Moonlight Betrayal: A Reverse Harem Shifter Romance (The Witch and the Wolf Pack Book 5)

by K. R. Alexander

  “You’ve got to know that’s not—”

  He faced me. “What did you want? What is it that I do wrong that everyone else in this pack does right by you? Why would you hate me so much when all of them—?”

  “Kage—”

  “What more could I have done? Could you spell it out? Because everything I do you disapprove of. And every time I think you’re throwing me a bone, you take off with someone else.”

  “That’s not—”

  “Need a list?” He held up his fingers, one by one. “First: I was going to drive us to Cornwall in my four-wheel, and you took my bloody keys away and gave them to Isaac.

  “Second: Jason was with me. He only came along at all because of me. But you took him in and shut me out when he got hurt.

  “Third: you kissed me on the train, acted like you cared, then shoved me away and went on a date the next day with Isaac.

  “Fourth: trying the stoic approach. You didn’t fancy the train so I gave you your space in Germany. I translated for you and helped with the grave and searched everywhere for you when you were missing. But I didn’t push or get in your face. So what did you do? You chose Isaac.

  “Fifth: same in the castle. You didn’t want to be with me and Jason but stayed mighty close and personal with Zar all night. There was plenty of time for us, though. Almost dying together. Then you held onto me like you were drowning on the way out of there. You fell asleep with your head in my lap on the ferry, for Moon’s sake. Throwing me another bone, right? No.

  “Sixth: back home, we have another chance. You’ve seen more of me now. You’d said wrong time, wrong place, too fast, didn’t like that I was already involved with Jason—all that. I was showing you no, this was right time, right place, but you could barely spare me a kiss before you said goodbye and dashed to see Andrew.

  “Seventh: you came back. After you’d crushed us, cut me down and not looked back, you showed up to sleep with Jay and me. Progress, right? I was respectful. I poured my bloody heart out to you, told you how I’d felt right from the start. While you criticized and looked for some other place to stay.

  “Eighth: right place, right time, last Saturday morning. But Andrew came calling. So you scampered away. Because that’s exactly how you’ve treated me all along.

  “Ninth: my sister was murdered and you didn’t want me along for Yorkshire because you were afraid I was too messed up. You agreed we could stay together because we were a pack, and I begged. Because, so I thought, we cared about each other. Just so that, once we got to Yorkshire, you could go out of your way to fuck my mate—who does not even fancy females—while I was nicely out of sight, in agony by myself.”

  He abruptly stood up. “Tenth—” Holding up both hands of splayed fingers like duel stop signs. “You seemed to be laboring under the delusion that pushing me away for weeks only to then sleep with Jason would make me happy. While I’m sure he planted such a notion in your head, the fact that you believed it was what finally brought home to me how much you really hated me. Plus what a bloody fool I’d been ever since love at first sight. Then we had the vampires and I had to protect you because I swore, and since I would have anyway, since I love you. And you protected me—as you’ve been there for us all along for no reason besides we asked for help and you said yes. No possible reason other than you care about us—and we’re right back to where we started, aren’t we? One minute it’s that—” Flinging his hand out to indicate the card. “And the next, you’re shoving me out of the way so you can either be with someone else—even Jed for Moon’s sake—or keep clear of the whole lot of us, until I’m going mad. I’m the one surrounded by dark stars and I don’t know what’s north or south, Sun or Moon.”

  He took a step toward me. “You act like this is simple. ‘Sorry, Kage. I made a mistake.’ But it’s not fucking simple. It’s going on and on and you don’t even seem to get it. We’re back in the labyrinth and you’re leading us in circles. Whether you’re doing it on purpose or you just can’t help it, I don’t know. So I don’t even know if it would interest you to be aware that that is the problem for me. I don’t care if you sleep with Jason. I don’t care if you go out with Isaac or Zar or Andrew every bleeding night of the week. I care that you throw me a bone, then kick me in the balls and then do those things! That’s what I care about! Not that you would be with Jason on principle. That you would go and be with him after dodging me for weeks.

