Hopes and Dreams

by P. J. Trebelhorn

  “So do I. I was just testing your claim.” Riley placed her arms on the counter and leaned forward. “I’ll have whatever you’re having.”

  Vic nodded before grabbing a couple of water bottles out of the fridge. She passed one over the counter to Riley and then stood there looking at her. “I can’t believe you’re actually here.”

  “I can’t believe this place you live in.” Riley turned on the swiveling stool and took it all in.

  Vic glanced around, trying to see it as Riley might. Unfortunately, all she could see was a person with way too much money lived here. It was an open floor plan with a loft above where there were three bedrooms and three of the five bathrooms the penthouse held. There was another area up there that held a pool table and a fully stocked bar.

  Floor to ceiling windows ran the entire length of one wall, and most of the adjoining wall. The view of the city was spectacular. The kitchen was fully equipped with top of the line appliances and cookware, which was wasted on her because she never cooked.

  “It’s a place to live,” she said with a shrug before taking a drink of her water.

  “Are you kidding me? This is amazing.” Riley turned back to look at her and shook her head. “Give me a tour.”

  “Well,” she said, motioning with her arm. “Here’s the main floor, which as you can see holds the kitchen, dining area, and the living room. The door you see on the far wall leads to the bathroom on this floor.”

  “Bedrooms?”

  “In the loft,” she said, pointing upstairs. “Shall we go up?”

  Riley nodded and jumped off the stool as Vic grabbed her suitcase again and headed for the stairs in the far corner. They made the trek up that led them to the pool table and bar, and Riley stopped to admire the setup.

  “Wow,” she said as she ran her hand along the edge of the table. “Do you do a lot of entertaining here?”

  “No,” Vic said with a shake of her head. “I honestly don’t have a very big social circle. I shoot pool by myself once in a while, and Vanessa likes to play when she comes over. The fireplace up here has never been used.”

  She led Riley to the far end of the loft. “This is the guest bedroom,” she said, opening the door and depositing her suitcase on the floor just inside. “Just so you know, you’re more than welcome to stay in my room, but I had this one made up for you if it makes you more comfortable.”

  They looked at each other for a few moments, not saying anything. Vic waited breathlessly, knowing which choice she was hoping for, but wondering which way Riley was leaning.

  “Why don’t we see how the rest of the day goes before I make that decision?” she finally said.

  “Sure, okay.” Vic led her farther into the room and showed her the attached bathroom.

  “Oh, my God, I think this shower is bigger than my entire bathroom at home,” Riley said, staring in what Vic could only describe as awe. Vic watched as she went to the shower, opened the door, and ran her hand along the rough tile. “A rain showerhead? Impressive.”

  “Not as impressive as the one in the master bath,” Vic said. “It has LED lights that change color depending on the temperature of the water. And it’s at least twice as big as this one. They both have heated floors though.”

  “No way.” She stared at her, mouth open. “Show me the master bath.”

  Vic chuckled and led her back across the open area to the master bedroom. There were floor to ceiling windows here too, and a king-size bed that seemed to catch Riley’s attention. Vic watched her as she went to sit on the bed, Riley’s smile a beautiful thing to see.

  “Did you want to just sit there all day, or do you want to see the bathroom?” Vic chuckled as Riley got to her feet and followed her through the doorway into the bath. Riley stood frozen in place as she took in the entire thing. There were two shower heads in this one, and the room also housed a Jacuzzi tub along with a regular bathtub. There was a walk-in closet big enough to be a bedroom on its own off to one side.

  “I love this place,” Riley said softly. “I think I’ve died and gone to heaven.”

  “It’s way too big, if I’m being totally honest,” Vic said, feeling embarrassed. “I mean, who needs this much space?”

  “Well, I would imagine you do since you bought it.”

  “Actually, my father bought it for me when I graduated from college. I told him then it was way too big for just me, but he said he hoped there would be a family someday.”

  “Did he know then that you were a lesbian?”

