Gauge : SBMC Maryland

by Erin Trejo

  “Make me come, Dez,” I growl as my hips rotate and hit her deeper. “Make me come.” Her pussy clenches and holds tight as Dez finds her release.

  “Shit! Yes, Gauge! It’s so good,” she screams, her nails digging into the sunburnt flesh on my back. I let go, coming roughly inside of her. Lowering my head to her neck, I kiss her gently as I try to catch my breath. When I pull out of her she whines and I chuckle.

  “Never been fucked like that before,” she says sitting up and smirking at me. I pull the condom off and discard it in the trash before grabbing my shorts and pulling them back on.

  “First time on a boat?”

  “That too.”

  “What do you mean?” I ask intrigued now.

  “I’ve never had a man get that rough during sex before. I mean, I know you weren’t being mean.”

  “Wait. You thought that was rough? Babe, that was nothin’,” I say with a wink in her direction. Her cheeks turn red and it makes me smile. I lay back down on the towel that Dez was lying on, motioning for her to join me. She rolls over and lies awkwardly next to me as the sky begins to cloud.

  “Storm’s comin’,” I tell her.

  “We have to go back,” she whispers.

  “We can stay a little longer. Might get wet,” I tease.

  Dez laughs and it sounds like a real laugh. Not one of her forced laughs. The clouds grow darker as we lay in silence. As much as I want to be with her, I know it’s wrong. I can’t make her stop using. I can’t make her see that what she’s doing to herself is wrong. Droplets slowly start to fall when Dez rolls to her side to look at me. I mimic her and roll to face her too, reaching up to wipe a drop of rain from her face.

  “You’re going to run from me too, aren’t you?” Sadness creeps across her features and it hurts.

  “I’m not runnin’, but this isn’t gonna be easy. I don’t know that this is a good idea or if it would even work. We don’t know much about each other.”

  “I’m a nobody, Gauge. That’s all there is to know,” she says softly. She sits up and grabs her bikini slowly putting it back on. The rain comes down harder as I stand and head to start the boat back up. The drive back to the dock doesn’t take us too long, and when I watch her climb off my heart sinks. She isn’t a nobody.

  Twelve

  Dezzy

  I slid my shorts and tank top back on before I started walking. Gauge took a few minutes to get the yacht in place, but I couldn’t stand to be there when he was finished. A few minutes later, I hear the rumble of his bike. I ignore him and keeping moving forward. I don’t want to ride with him; I need space and I need to breathe. Gauge pulls in front of me, stopping the bike before looking over his shoulder. His long shaggy hair sticks to his face as the rain pounds down on him.

  “I don’t want a ride, I’m walking,” I tell him and try to move past him. That doesn’t work. He climbs off quickly and grabs my arm, jerking me in front of him.

  “Don’t you fuckin’ play these games with me. Get your ass on the bike,” he growls. Lightning crashes around us but Gauge doesn’t even blink.

  “I like the rain. You wouldn’t understand.” His eyes narrow as he looks down at me. The heat in his stare sends a chill down my spine. How can he look into me like this? How can he see what I don’t want anyone to see? I know he can, it’s all there in his eyes.

  “Fine. We walk.” I watch him walk over and grab his keys and helmet before walking back over to me.

  “No, you can go.”

  “I’m not walkin’ away from you, Dez.”

  Those six words take my breath away. Whether he knows it or not, he will walk away from me. Everyone does at some point. I don’t say anything else. I just start walking and letting the thunder vibrate through my body and the lightning dance around me. The rain hits my skin roughly, reminding me that I’m still alive and able to feel regardless of what my heart is telling me. Gauge doesn’t make a move to talk, and for that I am beyond thankful. He doesn’t understand me yet he can see me. It’s a confusing contradiction I know but it is what it is.

  It seems like forever before we reach the clubhouse and when we get there half of the guys are still gone. I let out a sigh thanking God I don’t have to deal with my dad at the moment. Gauge shoves the door open, holding it open for me as I walk in.

  “Your bike fucked up?” One of the prospects asks Gauge.

  “No, needed a walk. Go run down and get my bike, yeah?”