  “Do you get that? Do you give a shit? Does any of this matter to you? Because I try to convince myself that it doesn’t. That you’re a dark star and a heartless worm and you don’t care. You do what you want. But you’re here. You’re here trying to save our lives and looking after us and you don’t have to be. So how can you really be like that? Then you say stuff like this—” Waving at the card. “And come in here saying you’re sorry and you want to make it right and you never meant to tear me down in the first place, much less again and again, and I don’t know what to believe.

  “So tell me! What is it you want from me? Do you actually care? Or do you just say that sometimes so I’ll let my guard down again? Should you be the one with Jason after all? Put the sadist and the masochist together?”

  By the time he stopped, looming over me, standing a few feet away while I still sat, shrunken on the next bed, Kage’s chest was rising and falling with fast, frantic breaths. His hands shook and his biceps bulged with the stress of his whole tense body. He looked like he could explode. Like watching a glass vase falling, falling, nothing you can do. No way you can catch it in time.

  I didn’t stand up, afraid he might strike me or run off, or in any other way manage to break even more if jarred by a sudden motion. Instead, I held out my hand, blurred as tears dropped silently from my lashes, fighting them, desperate not to cry. I couldn’t cry about this because it wasn’t about my pain. It was about his. Crying somehow seemed like the most selfish thing I could do, the biggest betrayal of all, instead of being able to just be there for him—all about him, not about me. Still, I could not make them stop. Because it was his pain in my chest that felt like a bullet there.

  He took my hand and held on, not to hurt me, I knew, just clutching something. All the same, I thought he may break bones—pressure like a steel clamp, so sharp and painful it almost made me cry out. I wished it was harder still, that the bones did break, that the skin bled. It had to be a better feeling than this now.

  I pulled him in and he sat on the bed beside me, still shaking, able to focus on my eyes even as I could not focus on his with my own vision blurred.

  I reached with my free hand to stroke his face and Kage shut his eyes, his cheek pressed to my palm, still crushing my other hand.

  “I didn’t know,” I whispered, fighting with my own voice as well. “I didn’t know what you’d been going through. I’m sorry, Kage. I’m so, so sorry. You have been our savior and my hero on this whole journey. Everything I said in that card is true. And a million times more. And will always be true.”

  I stroked his cheekbone with my thumb and Kage nodded against my hand, slacking his grip on the other one. I slid my fingers around to the back of his neck to gently pull him closer until he leaned into me, our heads together. We remained there a long time with only the very faint TV and street sounds and our own breaths between us. And the card, which still lay on the other bed.

  A card which mentioned only the most important things:

  Kage,

  I hope you have a wonderful birthday. Hoping even more it’s not too late to start over. We have so many lessons to catch up on. Until then, I just wanted you to know:

  1. I love you.

  2. I love you.

  3. I love you.

  4. I love you.

  5. I love you.

  6. I love you.

  7. I love you.

  8. I love you.

  9. I love you.

  10. I love you.

  Love,

  Cassia

  Chapter 43

  I eve
ntually kicked off my shoes and curled up there on the bed, pulling Kage down against me, stroking his face while he lay still, eyes shut.

  Our breathing and heart rates had slowed before I tried telling him that I hadn’t meant any of it. That it was timing and random acts and unfortunate events. That I was grateful for him for talking to me. That I’d obviously needed his feelings spelled out for me since I hadn’t spotted much of what was happening right in front of my nose where he was concerned.

  He stopped me, kissing my lips when I tried to talk, and saying, “Don’t, Cassia. I know. Sorry … about stuff I said to you before also. I shouldn’t have. And with Jason…”

  “It’s okay,” I whispered. “It’s not too late … to start over… And to learn.”

  So we lay there in silence for so long my racing mind slowed, my crushed hand felt better, and I was grateful more than miserable as I held onto him.