  “Yes.” Vic smiled at the memory. “He’s always been on my side, no matter what. He said he knew I’d never have a husband, but I could someday have a wife and kids, and he said for him, there wasn’t any difference. Family is family.”

  “Wow. What an awesome father.”

  “Yeah,” Vic said with a nod. She allowed herself another moment of thinking about how wonderful hers was before turning to Riley. “Let’s head back downstairs.”

  “Where does the other door lead?” Riley asked, pointing toward the only closed door left.

  “It’s another bedroom, but I don’t have it set up for that.”

  “What do you use it for?”

  “It’s a studio,” Vic said, a little embarrassed. She didn’t tell many people she liked to paint. It was obvious Riley’s interest was piqued. “I paint.”

  “That’s so cool. Can I see?”

  “Maybe later?” she asked, shifting her weight nervously from one foot to the other. “After I have a couple drinks in me, and it won’t matter so much when you tell me how horrible I am.”

  “I doubt that will happen, but we can wait until later.” Riley followed her toward the stairs again. “What are you going to make me for dinner in that fabulous kitchen of yours?”

  “Nothing,” Vic said, which caused Riley to grab her arm and stop her just before she started down the stairs. Vic shook her head with a sad smile. “I don’t cook. Never learned.”

  “Then why on earth is your kitchen so up to date?”

  “Vanessa always spent more time here than she did at her own place and insisted it all be redone because she loves to cook. I thought maybe we could just order a pizza or something and relax tonight. Unless you want to go out?”

  “No, staying here with you sounds perfect, no matter what we eat.”

  “Really? Then I could go pick something up from McDonald’s and you’d be good with that?”

  “Yeah, maybe not,” Riley said, shaking her head.

  “I have take-out menus in the kitchen, so I’ll let you decide what’s for dinner.”

  The rest of the afternoon was split between watching movies and sitting to enjoy the view of the city. Vic told her about the plans she’d made for the week, including a stroll through Manhattan the next day since Riley had never been there, tickets to Hamilton on Broadway for Tuesday night and dinner at Gallagher’s Steak House before the show, and an evening out with some of Vic’s friends on Wednesday.

  “I can’t believe the view you have,” Riley said when Vic rejoined her after ordering their pizza. “This really is amazing.”

  “It is, isn’t it?” Vic looked out at the city, marveling at the fact it was just as awesome now as it had been when she first moved in fifteen years ago. But, if she was being honest, it had begun to lose a bit of its appeal for her in the past year or so. But seeing it with Riley by her side made it seem all the more incredible. She was tired of living in the city, and while she’d felt that way before spending time with Riley, it seemed to be losing its shine at a much more rapid rate since she’d returned from Wolf Bay.

  “I don’t think I’d ever leave the apartment if I lived here.”

  “But there’s so much to do in the city,” Vic said, reaching for her hand. “Shopping, dining, sports, and you wouldn’t believe the movie theaters here. If you could own one of them, you’d make more money than you’d know what to do with.”

  “I’m sure.” Riley laughed and squeezed her hand. “But sin
ce I’m also sure this penthouse is worth more than I’ll see in my lifetime, I can only imagine what a movie theater would cost. Plus the fact they’re all part of chains, it would never happen.”

  “Doesn’t hurt to dream, does it?” Vic shrugged.

  “I suppose not. I have rather perfected the art over the years.”

  “Did you bring your swimsuit?” Vic winced slightly at the obvious change of subject.

  “This place has a pool, too?” Riley looked at her in disbelief.

  “There’s one downstairs on the third floor, yes, but I have a private pool.”

  “Where?” Riley lifted her feet and looked down. “Does the floor open up or something? Like the gymnasium in It’s a Wonderful Life?”

  Vic laughed and shook her head. It really would be so easy to fall in love with Riley. The thought should have given her pause, but the honesty of it made it seem so right. Why shouldn’t she fall in love with her? Just because she didn’t come from money?