  The guy nods and comes over grabbing the keys and listens as Gauge rattles off where the bike is. I shiver from the blast of the air condition in the room when he moves in behind me. His hands run up and down my arms trying to warm me.

  “I don’t know what you want from me, Dez.”

  “I don’t know either. I’m not good with boyfriends, they always leave. I’m not good with friends, they always use me. Like I said earlier, I’m a nobody anymore.” The truth hurts. It’s a painful ache that no one else could possibly understand. It feels like your insides are being ripped from your body and there is nothing but darkness that surrounds you. I walk away leaving Gauge to stand there by himself as I head down the hallway. I can’t deal with this anymore. I can’t deal with the feelings. Heading into my room, I grab the little black bag from the night stand head into the bathroom. I need the numbness that the high gives me. I need to feel free, not bogged down in the pits of hell. I fill the syringe and plunge it into my flesh as tears pour down my cheeks. The door flies open and Gauge stands there looking so menacingly handsome. His eyes are wild as he looks at me and then to the syringe.

  “Gimme the bag,” he says roughly. I sob harder and shake my head.

  “You can take it but I’ll just find more.”

  “What’s the point, Dezzy? Why do you fuckin’ use it?” His voice holds so much authority that even I cringe away from it. The tears don’t stop as I gasp for air. It’s all too much. I hear Gauge sigh before he kneels in front of me, pulling me into his arms. That does little more than make me cry harder.

  “Cry it out, baby. Just let it out,” he encourages me in a soft tone that I didn’t think he had. His hand runs up and down my back soothingly.

  “Do you know what it’s like to be alone? To have no one give a damn about you? To live in a place that’s so dark you question your own sanity?” I ask through the sobs. Gauge doesn’t say a word and that’s my answer. He might have had a parent who didn’t want him but he found people who did. I don’t have that luxury. I have nothing but the poison running through my veins. This is what I’ve become or maybe this is what I was born to be. Either way I’m slowly dying and no one even sees it but me.

  “Don’t talk like that, Dez. It’s bullshit and you know it,” Gauge says toughening up his tone.

  I pull away and shove at his chest, pushing him away slightly. Standing to my feet, I ignore him and head back into my room, stripping out of the wet clothes and bikini. Kicking them off, I stalk through the room looking for something clean to put on when Gauge catches my attention. He stands with his arms crossed, leaning against the door frame of the bathroom with my little black bag in his hands. He doesn’t speak and I don’t move. I’m sucked into the depth of the man in front of me.

  “Are you going to watch me get dressed?” I tease letting the high make me bolder.

  A dark look crosses his face before he shakes his head. Shoving off the frame, he walks toward me, coming to a stop when we are nearly touching. He stares down at me, intensity in his glare.

  “I don’t play games, Dez. I don’t like junkies. The most I do is a smoke a little weed here and there, but you, you can’t seem to keep that needle out of that flesh of yours. I won’t do it again. I won’t watch someone else die from this shit. You want a good hard fuck, you come see me. Anything more, I can’t give it to you.” With that, he tosses my bag onto the bed and turns, leaving the room. His words linger in the back in my mind as I stand stuck in place. I’m frozen in time and I can’t move. Who did he lose to drugs? I should
feel bad but I don’t. Not now anyway. I swallow hard and go back about my business before heading to take a shower.

  Thirteen

  Gauge

  She hasn’t come to see me once since that night. I left her with her drug habit and her self-deprecation. I couldn’t stand to see it anymore. Someone ruined her that much? I find it hard to believe, but then again, I’ve seen it happen before.

  “Need to talk to you,” Sly says as I down another shot of vodka. Nodding my head, I turn and follow him up the stairs to his office. Once inside, we both sit. I don’t like the look in his eyes. This isn’t a happy meeting that much I can be sure of. Sly runs his hand over his face before sighing loudly.

  “This is gonna turn to shit quick. Shelby is tryin’ to cop a deal,” he says looking pained at the words. I shift in my seat slightly and lean to rest my elbows on my knees.

  “What kind of deal?”

  “Turnin’ evidence. She threatened me.”

  “What the fuck?” I roar. Sly nods pulling a cigarette out and lighting it up.

