I put my hands to my cheeks and felt the heat and it wasn’t from the fire.
“His eyes darted to her across the room more than once, the tightness in his chest and the sound of his beating heart almost more than he could bear. Anthony wasn’t the type to woo a woman. He took what he wanted, when he wanted and Caroline was just what he was craving.”
I was sure he was still reading. His lips were moving and I heard some sound coming out of his mouth, but what he said next, I couldn’t tell. My mind was floating in a thousand different places and yet, all of their endings seemed to be on Dean.
And how I wished he would just turn and kiss me.
Just once.
Something to remember and keep me warm at night long after he realized what he was missing and left.
“Jillian, are you even listening?” I didn’t know how much time had gone by, but he had turned the page more than once. If Dean was planning on asking me questions about what he’d read, I would fail, no doubt about it.
I shook my head as a new shard of bravery took place in the middle of my chest. His breaths were fanning over my shoulder and my heart was racing. My gut told me that if I didn’t take this chance, I might never get it again. Tomorrow wasn’t promised and neither was another second with this man.
Taking the book from his hands, I ignored his questions. I turned to face him and put my finger over his lips, but he reached up and took my hand in his. “I wish I knew what you were thinking.”
My eyes darted to his full lips and I hoped he got the point.
He swallowed audibly. The tension was strung between us like a frustrating hammock.
“Do what you want, Jillian.”
I moved to get on my knees. He put his hands on my hips and drew my body in even closer, so close that we were sharing the same breaths.
“If you don’t kiss me, I might die.”
I wasn’t sure if that sentence came from my mind or from Dean’s mouth. Either way, it was too late. I was a goner.
He moved his hands to take my face between his palms after moving a stray hair behind my ear. My breath hitched in my mouth as he leaned forward. I met him in the middle, not being able to stand it any longer.
I needed to taste him. Feel him. Just the once.
Our mouths met, and my entire body felt like it went up in flames. His lips were soft and pliant, yet, he demanded more and more of me. Pulling back just a bit, he licked at my bottom lip and somehow, I knew to open it. His tongue tasted sweet against mine as his hands grabbed my waist, fisting the fabric there.
And just as it had begun, he pulled back. My eyes were still closed. I leaned forward and put my head against his chest.
“That was…” He began and my head shot up so I could face him. If he said it was wrong or gross or weird, I would just wither up and die right there. “Incredible.”
I felt the smile rise to my face and nodded.
“Jillian, was that your first kiss?”
Another nod.
“I’m honored. I really am.”
I believed him.
Mate.
Chapter Seventeen
Jillian
Life was looking better all the time. Better than I’d ever expected. Or thought I deserved. After living all alone for years and struggling to get by, I had a housemate who not only had cut enough wood to last us through five winters, he was using his earnings to supplement our needs. He wanted to just give me all he earned, but I refused. It wouldn’t be right.
Still, in a relatively short time, my efforts to make our little home cozy were overshadowed by his offerings. The little table and chairs remained in the corner, but my poor excuse for a bed and his pallet on the floor had been replaced with a queen-sized bed and a trundle that pulled out from underneath and popped up. I tried to get him to sleep in the bigger bed, since he was much taller than me, but he refused. Lots of refusing going on. And self-denial.
Because truthfully, I wanted to share that queen-sized mattress with him. Every evening, as we sat on the comfy love seat—another new addition—in front of the fire, the heat between us grew until it was all I could do not to fling myself into his arms and demand he do...things to me.
I did know what men and women shared in privacy, but I’d never actually indulged. For some reason, it seemed to be a rule that no one could date me. And I hadn’t questioned it. One more mystery surrounding my existence as a member of this pack. Once or twice I thought about leaving, okay maybe more often than that, but it always came down to a question of where I would go. Functionally illiterate, and unable to speak, my communications were limited. I had no job skills to speak of, even if I’d been able to. At some point, I’d decided I was just one of those people fate had it in for. There was something intrinsically wrong with me, but no one wanted to tell me what that might be.
These thoughts followed me throughout my days, and today, as I traveled the forest, searching under fallen leaves for early growing herbs and other things hard to find in the later part of winter, was no different. Just one more long stretch of self-doubt amplified by the knowledge I was holding Dean back in his new life due to his association with me.
Something I couldn’t allow to continue.
I had turned around to head home, my basket only about a quarter filled, when the crunch of boots on leaves froze me in my tracks. The section of woodland I traversed was rarely visited by anyone. Which was one of the reasons I usually did better at finding what I sought. Wolves and humans alike tended to crush delicate herbs and fungi. So I spent my days off the beaten path. I hadn’t run into another person out here along the pack lands border in months. Looked like that was about to change.
“Who are you?” The man who stood in front of me demanding information was tall and muscular, his features unrefined, and he wore a plaid flannel shirt and jeans that looked as if they hadn’t been washed in many wearings. His boots, however, were solid and reasonably new.
