Emily took a deep breath and forced herself to smile. "Miranda, I think you’re a nice person, despite what Jessie says, or maybe because of it. But I cannot talk to you about... him. I don’t talk to Zainab about him. I don’t want to talk about him- at all. I want to pretend he doesn’t exist and forget I ever met him. Okay? Because... I just can’t."
Emily couldn’t tell if Miranda was disappointed, upset or offended. It looked for a moment like she was all three. After a moment, she smiled and put her hand on Emily’s. "Of course, I didn’t mean to upset you. I hope you’re not mad."
"I’m not." She sighed and leaned back against the building. "I just... things finally feel good. I don’t want to go back to the rest of it."
Miranda leaned next to her. "I know what it’s like when someone really gets to you."
Emily stifled her desire to protest Mitch’s importance. "Yeah? What’s his name?"
Miranda looked down. "I’d rather not say."
"Anyone I know? Anyone Jessie knows? Richard?"
Miranda sighed. "Yes. And they sort of... no, they definitely know. And they don’t approve."
Emily tapped Miranda’s shoulder lightly with the back of her fist. "You know, sometimes it’s good to listen to your friends."
Miranda looked up and smiled. "So if Zainab and I like Mitch-"
"Oh, shut up!" Emily pushed herself off the wall.
Miranda laughed. "Come on, I’ll walk you to class."
"I don’t have class, I have library."
"Then aren’t you lucky I’m here? I have class enough for us both."
"Oh, God."
CHAPTER 47
Mitch finally met Zainab at Princess Cappuccino. He hugged her tight before either could say a word. "Are you okay?"
Zainab smiled and squeezed his arm. "I’m fine. I’m being well taken care of."
"Where have you been? I’ve come in here a lot, and the Student Center, but you’re never around."
"I was a little afraid," Zainab said softly. "But I’m not anymore. Now I’m just in classes, hanging out with my friends in smaller doses, eating a lot, and living life." She took a deep breath. "Listen, it’s really sweet of you to check up on me, but you don’t have to –"
"Hey, you’re my friend." He rubbed her back. "I’m not just checking up on you. I want to see how you are because I like you. I’m sorry we haven’t spent more time together, and I want to change that."
Zainab smiled. "I’d like that. Especially since we didn’t part on the best of terms."
Mitch was confused, then laughed when he remembered. "I really deserved it. You’re a good friend, to everyone." He was silent for a moment. "Yeah, you earned her loyalty."
"Huh?"
"You know- Emily." He wasn’t sure if it was okay to say her name in Zainab’s presence.
"How do you know about Emily?"
"What do you mean? I saw it. Well, I saw after the fact, but it didn’t take a lot of imagination to figure out what happened."
"You saw her move in with me?"
"She’s living with you? How long has she been living with you?"
"No, back up. What are you talking about?"
"Me- what? I was talking about when Emily punched that loser in the face."
"Which loser?" Zainab’s eyes widened. "Emily punched Joe?"
"Um, yeah." It dawned on Mitch that he shouldn’t have brought that up.
"When?"
"I don’t- it was maybe right at the very beginning of the quarter- maybe a little bit before."
Zainab looked like she was remembering something. "How do you know she punched him?"
"Because I saw him. And she must have punched him pretty well, because- "
"Because then Joe disappeared."
"Good riddance, he was scum." He thought he shouldn’t mention that he went to the police and they couldn’t find him either. Mitch clenched his jaw. "Zainab, don’t be mad at her. I mean, I know you must have been worse off, but she looked like... she was going to kill someone. It was scary."
Zainab exhaled. "Yeah, I know that look."
"How is she?" He couldn’t help himself.
"Well. Now. Why do you ask? Aren’t you with-"
"My big mistake?" Mitch shook his head in disgust. "I just needed to get kicked around a little before I came to my senses." He looked down. "I’m not proud of myself. I know I hurt her."
"I guess it was just bad timing," she said after a moment.
