The Letters of Sylvia Plath Volume 1

by Sylvia Plath

  After 20 beers or so, he finally realized I existed, and I had decided that when we all went back to change for the evening that I would ditch the conceited brainless ass completely. Fortunately, the blonde & her date started back early after supper, & he had nothing to do but realize that I was there. So I started talking to him & got him expounding on how life is hell and how some fools go to Yale to study (poor creatures) when we all should eat drink & be merry. I led him on merrily, agreeing that I hated being a girl (“all they do is wait for the phone to ring and worry about their reputations”) and if I were a man I’d sow my wild oats – and oh, how I envied him! So he was in a good mood, and I decided it would be a challenge if I could keep him interested in me & thus save face. I managed to amuse myself at his expense all evening and make him think I agreed with his “toadish” boasting. Oh well, make the best of a bad thing. Yesterday, from 4-11 I went over to Amherst on a very legal “study date” with this Bill Nichols (the vet.) I read by a fire in his room (he was deep in Elizabethan drama – also taking Honors in polit science.) He took me out to supper & we stayed at the house & studied & talked. You’ll be pleased – though naturally my ego was pained – but “if he had a sister, he’d like her to be like me.” (ugh.) In other words, he takes other girls out for a good time, but he just thinks of me as a youngster. Oh, well –

  Love

  Sivvy

  TO Aurelia Schober Plath

  Monday 11 December 1950*

  ALS (postcard), Indiana University

  Mon. night

  Dear Mum –

  Gosh, I’m happy! Telling no one what I was doing, I rashly dropped one of my inimitable notes to that nice Freshman date Anne Davidow got me before Thanksgiving (that night the Powells saw me.) I invited him on the off chance that he hadn’t called again because of shyness (rather than dislike.) I wasn’t even hoping he would accept – but he at last called today during supper – & I was so happy I could hardly clear the table! He’s a very promising fellow -- tall (6'2") nice-looking, doesn’t smoke or drink, and is very conscientious (from what Anne says) about his work. The only other alternative I would have would be to call the vet – but as nice as he is, Guy Wilbor is on my own level – so I should have a nice time this Saturday! Will wear my white blouse & black velvet skirt. Wish me luck!

  (Haven’t heard from Tony!)

  Love,

  Sivvy

  TO Guy Wilbor

  c. Monday 11 December 1950*

  ALS,* Indiana University

 

  ‘HAVEN HOUSE cordially invites you to its Christmas Dance Weekend December 16th and 17th, 1950. Informal’

  Dear Guy –

  This is just to make things official – and to say how glad I am that the answer was yes –

  Sincerely,

  Sylvia

  TO Aurelia Schober Plath

  Tuesday 12 December 1950*

  ALS (postcard), Indiana University

  Tuesday

  Dear Mum –

  Ah me – please help me out of an awkward situation! On the same day that Tony’s invitation arrived, a mimeographed invitation to a class reunion dance on the same night came through (Fri. Dec –22.) It would be a gamble either way – as Tony is socially such a child, and would no doubt toss me off as a partner (it’s the High School Cotillion*) to mere children. On the other hand, he’s a fine (embryo) of a person. And then going to the high school reunion might re-introduce me to some of the members of my own senior class . . . I don’t know if I would have to go with a date or not – but either way there are pros & cons – how about mailing me some of your own ideas on the subject as soon as you can?

  Love

  Sivvy

  TO Aurelia Schober Plath

  Wednesday 13 December 1950*

  ALS, Indiana University

  Wednesday

  Dear Mother –

  Your two letters and a card arrived today – my, but you’re prolific! As you may imagine, your last letter had me in hysterics! I shall be pleasantly vague about my weekend history---imagine, I’ve never been to either Harvard or Dartmouth! Oh well, I’ve made the impression and saved the car fare! Probably if I had gone no one would have seen me anyway.

  My schedule looks quite crowded already . . . what with our English party the Wednesday after I get back, then the Norton’s, then either the Class Reunion Dance or the Cotillion (as to the last, I’m eager to know your opinion – I’m leaning strongly toward the Class Reunion even if I go stag with some girls, because after all, that’s a group I do want to keep in touch with. How about it? Or maybe I wouldn’t have fun anyway.)

  As for me – life doesn’t look quite so grim now that I’ve gotten through the first three days of the week. By dint of cutting three classes I finished my English paper* (8 pages.) I think I did a pretty neat job & if I don’t get more than a B+ I will have a talk with him asking how I can improve. If he can criticize, well & good. If he can’t, why the hell can’t he give me an A-???

  Friday is my Botany written. After that, the rest of my stay here will be solid enjoyment (I hope.) I can really look forward to the weekend, now that I have a sweet date to House Dance & the supper beforehand. I’m so glad I’m not taking an out of town college boy ’cause rooms are so expensive. (Guy can pay his own bus fare.) Dinner & Dance are costing me $7.

  Do you suppose you could scare up about 50 Brownie cards (different) for me? I’ll have to get busy the day I get home – I have the addresses of all my friends here in the Register.