  “I didn’t show you the best part of my living space here,” Vic said as she stood and held a hand out to help Riley up. She held on tightly and led her to what Vic was sure she thought was a closet, but when she opened the door, there was an elevator waiting for them. Riley stopped in her tracks and looked around, obviously confused.

  “What the hell?” she asked. “Does your penthouse apartment have a basement?”

  “No, but it does have a roof.” Vic walked in and waited for Riley before pushing the button to go up. “I was going to wait until it was dark out to show you this, but I couldn’t wait.”

  Vic exited the elevator when the doors opened to reveal an incredible outdoor living space on the roof. Besides the pool, there was a state-of-the-art outdoor kitchen, a hot tub, and some lounge chairs set up under an awning. Riley looked completely in awe as she stood unmoving, still inside the elevator car. Her eyes were darting everywhere, and Vic simply smiled.

  “Holy fuck,” Riley finally said after a few moments. “Seriously, this is all yours?”

  “All mine,” Vic replied with a nod. “You like?”

  “I love.” Riley stumbled as she exited the car, no doubt realizing what she’d said. “Your penthouse, I mean. I love your penthouse.”

  Vic just nodded as she tried to suppress her grin. What she wouldn’t give to hear Riley say she loved her. If she played her cards right, maybe someday she would.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  They brought the pizza up to the roof because damn, the view from there was just too amazing to not spend a few hours enjoying it. Riley couldn’t believe the entire space, inside and out. There was even another full bathroom up here on the roof. She couldn’t even begin to imagine how much the penthouse must have cost. She tilted her head back and gazed up at the sky.

  “The view of the stars isn’t nearly as breathtaking as it is from your roof. One of the downfalls of living in the city that never sleeps.” Vic wiped her hands on a napkin before tossing it into the trash can a few feet away. She began to close the pizza box but stopped and glanced at her. “Did you want more?”

  “God, no, I’m stuffed.” Riley chuckled with a hand on her stomach. “Maybe for breakfast?”

  “I love cold pizza for breakfast,” Vic said with a grin.

  “Really? I thought you might have champagne and caviar or something equally expensive.” The look of hurt on Vic’s face made her want to take the words back, but it was too late. She sucked in a breath and shook her head, but Vic spoke before she could manage to engage her brain.

  “Is that what you think of me?” she asked quietly. “That I’m a spoiled rich bitch?”

  “Vic, no, I was trying to be funny,” she said, getting to her feet and going to stand in front of Vic’s chair. She got on her knees and placed her hands on Vic’s thighs as their eyes met. “I don’t think of you that way, well, I used to a long time ago, but not now since I’ve gotten to know you. I really was just trying to be funny.”

  Vic stared at her for a moment, then broke into a wide grin. “You’re adorable when your upset, did you know that? I was joking too, Riley. Honest.”

  “Bitch,” Riley said with a playful slap to her leg. She stood again and was about to return to her own chair when Vic grabbed her hand and pulled her onto her lap. She immediately put her arms around Vic’s neck and tossed her head back in laughter.

  “Let’s go for a swim,” Vic said, nibbling at her ear and causing goose bumps to break out all over Riley’s arms and legs.

  “No swimsuit,” Riley managed even though her breath was coming in short bursts.

  “Who needs one?” Vic slapped her ass and pushed her off her lap. “I can shut the lights off so no one in the other buildings will be able to see a thing.”

  “I’m not skinny dipping with you,” Riley said, hands on her hips.

  “Why not?”

  “You say no one would be able to see us, but how can you be sure?”

  “Because I am,” Vic said. She went to the elevator door where the light switches were located and shut all the lights off. It was completely dark on the roof, but Riley could see lights on in surrounding buildings. Vic came up behind her and slid her arms around her waist. Her lips were close enough to Riley’s ear that she could feel her warm breath. “I promise no one will be able to see us.”

  Riley stopped Vic’s hands when they went to the top of her shorts and started to pull down the zipper. She let her head fall back onto Vic’s shoulder and sighed. God, she wanted this, but she felt uneasy stripping down to nothing on a roof in the center of New York City.