  I kept coming back to one line: in agony by myself.

  And I finally whispered, without plan, “I wish I could have known her longer. I wish … I’d known both of you for years.”

  After another pause, not moving or opening his eyes, Kage said, “I was already part grown when she was born. Six or so. Dead chuffed to have a new pup sister. Carried her around to show everyone in the pack. Howled up Moon when she was born, pleased as Mum and Dad. We were close. I wanted to be the one to teach her to walk, talk, write her name… Only … I was so much older. By the time I started going through Moon’s transition she was still a pup. She wanted to know everything from me, followed me around. I’d talk to her at night when she’d sneak into my room after I’d been out all evening with my orataj. I’d tell her everything. Mostly. Didn’t make it sound as bad as it was. I didn’t want to scare her too much about her own transition. But she was never scared. Not scared of anything.

  “Once I came of age, we didn’t see each other much. Didn’t talk the way we used to. I didn’t mind then. I had enough to be getting on with—starting work, running with Jed, always busy. And she was into her own interests and worm friends. I thought … later. You know? We’d maybe be close again later when she had pups and I hoped I would. No prospects yet. But could be a female would take a shine to Jay and me one day once I had a bit more … respect under me with the pack. I worried about her running with humans. Worried she wouldn’t have pups either. And we needed her to. The whole pack, but me personally … afraid I might never have any of my own. If she did … could be just about the same thing.

  “I rowed with her about dating worms. More than once. Dad didn’t mind, but I did. So did Mum. We’d get after her about it and it didn’t do me any favors in her eyes. Now … only time I’d had much of a conversation with her lately was telling her off… I didn’t mean things to be that way. I thought … there’d always be time. Later on, we’d be close again. Especially once she had pups and she’d want to keep doing her work for the pack so I could be part of raising them with Jay. Hoping she’d pick a mate who was a worm servant—real busy sort, always away. Darius didn’t have enough ambition.

  “Wish … I’d thought more on this Moon with her. Not looking off to the next Moon. Not thinking … so much could wait until tomorrow.”

  I waited a while once he fell silent, then kissed his eyelids and said, “Me too. With Rebecca, with all of you, with so much since I’ve been here. Mostly with you. But you had wonderful years with her. I’m sure any baby sister would be thrilled for a brother like you. It’s natural to drift apart as we grow up. Melanie and I were really close as kids, then not so much. Now we are again. We’ve been lucky to have that chance. But you didn’t do anything wrong with Rebecca. She knew you loved her, were there for her. And you did so much right. I’m sure of it.”

  I stroked his face with my thumb across his cheek for more minutes while Kage did not answer.

  At last, by the time I was nearly drifting off, he stirred and sat up. He seemed disoriented, looking around the room as if he couldn’t remember where he was. He pushed a hand through his hair.

  “I…” He glanced at me and away, then shook his head. He returned to sit on the other bed, rubbing his left bicep with his right hand while he looked around for the remote control.

  “Kage?” I sat up.

  “You should probably go on to bed.” He didn’t look at me.

  I knew why. I’d been thinking of it already: another trap I was setting for him. He was scared of me. Not humanness or magic. Scared of pain I could cause him every time he felt like he was getting close to me. Here was another perfect moment. Whether there was malice behind the action or not, something bad was sure to follow something good.

  Post-traumatic stress could appear in tiny shades after all.

  I went to him, took his face in both hands, kissed him, and held on.

  “What do you need from me, right now, to feel safe?” I asked, face against his.

  “Just you.” He kissed me back. The remote thumped to the carpet. “All I’ve wanted.”

  “I love others in this pack also. It’s not only about you and me. I can’t always be with you.”

  “You don’t think I know that? It’s not about every second of every Sun and Moon. It’s about the seconds we do have. We could have had another quarter hour together last Saturday morning before you had to run to meet Andrew and Zar. We could have had loads of time together if you’d have stopped fretting about me already being with Jason weeks ago.”

