I certainly wasn’t going to tell them.
Dean had missed out on the pack grilling meat. He had wanted to go but stayed behind because of me.
Hopefully tonight would make up for some of that.
I peeled the backstrap from the animal after silently giving thanks for the meat. The backstrap was the best, most tender part of the deer. I cut it into slices and then grilled it over a fresh fire while Dean looked on.
I thought maybe I’d traumatized him by bringing home the deer, but as I turned to face him, his expression was kind and sweet, just like it always was. We ate in silence, but there was something palpable between us as we sat around the table.
A boulder sat in my throat in between bites, knowing what I wanted to do, but the fear was choking me.
This might be your only chance at happiness, Jillian. Take it. Take it now.
“Jillian, I…” Dean began, wiping his mouth. He’d enjoyed the backstrap, I could tell. But now his face was somber. “I know there’s something between us. I’m just scared. I…I used to like someone and she, well, she didn’t return my feelings. It nearly broke me the way she rejected my words. They were honest and true but she stomped on them as though they were dirt. I know you wouldn’t do that. I just…I thought you should know that. If we do this. I’m all in. All of me. My heart. My soul. My life. If you’re not ready for that, then…”
I couldn’t take any more. His voice and tone had pierced my heart. I would never reject him, my mate, in a million years.
And despite his hurt, I was glad the other female had turned him away. Because now he was free to be mine.
I took his hand in mine, mustering every bit of courage I had inside me. In less than ten steps, we were by the bed. Our breaths filled the otherwise silent space.
“Jillian, you don’t have to. I wasn’t…”
There was no way to tell him that more than anything I wanted this. I wanted him and all that meant as a shifter, taking a mate.
I wanted us for life.
Without words, there was only one way I could let him know that I was ready for this.
I unbuttoned my dress and let it fall to the floor.
Chapter Twenty
Dean
Jillian slipped out of the dress and stood before me in only white cotton panties and no bra. I’d never seen a bra hanging on the line, so maybe she didn’t wear them. I’d made it a point to look away when she’d undressed in front of me before, when we were going to run, but this time...this time, I knew she wanted me to look. I sat on the edge of the bed and brought her to stand between my knees, wanting to to take my time and take her in.
“You’re beautiful,” I said, although my mouth was so dry, my tongue was sticking to the roof. “So beautiful.”
Jillian’s breasts were mesmerizing. My fingers twitched, but I didn’t want to rush, to do anything to scare her or…
“This is your first time?” Not that I was very experienced, but I had a high school girlfriend I’d been intimate with and a few coeds I’d had casual nights with. Looking at this woman standing before me, I didn’t know how I even bothered with the others. It had been fun, and pleasant, but I wanted Jillian like I wanted my next breath.
Her nod confirmed what I’d known anyway. And it made me feel so happy to be the one to introduce her to love. Then I panicked. What if I was horrible? Not that I’d had complaints, but I’d never felt such pressure to be great before. Or at least decent. It wasn’t about sex, even if it was. She was my mate. And even with my limited understanding I knew. My heart pounded so hard, I thought it might fling itself out of my chest.
Jillian had the sweetest smile. I thought I saw a flicker of something in her eye, but then it was gone.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
Her brow furrowed, and the flicker came back. Was it fear?
I placed a hand on her waist and settled her on my lap. “I didn’t even know there was such a thing as mates until I came here, and I probably don’t have a clue how to be one. But you make me want to try.”
She watched me, the woman who’d helped me find a new life. How could she convey the wisdom she did when she had to struggle so hard growing up? Or more to the point scrambled up toward adulthood.
I drew her closer and dipped my chin. “We have a lot of kissing to do.” Once our lips touched, I forgot everything but the sweet scent and taste of her. I couldn’t get close enough and wrapped my arms around her to bring her against me. I tightened my grip until she squeaked then I loosened a little. Only a little.
Her lips parted under mine, and I deepened the kiss, tasting her sweetness while my palms caressed the soft skin of her back. I didn’t know how the fates granted me a person like her, but I swore to try every day to be worthy of her, of this gift, of this amazing, beautiful, kind, resilient woman. When kissing, although I wanted to do it forever, was not enough, I shifted her to lie on the bed and grasped the waistband of her panties, sliding them down over her hips and thighs, then down her calves and off. She had gained some flesh since I moved in, filling out to look healthier and I took pride in that. In providing things she needed.
Jillian eyed me steadily but her gaze questioned me. And I’d begun to understand her better even without the notes, although speaking in minds when we were shifted was very nice.
“Just taking it all in.” I smiled and stood to do what she’d suggested. When I was as naked as she, I hesitated—not that I wasn’t desperate to touch her, but she looked so vulnerable. “Jillian, are you sure you want to do this? There’s no rush.”
She sat up, reached out, and touched someone. Me. Her little fist closed around my cock and squeezed. I barked out a laugh. “Squeeze a little harder, and things will happen very fast.” I pried her fingers loose, although I had no desire to. Her hands weren’t soft—she spent too much time working outdoors for that—but the one gripping me felt so good.
