by Heather Lyn
As I come down the hallway, I can smell it brewing. Thank God for Kennedy. She’s standing in the kitchen in pajamas, sipping a cup of coffee. As soon as she notices me, she puts her mug down on the counter and comes to hug me tightly.
“Oh, Aubrey. I heard everything you told your brother last night. Jesus, I’m so sorry. Are you okay? Is there anything I can do?”
“I’m okay, Kenni. But thanks.”
I step over to the cabinet and grab a mug, quickly filling it and adding cream and sugar. Taking a sip, I try to think of something, anything to take my mind off my dad, but nothing’s going to work. I head back into my bedroom, hoping to just drown out the day, but then I notice my phone flashing, alerting me to a new message. It’s just a simple ‘thinking of you’ from Noah. I stare at my phone for just a second then reply, before I lose the courage to send it.
Aubrey: Can you meet me in a little while? I could use a friend.
Noah: Of course. I’m on shift at the station, but if you come down you can hang out with me here. I won’t be off until tomorrow morning.
I respond that I’m on my way before grabbing a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, throwing them on with my favorite Chucks. I let Kennedy know I’m going out for a while, and that I don’t know when I’ll be back. Grabbing my purse, I head out to my car. Since it’s a Sunday, there are hardly any cars downtown, so I’m able to find a parking spot easily. I stroll towards the open bay, not really sure where I need to go, but as soon as I walk in I’m immediately greeted by the sight of Grayson. He waves me over to him with a huge smile on his face.
“Aubrey! What did we do to deserve this visit?”
I smile back at him. “I’m looking for Noah. He’s expecting me. Is he around here?”
The words have hardly left my mouth when Noah comes bounding over to me.
“Hey, you’re here!” He leans down and gives me a hug, and I return it then pull away. For once, he doesn’t have on a hat, so I’m able to get a look at his hair. It’s wavy and just past his ears. It looks so soft I have to resist reaching out to run my fingers through it. He grabs my hand and pulls me away from Grayson, who I wave good-bye to. He brings me out back of the station, where it’s quiet and we have privacy.
“What’s going on, sweetheart? Is everything okay? I got worried when you didn’t respond to me last night.” He runs his hand through his hair then shoves his hands in his pockets.
“Sorry. After I got home, my brother, Landon, was waiting to talk to me. He’s been kind of MIA since Dad told us about the cancer, so we finally discussed everything and I didn’t get a chance to check my phone before I ended up falling asleep.” I cross my arms over my chest and walk past Noah, not really sure what to tell him.
“Well, that’s good, right? Now you can all help your dad fight this.”
“He’s dying, Noah.” I whisper it, hating the way the words sound coming out of my mouth. They feel foreign.
“I don’t understand….”
“The chemo isn’t working. The tumor isn’t going away, isn’t even shrinking, and this round of chemo probably won’t help. They told him to prepare for the worst. My father is dying, Noah.” My breath hitches in my chest, but I force the tears back. I didn’t come here to talk about Dad, but I figured Noah should know. I can feel him come up behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders.
“I’m so sorry. I know it isn’t enough, but I am. Is there anything I can do?”
“You could help me take my mind off everything for a little while.”
“What’d you have in mind?” I turn around to see him wink at me.
“Ew, no! That is so not what I mean!”
He bursts out laughing, booming from his chest. I can’t help but smile at him, not sure what’s so funny.
“I was kidding, Aubrey. I know, how about we get to know each other? Twenty questions. Think you’re up for something like that?”
I nod then follow him to sit at a table and chairs set up outside. “Okay. You start.”
“Let’s see, I’m twenty-seven years old. How old are you?”
“God, not even on a date and already asking me about my age, geesh. If you must know, I’m twenty-five.” I give him a wry grin and feign annoyance.
He smiles at me. “Favorite singer or band?”
“I love Keith Urban! Oh, and Sam Hunt! Thomas Rhett too! And I also like that new guy, Chase Rice. Luke Bryan is pretty good too.”
