by Sylvia Plath
Can’t wait to see you!
Love,
Sylvia
TO Aurelia Schober Plath
Wednesday 23 January 1952*
ALS (postcard), Indiana University
Wed. night
Dear Mum –
Ugh. I am feeling fine physically – can breathe & all that, but studying is appallingly much & dull. I am working all tonight & tomorrow on government (Fri 10:20). My worst exam. Thank God Dick is coming. I would go mad for diversion otherwise. The room is a mess – dirty clothes & books everywhere. Time zips. Your cookies & dear letter arrived. I am proud at the glowing account of your Unitarian affair. More power to you! Carol & I have devoted an hour a day to playing vigorously in the gym. We need to un-tense. Marcia, poor lamb, has been in the infirmary since Mon. night with a sore throat & probably won’t be out until Sunday. I owe 50 (hyperbole) people letters which I won’t be able to answer until mid-semester. Also feel grubby. Art for next sem. will be over $20! Oil paints! My conservative estimate was too much so. Do disregard dull tone will see you a week from tomorrow. Can’t wait.
Love,
Sivvy
TO Aurelia Schober Plath
Monday 4 February 1952*
ALS (postcard), Indiana University
Mon noon
Dear Mum –
I am now ensconced in Creative Writing class – somewhat weary, as I got 8 hours sleep last night but really will catch up from now on in. The bus ride back was hideous – stood part of the way, practically fainting changed twice – didn’t get in till after 11. Who was that dear boy that drove us? I could swear I never saw him before! Got a call from Mrs. Brown in Francestown – poor Marcia has measles – will be confined up there for an indefinite length of time – probably missing the Dartmouth Carnival this weekend. At least I will be able to go to bed really early without bothering her. (Gosh, I thought I had it bad.) Already I have a lecture to cover tonight for Press Board* – meeting for Soph prom tomorrow – supper dates, and so on. My end-of-the-week schedule has been re-juggled favorably. This week will be one rush to catch up on sleep, letters, etc. Mrs. Shakespeare’s plans tentative ($35 a week). I have all sorts of appointments and so on to make now – but boy, it’s good to be back in a sane routine where I can forget various haughty blond med-students. Merci beaucoup for the $10 – I buy art supplies this pm. Work on Dr Christian* – please!
Love your fellow genius –
Sivvy
TO Aurelia Schober Plath
Wednesday 6 February 1952*
ALS (postcard), Indiana University
Wednesday
Dear Mum –
As you may imagine, I felt pretty low today when I got my letter from 17. I hadn’t realized the subconscious support I was getting from thinking of what I would do with my $500. I guess I’ll really have to hit those True Stories. By the way, I suddenly got an inspiration for the “Civic Activities” section of my application blank . . . I am starting next Monday to teach art to a class of kids at the people’s Institute* – volunteer work Don’t tell Dick!! Please – or his folks!* (make it sound impressive). Next year I hope for either mental or veteran’s hospital. (Time cures nothing, work cures all. – Confuscius say!) Marcia won’t be back for over a week – talked to her on the phone & she sounds fine. I feel suddenly very untalented as I look at my slump of work in art & writing. Am I destined to deteriorate for the rest of my life? I’m going over to supper at Albright* next week – hope to make a few acquaintances. Do write for Dr Christian. Every year you will, until you win. You have the back ground & technical terms. Go to it! Am going to church & young people’s this week – telephoned newsstory to Springfield paper* at 11 pm last night – felt professional.