  As for odd items to buy at home – remind me to get some more blue Calais Ripple Stationery (esp. envelopes), stamps, stockings (I have one pair left---Amherst is full of splinters) ink and vinegar. I never have much time to shop here.

  What will I do for Xmas gifts? esp. for my little brother and my grandparents?

  Christmas is in the air, but I can’t believe it! Everywhere we go we sing carols -- in art, in gym – all over. The weather is what I would like it to be all winter---dry, crisp & freezing cold! They have a tree in the Library even!

  I am going to wash my hair tonight & try to be in bed by 9:00.) It’s so nice to have plans for Christmas to anchor myself to. This will really be coming home – to all the people & places I love.

  See you soon –

  Love,

  Sivvy

  TO Aurelia Schober Plath

  Friday 15 December 1950*

  ALS, Indiana University

  Friday –

  Dear Mum –

  This, I fear, will be my last letter till I come home. It is eight o’clock on Friday night, and I am on watch for an hour, using it as an excuse to write a few last notes to answer cards & invitations, etc. You seemed rather sure that I had come down with “The Green Death” as it is so fondly called here. Not yet – I have been rather pasty-looking, but I hope I shall make it home all right. Warren should be home tonight – give him my love.

  Today we had just the right amount of snow to make things Christmassy and white. There are all sorts of parties & affairs tonight, but I’m going to take a hot bath & turn in early as I’ve got a strenuous week ahead. Tomorrow, Guy is coming at about 5 – and we’re all going to an Inn in Williamsburg for dinner – after which is an hour sleigh ride up and over a mountain, and then House Dance! I’ll tell you all about it when I come home. We have our Xmas tree set up in the hall already.

  Sunday afternoon and evening I will probably spend at Amherst again at a faculty egg nog party with Bill Nichols, who is social chairman of Theta Delt. I didn’t expect him to ask me out again because of this big-brother feeling which he has built up toward me. But since he seems to still want to see me now and then, I feel rather glad, because it’s on my terms.

  It’s nice hearing a few masculine voices in the house---already males have begun to arrive. Tomorrow will be the real influx, though.

  I’m so glad I won’t have any more tests after today, because I have reached the s
aturation point when it comes to studying. I did rather badly on my Botany written today – and may even have failed – but don’t get panicked. My average so far is about 95 – so if I do well on the midyears, my blank spot today shouldn’t be too disastrous. –

  I don’t know just when I’ll be home as yet – any time Tuesday night. Can’t wait to see you all! I’m fine (and (unless I get double pneumonia between now & Tuesday) I hope to stay that way.

  Love to the best mummy in the world –

  Your,

  Sivvy

  TO Hans-Joachim Neupert

  Sunday 24 December 1950

  ALS (photocopy), Smith College

  December 24, 1950

  Dear Hans –

  How nice it was to hear from you again, and to get your wonderful picture! I appreciated it very much. Do not think I am cross at your not writing for a while. I understand how busy and crowded life is, and I know that often it is hard to put aside a piece of time to write to far-off friends across the Atlantic.

  I am now home from Christmas to New Year’s – and it is a rest from college life. I finished working on the farm in September and then packed my suitcases to head for Smith College in Northampton, Mass., which is only 100 miles away from home. I am very fortunate, for I would not have been able to go had I not received a scholarship which paid most of my expenses. Smith is a large place (2500 women students) and although I feel lost at times among such a great number of talented, intelligent girls, I am beginning to love the place with all my heart. There is such a wonderful opportunity for a good education here – and I always have to work hard to keep up my grades, so I can renew my scholarship next year.

  I am studying French literature, Botany, European History, Art, English, with gym thrown in as a requirement. It is a new experience living away from home with a group of girls. The only unfortunate thing is that studies keep us so busy that we never have enough time for all the conversations about life that we’d like to have.

  Of course there are dances and parties on weekends, but this war-scare bothers me so much that I can never completely forget myself in artificial gaiety. Always in the background there is the fear that I will never be able to live in peace and love for the rest of my life with my friends & my family. Many feel the way I do – and would sacrifice much for peace. But then there are those fools who think the only thing to do is to have a war to end the Communist threat. I don’t see how anyone can believe that the A-Bomb would cure us of evils. Surely democracy and freedom would mean little in a world of rubble and radioactive rays. If only some Americans could see what war would mean – and realize how impossible it would be for our juicy million-dollar land to survive bombing & invasion. I think of us as of the Roman Empire and feel that this is the fall, perhaps, of our new and bright civilization. At times like this, I wish I were living in Sweden, or Africa, anywhere so that this threat would not be so horrible. I think so much as you do about war. I’m sure many others do, also. But still men are driven by a nameless force to fight & kill and destroy all that is beautiful and good.

  Oh, well, perhaps we should cease worrying too much about the future, and enjoy each present moment to the fullest! We have had no snow yet, and it is Christmas eve. I’d love to see some of the pictures you take with your new camera. I’ve always wished that I could learn to ski – but equipment is so expensive, and there are no really good hills around here. Perhaps when I am old and independent I shall learn.

  Best of luck in your work at the university – and I think it would be wonderful if you could get a position in South America later on!

