Hopes and Dreams

by P. J. Trebelhorn

  “But I am not the same person I was back then. I was scared to death of being bullied by them myself if I tried too hard to distance myself from them. I was a coward. You know the saying better you than me? That was pretty much my motto back then. I’m not proud of it, Riley, and I can’t change any of it, no matter how much I want to. All I’m asking is for you to give me the opportunity to show you I’ve changed.”

  Riley was spared having to comment on Vic’s declarations when their waitress came to get their orders. They hadn’t looked over the menu yet, so they asked for a few more minutes. They were silent until after they ordered, and Riley spent most of the time debating with herself whether or not to tell Vic about the darkest day in her life. She figured since Vic had shared what she’d been feeling back then, she might as well too.

  “You probably don’t remember this, but it’s something I’ve never forgotten,” she said before placing her hands in her lap and taking a deep breath. “One day during our senior year, Frank Mills cornered me at my locker, and the rest of his crew was right there with him, including you. He rubbed his crotch against me and basically said he could make me like men. I stood up to them, and your sister told me to kill myself.”

  “I remember it very well.” Vic nodded, and she looked as if she might be ill. “I couldn’t believe she said it, Riley. God, I wanted to defend you that day, and I did try, however feeble my attempt was. I truly hated every single one of them in that moment. Vanessa included. When I walked away from you, I ran to the bathroom and puked my guts out. I worried all through winter break that you might actually do it.”

  “I thought about it,” Riley said, watching Vic’s face closely for an honest reaction. She was a little surprised when she saw what she could only describe as anguish in Vic’s eyes. And then there was a couple of tears that ran down her cheeks, and Vic made no move to wipe them away. “Not just because of Vanessa. I don’t know what I was thinking by going home and telling my mother about it, but she told me I probably should. She said I would never amount to anything, and no one would ever love me, so I’d probably be better off dead. Let me tell you, hearing that from your own mother is soul-crushing.”

  “I’m so sorry, Riley,” Vic said. She got up and moved to Riley’s side of the booth so she could hug her. Riley didn’t resist. Being held by Vic felt too good, and she couldn’t deny she liked it, probably more than she should. “I wish I’d called you over the break. I’m so happy you made the decision not to do it.”

  “Megan talked me out of it,” Riley said when Vic released her but stayed sitting beside her. “I don’t think I really would have done it anyway, but Megan said all the right things to make me feel better about myself.”

  “Remind me to thank her for that,” Vic said with a smile. She tucked a strand of hair behind Riley’s ear and let her hand linger on her neck for a moment. As they sat there staring into each other’s eyes, Riley felt some of her defenses crumble. This conversation could so easily have made things between them awkward, but Vic had managed to make her feel better about it all. “And can I just say I hate your mother for having said those things to you. No one should be made to feel worthless by their own parents. No one should ever feel death would be the best option, especially a child.”

  “Hey, we have something in common,” Riley said with a chuckle. “We both hate my mother.”

  “We were friends in grade school,” Vic said after a moment. “We weren’t besties or anything, but we were friendly. Why did things change?”

  “When you’re a kid, things like class don’t matter as much,” Riley said with a shrug. “As we got older, you realized we had no common ground. You had money and I didn’t. It was the natural progression of things as I see it.”

  “Growing up sucks sometimes, doesn’t it?” Vic took her hand and held it against her chest. “I sometimes wish we were still kids with none of this baggage between us. Do you think you could ever see me as I am now, and not as I was then?”

  “I think you’re doing a pretty good job of showing me so far,” Riley said quietly. “As much as I still want to hold on to my animosity toward you, you’re making it harder to do every time we spend time together.”

  “Well, I’ll take that as a good sign.” Vic held Riley’s hand to her lips for a moment before releasing her and going back to her own side of the table. “And I’m going to ask you now if you’ll go out for a drink with me after the reunion. Maybe we could call it a third date?”