XX
Siv
TO Aurelia Schober Plath
Friday 8 February 1952*
ALS (postcard), Indiana University
Friday, at last
Dear Mum –
Thanks for the nice long typewritten letter! Glad to hear you are working on the play. I feel good about that. Hope you have better luck than I did! I have been working on my Elks deal – a transcript of my record will be sent you within a week – also a letter from a “person in authority” here – last year’s Botany teacher & adviser – Mr. Kenneth Wright. I also wrote Mr. Crockett a long letter & asked him to send you a letter for the highschool p. in a. Now all you have to do is mount the stuff when you get it – and 3* write a letter on financial situation 6 get Mrs. F., Mrs. A. – and somebody else – to endorse me & write to find out about the Exalted 7 Ruler. Appreciated your advice about the cousin. I am working on re-orienting my life about my own potentialities – much better & secure that way. Only I feel dateless as hell. I won’t know my marks for a month – but I do know I will get a B av. Even if I get a low C in art. because I got a straight A on my religion exam which should give me an A- in the course. Something unexpected & rather amusing – got a letter from none other than Constantine who said I charmed his mother* (hah!) also that he met Phil (not Bob) Brawner who said he’d gone out with me. Small world – ugh!
XXXX
Sivvy
TO Aurelia Schober Plath
Sat.–Mon. 9–11 February 1952*
ALS (postcard), Indiana University
Saturday
Dear Mum –
Just got my gov. grade back – straight A, no less. Even if I did leave out the 10% current events question, I wrote twice as much on the rest & scrawled “Time limit reached” across the bottom. He wrote me that I needed self-confidence, & next time should obey directions. Mighty lucky!
Monday
Went to church yesterday & heard Mr. Lauriat* give a daring & applicable sermon on love & pre-marriage dangers. Really great – practical etc. He advised falling “in love” (2 real people sharing common & important projects in a genuine way) several times – experience being valuable, and said not to marry at any account if scared of age (30 isn’t worse than death!) or just to prove you too can catch a man. Also said to wait & work after College if necessary – learning how to be a real person & enriching oneself. Today I was on the go from 8-5. Just finished washing my hair. So happy – a chance suggestion of mine on Soph. prom com. resulted in my title “Evening in Aqua” being picked for the theme etc. People’s Institute fun – just splashing paint from 3-5 with a small group of kids from about 8-12. They asked if I could teach an adult group beginning oils, but I said it would have to wait till next year when I’ll know how myself
XX
Sivvy
TO John F. Malley*
Sunday 10 February 1952
ALS, Indiana University
February 10, 1952
Haven House
Smith College
Northampton
Massachusetts
Mr. John F. Malley
16 Court Street
Boston 8
Massachusetts
Dear Mr. Malley:
At present I am a sophomore at Smith College, and in order to complete my education it is necessary for me to have financial aid. In this letter I would like to tell you just how much these last years of school have meant to me and why I have applied with such hope for an Elks Scholarship. First, as requested, I will summarize my activities.
Always interested in writing and journalism, I was on my High School paper for three years, becoming co-Editor in my senior year. During this time several Boston Globe awards* for three of my write-ups were
received. I also was given top honors in the annual Atlantic Monthly Literary Contest.* In college I have continued my activities in writing by being a reporter for the Smith College News Office (Press Board.) In my spare time I have written articles, stories, and poems for the Christian Science Monitor and Seventeen magazine.
College has offered me the chance to continue my study of art which led me to win a place in the National exhibition at Carnegie Institu
te* and to draw for the Year Book and High School dances. Smith dances such as Charity Ball, Freshman Prom, I. S. Day, and House Dance keep me busy with paints and creative ideas. Studio Club allows me to meet and plan programs with other girls as interested in art as I am.
While art and writing constitute my major accomplishments, I would like to say that working with people is my favorite activity. Team sports and orchestra in high school; rehearsals for Senior Play; planning and participating in Memorial Day programs; being secretary for a vital Church Young People’s Group; a summer job on a farm with Negroes, D.P.’s, and college students; a job this past summer acting as full-time governess, laundress, cook and playmate for three young children---all these activities involved my close cooperation with all types of people, and I enjoyed every minute of it!
Needless to say, my school work has always been a source of delight. The study of United States History (for which I received the Sons of the Revolution Prize) makes me feel that American ideals are in part responsible for my chance to go to college. In a country where ability can attain success in spite of a lack of wealth, I cannot but be extremely grateful for the freedom to work and hope for continuation of my education.