He starts laughing. “Okay, so basically you like all the hot young men in the country music world. Got it.”
I start laughing as I lean over to swat his arm. “All right, smart ass, who’s your favorite then?”
“Carrie Underwood. Miranda Lambert…” He trails off with a smile on his face.
“So basically, you like all the hot young women in country music. Got it!” I stick my tongue out at him before flipping him off. He just continues to laugh at me, and I find myself joining in. I have to say, I’ve only been with him for ten minutes and I’m already having fun. Noah is an amazing guy. He makes me laugh, makes me smile.
I like him. And that scares me.
My dad is sick, and there’s too much on my plate. I can’t get into a relationship right now. We get along great though. He’s definitely the kind of guy I could see myself falling for.
“So, I was thinking. My dad is home from the hospital. Would you like to come visit him sometime? He really liked you, so I’m sure he’d love to see you again.”
“Yeah, that’d be cool. Think I could get to try your mom’s lasagna that you raved about at the bar?” He wags his eyebrows up and down at me with a smirk.
“I’m sure I could arrange something.” I smile at him as the breeze ruffles his hair. He opens his mouth to say something, but he’s cut off by the sound of a loud alarm going off. He listens to the call before standing.
“That’s me. I gotta go, but it was good to see you. Call me soon, okay?” He gives me a quick hug then sprints over to the bay, throwing on his pants and boots before jumping in the truck. I watch as they pull out of the garage, following the ambulance. I have no idea when I’ll see him again, but I know one thing for sure.
I like Noah. And I am screwed.
The last thing I need to do is go developing feelings for someone I have no intention of dating. But damn if I don’t want to. He’s such a good man; how can I not fall for him? I just have to stay strong and remind myself of my priorities.
This is going to suck.
CHAPTER 6
NOAH
I was so surprised to hear from Aubrey yesterday. After getting her text the night before, she didn’t sound open to talking to me. It killed me to hear her tell me about her father; I can’t even imagine how hard something like that must be. But when we sat down and talked about ourselves, I could see a little bit of the Aubrey I met that night at the bar, cracking jokes and making me laugh. I wanted to see more of that side of her. I liked making her laugh. And her smile can light up a room. Jesus Christ, I sound like a fucking girl.
Over the next couple days off from work, Grayson and a bunch of the guys from the house helped me finish my kitchen. It wasn’t actually that hard, but with those idiots doing more goofing than working, it took us longer than I wanted it to. But it looks great, and my house is now complete. And it feels so damn good. I’m just finishing up a workout when my phone goes off, so I wipe the sweat from my face with a towel, reaching for my phone.
Aubrey: Hey! My best friend and I are headed out for lunch at Gilligan’s. I wasn’t sure if you were at work, but I thought I would invite you along! Let me know.
Noah: Yeah, we’re off today, back on tomorrow. I’d love to join you ladies. Mind if Grayson tags along? We were gonna hang out today.
Aubrey: No problem. Bring the goofball along. See you around one.
Chuckling at her joke, I send Gray a quick text letting him know the change in plans. He immediately responds that he’s in. Looking at my watch, I see it’s already almost noon, s
o I walk into my bedroom and head straight for the bathroom to shower. Once I’m done, I throw on my favorite worn jeans, a navy blue Henley, and a pair of Pumas. Ready to go, I send Gray a quick text that I’m heading to get him, throwing my favorite hat on backwards and grabbing my keys. I shove my wallet in my back pocket and head out the door. His house is only a couple streets over from mine, so it doesn’t take long before I’m pulling in the driveway. I beep the horn and send a text to Aubrey, letting her know we’re on the way. Gray comes out of the house a minute later and jogs over to my truck, hopping inside.
“Let’s roll, man.”
Gray looks over at me and laughs. “So, I thought you guys were just friends?”
“We are. We’ve been talking and stuff. The day she came by the firehouse was the only time we’ve hung out.”