  “Wait,” she said, turning her head to nuzzle Vic’s cheek. “The first time I see you naked, I want it to be in a bedroom, not on the rooftop.”

  “I have one of those too,” Vic said, and Riley heard the smile in her voice.

  “And there you go, flaunting your wealth,” Riley said, turning in her arms. “I mean, who the hell can afford a rooftop pool and a bedroom?”

  Vic laughed, a thoroughly enjoyable sound that Riley felt in the pit of her stomach. She stared into the blue eyes that seemed to be quite a bit darker than she’d ever seen them before, and her breath hitched. She wished she could trust the words Vic had said before, could trust her feelings were true, but something was still holding her back. She didn’t think it was the conversation she’d overheard in the bathroom at the theater, but if she was being honest with herself, the things Vanessa said brought forth the fear she’d had since the beginning. What did she have to offer Vic, really? She shook her head and took a step back.

  “Please don’t pull away from me, Riley,” Vic said, her voice not much more than a whisper. “I want you so much.”

  “Maybe it will happen this trip, or maybe it won’t, but it isn’t going to happen tonight.” Riley ran a hand through her hair and put some more distance between them. “I’m sorry.”

  Vic just looked at her for a moment before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. When she opened them again, she nodded once. She picked up the pizza box and turned to head for the elevator without a word.

  “Are you okay with that?” Riley asked as she joined her in the elevator.

  “I guess I have to be,” she answered with a shrug. She smiled at her and sighed. “I’m a big girl. I can deal with it.”

  “You know I want you too, right?” They exited the car and made their way to the kitchen.

  “I think I do, but your words are telling an entirely different story than your body is.” Vic got out some foil to wrap up the leftover slices and then leaned against the counter to look at her.

  “Please be patient just a little while longer.” Riley was wavering, but she did her best not to let it show. Why the hell was she turning down something she’d wanted for as long as she could remember? How could she honestly expect Vic to understand when even she didn’t?

  “I’ll wait as long as you need me to,” Vic said, stepping toward her and pulling her close. “I would never force you to do anything you don’t
want to do, okay?”

  “Thank you,” Riley said. She allowed herself to be held for a few moments before pulling away again. “I think I’m going to get some sleep. Is that all right?”

  Vic just nodded and Riley headed up the stairs to the guest bedroom where she sat on the edge of the bed, wondering what she was doing here. Vic had to have thought they were going to sleep together in spite of the offer for the guest room. Hell, Riley would have expected it too, had their roles been reversed.

  On the drive here she’d convinced herself she was ready for it and had been prepared to share a bed with Vic, but then once she was here and she’d been shown the guest room first, she’d been relieved. It was almost as if the final decision had been made for her.

  She wanted Vic—she had no doubt about that. The problem was in her own self-confidence. A woman like Vic had probably been with a lot of women. Riley felt inadequate. What if she couldn’t please her? What if she turned out to be the worst sex of Vic’s life? Riley fell back on the bed with a sigh and stared at the ceiling. Again, Wolf Bay was hardly a lesbian mecca. She could count the number of lovers she’d had on one hand, for God’s sake.

  She forced herself up and into the bathroom to brush her teeth and get ready for bed. She curled up on her side with a book in her hand, but after reading the same paragraph over and over, she put it on the nightstand and turned out the light. Sleep took its time claiming her, but she finally drifted off.

  * * *

  Vic put the wine glasses in the dishwasher and stood for a few minutes looking out at the city. Riley frustrated her no end. She wondered briefly if it was the challenge that was drawing her in, or if she genuinely had feelings for her. There was no doubt though, really. She was pretty sure she was falling in love with Riley. She’d never been in love before, so she didn’t really know what it felt like, but that was just it. This didn’t feel like anything she’d ever felt before. The need to be with her all the time. The desire to just sit and talk with her. Every other woman she’d ever been with had been all about mutual gratification.