It is with the objective of going on with my education so I may be better equipped to serve my country and my fellowmen that I humbly state my qualifications for the Elks Scholarship.
Sincerely yours,
Sylvia Plath
TO Ann Davidow-Goodman
Monday 18 February 1952*
ALS with envelope, Smith College
Monday
Davy, my love –
I deserve a horsewhipping for my writing habits! Now I am turning up my fat old nose at all the back work I have to do (we’ve only been back two weeks, but somehow I’m already paradoxically 3 weeks behind!) and writing you the letter you’ve deserved since last fall.
I meant to write a volume over Christmas vacation, but after a wild and sleepless few days visiting Marcia and going in and out of New York, I landed the prettiest sinus infection you ever did see – and it took me a full month of penicillin shots, misery, and cocaine nose packs to make me breathe again.
So I have been running around on my own private little squirrel cage (which Smith has so many of.)
I love the courses I’m taking this year, but I’m not studying very hard. At least Government is the only course that’s really painful – partly because I never got used to reading newspapers and always walk around with my head in the clouds pretending there isn’t any war going on anyway, and who the heck is Eisenhower?
Religion is lots of fun, though, in my agnostic, liberal, humanistic way, I can’t stir up any personal enthusiasm for anything except Judaism and Unitarianism. I won’t say what I think of Catholicism.
Creative writing is heaven, as is English lit. (reading novels and poetry) and I feel awfully self-indulgent when I sit down to read or write.
Dick is seen too far and few times – he doesn’t go out with other girls, but is slaving like mad through his first year at Harvard Med School. Although I feel awfully dumb when I go down to visit him, since all the guys talk shop about diseases with mile-long unpronounceable names, I have wonderful times – unconventional, too.
Between semesters I went to the Boston Lying-In Hospital* with him, and we both dressed up in white coats and masks & took the self-running elevator up to the maternity ward. I spent the whole night there – going around from room to room with the older med students & doctors. Dick & I stood two feet away to watch a baby born, and I had the queerest urge to laugh and cry when I saw the little squinted blue face grimacing out of the woman’s vagina – only to see it squawk into life, cold, naked and wailing a few minutes later.
The hospital was alive that night, and I went with a fascinating Hungarian 3rd year student* to hold test tubes while he took blood from a fat, pregnant gypsy woman who walked in off the streets to deliver unceremoniously. She was a jolly creature, and I had fun joking with her. Needless to say, my sense of the dramatic was aroused, and I went skipping excitedly down the corridors of the maternity ward like a thoroughly irresponsible Florence Nightingale.
Now for Dick – the blond god. Well – I learned alot about him – all of which has had various strange psychological repercussions on me. For one thing, I discovered that he is not a virgin – after his long having led me to believe how innocent he was as far as sex was concerned and how worldly I was, the shock made me sick. Mostly an unreasonable jealousy, I admitted, after analysis, and absurdly enough, I wouldn’t give a damn about any other boy’s being a virgin, but somehow I wanted him to be.
The revelation I got, or rather self-insight, during the next few weeks, was something I had subconsciously wanted not to admit to myself all along. To wit: I am envious of males. I resent their ability to have both sex (morally or immorally) and a career. I hate public opinion for encouraging boys to prove their virility & condemning women for doing so. In short, I was not angry at Dick for seducing several women, but jealous that I had been denied the same chance by society. In other words, I am not an idealistic moral person, but have been using that cover to fool other people and myself. Really, I am non-moral. I would gladly go to bed with many of the boys I have dated – if I “loved” them for the time being. The only thing is, I’m a coward and afraid of having a baby, becoming too emotionally involved, or getting found out (I’m no good at fooling people---too transparent.) So there! I have got that off my chest. Here I am – not wanting to get trapped in a too-early marriage, wanting to get a graduate fellowship abroad, or something & not “settle down” as a country doctor’s wife---right away, anyhow, and what do I do with my burning emotions & lusts in the meantime? God knows, & even he seems to be a little puzzled.