  “Maybe,” Riley said with a shrug. She couldn’t help the grin tugging at the corners of her mouth. “But you’ll have to dance with me at least once at the reunion.”

  “You’ve got a deal.”

  * * *

  “So, why don’t you want me to know where you live?” Vic asked as she pulled into a parking space near the movie theater. She turned the engine off and removed her seat belt before turning to see Riley better.

  “What?” Riley seemed surprised at the question, but Vic could tell she was stalling. She reached over and took Riley’s hand.

  “I don’t care where you live, you know,” she said. “Do you still live in the trailer park?”

  “God, no,” Riley said, and she visibly shivered. “I think I’d rather be homeless than live in a place like that again.”

  “Then let me pick you up at your house the next time.”

  “Pretty sure of yourself, aren’t you?”

  “What can I say?” Vic grinned. “I’m an optimist.”

  “Okay, if we go out again, you can pick me up at home.” Riley leaned closer and placed a kiss on Vic’s cheek. “I had a nice time tonight. And I want to thank you for acknowledging the hell you and your friends put me through in high school.”

  “No problem, I had a nice time too, and it’s still early,” Vic said as she squeezed her hand. “I mean, it’s not even dark out yet.”

  “Well, unless you want to see a movie, I’m afraid there isn’t much else to do in this town.”

  “I would like to see a movie with you, but not tonight,” Vic said. “Maybe we could go for a drive or something.”

  “Why, Ms. Thayer, are you trying to get me alone somewhere so you can take advantage of me?” Riley smiled and shook her head.

  “Maybe,” Vic said with a shrug. “Would that be a problem?”

  “Honestly? I’m not really sure how to answer that.” Riley shook her head but met Vic’s eyes. “It’s that whole you make me nervous thing, I think.”

  “Hey, you didn’t say no, so I’ll take that as a positive.”

  “You really are an optimist, aren’t you?” Riley laughed.

  “Being a pessimist is stressful and seems to me to be a waste of energy, so yes,” she said with a nod. “I choose to be a positive thinker.”

  Vic looked at their hands as Riley intertwined their fingers. When she lifted her gaze back to Riley’s face, she felt a fluttering in her stomach. Riley was looking at her lips, and Vic knew they were going to kiss. She knew Riley was going to initiate it, and it made her inexplicably happy when their eyes met again. Riley reached over and touched her face with her free hand. Vic leaned into it with a small sigh.

  “You really are beautiful,” Riley said, her voice quiet. She leaned closer and pressed her lips to Vic’s. Vic held back, wanting Riley to set the pace. Riley pulled away, causing Vic to let out a small sound of displeasure. “I should go. I’ll see you Saturday at the reunion?”

  “Yes,” Vic said, resigning herself to the fact she would have to wait five whole days to see her again. Riley squeezed her hand briefly before smiling and getting out of the car. Vic watched her as she walked into the theater and wondered what the hell she was doing. She’d never been one to not go after what she wanted. Letting the other woman decide how fast or slow they went was out of character for her.

  Somehow though, she knew Riley was different. She felt in her gut if she tried to rush things and push Riley into something, the end result would be Riley running away from her, an
d she felt that outcome would be devastating for her. And the reason for her letting Riley determine the pace of things was a little scary for her. After her last relationship had gone up in smoke, she decided she wouldn’t put her heart on the line ever again. So the realization of what was happening stole her breath away.

  Riley is worth it.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Vic spent the next few days looking at properties she’d set up appointments for before leaving the city. She found one she really liked a few towns over and about twenty minutes from Wolf Bay. She managed to dodge Vanessa’s questions about what she was doing going off on her own, but she wished now that she’d mentioned all of this to their father beforehand. If the sale went through, she’d be moving as soon as renovations on the existing house could be completed. She had a feeling he wouldn’t be happy if she gave him her two weeks’ notice as soon as they arrived back in Manhattan.

