Hope nodded and waited silently, anxious to learn what he had learned.
“I learned that when you care you give and that makes a difference when you make love.”
“This woman gave to you that night?”
“She gave freely and taught me more than she ever realized.”
“You speak fondly of her,” Hope said and understood that while he did not love the woman, he cared deeply for her.
“She was beautiful, wise and loving and I shall never forget her and what she did for a lonely young lad.” Colin cleared his throat and his thoughts and once again spoke bluntly. “Have you ever seen a naked woman?”
Hope almost laughed then caught herself and biting down on her lip shook her head. Then thinking better of her remark, she amended it to, “Bare breasts I have seen.”
Colin nodded. “Have you ever touched a woman’s breasts?”
“Nay,” she said quickly, thinking it best to act ignorant.
“Did you ever want to?” he asked casually, as if he asked if she ever wanted to taste wine.
She thought a moment, thinking of his bare hard chest and the way his golden skin glistened when wet and her answer came easily. “Aye.”
“That is the natural part, Harold, the desire to want to touch, to feel, to join together. A young age brings haste to the act, most young men wanting nothing more than to please themselves and most not able to control themselves to make it last long enough to reach true pleasure.
His words were igniting her senses and her eyes were steady on his fingers and the way he would steeple them in front of his face then bring them close to his lips. Hope wondered what magic he worked with those long skilled fingers.
She squirmed in her chair, a gentle throb between her legs warning her that his words touched places she would much prefer his fingers to touch. The improper thought should have shocked her, but then if she had been proper she would have never attempted this adventure.
Colin continued, relaxed and at ease with their conversation. “You will learn control as you mature and become more experienced, but I would advise you not to completely rush your first time.” He went on as if advising an apt pupil. “Most women’s nipples are very sensitive.”
Hope could attest to the truth of his words since her own nipples were presently hard and aching.
Colin rubbed his thumb and forefinger together and smiled. “A light touch does wonders to start and a gentle tongue works magic.”
Hope remained completely still and silent, her nipples aching with the want of his fingers upon her.
“Do not think of what you do; simply allow yourself to enjoy the feel and taste of her and you will both benefit.” Colin saw that the lad seemed adrift in his own thoughts. “Are you listening, Harold, or dreaming?”
Hope refused to blush like a foolish woman being caught in improper thoughts. And Harold was too bold to demonstrate self-doubt. Nay, he would hold his own. “I was giving your advice thought, and wondering things.”
“Good—then you were listening.”
“When one listens, one learns much.”
Colin gave a tilt of his head and his eyes narrowed as though he examined the lad more closely.
Hope wanted him to see nothing more than a young lad aching to mature. She silently admonished herself for speaking out of character and sought quickly to correct her mistake. “My father taught me that.”
Colin seemed to accept her remark. “What were you wondering?”
Hope plunged ahead. “Do women touch and taste men’s nipples?”
“Women with experience do and they often do it well.”
His smug grin told her that he definitely spoke from experience.
She decided to ask a more pertinent question since he was so willing and so ignorant of her true identity. After all, she would never have this opportunity to speak so candidly, so man-to-man again. She would be foolish not to learn all that she could.
“What about virgins? I hear tell it is painful for them and I do not wish to hurt a woman.”
“A considerate and skillful lover can lessen a woman’s pain, and a woman who desires as strongly as the man will find the pain but a brief annoyance.”
Hope bit at her bottom lip, thinking of what to ask next, so many questions filled her head.
Colin understood. “You will have endless questions and all my answers will do little good, for you must experience the magic of intimacy to know what it is about. It is not the same for everyone. You have listened to the men’s tales”—he laughed—“and some of them are just tall tales, but you have heard each one speak from his own experience and desire. The act itself is basic. It is what each man and woman make of it for themselves that make it special and magical.”
“It can be disappointing?” she asked, foolishly sensing that she would be disappointed if she made love with anyone but Colin.
He nodded slowly. “It can be disappointing for some.”
She had to ask, “Have you been disappointed?”
He smiled that devilishly charming smile. “I have never disappointed, therefore, I have never been disappointed.”
His confident remark annoyed her. “You have never been with a woman who was not talented?”
“I guided those who lacked experience.” He held up his hand, preventing an anxious Harold from asking another question. “And I enjoyed guiding as well as reaping the results.”
Hope decided to ask the one question that often came to her mind. “Many women are attracted to you and some are bold in their pursuit. You seem to please as many as you can. What, then, when you marry? Will you be a faithful husband? Or will you mind not your marriage vows?”
Colin voiced his surprise at the question. “Why do you ask me this, lad?”
She shrugged her slim shoulders as if she did not know, but she felt it was necessary for her to hear the answer.
“We spoke of love once and you mentioned the forever kind. I but wondered whether forever meant you loved enough to be faithful.”
Colin looked to the flame that flickered in a chaotic dance in the fireplace and pondered his answer.
Hope waited. Her breathing was normal but her heart beat wildly.
