Immortal of My Dreams

by Alexis McNeil

  The next morning I woke up to an empty bed. My heart raced as I quickly threw on a leine and a beige gown. Running downstairs with my hair flying around me, I turned a corner slamming right into Merrick’s hard chest. “Ugh!” I fell back almost landing on the floor when he reached out catching me.

  “In a hurry lass?” he asked grinning.

  I caught my breath. “I thought you left.”

  “And not say goodbye?” My cheeks burned as he looked upon me with a light scolding expression. Leaning down, he thoroughly kissed my mouth. Pulling back he said, “I ha’ ta get a few more supplies, then I’ll leave, but no before I taste ye’re bonnie mouth again.” He placed a quick kiss on my forehead. “I’ll be right back.”

  I smiled as he walked away disappearing around the corner. “Jillian.” I spun around to find an enraged Grant standing behind me. “I’d like ta talk ta ye for a wee moment,” he said a bit too calm. Without waiting for a response, he headed toward a far corridor. After hesitating, I followed him, glancing back to see if Merrick returned yet. I found Grant in front of a large arched window in the corridor off the great hall.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked with concern. I really did feel badly about hurting his feelings last night.

  “What can I do, Jillian?” Grant whined as he continued to stare out the window.

  “A-about what? What are you talking about?”

  Grant spun around with tears in his eyes. “What can I do ta make ye give me a chance?” I swallowed as my heart sank looking up at his hurt filled expression. I reached out touching his shoulder.

  “Grant, I’m sorry, but I can’t help who I fall in lo—. I can’t help who I’m attracted to,” I said quickly diverting my gaze. Hastily, he placed his hands on my shoulders gently pushing me backwards against the wall.

  “Kiss me,” he said.

  “What! No, I’m not going to kiss you.” I tried to push his arms away.

  “Please,” he begged. “Just one kiss. I-If ye dinna feel anything, I willna bother ye again. But if ye do feel something, promise me ye’ll give me a chance.”

  I knew it would be foolish to see if I felt anything for Grant, but I had to kiss him to prove I wasn’t the one for him. At least after the kiss, he’d know we’d only be friends. “Fine, but only one kiss,” I said quickly to his smiling face. I placed my hands on his shoulders as he wrapped his arms around me making me long to be in Merrick’s embrace. Slowly, our heads came together and I lightly kissed his mouth. I was about to pull away when his hands came up holding my head in place.

  “Ye couldna even wait till I left!” Our lips separated and our heads spun toward the end of the corridor where Merrick stood looking furious. He glared at me in disgust, and then stomped out of sight.

  “Merrick!” I yelled.

  “Let him go,” Grant said pulling me back toward him. I yanked out of his grip and ran after Merrick catching up with him in the great hall.

  “Merrick, stop, please!” I yelled from a few steps behind him. “Let me explain!” Merrick whirled around.

  “I thought ye were different,” he spat. “Alexander is right, no lass is worth dying for,” he growled. He looked me up and down as his lip curled. His hands hung in tight fists by his sides. “Get out o’ my sight.”

  I reached out to touch his arm. “Merrick, don’t—“

  “Dinna touch me lass,” he gritted out through clenched teeth. “Dinna ever come near me again. I saw ye. No matter what ye say, I saw ye willingly kiss him!”

  “No, let me explain!” I screamed grabbing for his hand. He shook my hand away striding toward the exit.

  When he reached the threshold, Merrick spun around. “Dinna worry aboot me, lass. There’s plenty o’ whores ta take ye’re place when I’m on the road,” he sneered and disappeared through the doorway. I sank to a bench seat with my heart breaking to pieces. I held my hands in tight fists digging my nails into my palms. At least the pain from my nails kept the pain in my chest to a mild ache.

  * * * * *

  As I lay in bed that night, I couldn’t stop thinking of Merrick and how our fight reminded me of the last words I had with my mom. I wiped the stream of tears from my cheeks and sunk my face into his pillow. Merrick’s scent filled my nostrils. It lingered on the pillows, the covers, even on some of my clothes. He was everywhere and this would be the closest I’d ever get to him again, the only part of him I could have. I sobbed as my mother’s words came back to me.