"Yeah, story of my life because she’s with someone now, right?"
Now it was Zainab’s turn to laugh. "No. I would say that as bad as you might feel about your ex, Emily feels ten times worse. And she should. He treated her like a toy. She won’t talk about how it ended, but Richard has some idea of what happened. He’s dropped a couple of hints, and it makes me wish that, well, I’d punched him too when I had the chance."
"What did he do?"
"Richard said something about shaking her. Really shaking her, as in, she should have gone to the emergency room." Mitch clenched his fist under the table. "And then there was some awful dinner party at Richard's house with Jessie, and not letting her leave the apartment once. And don’t get me started on the library. He was a bully and a coward." Zainab shuddered. "Here’s to everyone making better choices the next time around."
"Sounds like you already have. Who’s Richard?"
Zainab brightened up. "He’s great. I don’t know where this is going, but it’s nice, it’s fun, it’s happy. And, oh yeah, he’s smart and handsome."
"What's he like?"
Mitch’s smile faded as Zainab described Richard. "You don’t approve?" she said when she was done.
"Oh- no. Sorry, I’m a poor judge, I guess." He looked at the ground, trying not to remember the day he saw Emily with what must have been Richard in the quad. "So... Emily isn’t with anyone now?"
"No," Zainab said slowly. "And neither are you, I guess."
"But?" Mitch asked.
"But I don’t know if it’s a good idea. Emily is still... I love her, but you don’t spend months with someone who keeps you locked up like that and not change. She may not be the person you remember."
"And?"
"And I don’t know if you deserve her."
Mitch raised his eyebrow. "Then I’ll just have to prove that I do."
CHAPTER 48
Emily hadn’t been at the library for more than an hour when Miranda started texting her.
You should really talk to him.
I don’t have anything to say.
Really? That was all one-sided on his part?
It was as soon as he blew me off. Now leave me alone, I’m working.
Miranda sent another text an hour later.
I know he’d love a chance to talk to you again.
Did you say something to him?
No, I don’t have to. I know he would.
Since you’re so in tune with him, you talk to him. Or whatever else you want to do with him.
I told you, there’s someone else.
Then text him!
Emily turned off her phone until she left the library five hours later. She could have left two hours earlier if she hadn’t been so distracted.
She was surprised when she came home to find Zainab and Richard there. "Hey!" she smiled. "What am I making for dinner?"
Richard grinned. "I haven’t been able to get over that Korean black bean thing-"
"Hey!" Zainab frowned.
"If she’s taking suggestions-" Richard protested.
Zainab shook her head. "Anyway... guess who I saw today?"
"Oh, is that what Miranda did after I turned off my phone?"
Richard knit his brow. "Huh?"
Emily rolled her eyes. "She figured out that she knew some... jerk I used to know. Never mind."
"I didn’t see Miranda," Zainab said softly.
Emily looked at Zainab. She blinked after a moment then nodded. "Yeah, that Korean dish is called jajeung myun. I might have enough bla
ck bean paste left." Emily turned and went into the kitchen.
Zainab came in as she was gathering the potatoes and onions. "So you’re not going to ask?"
"If you want to be friends with him that’s fine. You don’t have to tell me every time you see him. In fact, don’t."
"I think I should if he wants to spend a lot of time talking about you."
Emily started chopping the onions because she was worried she’d hurt herself peeling the potatoes. "Actually, it’s fine. You have my permission to talk about me as much as you want as long as I don’t have to hear about it."
"If I said he really wants to see you would you care a little bit?"
"No."
"You don’t have anything you want to say to him?"
"I do, but I’m trying to be a better person and not use those words as much."
"You don’t think you’d feel better if you saw him?"
Emily put the onions in a bowl then grabbed five cloves of garlic. "Let me see," she said as she smashed one of the cloves. "How would that conversation go? ‘Let me give you a little bit of closure, okay? The reason I didn’t think you were worth even sending a text to was because you didn’t put out. Or she was prettier. Or older. Or smarter. Or I just had more chemistry with her. It’s not about you, babe. It’s just me. I hope you don’t still feel bad about it like a sixth grader.’" She smashed another clove.