I could have gone around him, but he had managed to approach me in just the spot where the trail was narrow and the underbrush thick. I could have gone back, but that would have taken me away from the direction I wanted to go. Everything in me insisted I run for the safety of my home.
“Just tell me your name,” he insisted. “Then I will move.”
What the unholy hell? I wished I could call for Dean who was, last I heard, working with a crew plowing a field on the opposite side of the lands. All the men participated in that activity. So even if I could scream his name, he’d never have heard it.
“Name, girlie.” He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against a tree to his right. “Or do I need to be more convincing?”
If I had reason to believe I’d encounter anyone, I carried at least my little pad with me, and a pencil, but way out here? Anyway, even if I could talk to this jerk, or write to him, I wouldn’t want to.
“Look, I don’t want to upset you, but I am looking for a young lady about your age. So...if you would kindly tell me who you are, maybe we can clear all this up.”
Enough. I had to get going, as far away and as fast as possible. Otherwise, we’d be standing here all day or until he did something worse. So I spun on a heel and took one step before the man’s hand closed around my upper arm.
“Just say something because my patience is going away fast.” His grip tightened. “Maybe I should just take you with me until you decide to talk. Your highness.”
I was struggling hard until those last two words. Not a thing he’d said up until that point was anything but rude, negative...so why the royal snipe?
But before I could react again, the hand was ripped away from me and I was sitting in the brush on the side of the path.
“You’re trespassing, and if I see you around here again, I will make sure you are escorted off in the least comfortable way.” Dean had the stranger in a headlock and was marching him back the way I’d come, toward the edge of our lands. He was berating the man who protested that he thought Dean’s
wife was a battle axe, and Dean said that’s not my wife and the man asked who it was...and then they got too far away to hear well.
Your highness? What did he mean by that? Wasn’t it enough that I was no one without taunts that made it worse?
Chapter Eighteen
Dean
I gathered a pack run was a big deal, and judging by all the giggling and preparations going on in the compound, it seemed I was right. I’d been very nervous about Jillian’s safety since the man came back looking for her, and I’d shown him the way off pack lands. Of course, I’d gone straight to the alpha to tell him about it, and he’d seemed remarkably unsurprised. However, he had also told me to stay near her as much as possible, so I’d gone back to full-time woodsman and did my job within sight and hearing of Jillian.
Excitement at being included in such a big event had me so excited, I rushed my work and hustled Jillian through hers, so we arrived home well before dark. I had dreamed of what it would be like to race through the forest in wolf form with everyone, baying and howling, leaping over logs and streams and doing everything I’d imagined wolves did when they went out to party. So far, most of my experience had been hard work...this would be the payoff.
But as I laid out a set of baggy sweats, which I’d been told would be a good choice to wear in case they got damaged, I noticed Jillian was heating up some leftover stew. Since I’d been informed the run would be preceded by a big BBQ dinner, this seemed odd.
“Jillian, don’t you like grilled meats?”
She looked over her shoulder at me and shrugged, which, despite my experience, learning to understand her body language couldn’t have been more vague.
“Jillian, you’re coming right?”
Standing, she turned to face me, and there was no more vagueness. Just raw pain. Could it be… “Did they not invite you?”
A slow headshake before she faced the pot again.
“Do we have any more stew?” I was steaming under the collar. How dare they leave her out of this fun time? What had she ever done to make them hate her? As far as I could tell, she was the best of them. “I think we should eat before we go out on our run.” Fortunately, I’d been told what direction the pack was going, and it was on the opposite side of the compound. “But let’s hurry. I want to get out there and shift so we can talk without any barriers.”
She turned toward me again and reached for her whiteboard, but I shook my head. “Don’t try to argue because I’m not backing down. I’m complicit in the way you are treated if I leave you here all alone with leftover stew. I’m just sorry I don’t have anything better for you to eat before we head out. Are you excited? I’m excited.”
Her face held so much expression, and her smile made my heart light even as I stuffed down my anger at the alpha for allowing, maybe even encouraging, his pack to keep Jillian alone in the woods instead of letting her participate in life.
What the heck.
When she brought the bowls to the table, I had schooled my own expression so I hoped she would not be able to see the pity and anger. If she did, she didn’t say anything about it. I dug into the bowl and chewed a big bite. “This is even better than last night,” I assured her.
Not as good as roasted pig.
“But the company is better. And when we’re wolves, it’s so nice to talk.”
We gobbled our dinners, and I realized I was even happier about this run just with Jillian. Leaving the dishes to soak, we were soon on our way.
In a cliche move, the pack had set their run for a full moon, so it was beautiful out there among the trees, and we did race along for a while but our desire to communicate was stronger, and when we found ourselves in a clearing with the moonlight pouring down over us, we flopped on our bellies to talk.
You know a lot more about me than I do about you. I was hoping to learn what made her status so unusual in the pack. I’d almost asked the alpha once, but it just didn’t seem right. Have you lived here your whole life?