  “Mom, I’m here,” I said rushing in to the hospital room and over to the side of her hospital bed with a sob. My mom looked pale, weak…and still smiling.

  “Ah, my…Jillybean…you came…all the way from…New York,” she said with a shortness of breath.

  “Mom, shh. Try to get some rest. I’m not going anywhere. You’ll be good as new in a couple of days,” I said trying not to cry. She had to be fine. The last time I saw her was over five months ago at my college graduation.

  “What about…your job…at the magazine?”

  “I don’t care mom. You’re the most important thing to me. You and Gram are all the family I have now. I should’ve come home sooner. I’m sorry.”

  “Jillybean…don’t worry…I’ll—“ Her words stopped with a fit of coughing. She coughed so hard she couldn’t catch her breath. An accelerated beeping sounded from her heart monitor and a nurse hurried in. I stood at the side of her bed keeping my hand on her leg. I craved some sort of contact. I wouldn’t let go. Two more nurses and a doctor dashed in, pushing past me. My mom still coughed and without warning, clutched her chest.

  “She’s going into cardiac arrest,” the doctor yelled while nurses wheeled a cart over with a defibrillator. Suddenly, my mom was quiet. The coughing stopped. The machines’ buzzing and beeping filled the small room. The doctor checked her vitals, while I stared through blurry eyes at my mom.

  The doctor walked over to me. “I’m sorry, but she doesn’t have long. The cancer has spread into her brain. I’ll give you some private time with her.”

  I walked over to my mom who fought to breathe. She lay on the hospital bed with tubes in her nose and IV’s in her arms. “Mom, don’t go,” I whispered, holding back a cry. “You can’t go.”

  “You’ll…always be…my Jillybean. I love you. And remember…when you find…a man…who takes your breath away…and steals your heart…never let him go. Fight to keep him.” A steady beep echoed through the room. She left me. The one person who meant the world to me was gone.

  * * * * *

  “Come on Jilly, please come into the woods and pick holly and winter berries with me,” Elise said kneeling down in front of me. I continued to stare into the great hall’s huge fireplace wrapping the plaid tighter around me and curling up in the padded rocking chair. Winter had come, arriving with the first snow two weeks ago. Servants kept the fire constantly burning in the hall, but a draft still flowed through the large room and corridors. “The sun is shining. It will do ye good ta get outdoors for a wee bit.”

  I smiled a weak smile glancing down at her. “Thanks Elise, but I think I’ll just sit here for a while.”

  “Och! Enough o’ ye’re mopin’, Jilly. Come on!” Elise stood up crossing her arms while pouting her lips. “I’m no leavin’ till ye say yes,” she said stubbornly. I stared into the fire as a tap, tap, tap began. Glancing down, I found Elise’s delicate slipper covered foot tapping rapidly. I warily peered back up to her face. She raised her eyebrows at me in question.

  I let out a defeated sigh. “Shouldn’t we stay inside? Isn’t the man who killed Hanna and Lorna still on the loose?”

  “Nay,” Elise said excitedly, “Last night Cameron left in the middle o’ the night. They found a peddler in the woods with Hanna’s purse on him and a torn silk shirt that matched the piece Lorna had held. He had a bloody dagger in his boot. They think he might ha’ killed someone else too.”

  “Where are they keeping him?”

  “Oh, weel…he died. Grant went along with Cameron
and the guards last night. When they were bringing the peddler to the castle to interrogate him, he turned on Grant. The dirty man almost killed me brother with the bloody dagger he had hidden. But see, ‘tis safe now. Let’s go get some fresh air.”

  I rolled my eyes upward. “Fine, let’s go,” I grumbled.

  Elise clapped her hands and jumped up as a huge smile lit up her face. She leaned down giving me a big hug. “Ye’ll ha’ a good time, I promise!”

  The woods resembled a winter wonderland showcasing trees, shrubs, and the ground covered with a delicate layer of snow which glistened untouched in the bright winter sun. I wrapped my fur cloak around me tighter as a cold frosty gust of wind ruffled my skirts. I let out a breath that hung in a thick cloud in the frosty air.