  “Called me a few days ago. I told her I’d think on it, but fuck, Gauge. This is gonna throw not only mine but Dezzy’s world into a tailspin.”

  What the hell did she say to get him this on edge?

  “What’s the deal, Sly?”

  “She wants to stay here until the trial. She claims the asshole that she’s turnin’ on will come after her and she wants protection,” he says not sounding so sure of it himself.

  “Fuck that! After what she did to Dezzy? You can’t bring that bitch here!” I know I’m crossing a line talking to my prez that way but Shelby has fucked Dez over way too many times. She’s ruined that girl!

  “Why do you give a shit? You fuckin’ my kid?” he snarls.

  I should tell him yes. I should tell him that that’s the only thing she can fucking feel right now but I don’t.

  “This is a bad fuckin’ idea. How you gonna handle her and Dez?” My eyes stay on his even though the anger in him tells me to back off. I’m not going to. This is complete bullshit.

  “Look, she said if I don’t agree she’s gonna throw Dez in the mix. I won’t be able to get her back out, Gauge. If I don’t let her come here, she’s gonna fuck the deal to include Dez in it. I need more intel on these fuckers but she isn’t givin’ names until I agree. From what I’m told they could throw a drug charge at Dez. I don’t know who the fuck she’s in with so I don’t know if they will go as far as to hurt Dez over her momma! I’m fucked either way you look here,” he says letting out a frustrated breath.

  I run my hand through my hair trying to piece this shit together. None of this makes any sense but the idea of that bitch coming in here and hurting Dez any further pisses me off. I would much rather snap her neck and be done with it all.

  “This is bullshit, Sly. What kind of mother would do that?”

  “Shelby’s always been a little off. She never really wanted kids but we had Dezzy. She hated that I paid her attention when she was younger because that made Dez a target of other MC’s. I saw the danger and pulled away from her, Gauge. I turned against my daughter so that she wouldn’t get caught up in the middle of this shit. I fucked up, brother.” His words hold more meaning to Dezzy than he could know. She’s missed out on having a father figure all those years and for what? I get it, I do but damn.

  “Do you realize just how fucked up your daughter is?” His eyes come to meet mine with a hard stare but slowly soften.

  “No. You do though, don’t you?”

  I nod my head slowly not wanting to piss him off any further. “She’s a user, Prez.”

  “Fuck! How bad?” He knows what I mean. Not just a casual high here and there.

  “Pretty bad.”

  “It ain’t gonna get better any time soon, Gauge. I can’t fuckin’ fix over twenty years of fuck ups just yet,” he admits. I nod my head but don’t drop his gaze.

  “You gonna tell Dez about this shit?”

  “No and neither are you. You ain’t treatin’ Shelby any different than you do Dez, either. She’ll know. She’s not smart but she ain’t stupid either. We’re just gonna have to play this out until the case is over,” he says adamantly. I shake my head, not liking this idea at all, but who the fuck am I to make that decision.

  “Fuck, Sly. This is bullshit.”

  “I know it is. She’ll be here in a few days. I mean it, Gauge. Don’t treat her any different. I’m lettin’ the others know that too. You got a run to be on, yeah?” If that isn’t the end of this conversation, I don’t know what the fuck is.

  “Yeah, I do. See you in a few days.” He doesn’t say anything further as I stand and storm from the room. I can’t believe he’s dragging that bitch back here. Maybe we should take her ass out beforehand and then not have to worry over this mess. I storm down the stairs when Shaft stops me.

  “You about ready?” he asks knowing that he’s on this run with me.

  “Gimme a little while.” He nods and turns back to the game of pool he’s playing with Remy. I storm down the hallway, heading into my room and slamming the door closed with a roar. It’s not until I hear her gasp that I realize she’s in here.

  “It numbs me. It makes me not feel,” she says softly. “It’s the only time I don’t have to feel how lonely I really am.” She looks so goddamn sad and there is nothing I can do to help her. I’m pissed at her for using; I’m pissed at Sly for walking away from her. I’m pissed at her fucking mother for not giving a damn about her. Tugging at my hair with one hand, I move toward her slowly. She stands there in nothing but a t-shirt looking sexy as hell. Pulling a condom from my pocket and my knife from the other, I grin at her.