"I don’t think that’s what he wants to say," Zainab said carefully.
"It doesn’t matter," she muttered. "Because whatever he says, what he wants to hear at the end is, ‘that’s okay, you didn’t do anything wrong. You can go back to whatever you used to be.’"
"So you want him to feel guilty?"
Another clove smashed. "I don’t want anything that has anything to do with him. But if he thinks we’re going to meet and I’m going to sit through something that sounds anything at all like ‘so let’s be friends’, no. I don’t owe him anything."
"But what about you?"
It was time to take a chance on the potatoes. "What about me?"
"Don’t you want to say some things?"
"No. They don’t need to be said. Maybe the next time you- or Miranda- talk to him you can tell him that and then start talking about something else."
Richard popped his head in and awkwardly waved. "Do you two need me to leave?"
Emily looked at the bowl of vegetables then looked at him. "And what would you like me to do with all of these potatoes and onions then? Oh no. You two are going to go to the living room, hold hands, be syrupy and I’m going to make this. Got it?"
Zainab shrugged. "Fine."
Richard took her hand. "You know, none of that sounded bad to me."
Emily looked down at the cutting board and smiled. Knowing that they were happy was enough.
~~~
Emily wouldn’t have been able to do anything the next day if she hadn’t stumbled on the story of Zagreus that morning. It was an alternate myth of Persephone, Zeus and Dionysus that, as far as she was concerned, highlighted the implosion of power and family dynamics inherent in the standard myth. Really, who likes to read about incest, child sacrifice and dismemberment? Well, there were some, she thought to herself as she wrinkled her nose, but this was better than stewing about Zainab, Miranda and... never mind. She turned off her phone just to make sure she wouldn’t be distracted.
She turned her phone on as she walked through the quad on her way to eat. Of course Miranda had tried to call her three times. Emily gritted her teeth. It must be nice to not have to worry about getting anything done and have all this time to...
"Emily?"
She stopped walking. Oh that deep voice. Her hands started to sweat. She shook them and took another step.
"Emily!" He was closer. She heard footsteps. He was right behind her.
She turned around. Green eyes, olive skin, gorgeous wavy hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. "What is it?"
He parted his lips. Okay, fine, perfect teeth. "I was hoping we could talk."
"Oh, really? Gee, getting Zainab and Miranda to harass me about it for the last two days didn’t give that away."
He pulled back. "What are you talking about?"
"Oh, please. Don’t pretend that you didn’t put Miranda up to calling me about you- twenty times! Or that you didn’t ask Zainab to talk to me about you."
"I swear, I-"
"No, don’t!" She knew she was shouting, but she couldn’t stop. "Don’t swear anything. Don’t promise anything. You only get one chance to lie to me and you’ve already used it."
"I know, that’s what I-"
"No, just don’t! You want to play hero with the fraternity? Enjoy. You want to get schmoozed by SGC and Joe Welles? You’re perfect for it. You go do all of that, but don’t think that any of that makes you a good person who gets a pass for wanting an easy screw in Ireland."
He turned purple. "I’m sorry."
"I bet. I bet you were just filled with remorse as soon as she dumped you."
"I ended it."
"Oh. My mistake. I guess I’m not the only one who outlived her usefulness with you."
"That’s not what happened!"
"Oh. Oh! Let me guess. She cheated on you?" Silence. "Oh. And did that you make you contemplate karma, the law of cause and effect, the Golden Rule or whatever BS? Is that it? You want some redemption so you can move on with a clean slate?"
"Emily-"
She snapped her fingers. "Then this is your lucky day! Today I’m running a free special on blank slates. It was nothing, okay? You were just some guy who said things he didn’t mean but didn’t actually, you know, do anything. And I am just a little girl who takes things way too literally. Okay? It was nothing, and neither of us has to think about each other again. Ever."
