by Barbara Gee
He wasn’t even looking at her, he was on a knee tying his shoe.
“One game of Horse, Iz,” Ryan said, grabbing a ball of his own. “That’ll warm us up slowly so we don’t pull something.”
“Oh come on, Ryan. You guys are in better shape than anyone else on the ranch. You aren’t going to pull anything.”
“You scared the new guy’s gonna throw you off your game?” Tuck asked, sending a shot sailing toward the basket. He looked at Tanner. “Izzy always beats us at Horse,” he explained. “Last time I had H-O-R-S before she even had H.”
“It’s usually a lot closer than that,” Izzy said modestly. She appreciated the guys talking her up, but she knew it was only serving to annoy Tanner even more. “I got really lucky that time.”
“Yeah, because you made that backwards shot,” Ryan said, clapping his hands once and pointing toward the basket. “Come on, let’s start. We’ll let you go first.”
Knowing that refusing would useless, Izzy dribbled to the three-point line on the left side. Two more dribbles and she sank a perfect shot.
Ryan groaned and raised his brows toward Tanner. “The girl is little but lethal. Consider yourself warned.”
* * *
Tanner bit back a groan of his own. This wasn’t what he’d expected. He’d been looking forward to a tough, physical game of three-on-three, not playing Horse with the girl who had been so determined to chit-chat earlier that afternoon.
Her appearance here in the gym shouldn’t have bothered him so much, but he’d had a hard time getting her out of his mind ever since she’d shown up at the barn. To be honest, he felt a little bad about how he’d treated her, but then again, he wasn’t here to make new friends. He didn’t need Little Miss Sunshine hanging around nagging him about being sociable, and it wasn’t his fault she couldn’t take a hint.
Still, it was too bad he’d felt the need to be so harsh when she was only trying to be nice.
Ryan tossed him a ball and he went to the exact spot where Izzy had been. He sank his shot, then moved aside for Tuck. He missed and got an H, but Ryan made his. Izzy chose a new spot, and once again made the shot.
And so it continued. Tuck was eliminated first, then sat and trash-talked the rest of them as they continued. Ryan was next to go, and Tanner and the girl both had H-O-R-S.
It was up to her to choose the next shot spot, and she chose a sharp angle shot from the far corner. She made it and gave a happy little jump, her smile wide when she looked over at him.
“Take that,” she teased, waiting for him to take his position.
He picked up a ball and walked toward her, reluctantly acknowledging that Izzy was the kind of beautiful that would have once turned his head. Soft blonde waves hung down below her shoulder blades, a mix of shades that suited her well. Her eyes were big and bluish-gray, lighter in the center and darkening to a steel color around the outside. High cheekbones, a straight little nose, and full lips that drew a man’s eyes even if he didn’t want to look.
He didn’t. She needed to get her phone and go so they could get a real game started. He positioned himself exactly where she was pointing on the floor, her lovely eyes dancing with challenge.
“Do you have it in you?” she asked. “Or is there a big fat E coming up?”
He ignored her and shot the ball, purposely sending it over the basket and long, effectively ending the game. Ryan and Tuck booed loudly, but Izzy was quiet. Tanner made the mistake of looking over at her, seeing a glimpse of hurt in her eyes before she blinked and erased it. She’d obviously figured out he wanted the game to be over.
“Better luck next time,” she said softly before walking over and accepting the congratulations of the other two.
The other three players came into the gym, and they were all as happy to see Izzy as Ryan and Tuck had been—although the reaction of the young interns was decidedly less platonic. They immediately moved toward her as if drawn by magnets, all talking at once, vying for her attention.
She joked around with them for a bit, then excused herself and made her escape across the gym floor. At the door she turned and looked over her shoulder. Tanner met her gaze, then turned away, wishing he hadn’t been caught looking. He wouldn’t have been, if she didn’t look so darn good in those patterned yoga pants and pink tank top. Not many women had turned his head in the last decade, since the FBI had taken the top spot in his life, but this girl Izzy was hard to ignore.
He chided himself for even giving her a second thought. Hopefully she’d finally gotten the message with his intentionally botched shot. It hadn’t felt good to hurt her feelings, making it clear he’d rather lose than spend any more time with her, but it was necessary. She needed to know he wasn’t interested in whatever it was she was after. Whether she was just being friendly, or hoping for more, it didn’t matter. He didn’t want any of it.
The ensuing basketball games provided a good release of tension. The interns put up a battle, but they ending up losing two out of three to “the old guys.” All six were sweating and huffing and puffing afterward, sucking down water and toweling off. Someone decided that hitting up the cafeteria for ice cream would be a good way of winding down. Tanner tried to beg off and head back to the dorms, where he would be staying for another two nights until one of the staff cabins opened up. Ryan and Tuck drug him along with the group, however, telling him he needed to get used to life outside the computer lab.
Easier said than done, Tanner thought as he sat at the table, listening to the conversation of the others while downing a big bowl of black cherry ice cream and feeling no desire to participate. The interns were fascinated by Tuck’s and Ryan’s special agent status, asking dozens of questions, few of which the guys could answer without revealing classified bureau stuff.