No. But I was small when I arrived here.
I brushed up against her, loving the soft thickness of her fur. And where did you come from?
I don’t know because before that, it’s all dark, no memories at all. Well, just kind of a dark, bad feeling.
Does the alpha know your background? Does anyone?
I don’t know. She butted her head against me. Can’t we talk about something else? When I think of those early days, I get anxious.
Sure." I wanted to go deeper but not as much as I wanted her to be happy. What would you like to talk about?
Truth? I’m just happy lying here with you in the moonlight. And I don’t want to think too much.
Deal. Because I wanted her to be happy more than I wanted my next breath. A few times, as we lay there, just being together, I heard the others in the distance, but that run I’d looked so forward to could not compare to what we were doing. I’m happy, too.
I did want to know everything about her, and I suspected that she should know her own past, so I vowed I’d do my best to find out. This sweet wolf might have a whole family looking for her. Perhaps she’d just wandered off...could that happen with shifters?
I had the feeling different packs were connected, although I didn’t know the details of how that worked. So if a young girl got lost, wouldn’t they put the word out? Or maybe her folks weren’t part of a pack?
My lack of knowledge would do Jillian no favors.
I think we need to go back now, or we won’t be able to get up for work. She cut into my thoughts with hers. Could she hear what I was thinking when I wasn’t trying to have her do so?
I’ll race you.
Chapter Nineteen
Jillian
Dean was my mate. There was no more question in my mind about it. Even before I knew that we could speak into each other’s minds, I knew it. The way my heart tried to beat out of my chest when he was around. The way my wolf preened and paced inside me the first time I saw him.
How much I lamented his distance anytime we went to bed—in separate beds.
My wolf whined and pawed at me, trying to get to him, needing him near.
I craved his touch.
I was in trouble.
I bent down under the beating afternoon sun, picking weeds from around the base of the budding heads of cabbage, lost in my own thoughts. Dean was across the field, chopping wood again. I couldn’t see him from this vantage point, but the noise of his axe hitting the trunk of the fallen tree over and over boomed through the fields. It seemed to echo and gave me some solace.
My mate was near.
The thought brought a smile to my face—I had to reach up with my dirty hands and touch my cheeks to verify. I seemed to smile a lot since he showed up.
“Back to work, Jillian.” Ruston didn’t look at me when he spoke, just barked out orders. I barely refrained from rolling my eyes. Since four in the morning, all I’d done was work, trying to satisfy a pack who didn’t care about me—yearning for their approval or something. I’d stopped trying to figure out why I desired to please these people a long time ago and just went with it.
After all, what the hell else was I going to do?
“We finished the work in the east fields and were sent here to help.” A group of people had come from the other side of the pack lands. When your work was done around here, you went and found more. We worked for the pack, not just in whatever specific job we were given. It seemed like the back-busting payless employment never ended.
I allowed a look up as I scooted, on my knees, from one head of cabbage to the next. The group of pack members was about twenty which should help a lot on this side. My energy levels were waning, but as I looked ahead to the next twenty feet of rows ahead of me, I knew I needed to get a grip on myself.
Energy or not, I had to get my work done, no matter the lack of rewards.
“Hey, Ruston sent us over here.”
I sat back on my haunches and let out a sigh. I already knew these two pack members wer
e recently arrived, but the fact that they were talking to me proved it. Left with few options, I chose to give them a thumbs-up.
One of them smiled at me, and my heart stomped all the way down into my toes.
My wolf panted inside me, wanting to get out.
Just like she had with Dean.
With a curt nod to the man, I demanded my eyes and concentration fall back to my work. I focused my attention on the sounds of Dean in the distance, chopping wood. My wolf lay down inside me, not really pleased with my dismissal of the man who now worked directly across from me, but she could just stuff it.
What a selfish wolf, trying to nail down more than one mate.
How the tides had turned.
Dusting off my knees, I looked up to see Dean crossing the fields, his axe laid lazily on his shoulder as he whistled. My chest swelled with the inside knowledge that he was mine. He and I were mates, and that meant nothing and no one could take him away from me.
Finally, I had somewhere to belong.
“Ready?” he asked with a smile, before putting his axe over his shoulder. I nodded and fell in line with his steps toward the cabin. We left our clothes at home and set out to get what I had in mind for dinner.
But I would have to hunt for it first. I gently touched his hand before shifting as we strolled deeper into the forest. In less than an hour, I’d taken down a deer. I would share most of it with the pack, but in the meantime, I would make a special dinner for my mate.
My mate.
What a giddy and stomach-pulling thought.
“What the…” he said as I dragged the carcass, already stripped of its skin toward the cabin. “You hunted this?”
I nodded, pleased as punch with my kill. Usually, I didn’t take down such large animals, since they would be wasted on only me, but after using the hide and taking off the best bits, I would leave the rest of this for the pack. They wouldn’t even know who stocked the freezer with the fresh kill.
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