  “Take the shirt off, Dez,” I demand. Her eyes follow my movements as I set the knife on the edge of the bed and rip the condom open. I slide my cut down my arms, laying it on the bed next to the knife before stripping out of everything else. Dez stands there in nothing but a thong, the thin fabric clinging to her body in all the right ways. I groan as I roll the condom down my length and move toward her not forgetting the knife as I go.

  “What are you doing with that?” she asks as I look into her eyes. I need to see that she isn’t high right now. I need to know that she’s going to take this moment with her and never forget it. I just smirk and touch the tip of the knife at the base of her throat. She inhales quickly, her eyes wild. What I see surprises me. Shock and fear. Those are two emotions that I wanted her to have. Slowly I slide the knife down her chest stopping to circle each nipple. Her body is practically trembling right now. She doesn’t know what I would do to her and the thought of that has my cock hardening even more.

  “Are you afraid?” I whisper when I lean in and catch her ear lobe with my teeth. She sucks in a breath and gasps. “Answer me, Dez. Are you afraid?” My lips run a path down her neck, sucking her flesh into my mouth and savoring every taste.

  “Yes,” she says softly. So softly I almost didn’t hear her. I pull back and run my knife down her stomach and over to her hip, slipping it under the side of her thong. Cutting the fabric from her body, she wheezes louder. I move the blade to the other side, doing the same thing until the fabric falls to the floor.

  “Spread your legs,” I tell her. She’s hesitant at first but does as she’s told. When her legs spread, I flip the knife in the air, catching the blade in my hand like I’ve done plenty of times before. Dez’s eyes widen as she watches what I’m doing, but like a good little girl, she keeps silent. Slipping the handle between her legs, I toy with her wetness all the while listening to the soft pants that keep falling from her lips.

  “What do you feel?” I ask her as I keep punishing her body with the handle before slipping it inside of her.

  “What are you doing, Gauge?” She sounds panicked and I fucking like it.

  “Shut up and answer me. What do you feel?”

  “I’m scared, okay? I’m fucking scared you’re going to cut me.” I pull the handle out a little only to slide it back in
. In and out, in and out I fuck her with the knife as her eyes water. When I think I have her where I want her, I pull the knife free, dragging it to my lips and sucking her juices off it. Tossing it to the floor, I grab Dez’s hips roughly, lifting her and pushing her against the wall. With my cock at her entrance, I plunge into her.

  “Gauge! Shit!” she hisses as I pound into her. Her body slams into the wall as I fuck her roughly. I bite into the flesh of her neck, licking and sucking. I take her harder than I have anyone before because I want her to fucking feel something without those goddamn drugs in her system. I want her to know that whatever the fuck this is between us is more than those drugs. Her nails dig into my flesh no doubt drawing blood. My hips keep moving, slamming into her as deeply as I can get. Sweat drips down my temples and Dez leans in licking it away. I growl and squeeze her hips tighter before turning and walking us to the bed. I lay her down, staying inside of her before raising her hips in my hands. Bucking my hips, I get even deeper. I reach one hand up and pinch her nipple.

  “Oh God!” she screams.

  My body quivers as I see her coming apart beneath me. Her pussy clenches, keeping me held deep inside of her. Sweat burns my eyes as it slides from my forehead. My balls tighten, my body trembles with the need to come inside of her.

  “Fuck!” I growl and roar at the same time as I come hard. My body jerks as I hover over her trying to calm from the high it was just on. I know I need to get ready to go, but fuck, being with her just feels right.

  Fourteen

  Dezzy

  He left the other day to go on a run. I have to say that I hated it when he left. It was a local thing but apparently they needed him round the clock. I don’t know what he was trying to prove but I fucking loved the way he was proving it. Gauge did something to me that I didn’t know was possible. For the time I was with him in his room, he made me feel things that I didn’t think I could. Emptiness was something I know very well but feeling him inside of me was different this time. I felt wanted, cared for. I felt afraid when he was toying with me with that knife but oddly turned on. I haven’t felt anything but sadness in so long that I didn’t know how to react to it all. He left me in his bed, telling me to sleep and that no one would bother me in there. And that’s what I did. But today is another day and I don’t know what to do with myself.