and again, devouring her mouth with his, touching and tasting her until he felt her very essence.
Cameron held her slightly away from him. “Gabrielle, I need you. Please, I have to be with you. I missed you.” Tears filled his eyes.
“I missed you, too, every minute you were gone.”
“I need to shower and change clothes. Will you shower with me? I don’t want us apart for a fraction of a second.”
“I guess we’ll go to your cabin since you have to change clothes. I’ll go with you.”
He put his arm around her shoulders, a sudden sadness drowning in his eyes. “Both cabins are ours. I want you with me, Gabrielle.”
She kissed his forehead. “I can’t deny you anything I’m capable of giving. I’m sorry I doubted you yet again.”
Gabrielle saw the sadness in Cameron’s eyes. She knew something heavy was going on with him. Perhaps the emergency had been a bad one, but was something more than that happening with him? Knowing where her mind wanted to go, she redirected her thoughts. No matter what Cameron needed from her, she had it to give. If she didn’t have it in her, she’d find it in a hurry even if she had to pull it out of thin air. Cameron’s needs were her needs, and he’d already proved to her that her needs were his.
Gabrielle ran her fingers through his hair. “Do you want to talk about your medical emergency?”
He wrinkled his nose. “You can hear it during our briefing tomorrow. Is that okay?”
“Whatever you’re comfortable with, Commander.”
Suddenly, Cameron broke down crying. “Our team lost a patient today. Phillip and I did everything in our power to save the passenger.”
Waves of Passion (Kimani Romance) Page 17