One of them asked Tanner if he was FBI too, and he gave a non-answer. “I’m just a computer guy,” he said, glancing over at Tuck.
The other man nodded once, getting the message that Tanner didn’t want to advertise his position with the bureau. Not that admitting he was an agent would matter much here, but hiding his identity was so ingrained in Tanner, he never strayed from his cover story. He’d managed to relax some during the months he’d spent in the lab, far away from his work in the field, but he doubted whether he’d ever feel comfortable talking about his true role with the FBI. Not with anyone on the outside, at least.
After another twenty minutes or so they all agreed to get together for another game over the weekend, then went their separate ways. Tanner took a shower and reclined on his bed with his iPad, scrolling through movie choices on Netflix. Nothing interested him, and he tossed the tablet to the side, putting his hands behind his head and reflecting on his time at the ranch so far.
When Luther had all but thrown him out of the lab—which is what it had amounted too, good intentions or not—Tanner had had no idea what he was going to do, or where he would go. He’d been completely tied to the bureau for almost twelve years, a week vacation here and there his only break. It was the way he’d wanted it.
Prior to being recruited by the FBI, he’d had no family and no direction. He’d been at Stanford on a full ride scholarship, but it was because he was a whiz at computers, not because he had his life planned out. He went through the motions, excelling in all his classes, but with no idea of what he wanted to do when he finished school. He enjoyed computers and coding, and he knew he could write his own ticket in that industry. Was that what he really wanted to do with his life though? Sit behind a computer screen in a virtual world, day after day after day? Or was there more he was called to do?
His dad had been a cop, practically a legend in their town. Tough but fair, well-respected and brave. He’d been shot and killed in the line of duty when Tanner was twelve. A couple years prior to that, his mother had begun suffering from an incurable motor neuron disease that robbed her of most physical ability. She could get to and from her wheelchair, but not much more. They’d hired a woman to sit with her and take
care of her needs during the day while her husband handled it the rest of the time. When he had died, Tanner’s mother retreated into her own mind, rarely interacting with anyone, content to stay in bed or sit in her chair staring into space.
She and Tanner had soon moved in with Tanner’s grandmother, and she had taken over raising him, always telling him he had a lot of his daddy in him with the potential to change the world. At first it had felt good, but she said it so often it got to the point where the words had barely registered any more.
The loving old lady had passed peacefully in her sleep a week before Tanner left for college. His mother, who didn’t even know his name by then, had gone to live with her sister. She’d passed away a year later, and her funeral was hard only because he couldn’t help thinking how different things would have been had his father lived.
Soon after getting to Stanford, Tanner realized he wanted to know more about what his grandmother had envisioned for him. He wanted to know what she meant when she talked about him changing the world. But it was too late. She was gone, and he’d have to figure things out for himself.
He went to class, he worked out daily, he joined clubs that interested him, and he spent a lot of time with girls. It was hard not to. They sought him out, they were always hanging around, and they were up for anything. Why not blow off some steam with them, giving himself a break from trying to figure out what came next?
Toward the end of his second year, the FBI had come calling, and he’d eagerly listened. They wanted him primarily for his cyber skills, but also liked the fact that he was mostly fluent in Russian and Arabic. He wasn’t speaking like a native yet, but considering he’d learned both languages in less than two years, simply by joining clubs and taking on-line immersion courses, it would take minimal time to get there.
Tanner would have loved the chance to head to Quantico right away, but they insisted he follow protocol and get his degree. Grateful to have been given a plan and a purpose, Tanner had thrown himself completely into his classes. He’d gone to school throughout that first summer, taken an insane number of credit hours through the regular school year, then finished by the end of the following summer.
Two weeks later he’d headed to Quantico, and he hadn’t looked back. He had his purpose and his family, of sorts, and that’s what he’d been looking for. If that family had demanded more and more of him as the years passed, if they’d put him at risk time and time again, asking more from him than most could give, he forgave them. Because by then it was his purpose too. Success was his validation, and he came through for them again and again. Maybe he hadn’t changed the world, but he’d at least made portions of it safer. That had to count for something, didn’t it?
So he’d kept on taking assignments, doing whatever his new family asked. Then came the case four years ago. That one had shown him things he didn’t want to see, taught him lessons he didn’t want to learn. Made him realize that while he could help win some battles, the war was huge and ongoing, and the good guys were never guaranteed a win.
He almost hadn’t survived that one—and wouldn’t have without the help of the two men who had since become friends. Tuck Simon and Ryan Anderson. He owed them his life. He’d tried to thank them more than once, but they’d always said they were just doing their job, and it was his own sacrifice that was deserving of gratitude.
The friendship of the two men was why Tanner had decided to come to the retreat center when SAC Neil Luther temporarily cut him loose. He had no desire to go lay on a beach for weeks or months, or however long his furlough turned out to be. Doing something useful was much more to his liking, and volunteering at a place that helped veterans was as useful as it got.
He wasn’t sure it was quite what Luther had had in mind, but so far Tanner felt the ranch had been a good choice. The horses had been a huge bonus. His grandmother had worked as a housekeeper on a ranch, and when he had gone to live with her, he’d been encouraged to learn to ride and take care of the horses. By the time he was fifteen he was even paid to do it, and he’d developed an abiding love for the big animals.