  “Here we are,” Elise said placing a basket down on the freshly snow coated ground at the base of a huge bush brimming with dark purplish black berries. “These are blackcurrants. They make a verra tasty jam,” Elise said, beginning to pick the plump berries off the bush. I walked over joining her as a huge falcon flying high above us over the trees caught my attention. Elise looked up. “That’s Grant’s falcon. He must be out hunting this morn.”

  I let out a sigh. Grant. He had been apologizing to me for a month, saying how bad he felt with what happened between Merrick and I. I told him I forgave him, but I couldn’t stop thinking about Merrick. Was he with another woman? Did he find his soul mate? A tear threatened to spill over. Now, the way my heart hurt, I felt positive I was the one made for him…I wanted to be, even as much as that thought scared me. I never cared this much about a man before. I walked over to the side of the huge berry bush so my eyes could dry without Elise seeing.

  “So Jilly, were ye born around here? Weel, I mean in the future?” Elise asked catching me off guard.

  “What? Oh…no. I was born in New York City. I just visited my grandparents in Scotland frequently. It was like a second home.”

  “The burgh o’ York? Och, that’s no verra far at all.”

  “No, New York City. It’s a whole other land. You have to take a plane—I mean a boat to get there.”

  Elise smiled as she walked over next to me. “Does it look like Scotland?”

  “No, not at all. It’s quite different actually. There’s buildings everywhere with tons of people crammed into small spaces.”

  A look of disgust crossed her face. “That sounds terrible. Ye poor thing. I heard people talk aboot London. It sounds like the same, dirty and full o’ sickness and disease.”

  “Oh, no, it’s not like that. I mean there are dirty areas, but for the most part it’s a beautiful city with rivers and a huge park. The people are nice and polite. They’re always offering to help.” My fingers stilled on a berry. “It’s beautiful in its own right.”

  “Do ye miss ye’re home?” Elise asked softly.

  I smiled weakly. “Sometimes. Other times I don’t really know what I’d be going back to. My family is gone.”

  Elise tugged on my thick braid. “Do ye love him?”

  “Who? Grant? No, we’re just—“

  “Ye ken who I mean,” she said gently. “The Immortal ye’ve been longing for ever since he rode out on his big black horse a month ago.”

  I chewed on my lip willing the lump in my throat to go away. “Even if I do, it doesn’t matter anymore. He hates me. I’m sure of it.”

  “I admire that aboot ye.” Elise said.

  “Admire what?” I asked defensively.

  “Ye’re so strong, Jilly. If the man o’ my dreams left, I’d be cryin’ non-stop.” A small smile crossed her mouth. “I wish I could be like ye.” She turned and began picking berries again. If only she knew how I cried for Merrick every time I was alone. I should’ve told her being strong felt more like a curse.

  * * * * *

  “Jillian, are ye in there?” Elise yelled through my closed door. I walked away from the window from were I stared out into the swirl of flurries wondering what Merrick occupied himself with. Was it a battle, another woman, did he even think about me anymore? “Jillian!”

  “Coming.” I opened the door to a smiling Elise and Cameron.

  “D-did you guys need something?” I asked warily from the look of there mischievous smiling faces.

  “Jillian, it’s time you stop sulking,” Cameron said. “I’ve let it go on for almost two months now. When Merrick returns, I’ll talk to him.”

  “No! No, you can’t, please don’t do that. I’ll work it out myself.”

  A sly smile crossed his face. “All right, I won’t say a word…but you promise to come down and start including yourself in the festivities. Grant, Elise,” he said glancing over to Elise, “me, and many others are concerned. We miss your smiling face.” I let out a sigh walking back over to the window.

  “Jillian,” Elise pleaded, “we’re celebrating Sowans Nicht tonight and Christ’s Mass on the morrow. Tonight we ha’ food and dance lined up. Please come and join us,” she said softly.