  Even with that distraction, the few days leading up to when she would be able to see Riley again crawled by for her. She’d wanted nothing more than to go by the theater to visit her, but she didn’t want to be seen as a stalker. She managed to keep the empty hours busy helping Vanessa with her wedding preparations and attempting to keep her from going nuts waiting for the big day to arrive. Martin wouldn’t be in town until the Friday before the wedding after he was done with work, and Vanessa was going a little stir-crazy.

  “Why did you let me talk you into this reunion bullshit?” Vanessa asked as she finished putting on her makeup Saturday after dinner with their parents.

  “Excuse me, but it was you who begged me to go,” Vic told her, looking in the full-length mirror to make sure she looked her best. The suit was a favorite of hers, dark blue and tailored to fit her perfectly. “You know I can’t say no to you when you beg.”

  “I wish you’d learned how to,” Vanessa said with a dramatic sigh. She got to her feet and put on her dress before turning her back to Vic and waiting. Vic pulled up the zipper for her and turned her around, her hands on her shoulders.

  “So do I, but I haven’t quite learned it yet,” she said with a wink. “Just think of it as another in a long line of parties you’re required to attend for business. Maybe we can get through the night without having to socialize too much with the losers we hung out with in school.”

  “You know, a couple of those ‘losers’ are in my wedding party.”

  “Don’t remind me.” Vic turned away and went to run a comb through her hair again. Her heart was beating faster, almost as if it knew she’d be seeing Riley soon. She smiled at herself in the mirror.

  “Are my scars hidden well enough?” Vanessa asked. “I can change into pants if I have to.”

  “You look beautiful,” Vic said, meeting Vanessa’s eyes in the mirror. Her dress went below her knees, and she was wearing boots that covered most of what was exposed of her legs. She turned to face her and smiled. “You can’t see anything if you aren’t looking for them.”

  “You’re a liar, but thank you. Just don’t spend the entire evening canoodling with Riley Warren,” Vanessa said. Vic set down the comb and looked at her with a grin.

  “Did you really just say canoodling?” Vic laughed and shook her head. “Who even says that anymore?”

  “Apparently, I do,” Vanessa answered before turning on her heel and heading for the stairs. “Come on. Let’s get this over with.”

  She followed Vanessa down the stairs and into the living room where their mother was settled into the couch reading a book. Vera glanced up and then back to the book, but then did a double take upon seeing them.

  “For God’s sake, Victoria,” she said, tossing the book aside. “You’re really going to this event dressed like a man?”

  “Again, Vera, this is a woman’s suit. I am not dressed like a man.” Vic ran a hand through her hair as she tried her best not to lash out at her mother. “And I’ve told you before that I don’t like to be called Victoria.”

  “And I’ve told you I don’t want you in my house, yet here you are.” Vera looked pleased with herself. “I guess neither one of us listens to what the other has to say.”

  “No, we don’t, and I wouldn’t expect that to change anytime soon.”

  “We should get going,” Vanessa said as she put her arm through Vic’s and tried to lead her to the front door.

  “You two look like you should be going on a date together,” Vera called after them, sounding disgusted.

  Vic wisely chose to ignore the comment, but it was obvious Vanessa had had enough. She stopped and turned, stalking back to the living room.

  “I am so sick of this bullshit between the two of you,” she said, hands on hips. Vic tried not to smile as she watched the look of shock on Vera’s face. Vanessa pointed at their mother. “And don’t for one second think I blame any of this on her, because it is all on you. So what if she’s a lesbian? Daddy doesn’t seem to have a problem with it, so why do you? This is the twenty-first century in case you haven’t noticed. She’s my twin sister and my best friend. She’s going to be my maid of honor, and she could wear a metallic rainbow-colored tuxedo to the wedding for all I care.”

  “How dare you speak to me that way, young lady,” Vera said, getting to her feet and taking a few steps toward Vanessa. Vic closed the distance between them and took Vanessa by the elbow, directing her back to the front door. “Don’t you turn your back on me!”

