by Jordan Deen
He laughed and it hurt, like he knew a secret and didn’t care how badly it would affect me. “Because first of all, I was hopeful it would make you love me. The fact is, nothing with you has been normal. I thought it might make a difference. And second, I wanted to and it had to be with you.” He tightened his fingers around mine.
“It didn’t have to happen last night though.”
Then he smacked me with reality, “I didn’t want to come down with the sickness before I got to have that experience. I thought it would help our bond just like you did.” He looked at my palm and traced the faded, damning moon, below the surface of my skin. “I would have regretted not trying it, and something happening to one of us.”
“Brandon,” the tears flowed freely down my face and I sobbed. “You can’t die. I can’t watch you come down with the sickness. I’m not strong enough for this.”
Brandon got up and pulled me off the bed into his arms. “Lacey, they’ll figure it out.”
“What if they don’t?” I asked with my words muffled by his chest. “If we waited, we may have gotten there on our own. Now, we’ve practically signed our death warrants for one night!” I struggled and pushed him away, angry that he didn’t give me the option to make my own choice. Sure, if he had brought it up while we were making out, I may not have wanted to stop, but he should have at least given me the option.
“Lacey, you can’t stop fate. If you are meant to transform, it’s going to happen on your time, at your own pace. No one can force you to do anything. Last night was perfect. It was just you and me. No responsibility to the pack, to my parents, or this stupid prophecy that we are stuck in the middle of. I wanted to know if you could have human feelings for me. That you could love me without Haventon.” Oh, God. He wanted to know that he could replace Alex. Alex and I may have gone on more dates and hung out more, but after last night, Brandon definitely replaced him in every way. I couldn’t say with all certainty, if they were side by side, that I’d choose him. But he needed to hear that I would.
I cupped his face with my palm, “Last night was wonderful. I just wish you ‘d told me the danger we were in. I wish you’d given me the option to say no.”
“There was never a guarantee that things would get better or they would get worse. I’ve been listening to my parents’ advice, and we’ve been doing everything Serena tells us to do this whole time. I just wanted to take control of our lives for once.” He wilted back onto the bed and I shrank next to him. My arms clutched around his waist; his closed around my shoulders. We held onto each other for guidance and strength, going into the unknown. “I can’t stand the idea that you regret last night—that you regret what we did.” His heart skipped a few beats against my cheek.
I pressed my body against him harder, “I don’t regret it.”
“Do you promise?” he asked timidly.
“I swear, I will never regret being with you. Ever.”
He held me again in silence. Incoherent thoughts rushed through every inch of my brain and attacked my body like an infection. Not only was my inability to transform looming over me, now I had to worry if my selfishness guaranteed our deaths.
One thing was for certain, Brandon had a point; it was time for us to take control of our situation. I’d stay up all night researching Emma’s journal; the experiments would begin without hesitation. I’d played the game their way this whole time, but they liked keeping me in the dark. Well, turn about was fair play in my book. Or, should I say, my mother’s book.
c h a p t e r
THIRTEEN
As soon as Lily started snoring in her bed, I slipped into the bathroom, turned on the light, and locked myself in. I pulled my mom’s journal, her vials, and necklace off of the top of the cabinet and pressed my back against the door to secure my privacy. Just for good measure, I wedged my feet against the cabinet below the sink to keep the door shut. If anyone caught me, I needed to be able to stash my contraband quickly.
I skipped ahead more than thirty pages in the journal, passed most of the pregnancy and her ramblings about being a mother. There was no time to waste, and if the answer was here, I needed to find it sooner rather than later. I’d go back and reread those sections later.
Page 139
Mom and Serena came today to test out my new theory. Little Lacey continues to grow in my stomach and without resolution, I fear we are all doomed.
Serena. This was the first time I saw her mentioned in Emma’s journal. I’d probably need to go back some pages to see if she had been mentioned earlier, but there wasn’t time now.