"I am-"
"You are done! Tell Zainab and Miranda to stop trying to make me do something as if I’m the one who did anything wrong. And if you’re such a good friend, do a better job taking care of them and stop worrying about me."
"What are you talking about?"
"I would have gone to that stupid party with Zainab if I had thought you-" she pointed at him- "were going to stay home!"
His jaw dropped and he looked down at her. "Are you talking about Joe?"
She was nauseous. "I am not talking about anything. Just leave me alone!" She turned back and ran to the library. It wasn’t like she’d be able to eat lunch now anyway.
CHAPTER 49
Emily got texts from Zainab and Miranda within half an hour. She didn’t bother opening them. Then the phone rang. It was Miranda. Ignore. Miranda twice more. Ignore. Then Zainab. Emily looked at it for a moment, and then hit Ignore. Then a text from Jessie.
What is your problem?
I don’t have a problem. I just took care of it.
Then why has Miranda been babbling to me for the last twenty minutes? And why is Richard calling me to ask me to talk to you?
Richard?!?
Yeah, Zainab’s pretty upset, you jerk.
What the Hell! Why am I the jerk when they’ve been harassing me about some stalky jerk for the past few days?
What did they do?
Miranda’s all, Oh, wow, he’s so sorry and he wants to talk to you. Zainab’s all, don’t you want to? Just so you’ll feel better? And then- surprise- there he is. What is their problem?
Don’t you all go to the same school?
So? I haven’t run into him before.
Aren’t you always at the library?
Sorry- gotta go.
Coward.
Emily worked for the next three hours by pretending that she was ten all over again and reading about Persephone for the first time. Ten was such a great age- math and reading had been much more fun for her than boys. And really, who would date anything that remotely resembled Zeus or Hades?
When her phone rang she answered. "Zainab."
"Yes." She paused. "I think we should talk."
"And by ‘we’ you mean-"
&
nbsp; "Meet me at the café in fifteen minutes," Zainab said before she hung up.
Zainab was by herself when Emily arrived. "Is there something you want to say to me?" Zainab asked as soon as Emily sat down.
"Why is it so important to you?" Emily said.
"Mitch?"
"Yes, Mitch!"
"Because you got shafted- "
"Yes, I did."
"- and I think you deserve to hear someone apologize for it."
Emily got up and came back five minutes later with coffee for Zainab. "Would you believe that I have imagined an apology before?"
"And how did that go?"
"When you take out all of the ‘oh, Emily, I was such a fool.’? It’s pretty empty."
"Maybe real-life is more satisfying than you think."
"Well, let’s find out." She twisted her mouth. "I’m sorry I thought you were helping Mitch stalk me."
"You should be!" Zainab exclaimed. "Why would you think some random guy would be more important to me than you are?"
"Because I’m a stupid, stupid girl."
"I wouldn’t go that far. But I’m never going to be shamed into homework around you again."
"You really do know how to hurt me, you know that?"
Zainab winked. "There’s stuff I know. You want to know what else I know? Miranda would love to join us."
Emily shook her head. "When did you meet Miranda?"
"Jessie made me call her when she was hysterical earlier today."
Emily winced. "How bad was it?"
Zainab raised her eyebrow and tilted her head. "You might want to apologize to her."
Miranda sniffled for fifteen minutes after she joined them. She babbled things about Michael and how everyone always ran away from her after they met him. But maybe it was really her because she didn’t know how to be a good friend and she really liked Emily and Zainab and would do anything to make it up to them. Emily tried to tell her that she was sorry for overreacting but finally gave up and repeated that she did indeed like Miranda and that of course they were friends. She kept repeating this until Miranda finally calmed down.
"Oh, good!" Miranda said at last. "Why don’t we all get dinner? My treat. Please?"
The Smartest Girl in the Room Page 21