“Maybe you guys should stop denying what’s right in front of you.” He pulls his phone out and starts fiddling with it as we drive. I don’t exactly have a comeback to that, so I just keep my mouth shut and pay attention to my driving. Not too much later, I’m pulling into the parking lot for Gilligan’s. We climb out of the truck and go inside. I’m just about to take out my phone to call Aubrey when I hear my name being called. I look up and see her and the same dark-haired girl from the night at the bar sitting at a table across the restaurant.
As we head over to them, Gray smacks me on the shoulder. “Holy shit, dude. Who is that girl with her?”
“Her best friend. She didn’t mention her name.”
“Fuck me.” I just shake my head at him, praying to God he doesn’t act like some horny teenager the whole time we’re here. Yeah, her friend is pretty, but I only have eyes for Aubrey. Her hair is super straight and shiny, and damn it, she has on those jeans again.
When we get to the table, the girls stand.
“Noah! So good to see you!” Aubrey comes to wrap me in a hug, surprising me. I inhale the scent of her shampoo, wishing I could kiss her. She steps away from me and smiles. “This is my best friend, Kennedy Grant. Kenni, this is Noah. And his best friend, Grayson Michaels.”
Kennedy reaches out and shakes my hand, smiling brightly. Now that I’m up close, I can see that she is actually very cute, with big brown eyes and long dark brown hair. She’s taller than Aubrey—I’d put her at about 5’8”. But she doesn’t hold a candle to Aubrey. At least to me.
“Kennedy, a pleasure to meet you.” Grayson reaches out to shake her hand, grinning like an idiot. I just roll my eyes at him.
Catching Aubrey’s eye, I wink at her. She giggles and sits in her chair, and I take the seat across from her.
“So, what have you ladies been up to today?” I ask after the waitress comes by and takes our orders. I sip my iced tea and place it on the table.
“Nothing much. Went shopping for summer clothes,” Kennedy says.
“Oh, really? Anything you want to show us? We’re a great judge of women’s clothing.” Grayson is flirting like a crazy person.
Kennedy smiles at him, a blush spreading across her face. “No, thank you though.” She picks up her ice water and looks for something to distract her. Aubrey’s laughing at them, and I can’t help joining in.
I reach over and smack Gray on the back of the head. “Dude. You’re such an idiot,” I scoff.
“What? I can’t help it if you brought me to lunch with a couple gorgeous gals. I was just offering my assistance, being a gentleman.” Of course, this causes both girls to break out into laughter. My best friend is such a jackass. What the hell am I going to do with this doofus?
***
After we finish lunch, we part ways and head to our separate vehicles. I want so badly to kiss Aubrey when we leave, but I hold back. She gives me a hug and says she’ll talk to me soon. Gray tries really hard to get a kiss from Kennedy, but she totally blows him off. It’s hilarious to watch him try and get her to fall for his charms. Smart girl.
Aubrey, on the other hand… Man, that girl is something. I’m pretty sure I spent the majority of the time just staring at her. I’m definitely feeling something more than friendly towards her. I want her, want to make her mine. I’m not sure how long I’m going to be able to keep up this whole “just friends” thing.
So this becomes our routine over the next several weeks. On our off days from the fire department, Gray and I meet up with Aubrey and Kennedy for dinner, and breakfast on the weekends. The girls are looking forward to the end of the school year, only one more week away.
Gray and Kennedy exchanged numbers. He claims he wants to be available if she needs any help getting stuff out of her classroom, but he really just likes her a lot; he certainly talks about it enough. Aubrey and I are still just friends, and as much as I want more, I’m happy with what we have going on.
She’s starting to look happier, and I’m not sure if that has to do with us hanging out, or if her dad is doing better. She doesn’t talk about him much. I think that, even though she’s aware we all know what’s going on, it’s still too painful for her to talk about.
***
I haven’t heard from Aubrey in a couple days. I don’t think too much about it, since I know she’s been busy taking the stuff down from her classroom. The last day of school for the preschoolers was yesterday, so she’s going to be busy. I’ve sent her a couple texts asking if she needs my help for anything, but she hasn’t responded. I got home from the fire station and took a shower, followed by a much-needed nap. Since then, I’ve spent my day taking care of little things, like mowing the yard and doing laundry. The sun has just started to set when I finish up my chicken and veggie kabobs on the grill for dinner. I decide to sit out on the back deck and just enjoy the silence while I eat. Grayson is out with a couple of our buddies, but I don’t feel like going out. I just want a night to relax.