The Tansy and Valerian mixture Serena made me drink today was horrid and Lacey did not like it in the least. She kicked and punched every one of my internal organs as soon as the mixture hit my stomach. She’s definitely showing me things are her way or no way. I told Serena a spoon full of sugar would have been better.
Gregory knows our mothers are doing everything they can to stop the enemies from getting our baby, but he is busy making his own preparations. Michael’s son, Brandon, has come to keep me company while the men gather supplies to build more cabins. Emile has come several times to stop him from bothering me, but secretly, I think she’s jealous that he wants to help me. Then again, what kid wouldn’t?
Kids love hiding places and exploring the unknown. He is like a little sponge, soaking up every piece of information he can. It’s refreshing he likes being here, considering most kids avoid our cabin like the plague due to their parent’s beliefs against a non-werewolf mate. Soon, my baby girl will be here and everyone will see we are just a normal family, one that happened to conceive the most powerful werewolf of all time. But regardless of the label they have placed on her, she’ll always be my precious angel.
At least she was able to meet my future husband before she died trying to save my life. It made me wonder if she talked about the day I mated with him. I made a mental note to scour the journal for that information later.
Page 145
Tonight we prepared the alter like last time, filled our vials with our roots and dried berries, and lit candles for strength, purity, and tranquility. We called to the Goddess to deliver a strong and healthy baby girl; one that would be prepared for the battle that awaited her. At Serena’s request, we prepared again, and called on the Goddess to bring Lacey a compassionate mate that will understand her unique needs and the abilities that she will be gifted with. One day, she’ll understand the entire future of the werewolf race rests on her shoulders. Without the right mate, she’ll never survive. It will be hard for her to be the first hybrid werewolf. I don’t envy the life my baby has ahead of her. Serena will not agree to hand select a mate for Lacey and she continues to insist that my mating with her son was fate. But I know better. My grandmother, Galena, already let that cat out of the bag long ago. I know we weren’t naturally mated, but I wouldn’t change my life for the world. No, I never would. My family means too much to me. It doesn’t matter what bond the fates had in mind… ours is deeper than that.
The book tumbled from my hands and landed harshly on the floor. Galena was Emma’s grandmother… that meant she was my great-grandmother. And Serena was Gregory’s mother… and my grandmother. Why hadn’t she told me? Why would she keep such a thing a secret? I swiped the book off the floor, frantically trying to piece together the convoluted puzzle that stretched out ahead of me.
Page 157
With Lacey’s arrival only days away, Serena and Josef called one last meeting with Gregory, Michael, and Thomas before they head off to the annual Half Moon Council meeting. Everyone knows the Amana’s time is coming. Serena doesn’t want to miss the birth of her first grandchild, but duty calls, and she won’t miss the council this year. All the packs are still buzzing over the increase in baby kidnappings, and Serena is doing everything she can to keep our pregnancy a secret. It could be disastrous if she is away and we are attacked. Grandmother and Mother are strong, but without having the power of three, they will be destroyed, and I’ll be i
n no condition to call on the Goddess after I’ve given birth.
It was hard to stomach reading how they’d been lying to me all along. I wanted to believe there had to be a good reason for it. But if this passage were accurate, then just days before I was born, Serena and Josef were in charge of the pack. How had they lost control? Or, if they hadn’t, why is Michael in charge now? Did Serena step aside when Josef died? And worse, did Brandon know any of this?
I skimmed the rest of the pages looking specifically for spells, incantations, or candle magic—anything that could help me undo my bad decisions. The other issues that her journal presented would have to wait; stopping the sickness was more important… or it had been until I got to page 198.
Page 198
My dearest Lacey,
One day you will read this journal. You will study my young days, learn from my trials, and understand what I’ve done for the love for your father. Someday, my angel, I will watch you call forth the power of the Goddess and ignite the flame deep inside you that will make all things, big and small, possible in this world. Much of the spells listed in this book are ones I’ve made up over the years and some your
Nana taught me. I hope you will cherish this book, these spells, and your gift, all the days that you bless this earth. Remember, focus on your craft—it will never fail you. It is your true birthright and your heritage.