Colin felt comfortable confiding in the lad. “I sometimes wonder if I will ever find my forever love, the woman I can make forever mine. If I am lucky enough to find her I would want no other, need no other, care for no other. She would belong to me and I to her, and I would love her forever more.”
Hope understood at that moment how very much she wished she could be the woman whom he thought of as forever his.
Chapter Nineteen
Hope had dallied long enough at Shanekill. She had to make immediate plans to leave no matter how difficult the decision. It was time to return home and accept her fate. Her adventure had been grand and she had made many friends she would long remember. Also, she had learned about love—the hard way.
An afternoon spring shower was dusting the land and Hope ran toward the keep, Lady close at her heels and Rook beside her. The three shook the sprinkle of rain off themselves when they entered the great hall.
Hope noticed how busy the hall was, an unusual occurrence for this time of day, and she wondered what it was about.
Bridget hurried past her, linens in hand and needle and thread on top. “Faith could use a hand, Harold. Unexpected company arrives tomorrow.”
Hope nodded and made her way around the row of trestle tables that filled the great hall. Colin, Lord Eric and Borg stood by the dais in deep discussion and she ventured close enough to hear but not distract.
“Having no significant news for him is not to my liking. I thought by now we would have located her,” Eric said, annoyance evident in the deep timbre of his voice.
“Do you think she has eluded our efforts in locating her or do you think she has met an untimely end?” Borg asked as if it were a riddle that needed solving.
Colin answered. “I think she knows exactly what she does and d
oes exactly what she pleases. She has a mind of her own and an intelligent one at that.”
“Admire her all you want,” Eric said. “But understand she has made a fool out of us, and that I will stand for no longer. After speaking with her uncle tomorrow be prepared to find her, for she is about to taste the Devil’s wrath.”
Hope stood frozen. They spoke of her. Lord help her if she was correct in her assumption that it was her uncle who was the unexpected company tomorrow.
“Harold,” Colin said, though the lad made no move to respond. “Harold,” he attempted once again, his voice raised. “Harold!” he finally shouted when Hope failed to respond.
Hope jumped and stared at Colin with fearful eyes.
“Are you all right?” he asked, concerned.
She nodded vigorously. “Faith needs me.”
“Then go to her, lad,” Eric said, his firm tone making it a command.
“Aye, my lord,” she said and hurried out of the hall.
Colin watched him scurry off.
“Something troubles you?” Eric asked.
“Something, but I do not know what it is,” Colin admitted. “I feel it is important that I know and the importance of the matter seems to strike me when I look upon the lad and yet …” He shook his head. “I cannot understand what it is. Of late, though, the troubling feeling plagues me more and more.”
“Then let it plague you about Hope,” Eric said. “The idea that she has eluded all our efforts astounds me. She is, from what her uncle says, a pint-sized bundle of sheer determination. If she were a man she would make a formidable opponent. But she is not, she is a mere woman. A woman I want found.”
Colin shook his head and rubbed at his chin. “We are missing something. Something obvious and yet …” He threw his hands up in the air as if in surrender.
“She thinks differently than us,” Borg said.
“What do you mean?” Eric asked with interest.
“She is a woman and thinks as a woman, but not just an ordinary woman. She has many years of sturdy and courageous blood running through her veins. She possesses the strength to do what other women cannot. You look to her weaknesses as a woman when you should look to her strengths. They will tell you something you do not know.”
“Wise words, and ones I will think on,” Eric said. “In the meantime preparations are necessary for Shamus’s arrival.”
Hope heard it all and turned pure white. She did not dare move from her hiding spot behind the steps. Her heart beat madly and her legs trembled so much that she was afraid they would not hold up her slim weight. She took several deep breaths before attempting to sneak off to join Faith in her bedchambers.
Whatever was she to do? She certainly had dallied here too long and now there was no chance of escape. She was not foolish enough to venture out without thought to her actions. She knew that would be a dreadful mistake and she would not suffer from her own ignorance again.
Her only recourse at the moment was to confide in Faith and see what choices she might have, though she did not think there were many.
Feeling her legs return almost too normal, she made her way around and up the stairs, taking them slowly and quietly. Only when she rounded the second flight and caught sight of Faith’s closed chamber door did her feet take flight. She was in the room after a sharp knock, swinging the door open and closing it with a hefty shove.
“My uncle arrives tomorrow,” she said, braced against the door and attempting to catch her breath.
“That was why I wished to see you,” Faith said.
Hope noticed that she sat in the chair near the fireplace, a wool blanket thrown across her legs and a shawl tucked around her shoulders. “Are you feeling well?” She hurried to her side, suddenly concerned for Faith’s welfare, forgetting that her own was in peril.
Faith placed a protective hand on her rounded stomach. “The babe tires me out today and makes me realize that I would do well to rest every now and again.”
“You have much to concern yourself with,” Hope said, sitting on the floor, her legs crossed in front of her. “You do not need my problems.”