  “Okay.” I kissed him again. “This is just about this Moon. Just us right now. Together. No future, no past.”

  Kage nodded, his fingers in my hair, pushing it back, kissing my jaw and neck. Yet still hesitated.

  “Come upstairs with me.”

  Chapter 44

  I couldn’t think of any better way to show my own sincerity. I was always on his turf, or neutral ground. I’d never invited him, or any of them, “home.”

  “Gabriel up there?” Kage stood with me, though still uncertain.

  “I don’t think so. He said he’d be in late.”

  “Did I hurt you?”

  “What?” I looked down. “No.” Shaking out my hand. “It’s okay. Come on.”

  He turned off the TV and grabbed only his key card and box of marzipan to bring with him.

  “Thanks,” he said as I noticed the box. He sounded almost angry about it, grudging, maybe shy. Not wanting to bring it up.

  Which made me remember so much else about him. The layers underneath, how much it took to understand him. How deeply he felt and how much he wanted to be known, understood—like my Christmas music—but didn’t want to let those feelings be exposed.

  You saved my life. I love you.

  Only makes us even.

  That was the surface. Until you had the right place, right time. Until he would tell you how he really felt.

  I fell in love that day watching you teach. Like lightning on a clear day.

  The biggest, strongest, baddest wolf in the pack goes to her of his own free will because he cannot bear another Moon without her to share his songs. She agrees because she can’t bear another Moon without him at her side.

  He fought wearing his heart on his sleeve. Yet he longed to—needed to now and then for his own mental health. Like his weak nose and his right-handedness, his own emotional sensitivities—when he wanted nothing more than to be a badass wolf to the outside and a strong core member for his pack—were something he couldn’t stand about himself. Yet they made him stronger, not weaker, like his own ambitions and desires that drove him.

  I grabbed the doorknob, then faced him as he stepped up. “Kage? I love your differences. You will make a wonderful core member. Not in spite of having setbacks in your past and being sensitive, but because of things like that.”

  Kage just stared at me. He glanced at the box in his hand and back at me. “I only said thanks.”

  “No, I know. I was … thinking about you. Sorry.” I pushed the door open.

  Upstairs, I let us in to find no lights
on, no TV, no Gabriel.

  I left a light on in the entrance for him, then we crept through the living room and to my suite as if to avoid waking someone.

  “I don’t know why we’re sneaking around,” I whispered. “Even if he was here, he doesn’t care what we do.”

  “Doesn’t feel that way.” Kage glanced shiftily around my room as I switched on the lamp.

  “No, it doesn’t. Why is that?”

  “He was always silver. Some pups are. A presence about him. Others follow him. Got it with worms too, doesn’t he? Job like this?”

  “It is odd how he’s charismatic even though he’s miserable.”

  “Could be part of it now. You know … brooding or whatever. I mean—” He curled his lip. “You fancy Jed. Goes to show.”

  “Please don’t start talking about Jed. We’re just friends. And barely that.”

  “You started talking about Gabriel.”

  “Sorry.” I felt breathless, just standing there by the lamp like a moron while Kage stood at the door—marzipan box and key card in his right hand. “Can you really see all right now? You’ve seemed fine today.”

  He was studying the room as he always did in a new environment, noting every detail as if he might later need to describe a crime scene.

  “Mostly.” He gave an irritable twitch of one shoulder as if he didn’t want me reminding him of any issue. “It’ll clear up.”

  “I’m glad. Really glad.”

  “Thought that vampire hag had done them in at first.”

  “Me too. This is getting weird. Why are you staring at the wardrobe?”

  “Spider running across it.”

  I jumped back, though the wardrobe was ten feet from me. “Kill it! Quick! Why didn’t you say? Don’t let it get in there and into my clothes!”

  Kage remained motionless. Grinning.

  I squinted at the wardrobe. Dark wood, but … still. Not black. I should have been able to see if there was a spider running across it.

  “Why would you do that?” I asked.