Simple shifting spell for Lacey:
Recite the first two lines then light one blue candle for understanding. Read the lines again and light one orange candle for adaptability to your surroundings. Recite the final two lines and light one white candle for purity.
Reading to the Goddess:
O’ Goddess, hear my plea,
Bring me the gift of clarity,
O’ Goddess, I hold you in the highest authority,
Bring me nearer to thee.
Once the final flame is lit, meditate on the white candle flame and concentrate on the animal you want to shift into. Remember, you may shift into werewolf form, but this is only by your choosing. Open your horizons, you are a hybrid—never forget that. You are not bound by the same earthly confines of those around you. Once your powers grow, you won’t need the candles to shift, just the will to do so that rests deep inside you. Be patient and practice often. Magic is a skill, one that you will need to embrace to make it through the trials ahead.
She made this spell specifically for me. She knew one day I’d sit and read her musings and brush my fingertips over each pen stroke. She knew the fight and the life I was thrown into the middle of. And it filled my gut with worry and then anger. Why would she want her child to be strapped with this responsibility? Why is it fair that my birthright is to become this mean, powerful werewolf that is going to kill an entire enemy werewolf pack?
And how did my mother know I’d have problems turning into a werewolf? Maybe my ancestors were clairvoyants too? I slammed the book shut and draped her necklace around my neck, slipping the moon and red vial under my top. I needed supplies: oil for anointing the candles and one blue, one orange, and one white candle. With my mother and my grandmother being full-fledged witches, I had to have at least a third of their powers. My mother didn’t put this spell into her journal for nothing. And even though there were dozens more that
I still needed to review, Emma put that spell in the book first. That night, regardless of if I was ready or not, I would shift and prove to everyone I wasn’t just another rebellious teenager. No, my real mother knew what I’d become and what potential I had.
With my roadmap to success clutched under my shirt, I grabbed a hoodie, and headed into the kitchen to grab the supplies I’d need for my first attempt. Even if I failed, I had to at least try.
The provisions necessary for witchcraft were in short supply, and going to Serena’s cabin in the middle of the night was out of the question. I dug through all the drawers and found both white and blue fancy candlesticks, but the orange was proving difficult. I finally found an old box of birthday candles that had one small orange candle in it. I poured some olive oil into a cup, tossed my other supplies into a small grocery bag, and headed out the door into the darkness. Brandon told me turning into a werewolf felt like coming home or being surrounded by the most comfortable blanket in the world; the further I got from the cabin, the more I hoped he was right.
More than a hundred yards into the woods, I laid out a small blanket and all the materials. I pulled out a small flashlight and started to read the instructions over again. With each candle anointed, I recited the words quietly and lit the first candle and used the dirt as a makeshift candleholder. Then, I recited the verse again and lit the second candle. My whole body shook, either from the cold or being nervous. I steadied my hand and read the last verse and lit the final candle. The flame of the white candle danced and twisted until it burned brighter and higher than the others in the dark night.
I concentrated on that flickering flame and drew my mother’s necklace from under my shirt. With the moon and vial grasped tight in my fingers, the vision Brandon had of me transforming rushed to my mind. It stayed there for less than a second, when it felt like the very top layer of my skin had popped away from my body. You’d think it would be the most painful feeling in the world, but it wasn’t. My arms and legs warped and bent until my hands were no longer my own and my feet gave way to delicate fur covered paws. I had done it. Even though it only happened because of the spell, it still happened nonetheless.
With my newfound freedom, I sprinted off through the woods and into uncharted territory. The wind against my sleek coat was the most amazing feeling in the world. My muscles pumped in perfect harmony to the song of nature as I rushed by. Now, I understood why Matt and Trevor played in the woods most nights. I bounded between trees at an alarming speed and jumped easily across the rocks of the stream to the opposite side, and into an area I’d never been allowed.