Jillian scooted back on the bed and lay against the pillows, and I followed to lie beside her. For the first time, we were naked together from head to foot, and although the cabin was warm with a blazing fire, her skin was hotter. I traced her lips then kissed them, gently. My fingertips learned her body, with my lips coming behind. Her ears were delicate shells, and she shivered when I nipped the lobes.
I intended to kiss every inch of her, but good intentions aren’t always doable. Especially when the scent of my mate’s arousal surrounded me like a fragrant cloud. My cock was so hard, I was afraid of coming against her leg, and I’d sooner die than let that happen. But I needed to be sure she was ready for me, so I dipped my fingers between her legs to find her soaked.
Lying between her legs, I positioned myself at her entrance, keeping my gaze fixed on her eyes, half-closed and dreamy, while she moved restlessly under me. It wasn’t like anything before, and I truly felt like it was my first time as well as hers. “Ready?”
She bucked her hips.
Inhaling deeply, I thrust forward, bumping against her hymen. I watched her for signs of distress then, seeing none, retreated a bit and drove in all the way. Her gasp almost made me slow, but her fingernails dug into my shoulders, and she rocked her hips up, sending me even farther inside her beautiful body. “Jillian…”
I had no more words, only desire to show her with my body how much I cared for her. And that meant holding back, no matter how difficult, until she found her pleasure. She surrounded me, tight, hot, and mind-bending. I braced myself on my hands, riding higher, holding back, but my balls tightened, and then, just when I thought I’d let her down, she cried out, and her internal muscles rippled, clenched, and brought me, spilling my cum inside her.
Her shriek was not the same as calling my name, but she was still coming, as was I, and I rolled, taking her with me until she lay curled atop me, burrowing close. I drew a quilt over us and held her close, thanking the fates again for their gracious gift of my mate.
I’d always yearned for connection and never dreamed of one like this.
/> Chapter Twenty-One
Jillian
I was a giddy mess. Smiling and feeling my cheeks heat up, like I was constantly standing in front of the fire.
It was special, maybe the best night of my entire life. My entire being, both human and wolf, felt completely melded with Dean, as tough parts of us had somehow fused together.
He hadn’t taken his hands off me since we’d gotten out of bed. Even when I reached for my whiteboard, his fingertips grazed my back.
Mating was certainly exhilarating.
I want to take you somewere.
I wrote the sentence, and he looked at it. “Yeah, I’d love to go anywhere with you. And it’s w-h-e-r-e, okay?” He erased the last word of my sentence and spelled it correctly. But this time, the correction was sealed with a kiss that made me want to do anything but leave this cabin again—ever.
I grabbed my basket and tugged on his hand. It was surprising to me that he had joined the Crystal Canyon pack but had never asked why it was named Crystal Canyon and if there were actual canyons with crystals.
More than anything, I was happy it was me who got to rediscover it with him by my side.
“Where are we going? Are we shifting?” he asked as he put his arm over my shoulder. I blew off my lack of knowledge about mates and couples and leaned into his hold, practically blooming under his touch.
I shook my head to answer his question. Today, I just wanted to enjoy a long walk with my mate to my favorite place.
“Okay, lead the way, mate.”
I froze at hearing the name fall from his lips. It wasn’t like I didn’t know that I was his mate and he was mine. I knew it in my heart and in my mind, but hearing it out loud like that. Well, it did things to me and threw me into a state of bliss I’d only imagined was possible.
“Wait, are you upset? Am I not supposed to call you that? I won’t do it again if it upsets you.” He took me into his arms. My head landed right in the middle of his chest. I could hear his heart thumping like a rabbit’s beneath his T-shirt.
I wished I could talk to him. Instead, I dropped my basket and wrapped my arms around his waist and held him tight.
“Oh, I see. You really like that I called you mate. Wow, that’s incredible. It’s like I can feel what you’re feeling.”
I pulled back, embarrassed as hell but at the same time relieved. Maybe my love would pour out of me and somehow reach him. Especially since I couldn’t mutter the words with my mouth. I hoped that muttering them with everything else in me would have to be enough.
Nodding, I pushed up on my toes and kissed him. He reached behind me and cupped my butt, lifting me. My legs instinctively wrapped around his hips, and he walked a few steps, causing my back to land against the nearest tree.
“Would it be wrong of me to take you again, right here, mate? Because that’s what I want to do.”
Shaking my head, I pulled back. Yes, I wanted to, but also, I wanted to take him to the caves. And if we continued like this, we would not reach them anytime soon.
“Okay. I understand. Let’s go wherever you want to.”
I took his hand and tugged him toward the caves after picking up my basket. Along the way, I picked some things. Most of it he had no idea how to identify but got a few things right like dandelion greens and chamomile. I had a book at home with the local fauna—I would have to show him that.
“Whoa...this is...incredible, Jillian.”
I stopped at the entrance to the cave to take in his awe. A smile rose on my face as I watched him turn in a circle, overwhelmed with the beauty of the place.
“I’m guessing these are the crystal caves. I wondered about the name of the pack but didn’t want to ask. Thought maybe it was just a cool name. Come here.”