Faith smiled. “I love adventures and it pleases me to be enjoying yours when I cannot enjoy one myself.”
“My adventure is fast coming to an end. I must leave tonight.”
Faith grew alarmed. “You cannot leave. We have made no plans for your departure or safety. I cannot permit you to endanger yourself. You must stay.”
“But my uncle arrives tomorrow. My secret will be known.” She lowered her chin and felt tears sting her eyes. “Then all is lost.”
“You love Colin, do you not?”
Hope looked up in haste, her wide eyes pooled with unshed tears. “Is it that obvious?”
“I know your identity and see the truth where others only see what they wish to see.”
“It is a love that will never be,” Hope said on a sigh.
“And you have decided this?”
“What else is there for me to do? My uncle has made arrangements for a marriage and I must honor his wishes.”
“Unless, of course, there was a discretion born out of love that could not be denied,” Faith said.
“What do you mean?” Hope could not keep the eagerness from her voice, or perhaps it was hope itself that sounded there.
“If you and Colin were caught in an indiscretion your uncle would have no choice but to see you marry him.”
For a moment the idea that she could possibly wed Colin brought a shred of joy to her heart but it quickly faded. “I could not deceive him. It would not be right.”
“Colin needs someone like you to love and in his own way he already loves you. Look at how he cares for the lad’s wellbeing and how he protects him from harm.”
“That is Harold, not me.”
“But you are Harold. Harold is you and that is who he feels for… you. When he discovers your true identity he will begin to realize the feelings that are there. He only needs a chance. A chance to love.”
Hope wondered over the wisdom of such a notion. “I do not think Colin would like being deceived. I have already deceived him enough.”
“It is not deception; it is an arranged marriage.”
“By whose authority?”
“The Irish Devil’s wife,” Faith said proudly. “I told him I would find him a wife and he made no adamant protest. Therefore, he accepted my edict and will marry the woman I deem proper.”
Hope shook her head. “Uncle Shamus will have something to say in the matter.”
“If it is handled wisely he will see the wisdom of it and make no protests.”
“I do not wish to deceive Colin,” Hope said, though she did wish to wed him. She thought she could love him as no other had, but was it her own desires and wishes that made her feel so confident, or was it the love she felt for him that gave her the confidence?
“You have doubts?”
Hope nodded slowly and then followed it with a shake of her head. “I cannot deceive him. It would not be right to do. He does not love Hope; he cares for Harold.”
“But in Harold he sees the strength and courage of Hope.”
She shook her head adamantly. “He knows nothing of Hope. He thinks her a spoiled young woman.”
“Nay, he sees the strength of an adventurous woman who fascinates him. And he cannot understand his interest in someone he has never met.”
“How do you know this?”
“I know Colin. He tries to keep himself a mystery, a man whose smile charms but whose heart aches. I know him, for at one time I felt as lost as he did, and then I met Eric.”
“Eric and you were meant for each other,” Hope argued.
“As are you and Colin.”
Hope continued to shake her head. “How can you be sure?”
“How can anyone be sure that two people are meant for each other? One but feels and knows when it is right. Tell me you do not feel this.”
Hope at first thought to argue the matt
er but it would do no good. She felt exactly as Faith implied. “I cannot deny my feelings, but the situation is hopeless. Colin would never love me. And I do not wish to have a marriage based on deceit.”
Faith thought of her own circumstances and the consequences and she spoke from the heart. “Sometimes we must take a chance and allow fate to decide. Colin needs a wife and you require a husband. Fate saw fit to bring you both together. Will you deny what the heavens de-cree?”
Hope pondered her dilemma and could find no satisfying answer. “I know not what to do. Colin knows not who I am. And yet I know him and I have come to love him.”
“For who he truly is,” Faith said with certainty. “I think that is what Colin searched for in a wife. Someone to love him for himself, for his roguish ways, his charming nature, his caring soul.”
Hope smiled. “I see all that in him and more. He will make a good father, you know.”
Faith nodded. “Aye, I think he longs for children of his own.”
“I thought the same,” Hope confided, happy that someone held the same opinion.
“Then why deny him your love?”
“How do I deny him something he does not know he possesses? He thinks me a common lad who is but sharp with his tongue and weak in physical strength. I mean nothing to him. He knows nothing of Hope—only the lad.” Frustration was evident in the rise of her voice.
Faith shook her head. “Hope is the lad, and all of her qualities, her strengths and her weaknesses are part of Harold. Once he learns your identity he will realize this.”
“And do what with the knowledge? Grow angry at me? Accuse me of deceit? Condemn me for being a spoiled woman?” Her words hung heavy on her and she lowered her head.
Faith reached out to her, her fingers lifting her drooping chin. “He will see Hope, a young woman of courage and determination and a woman whom he can admire, respect and love if given the chance.”
Hope produced a sad smile. “I think his anger would shadow all thought or reason.”
Lords of the Kingdom Page 91