I ran so long and so far, that the sun already started to lighten the night sky. I knew I had to get back. I pushed my body harder, faster than before, and weaved my way through the dense forest. Rabbits and squirrels darted into bushes and holes as they sensed me tearing through. Brandon would be so excited when I told him what I’d found out and what I could do. The only problem was, who could I trust with the information from my mother’s book and how could I tell them I got it because Brea took me to the one place that is strictly off limits? Getting my new BFF in trouble was out of the question. My new knowledge and skills would have to wait until I had a solution to our problem. Yes, once I had that information, it would overshadow what Brea had done. Telling anyone about my mother’s book or the spells had to wait. It would be difficult to lie to everyone around me, but they hadn’t really been up front with information either.
I barely transformed back and snuck into my room before the entire camp was drenched in the first light of morning. Running through the trees as a werewolf was the most exhilarating feeling of my life, but it left me drained and my limbs felt like they were going to fall off any minute. My stomach growled through my comforter to the point that Lily heard it and flipped the opposite way on her bed. I didn’t feel bad that I woke her; she had woke me up plenty of times; although, never with her stomach.
“Are you ill?” Serena, Emile, Ava, Nicole, and Brea surrounded my bed, each with their own concerned look. The clock on my nightstand said two P.M. I missed breakfast and lunch, but the hunger from this morning was subdued by my exhaustion.
“Lacey?” Michael, Thomas, Trevor, Dillon, Matt, Catch, and Brandon all filed into the room and huddled around my bed. Sweat coated my skin, making the sheets and blankets cling to me like tacky old-fashioned wallpaper. I kicked each of them off and sat up in the bed. Spasms rocked my arms, making every move more painful than the last. I probably ran at least a hundred miles, a feat I never could have done in human form, and my body knew it.
“I’m fine,” I said, but cement blocks replaced my limbs and refused to let me off the bed. I lay back down.
Cold chills rushed across my body. Serena and Emile grabbed the covers and pulled them up under my chin.
“It’s the sickness,” Ava whispered to Thomas, but it was loud enough for Brandon to hear.
“No. No, it’s not,” he brushed a piece of sweat soaked hair off my brow. “She’s just tired. It’s been a hard couple of days for her.”
Days?
“What do you mean days?”
“You’ve been asleep for a week.” Brea sat down on the bed next to me. Tears and distress settled on her face. A week? The last time my body started to transform, I was sick just as long. Everyone around me was alarmed, but I wasn’t. My illness just further proved that I succeeded and was on the right path to figuring out exactly what I needed to do to fix everything. With my mother’s help, I’d become everything they expected me to be, and more.
“I’m fine, really,” I said, trying to reassure everyone before they set out to make me drink more horrible potions. Determined to show them everything would be fine, I lifted the covers, drew my legs up to my chest and swung them towards Brea.
“See?” I said, shortly before I went down.
c h a p t e r
FOURTEEN
For the next three days, visitors poured in and out of my room, saying prayers and lighting candles. I was only vaguely aware of who was in my room at any given time. Dreams of running through the woods would morph into ones of making love to Brandon and being in Haventon together. But we weren’t in Haventon because the pain wouldn’t quit coming in waves. With my senses weak, I’m sure it drove him nuts that he couldn’t take me there. My body was probably blocking him out, and I wished it wasn’t.
Brea, Lily, Catch, and Brandon all took turns sitting by my bedside around the clock. Brea would read books to me, Lily would play with her Barbie at the foot of my bed, Catch would sleep, and Brandon, when we were completely alone—would cry. His sobs were more than I could bare, but I couldn’t force my way out of the cloud of suffering that settled across my body. The unfamiliar place that confined me was endless. Every turn I’d take would only lead me further into the abyss.