He could’ve asked me to do anything in that moment and I would’ve. Taking a few steps, I joined him. In moments, I was in his arms.
“How can I ever thank you, mate? You’ve given me a place to lay my head when I didn’t have any place to go. You calmed me down that first time that I was shifting. You made me meals with your own hands. You’ve shared yourself with me and we’ve learned from each other. If I had known you and this were waiting for me all along, I would’ve tried to find you.”
Hugging him tighter, I tried to push my appreciation for him into the gesture.
“Maybe one day I can do something for you.”
He already had. In a matter of weeks, he’d turned my bleak existence into a life worth living.
“Oh, this one is coming off.” He reached for a crystal, but I took his hand into mine before he could pluck it from the wall. I shook my head with a good amount of force, praying he would understand. “What’s wrong?”
I blew out a breath. This no-talking thing was a bummer sometimes. I lightly touched the gem, sparkling with the rays of sunlight that barely reached it and then touched my chest, right over my heart.
Then shrugged, realizing how dumb I probably looked.
“It’s special to you. I understand. Thank you for stopping me before I did something to offend you.”
He put his hand over mine, still right over my heart. My body flared to life, my thighs quaking with need, and my stomach pulling taut.
We stayed there for a while, basking in the glow and shimmer of the crystals. But as dusk began to take form, we headed back.
When we reached the cabin, he scooped me up, brought me inside, and showed me again how much he loved me without words.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Dean
We fell into a routine, work all day and make love almost all night. We joked that we needed to make some rules about getting sleep so we didn’t keel over during the day, but really neither of us was willing to give up a moment of what we had together. Not even for rest.
I was cutting wood, Jillian doing my gathering, most days, unless someone in the pack needed her in the compound to help with something. It was one of those days, where she was helping to prepare the kitchen garden for spring and I had just hauled in a load of wood when Jerad approached me.
“The alpha wants to see you.” He eyed the utility vehicle I’d been assigned and the trailer behind it. “That all the wood you got today?”
“It’s my third trip,” I said drily. “Let me get this to the woodlot, and then I’ll be right there.”
He waved me out of the cab. “When the alpha calls, you get your butt there now, new wolf.”
How long before I wasn’t the new wolf? Until someone else wandered in maybe?
“All right. Do you want me to leave the Mule here?” Since I was blocking the main drive.
“No. I’ll park it near the woodlot and after your meeting, you can unload it.” He replaced me in the seat. “You’re welcome.” Sometimes I wondered why he had to be such a jerk, but I didn’t want to leave the alpha waiting while I asked him.
I’d taken three steps toward the alpha’s home and office structure when Jerad called after me, “Don’t forget to take Jillian with you.”
Forget? Try...he didn’t tell me, but since I felt like I rode a delicate balance with the beta who oversaw my work, I couldn’t see anything to gain in arguing with him. “All right.” I swerved toward the back of the house where the garden lay. This fenced area didn’t provide everything we needed, but it did at least cover the needs of the alpha house and extras were passed out to those in need. Nearly every family had their own small garden outside their cabins or homes for fruits and veggies.
The trees were too thick by our place for a lot of sunshine to get through, and Jillian didn’t want me to cut living trees down, so we just had a few berry bushes, but I’d scoped out a sunny patch not far away that I thought might be a good spot to fence and grow things. It wasn’t great getting the extras of whatever someone else didn’t want.
The alpha’s garden was worked by many of the women in their spare time, and there were five or six bent over, planting seeds and covering them with soil when I arrived. Shifters, I’d noticed, were more
in shape than the average human type, but Jillian’s bottom view...well, she was extraordinary.
I waited a moment for her to stand up before I called her over. “Hey, can you take a break?” As if she could answer me… But she was headed toward me anyway, a smile brightening her face, and, when she arrived at my side, she went up on tiptoe to offer her lips for my kiss.
We’d never kissed in front of other pack members before, and I was glad to accommodate her, going so far as to lift her over the fence and into my arms.
When we came up for air, the silence was thick around us, the women who’d been chatting as they planted seeds, no longer speaking. They weren’t staring at us, though, rather looking in any other direction. Weird.
“Jillian, the alpha would like to see us. Now.”
She nodded and stepped away from me but linked our fingers and started toward the kitchen door of the alpha house.
“What do you suppose he wants?”
She shrugged, but her shoulders rode high as they always did when she was tense.
The alpha’s office was upstairs, on the second floor of the house, so we made our way through the kitchen, back hallway, and into the living room before mounting the broad stairs with the carpeting held down by those weird gold bars. In comparison with all of the other homes around the compound, this one was not only much bigger but so much fancier. Pausing on the landing, I took in the expansive living room below with its sunken seating area and eighty-inch wide screen.
The pack wasn’t poor so far as I could tell, but it seemed a little unfair that the alpha’s living arrangements were so much nicer than everyone else’s. Much less ours. The couches in the conversation pit alone had to have cost five thousand dollars.
Stuffing the resentment, I led Jillian along the upstairs hallway, wanting nothing more than to sneak into one of the guest rooms and...was there such a thing as too much sex between mates? The office was at the end of the hallway, and we paused outside to knock.
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