LUCIEN: A Standalone Romance

by Glenna Sinclair

  “We have a week. And then he’ll bring his high-power lawyers from…wherever he’s from…”

  “Oregon.”

  I shot a look at Jack. “You know who he is?”

  “I’ve read about him, just like the judge.”

  “I had no clue. I thought he was just a high school teacher.”

  “We can use that against him, you know. Argue that he lied to you about his identity. Maybe that would mar his character enough that the judge might consider home surveys and interviews with social workers. That would take time, give you more time with JT.”

  I shook my head as I turned back to the window.

  “How am I supposed to win this if even my lawyer has already accepted that JT going with this man is inevitable?”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “You didn’t have to.”

  Jack came up behind me and touched my shoulder. I didn’t want his touch. I didn’t want to be consoled. I wanted to go home and pack a handful of belongings and take JT a long way away from here.

  I remember hearing my mom talk about this when they first brought JT home from the hospital. For the first six months of his life, his biological mother had the right to come and take him back. One night I couldn’t sleep and I went to my parents’ bedroom to ask if I could sleep between them, but then I heard my mom crying and I stopped outside the door where they couldn’t hear me.

  What if she wants him back? What if she just shows up at the lawyer’s office and demands that we return him to her? What would we do then?

  Those words haunted me. Having JT around those first few weeks was a novelty and I loved helping my mom dress him. But after I heard that, I was afraid to love him. I was afraid that if I loved him too much, they would take him away and my mom would fall back into the depression that left her lying in a dark room for weeks at a time before the adoption. I thought that it was my fault then and I was pretty sure it would be again. If I loved JT…I knew now that depression is a medical disorder. I know now that I had nothing to do with my mom’s depression. It was a chemical imbalance that was made worse by the series of miscarriages she had in the years after I was born. And I knew now that loving JT wouldn’t have caused him to leave. And that the grace period birth parents are allowed passed long ago.

  But that irrational fear was still alive and well deep in my soul. And that part of me felt like this was my fault; that I was letting my mom down.

  “I won’t let him take JT from me.”

  I pulled away from Jack and left the room, strutting out of that courthouse like I knew what I was going to do. But I really didn’t.

  I needed a new lawyer. I was already running through my finances as I rushed out of the building, trying to figure out what I’d have to do to come up with the money a decent lawyer would require. I didn’t hear him come up behind me, didn’t hear him calling my name until he grabbed my arm.

  “Penny, can we talk about this?”

  I spun around, my hands clutched into fists.

  “I don’t know that we have anything to talk about, Mr. James. Or is it Philips?”

  Much to his credit, a little bit of shame brought color to his cheeks. “I’m sorry I lied to you.”

  “You didn’t just lie. You used me to get what you wanted. But I would guess that’s just what you do.”

  His eyes narrowed slightly. “I’m not who you think I am.”

  “I don’t know you at all.”

  I turned and started to make my way down the rest of the steps in front of the courthouse. I could see his shadow as he followed me.

  “I want to see him.”

  I shook my head. “Not now.”

  “Penny—“

  “I have to tell him about this. I have to tell my fifteen-year old brother, who is still struggling with the deaths of our parents, that his English teacher is really some billionaire from Oregon who wants to rip him from the only home he has ever known because his mother lied to a lawyer sixteen years ago.” I glanced back at him. “I think that’s more than enough for one person for one night.”

  Harrison inclined his head slightly. “Okay. But I want to see him soon. Tomorrow.”

  “He has school.”

  He grabbed my arm again. “There’s got to be a way we can work all this out. I don’t want to take him from you. I just want to be a part of his life.”

  “Liar.” I jerked my arm from his grasp while moving into him, my finger pressed against his chest. “If you only wanted to be a part of his life, you would have told me who you were when you first arrived in town. You wouldn’t have taken that damn job, you wouldn’t have made threats and you wouldn’t have hidden your identity. You would have come straight to me, told me who you were, what happened all those years ago, and we would have talked about an arrangement. But you didn’t do any of that.”

  “I handled it badly.”

  “You lied!” I stared at him, the anger building so intensely in my chest that I could hardly catch my breath. “You lied and kept secrets and used me. Do you really think I could forgive that?”

  “I thought I was doing what was right for JT.”

  “What would be right for JT would be for you to disappear. The last thing he needs right now is some long-lost father coming back to turn his life upside down.”

  “I don’t agree.” He leaned close to me so that he was less than a breath away from my lips. “You’re struggling, Penny. You barely have time to sleep let alone raise a fifteen year old boy. He’s unsupervised, running through town in the middle of the night, getting arrested for public intoxication, disappearing for hours at a time, sleeping through school. Do you really think that’s ideal? Do you really think you’re doing what’s best for him?”

  “Do you think ripping him away from his friends, the only home he’s ever known, is going to be any better?”

  Harrison hesitated and that surprised me. I expected him to have a quick answer. But he didn’t.

  Maybe neither of us truly knew what was best for JT. But I knew that allowing him to go off with a virtual stranger wasn’t the answer.