  “Fuck off, Mother,” Vanessa said over her shoulder just before Vic closed the door behind them.

  “Holy shit, I can’t believe you told Vera to fuck off,” she managed to say before doubling over in laughter. “She might change the locks before we get back.”

  “Good, then I’ll uninvite her to my wedding.”

  “Did you mean what you said?” Vic finally stopped laughing and Vanessa looked at her curiously. “About me wearing a metallic rainbow-colored tuxedo to the wedding?”

  “Of course.”

  “Then I’m calling the tailor first thing Monday morning.”

  * * *

  “What’s wrong with you tonight?” Megan asked as they headed for the high school gymnasium, the only place in town big enough to hold the reunion. There were no restaurants other than the diner, and a bar seemed too cliché, so the gym it was.

  “I’m just a little nervous,” Riley admitted. “I haven’t seen or heard from her since Monday night. What if it was all just a figment of my imagination?”

  “You’re such a dork,” Megan said, laughing as she playfully shoved her. “Come on, I can’t wait to see Peter again. He only comes to town for these things.”

  Megan grabbed her arm and pulled her toward the main entrance, but Riley quickly scanned the parking lot looking for the blue Mercedes. Her heart dropped when she didn’t see it anywhere close to the building. She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Vic since they’d parted. Not even while she was asleep, it seemed. The kiss they’d shared after their first dinner together in Hyde Park had managed to fuel some pretty steamy dreams, and she was hoping she’d get to experience more of the real thing tonight.

  But she wasn’t naive enough to think Vic would spend a lot of time with her here. Riley was sure she had her own friends to reconnect with. And despite her claims to the contrary, Riley wasn’t convinced she didn’t really care about what anyone thought of her. The Thayer name meant something in this town, and Riley couldn’t imagine Vic purposely sullying their reputation.

  Megan squealed—actually squealed—when she spotted Peter, the third of their Three Musketeers, which was something only they called themselves back in high school. She released her grip on Riley’s arm and ran over to him, throwing her arms around his neck and kissing his cheek. He was laughing when Riley walked up to join them.

  “It’s so good to see you guys again.” Peter let go of Megan and hugged Riley. “You know you two are the only reason I ever come back to this godforsaken town, right? I can’t believe neither of you have ever left.”

  Even R
iley could admit he’d grown into a handsome man. He’d been the typical geek back in school—thick glasses, Star Wars T-shirts, and video games had been his signature things. Now he was physically fit, wore contacts, and cleaned up nicely. In fact, he looked more like he belonged with the cool kids than with them. Although, looking around, Riley noticed a lot of the so-called “cool kids” were now overweight and balding. And the women wore way too much makeup in their attempts to look as if they were still eighteen.

  “You guys want anything to drink?” Riley asked, feeling like she was a third wheel. Funny, she’d never felt that way before, but Megan was looking at Peter as though she might devour him right there in front of everyone. To be fair, he had the same look in his eye when he was looking at her.

  “No, thanks,” they both said and started laughing. Riley rolled her eyes and made her way toward the cash bar in the corner, which was so odd to her. Really? A cash bar in a high school gymnasium? Only in Wolf Bay.

  “Hey, Warren, you ready to give up the ladies and see what you’ve been missing?”

  Riley stopped and turned to face Frank Mills. He’d been the captain of the football team, and one of her main tormentors, but he was now a good fifty pounds heavier and was sporting a ridiculous looking comb-over. He’d never shown up for a reunion before, and she’d wrongly assumed she’d never see him again.

  “Not really, but if you are, I know a nice man I could set you up with.” She walked away before he could stop sputtering and think of a response, and she just chuckled. What an asshole.

  She ordered a beer and turned to make her way back to Megan but was met by Frank and a few of his closest friends. She sighed, knowing what was probably coming. She didn’t care. She was so over it all. She’d made it through high school, and she’d make it through this evening no matter what they threw her way.