  I stared into their pleading faces when Cameron walked over to my side. “I have an early Christmas present for you.” He slid a small five by seven photograph into my hands. I flipped it over and instantly flung my hand over my mouth. It was a picture of my thirteenth birthday. It was one huge bear-hug with my grandparents and parents and I smack in the middle touching my new red bike. “I found it in the chest with the belt. I’ve been holding onto it ever since, but I think it’s found its rightful owner now.”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. If my family was here, they’d try and make me feel right and happy again, just like Cameron and Elise were trying to do. “All right,” I said as a small smile crept across my lips. Elise cried out in joy and ran over giving me a hug.

  “Here,” she said placing a circlet made of holly and berries with long red satin ribbons hanging from the back on my head. I smiled as Cameron and Elise each placed their arm under one of mine and led me down to the great hall.

  The great hall was near bursting with people laughing, singing, eating, and drinking. Cameron leaned down to my ear. “Jillian, forget about Merrick for now. It will work itself out.” I smiled tightly walking over to my seat, which Grant waited beside.

  “Ye look ravishing,” Grant said smiling. “Uh, I mean in a strictly friendly way.”

  I smiled up at him not helping myself. “It’s all right, Grant, and thank you.” He pulled out the chair for me as I glanced around the great hall. Peacefulness had set over the castle since the Immortals left. Maybe they didn’t belong here. Grant filled a goblet full of wine for me and as I took a sip, I breathed in the fruity aroma letting it flow through my senses. I had to stop thinking about Merrick. I grew pasty and unwell, the thought of him even made my stomach upset at times. I spent most of my days either in my room sleeping, reading in the library, or off to myself somewhere in the castle.

  “What do ye say, Jilly? Come with me,” Grant said.

  I quickly glanced over at Grant. “It would probably do you good to get some fresh air,” Cameron added.

  “Um…where exactly?” I asked ruefully missing the first half of the conversation.

  “In the woods o’ course,” Grant said grinning. “That’s where we go ta hunt with our falcons.”

  “Oh, sure, that sounds fun,” I said cringing at the thought of a falcon killing a poor little critter. I had to go. I didn’t want to give Cameron an excuse to talk to Merrick when he returned.

  That night I climbed into bed with wine swirling turbulent waves in my head. I held my throbbing temples hoping the pressure would keep the room from spinning. Suddenly, I jumped out of bed and ran to the corner where a chamber pot sat. My entire dinner came up along with the two cups of wine I had. I made a mental note to not drink the wine again. It must be exceptionally strong. I slowly climbed back into bed holding my stomach and fell asleep dreaming of happy thirteenth birthday memories with my chamber pot tucked next to my bed.

  The next morning I dry heaved until the sun came up. When I
felt like my stomach had finally calmed, I splashed water on my face and slowly got dressed. As time passed, I began to feel better. I’d definitely not have anymore wine.

  As I walked down to breakfast to meet Grant, my strength returned. We were going to go hunt with his falcon right after breakfast. As soon as I entered the hall and sighted a big, sloppy bowl of porridge, my stomach lurched.

  “Hey, Jillian,” Grant said spotting me, “pull up a seat, we’ll go as soon as we break our fast.”

  I covered my mouth for a second with my hand. I took a deep breath willing the contents—if any remained—to stay down in my stomach. “I think I’ll wait outside. The wine really hit me last night. I’m afraid I don’t have much of an appetite.”

  With a look of concern, Grant said, “We can hunt another day. Go back ta bed.”

  “No, I’ll be fine. Fresh air is what I need.” I made my way over to the door leading to the garden. “I’ll wait out here for you.” I pulled my cloak around me and waited against the stone wall overlooking the snow covered garden. It had snowed last night, another foot or so. I picked up a handful of snow feeling the icy cold flakes turn to water in my hand. I smiled as a memory of my mom, dad and me played through my mind.

  We were having a snowball fight in Dornoch. It was Christmas day and my gram busily prepared dinner with my grandda’s and Gerdie’s help as my parents and I snuck out into the backyard and ambushed each other. I remember laughing so hard as my dad tackled my mom and me causing us to roll down a snow covered hill. We came back in the house soaking wet, but smiling none-the-less. Ah, if only I could have them back in my life. I missed my parents more than anything.