  I walked off, leaving Harrison standing there alone on the steps. I didn’t look back, but I could feel his eyes on me. And, despite myself, I liked it. I liked that he couldn’t look away, that I’d left him wanting more. In a strange sort of way, it made me feel powerful.

  But it also hurt worse than any heartbreak I think I’d ever felt. Because I also knew it was all about this mess, not about what happened between us last night. And last night was an experience I’d never known before, one that every inch of my heart wanted to experience again.

  *****

  I went to the house when I got back to town, but JT wasn’t there. I headed over to the bakery, overwhelmed with the guilt that I’d left Nick and Amanda to handle all the work all day. It was nearly time to close the shop, but Nick would probably still be at it for few hours more, trying to get a head start on tomorrow’s orders.

  I let myself in through the back door, moving silently. The floors were covered in rubber mats back here to reduce the chances of someone slipping on spilled water or flour, so my heels didn’t make that tap-tap sound that they might have otherwise. So Nick and JT didn’t know I was there at first.

  They were standing side by side at one of the work tables decorating a wedding cake. Nick was patiently showing JT how to create the delicate flowers that would flow down one side of the three tiers. JT was listening closely and when Nick complimented the purple rose he’d just completed, his face beamed with pleasure. It reminded me of the hours and hours I stood there beside my mom, learning from her talented hands how to do the same thing.

  Once again, tears filled my eyes. I don’t think I’d missed my parents quite as much as I missed them in that moment.

  “JT,” I said, clearing my throat to rid it of the sound of tears.

  He turned and smiled. “Look, Penny,” he said, gesturing to the flower.

  I smiled. “It’s perfect.” />
  He looked at it, giving it an objective study. “This petal is a little too wide.”

  “The little mistakes are what make them perfect.”

  “That’s what I keep telling him,” Nick said, winking at me. But then the flirt went out of his expression as he saw something unsettling in my face. “Everything okay?”

  I shook my head no, but then JT looked at me, so I forced a smile.

  “We need to talk, JT. Do you think I could take you for a burger?”

  The contentment disappeared from his face as he handed Nick the frosting bag. “Did coach call you?”

  “It’s not about that. This is…it’s complicated.”

  “Now I’m really scared,” he said as he flashed that cocky smile of his. But I could tell it wasn’t a joke. Not completely.

  Nick crossed the room, stopping just in front of me as JT went into the small store room to take off his apron and hat. Nick touched my arm, smoothing his palm over my skin.

  “What’s going on?”

  “It’s too much to go into right now.” I glanced over his shoulder to watch JT. “But I…”

  “Is there anything I can do?”

  “I’m going to have to take tomorrow off, too. Do you think—“

  “You don’t even have to ask.”

  I looked up at him, so grateful I could have kissed him.

  “Thank you.”

  He pressed his lips to my forehead. “I’m here for you, Penny. No matter what.”

  And that brought the tears back. I brushed at my cheek as JT joined us.

  “Ready?”

  He looked from me to Nick and back again, and I could see that he was worried. My heart ached as I put my arm around him and led the way out to the car.

  *****

  We parked at the local drive-in and ordered cheeseburgers and cheese smothered tots, our favorite junk food indulgence. We didn’t really talk. JT fiddled with the radio knob, searching for music that wasn’t ‘ridiculous’ as he called anything that was written before 2005. When the food came, I picked at my burger, eating a pickle or two. But my appetite had disappeared and didn’t show signs of returning any time soon.

  “So…?”

  I glanced at JT. He was watching me even as he took a huge bite of his hamburger.

  “What do you think of Mr. James?” I asked.

  He shrugged. “He’s pretty cool. Why? Are you guys dating?”

  My eyebrows rose. “What makes you ask that?”

  “He was at the house this morning and you guys were fighting.”

  “I’m sorry you saw that.”

  He shrugged, taking another bite of the burger.

  I put my burger down on the dashboard and popped a tot into my mouth. I chewed slowly as I tried to figure out how to say what needed to be said. How do you tell a kid that his biological father had just showed up out of the blue? Oh, and by the way, he’s your English teacher.

  I could feel him watching me. I ate another tot to give myself a few more seconds. Then I sighed.

  “Do you remember when you were little and dad explained to you what it means to be adopted?”

  JT rolled his eyes. “You mean the whole forever family thing?”

  I tilted my head just slightly. “I mean the whole ‘your biological parents gave you up for reasons we don’t know, but it was a loving act that meant they wanted what was best for you’ thing.”

  He nodded. “Dad said my biological mother was very young and she probably gave me up because she couldn’t take care of me alone. But they didn’t know anything about my bio-dad.”

  “Yeah. Well, it turns out that when the adoption lawyer went to get a signature from the biological father—the signature that said he agreed to give up all parental rights to you—she didn’t actually get his signature. Someone else forged it.”

  JT set his burger down and began picking at his tots. “What does that mean?”

  “It means that while your biological mother gave you up, your biological father didn’t.”

  “Really?”

  “He claims he didn’t even know about you until a few months ago.”