I am still writing Eddie, and hear that he tried* to approach you two dimensionally speaking – after which he got very mad at me and said “why the hell didn’t you tell me she was beautiful and used Ponds?”*
Anyhow, I am still occasionally dating other guys – only after the first few times, most of them seem dull and childish – I definitely go for older men, though, and wish to hell that I would meet someone as brilliant, handsome & intelligent as Dick – a few inches taller, so I could wear heels and a bit more intuitive – our natures are diametrically opposed, you see, he being so logical, practical, planned, and scientific, and me being terribly emotional, artistically inclined, romantic and impractical. Lots of people say it’s a good balance, but I find my self always irresistably drawn to artistic guys. Also have a crush on my art teacher – Mr. Cohen, even though he must be in his forties and smells of tobacco and wine! Shows how sex starved one can get up here – only getting to be passionate once in every three weeks!
I have a theory that all my sex energy is now sublimated in studying, art and writing – which means that after I get married & sexually satisfied I will turn into a dumb, placid idiot!
By the way, I love Edie. She is the sweetest girl, and I do hope she’s happy here. We all love her.
I send you love from Marcia who is looking over my shoulder as I write. She had a raw deal – got mono during exams and got stashed away in the infirmary – then, just as she was planning to go up to winter carnival at Dartmouth, she came down with the measles, which, irony of ironies, she caught up in the good old sterile infirmary! She is planning to marry a Freshman up there (Mike Plumer) when she graduates.
Betsy Whittemore is engaged to be married this June to Bob MacArthur* a very sweet guy who is going to be a math teacher. Betsy Blanton is pinned to Greg McGrath* at Amherst – Diana is pinned & transferring to the U. of Wash. next year. Sarah Ann is leaving next year for Ohio State. Callie, Lola, Joanie S., and Reggie want to go abroad. Carol Pierson, going to Europe with the chamber singers this summer, will probably go to New York to study dance next year – so you see the old group is breaking up. Even Sylvia will probably have to move to a co-op house if she wants to stay at Smith.
What I want to hear abo
ut in detail is Ray! If you really love the guy, Annie, don’t let anything stand in your way – I’d marry a prince or a pauper if I loved him well enough – and when I say “love”, I don’t mean the popular song version of it, but a whole lot of things involving mind as well as body – both combined.
I think you & I are a lot alike in the way we’re made – emotionally & mentally – we react to life similarly. Therefore I think I could understand and love anything you told me, just as I can spill over to you without reserve.
Just now I’m praying that I get to spring vacation without cracking up mentally and physically. Smith is a damn, heartless, demanding machine at times!
Do write, honey – & let me know all the things I would if we were next-door neighbors, which I wish we were!
Lots of Love –
Syl
P.S. Say hello to your mom & dad for me – I still remember that lovely supper they gave us! Hi to Ray, too!
TO Aurelia Schober Plath
Monday 18 February 1952*
ALS (postcard), Indiana University
Monday night
Dear Mum –
I am going to start using up these addressed cards* while there’s still time! I have never been so crowded with “things to do” – All this week I’ll have to let studies slide & paint on Charity Ball decorations. Took your advice & accepted a blind date this Sat. night. Anything for a change of scenery! Ironically, he was from UNH, named Dick, & we went to Williams!* The two hour drive through the blue, snow-covered hills was a delight in itself, although my date was rather dull and stupid compared to the boys I know. We had a lovely free dinner & went to a great Dixieland concert – I felt pangs of homesickness as I passed the house where I stayed when I went up for Fall House-parties with John. I looked for him everywhere, till one boy told me he’d gone home to Wellesley for the weekend – strangely enough, we went to a dance at the Beta house & I saw his picture over the mantel – so left a lipstick scrawled note of greeting in his mailbox – will he be surprised! Just have to tell you that I am one of the 4 gals in our class up for electoral board office* . . . Louise & Pat both have been one of the final four up for an office, so now this makes 3 of us! Little unpopular me, too! Oh, well –