  Let me know how life is turning out for you – and don’t worry if you don’t find time to write for a while. I’ll understand!

  So here’s to a Happy New Year for you Hans – I wish you the best of everything–

  Sincerely,

  your friend –

  Sylvia

  1951

  TO Aurelia Schober Plath

  Thursday 4 January 1951*

  ALS (postcard), Indiana University

  Thursday night

  Dear Mum –

  Well, I thought I’d write as soon as I could to let you know how things are. I got up here at 12:30, and didn’t have a chance to say goodbye to grammy as I wanted to. Some girls helped me carry my suitcases in, and she had gone when I came out. I was a bit groggy from the ride, but felt better after lunch, and so went to art. Even 2 hours can help. After that I came back & unpacked till 5, I then lay down for ½ hour before supper. Pat came over after supper to tell me about the work I missed. Don’t worry about me! I am on the mend---Tired, sure, but I’m going to bed right now (8:30!) and will for the next 3 nights, I wish I had the energy to really work, but I’m going to take life easy while convalescing – I’ll see the D.O. & registrar tomorrow. So don’t be anxious – I’m taking all my pills & will be tubby once more when you see me in 3 weeks.

  LOVE

  Sivvy

  TO Aurelia Schober Plath

  Friday 5 January 1951*

  ALS (postcard), Indiana University

  Friday

  Dear Mum –

  I went to the D.O.’s today and had the college physician check me over. She took down the medecin I’m taking & told me to get alot of rest and report next Wednesday. So you needn’t worry about my being under supervision. I got a 91 in that Botany test I was so sure I failed! I still don’t see how I did it. So my average there is still A. And it will be, too, If I have any thing to say about it. I’m only glad I don’t have any other exam except French midyears before I come home. I do have a Botany quiz and an English source theme and piles of work – and I can’t work as fast or do as much as I feel still weary. My head is still stuffy, but that will pass, I trust. I worked on art all this evening & still have 2 assignments of back work to do. Tomorrow I’m determined to sleep. I’m eating as much as I can.

  Love,

  Sivvy

  TO Aurelia Schober Plath

  Sunday 7 January 1951*

  ALS (postcard), Indiana University

  Sunday A.M.

  Dear Mumsy –

  Today at last I begin to feel much better. I slept 9 hours last night and the night before, and although I’m still not the peppiest creature in the world, I’m on the upgrade. I stopped taking penicillin yesterday, but am still taking nosedrops because my nose is still stuffy – not badly so, but it does get clogged up. Yesterday it was lovely & clear, but today it is snowing like mad. I’m so glad I don’t have to go out in it. I do love Sunday mornings when I get up. I go downstairs in my pajamas for breakfast, and then come back to my room and do odds & ends of work and letters and don’t get dressed till dinner. It’s so restful not to go out or see anyone for a while. I spent all yesterday afternoon at the library catching up on back history – an unpleasant task, to be sure. Well, I’ll be seeing you again in only 18 days!

  Love,

  Sivvy

  TO Aurelia Schober Plath

  Sunday 7 January 1951*

  ALS (postcard), Indiana University

  Sunday

  Dear Mother –

  Today was a lovely lazy day. I finished translating that French play, and by dint of spending a few hours on “warping the surface” of a paper with pen & ink and organizing squares into constellations of tension, I got through with all my art up to date. Tomorrow I will spend solely on history, I guess. This week’s going to take a wee bit of tight planning – but I am going to bed now – 9:30. My nose is still stuffed, but I feel able to cope with classes once more. Most of the freshmen went to supper & the movies tonight, but as it was snowing I regretfully stayed in. I did get to talking with an adorable Freshman girl, however for an hour or so. This house has the nicest, most intelligent group of girls imagineable. Guy Wilbor called tonight (my house dance date) just to chat – his exams are before mine, so he won’t have time to date till after he’s studied, when mine are, so we set a tentative date somewhere in Feb. Did I tell you Ann Davidow didn’t c
ome back??

  Love,

  Sivvy

  TO Ann Davidow-Goodman

  Sunday 7 January 1951*

  ALS, Smith College

  Sunday

  Dear Davy,

  By the time you get this you’ll probably be convalescing from whatever strange virus has attacked you! I didn’t come back to Smith until later either, because I caught a sinus infection the day before New Year’s (from too much partying and late hours---mother warned me: she always does) and saw the year in while struggling to get a sniff of O2 (or whatever air is made of) through my block-head. They wouldn’t let me up till the week-end, so here I am, sort of wobbly, with work left over from before vacation grinning me in the face.

  It’s Sunday a.m., and after nose-drops, penicillin and my morning swig of cough medecin (I swear the stuff is half alcohol) I feel a bit more chipper. The only thing is, I feel sort of lost without you around. The place seems horribly empty without anyone to be confidential with, and I am getting an increasingly bad complex about not knowing how to skate or play bridge. I really have to have some link with Haven House humanity, and I am damn sick of being told I don’t come downstairs enough and being looked at oddly when I come into the living room. I really need you around to tell me how silly I’m being letting stupid things like that bother me. I also miss having a close friend – I hope you know that’s the label I give you!