Hours later, I’m woken by the sound of a banging noise. Sitting up and trying to focus, I realize it sounds like someone pounding on the front door. Jumping out of bed, I grab a pair of sleep pants and throw them on, picking up my shirt from earlier off the floor and putting it on as I head to the front door. Checking the clock next to it, I see it’s midnight. Who the hell is at my door? I flick on the outside lights and pray to God it isn’t a drunken Grayson. But when I unlock and open the door, I wish it were my drunk best friend.
It’s Aubrey. She has her arms wrapped around her waist, her hair down and messed up. She’s in pajama pants and a sweatshirt with the University of Tennessee logo on it. Her beautiful eyes are red and puffy. She’s clearly been crying, for who knows how long.
“Aubrey? Sweetheart, what’s wrong? What are you doing here? Are you okay?” I’m almost frantic with the need to know what’s going on as I step onto the porch and pull her into my arms. She quickly locks her arms around my waist and starts sobbing. She’s shaking like a leaf, and I can feel my shirt very quickly becoming wet with her tears. I wrap one arm around her waist to hold her to me, using the other to cradle her head to my chest.
“Baby, you’re scaring me. What happened?” I press a kiss to her head and wait for her to talk to me, barely even noticing that I called her ‘baby.’ I’ve never seen her like this.
“He’s stopped treatment,” she whispers, before dissolving into silent sobs once more.
CHAPTER 7
AUBREY
Noah’s arms around me feel so good. He’s holding me so tight to him, and I love it. I don’t know what made me come here, but I just needed him. Kennedy and I had spent most of the day just hanging around, watching crappy reality television shows, when my mom called and asked me to come over. I took Kenni with me, and I’m so glad I did. Never did I expect my dad to tell me he’s stopping his treatment.
Don’t get me wrong, I completely understand where he’s coming from. He knows that all it’s doing is prolonging his life by maybe a couple months, and he doesn’t want to spend those months sick and in bed. He wants to enjoy the time he has left.
But that doesn’t make it hurt any less. My father is going to die.
Without treatment, he has maybe three to six months left. But even the doctors aren’t sure about that. Dad’s migraines have been persistent, and he has to take heavy-duty pain meds to make them go away. So in all, he may not even make it the three months. I have never felt so terrified or helpless in my entire life.
Noah reaches down and picks me up, carrying me into his house. He leans on the door with his shoulder to shut it, and then heads down a hallway to what I’m assuming is his bedroom. Laying me down on his bed, he crawls in behind me then pulls me to him so I can lean my head against his chest. Noah kisses the top of my head and holds me tight. Taking a deep breath, he wipes the tears off my cheeks.
“I’m so sorry, Aubrey. I don’t know what I can say to make you feel any better. I can’t even imagine what you are going through. Hell, I might even be crossing a line lying here with you like this. What do you need from me?”
God, this guy could not be any more perfect.
“Just hold me please. I know we’re just friends. Kenni was with me when my dad broke the news earlier. She’s been amazing, the best. But once we got home and she went to bed… I don’t know. I couldn’t stop my mind from racing. I tried to sleep but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t. All I could think about is my dad is really dying. I mean, I knew there was a chance, because treatment wasn’t a guarantee, but now it’s really happening. They told him three to six months, but I could see it in Dad’s face that he doesn’t really believe that. And I don’t know, Noah. I just needed you. I’m so fucking scared. I don’t know what to do.”
The tears are back and in full force. How am I ever supposed to get through this? My heart feels completely shattered. Noah just pulls me in tighter, murmuring in my ear. Telling me he’s here for me and we’ll get through this together. I can feel myself finally slipping into sleep, and the last thought I have is that I hope he’s right. Because it doesn’t feel like anything will ever be okay again.