  “How could he not know about me?”

  I shrugged, picking the cheese off of my tots. “I don’t know.”

  “So what does that mean now?”

  “He wants you, JT. He wants to take you away from here and back to where he lives.”

  JT was quiet for a long couple of minutes. I didn’t look at him at first, afraid that I would cry if I saw what I expected would be fear and confusion on his face. Instead, when I finally looked at him, I saw excitement and wonder.

  “My father wants me?”

  “We went to court today. The judge ruled that you would stay with me for right now, but that he can spend time with you and that we have to go back to court next week.”

  “I get see him?”

  “Yes. But next week, when we go to court, the judge wants to talk to you.”

  “Who is he?”

  JT was completely missing everything I was trying to tell him. All he wanted to know was about Harrison. I didn’t understand. I mean, I suppose I did, to a certain extent. He’d lived all his life wondering who his biological parents were and why they gave him up. But didn’t he care that he might have to leave me, leave his friends? What about football and school and everything else?

  What about me?

  “When do I get to see him? Can I see him now?”

  I studied the eagerness in his eyes and sighed. “It’s Mr. James, JT. But he lied to us. His name is really Harrison Philips. He’s some sort of—“

  “Mr. James?”

  “Yes. He came here and got a job at the school so he could get to know you.”

  JT sat back in his seat, dragging his greasy fingers through his hair.

  “Mr. James is my father.”

  “He is.”

  “Can I see him now?”

  “JT—“

  I wanted to argue with him. But I could see by the expression on his face that anything I said now he wouldn’t hear. He didn’t want to hear anything other than what he’d asked. His head was spinning with thoughts that I could only imagine.

  I sighed, put the car into gear and tossed my practically untouched meal into the trash on the way out of the parking lot. Harrison’s car was in the driveway outside of his rented house and the man himself appeared at the door seconds after I pulled my car to a stop at the curb.

  JT didn’t even say goodbye as he jumped out of the car. But Harrison—he lifted his hand in a grateful wave.

  Or maybe it was triumphant. Either way, I felt as though I’d just lost everything that ever mattered.

  Chapter 12

  Harrison

  “It’s so weird, being inside a teacher’s house.”

  “I’m not really your teacher anymore.”

  JT looked up from the magazine he’d picked up from the coffee table. “Yeah, I keep forgetting,” he said, his eyes refusing to rest on my face.

  “I know this must be pretty confusing for you.”

  “Not really,” he said, dropping the magazine back onto the table and moving over to the bookshelves that held a collection of bells left by the last occupant of this house. He touched one or two before moving to the small collection of DVDs I had sitting on the television stand. “You like these?”

  “Yeah. You?”

  He shrugged, once again moving on. He was so restless, it was like watching a puppy checking out new surroundings. I leaned against the archway between the kitchen and living room to watch, not sure there was anything else I could do.

  I hadn’t expected her to bring him by tonight. When I heard the car pull up outside through the exceedingly thin walls of this house, I wasn’t sure what to expect when he jumped out of the car. When she didn’t get out…I hated that this was so hard for her. I wished again and again that there was another way.

  “I guess you have a lot of questions for me.”

  JT hesitated, on
ce again picking up the magazine from the coffee table.

  “I used to wonder about my birth mother a lot. What she looked liked. What she did for a living. That kind of thing.”

  “She’s kind of tall,” I said, holding a hand out just above my shoulder to show him how tall. “Blond. Blue eyes.”

  “Yeah?”

  “She was about to start college when I knew her. Now she’s married to a Wall Street guy and they have two kids. Daughters, I think.”

  “I have sisters?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you?” JT kind of waved his hand like he didn’t want to say the words.

  I shook my head. “I don’t have any kids yet. Never been married, either.”

  JT crossed his arms over his chest and stared at me, finally meeting my gaze.

  “Penelope said you got the job at the school just so you could get to know me.”

  I nodded. “I didn’t want to disrupt your life until I had a chance to get to know you. Until you had a chance to know me.”

  “You lied.”

  There was that word again. Penelope kept throwing it in my face like that glass of whiskey that got thrown around so much in chick flicks. I buried my hands in the pockets of my jeans as I tried to find a defense that wouldn’t sound defensive.

  “I never knew about you, JT. I met Julia in New York during summer break while I was attending Stanford. When summer was over, I went back to California and waited for her to call. When she never did, I just assumed she’d moved on to some other guy. I knew it was a possibility. Julia and I never made promises to each other because we knew we couldn’t keep them.”

  “Her name’s Julia?”

  I looked up. “Yes.”

  JT looked away for a second, as though he needed a moment to work through that information. When his eyes came back up to mine, I continued.

  “I went to New York on business several months ago. While I was at this restaurant I go to all the time, she happened to walk in and spot me. We talked. And that’s when she told me about you. She’d assumed all these years that I knew, that when she gave the adoption lawyer my parents’ address that she’d actually spoken to me. The problem is, I was at Stanford at the time. I never saw the lawyer, never saw any paperwork. I never knew about you.”