Andi had already started calling him a horse whisperer, but he didn’t see himself that way. He didn’t try to converse with the animals, he simply got them. He knew when they were having a bad day, and could often figure out what would make them feel better. Sometimes it was a physical ache or pain, sometimes they just needed to work off some steam.
Whatever his abilities, he didn’t need a label. Spending the last two days working with horses again had given him a sense of peace and contentment he hadn’t experienced in a long, long time. He’d missed it.
He sat up on the bed and rubbed his eyes, hoping some of that peace could last. Hoping a pushy, way too sociable little blonde who was scary good at shooting hoops didn’t ruin it for him.
CHAPTER 4
Izzy was still a bit disgruntled the morning after the game of Horse, and she wasn’t sure whether to follow through with what she’d been considering since meeting the new volunteer in the barn.
Would Tanner James be angry if she did something special for him?
She had the morning off because Jolene was going to Grand Forks with Maddy, and Lowell was doing some online house hunting with his fiancé. It was a good time to run to the grocery store in Barlow, to restock her dwindling food supply. Izzy ate most of her lunches at the cafeteria, but she usually had breakfast and dinner at her cabin. The kitchenette wasn’t an ideal cooking space, but it worked out okay.
Yesterday afternoon, after meeting Tanner, she’d added a few items to her grocery list. Her plan had been to do some baking. She’d pinned a recipe a while back for cherry cheesecake bars that looked divine, and she thought maybe a home-baked treat would make Tanner feel welcomed. Or, at the very least, would give her a reason to try and engage him in another conversation.
After he’d thrown the game of Horse last evening, though, she wasn’t sure she wanted to make the effort. She was a confident, outgoing girl, but even she could only take so much rejection. Being shot down twice in one day for nothing more serious than trying to be friendly was testing her resolve. Did she really care if Tanner James ever gave her a real smile? Was his happiness, or lack thereof, any of her business?
She started a pot of coffee, then took a quick shower, letting her hair dry naturally. Her hair was curly, but thankfully it wasn’t a wild, corkscrew type of curl. Depending on the product she used, she could easily tame it into sleek waves, or a beachy, wind-tossed look. Sometimes she took the time to straighten it completely, usually when she was trying to go for a mature, more serious look.
Today she went for toned down waves that showed off the highlights and lowlights her stylist had blended in with her natural medium blonde, and instead of the yoga pants she wore for her work day, she chose a short powder blue cotton skirt and a white sleeveless top.
With a mug of coffee in one hand, her devotional book and Bible in the other, and a toasted bagel with light cream cheese balanced on top of the mug, she went outside and settled down at the picnic table in her tiny back yard. The staff cabins were all in a row, but the designers had thoughtfully included fencing between the yards to give a bit more privacy to those who liked spending time outdoors. Izzy used the picnic table often, as well as the hammock she'd hung between a tree and one of the fence-posts.
She opened her devotional to the current day and began to read. The scripture was from Luke 6, and she read about doing unto others as she’d want them to do to her. The scripture was a very familiar one, but the devotional took it further, suggesting that people should include their enemies in their good works, without expecting anything in return.
Izzy chewed on that and her bagel for a while, wondering whether the verses applied to her desire to reach out to Tanner James.
If she was new to a place, wouldn’t she want someone to reach out to her? Maybe even with cherry cheesecake bars? She didn’t consider Tanner her enemy, but he wasn’t an ally either. Was she willing
to try to do good in spite of his animosity? Did her desire to see him smile fall into the category of expecting something in return?
Or was she completely off base, trying to make the verses apply to a situation that didn’t fit their intent?
She sighed and looked up into the light blue morning sky, watching a few thin clouds move slowly across it. “It’s hard for me to understand what you’re telling me sometimes, God,” she said quietly, “but I’m trying. I’ve asked You for wisdom and guidance every day for the past eighteen months, and I’m not going to stop. Thank you for blessing me beyond measure. Help me to somehow be a blessing to Tanner. If I’m meant to be his friend, give me the courage and resiliency I’ll need to keep trying. And if I’m meant to back off, help me to recognize that and trust You’ll reach him in some other way. I think he needs You, Father. Maybe he doesn’t need me, but he needs You.”
Izzy slowly closed her Bible, wishing she would hear an audible voice telling her exactly what to do. It wasn’t that easy, though, and all she heard was the singing of birds.
She finished her coffee and bagel, then went back inside and got ready to head into town. Baking spree or not, she needed groceries. Whether her cart would contain cherries and cream cheese was yet to be determined.
* * *
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Izzy said out loud, stopping her grocery cart in front of the end-cap on the last aisle.
“What’s that dear?” one of the elderly shelf-stockers asked, stopping her own cart of cereal boxes right beside Izzy. “Can I help you find something?”
“Oh, uh, no, I’m pretty much finished. I’m just surprised to see this cherry pie-filling on sale. It seems like an odd item to try to promote.”
“The company screwed up and sent us an extra crate of it. I just put it out this morning. We decided we might as well try to move it quickly since we don’t have the shelf space for all of it.”