The Wrong Side of Honor

by Marshall Ginevan

  “I’ve only known her for a short time.”

  “And in a few days, you go back to the fast life of a fighter pilot and leave her here, forgotten and heart broken.”

  “An officer’s life is not a simple one. The U.S. military is reducing the size of its fighting force and a lot of guys are on their way out. I’ve been reduced from a fighter pilot to an intelligence officer. The Air Force is pulling out of Thailand and I’m expecting to return to the States by summer where I’ll either be further reduced to a policeman or kicked out altogether. How can I provide for a wife if I may not even have a job myself?

  “And another thing. The local Communist outfit is trying to kill off the intelligence officers at our base. They just missed me a few days before I came here. They may be waiting on me when I get back. The war isn’t the neat little package you civilians read in the papers. It’s about real people dying.”

  “I think I know a little more about that war than you do, Lieutenant,” Dr. Pazarchek said, nodding his head. “I’m a retired Army colonel with five combat tours in Viet Nam. You spend eighteen hours in surgery saving a bunch of kids, only to have Charlie attack the hospital and rake the ward with an AK-47. And what’s even worse is when you see more than one-in-five GI’s die from aircraft and vehicle accidents, drug overdoses, and VD. Then, a year after I returned, my wife died. She spent a lot of lonely years at home waiting on me, wondering if I would make it back. I understand better than you do, Lieutenant.”

  “Sir, I’ve got to go back to Thailand. Once I know what my future holds, then I can decide Elaine’s.”

  “Remember this, Lieutenant. The war will soon be over. Get out and continue your education, find that one woman the Lord has set aside for you, and in all you do be right and be righteous.”

  “Be right and be righteous?”

  “Yes. You be right and be righteous in all that you do and the Lord will direct your path and protect you and the one he gives you as your wife.

  “Good luck, Lieutenant. We’ll be praying for you.”

  “Thank you, sir.”

  Elaine met Eddie as he left Dr. Pazarchek’s office.

  “You were talking to Father?”

  Eddie nodded, but said nothing.

  “About us?”

  “Yep.”

  “Well, what did he say?”

  “He doesn’t want me to go back to Ubon and forget about you. Doesn’t want you to end up broken hearted.”

  “It’s none of his business.”

  “Elaine, that old man has more degrees than a thermometer, yet he’s concerned about you.”

  She hesitated before asking, “Are you going to forget about me when you leave?”

  “No, I won’t forget about you. I’ll write. But, Elaine, I have a job to do when I get back and I could get hurt. I’m a GI and the war isn’t over yet.”

  “But when it is?”

  Eddie took her by the hand. “It’s happening way too fast, but, ah…” He took a deep breath and said, “I do love you.”

  She squeezed his hand. “I fell in love with you when I first saw you standing there at the airport.”

  Eddie smiled as they walked into the dining room and sat at an empty table. They sat without speaking for several minutes. Elaine finally broke the silence.

  “What are you thinking about?”

  “How I don’t want to go back there and leave you.”

  “So, take me with you.”

  “No,” Eddie said emphatically.

  “Why? Do you have a girlfriend there?”

  “It’s a military base and things could start happening there. Besides, you have a job here. These kids need you. When my job there is done, I’ll come back. We’ll talk more about us then. Until I get back, you just sit tight and wait for me.”

  “Where would I go?”

  “I don’t want you getting antsy and marrying someone else while I’m gone.”

  “No chance of that, cowboy. I’ve made up my mind. You’re the one for me, for life.”

  Eddie leaned across the table and kissed her.

  After the supper meal, Eddie went to the library to read the latest edition of the English language newspaper. The lead story reported President Lon Nol of Cambodia abdicated and fled the country. This was not good news. He felt the end was near in Cambodia.

  Thumbing through some back issues, he read that Hué fell to the NVA on March 26th and Da Nang City fell on the 30th. Both were located in northern South Viet Nam. Possibly Saigon could be saved if the South Vietnamese army pulled back and regrouped.

  Eddie studied the map of South Vietnam and Cambodia for about ten minutes. He then walked to Dr. Pazarchek’s office. They discussed the military situation for about an hour before Eddie phoned the American Embassy in Kuala Lumpur. The Military Attaché Officer was still working. He briefed Eddie on the unclassified reports coming out of Cambodia and South Viet Nam. Eddie notified him where he could be contacted if needed.

  Elaine was waiting for Eddie on the steps to the guest quarters.

  “Another lecture from Father?” she asked.

  “He and I were discussing business.”

  “What business is that?”

  “Military business.”

  “He doesn’t think I’d make a good military wife, I take it.”

  “Elaine, you weren’t the topic of discussion. In fact, your name never even came up.”

  “Oh! So, what’s this big military conference about?”

  Eddie put his foot on the step next to Elaine and leaned forward with his arms resting on his knee.

  “Elaine, there are two kinds of business. First, there is the business of us. That business I will share with you fully, even if it is unpleasant. Second, there is military business. That is my business and I cannot and will not share most of that with you. You don’t need to bother yourself with that.”

  “Are you telling me that you will keep secrets from me?”

  “Yes. I’m the GI, not you.”

  “Eddie, that just isn’t fair. I thought we would have an open and honest relationship.”

  “You have to share me with Uncle Sam for as long as he has me in his uniform. When he calls at an inconvenient time, I’ve got to go. Often without explaining to you where I’m going, what I’ll be doing, and when I’ll be back. That’s military life and you’re right. It isn’t fair.”

  “How can we live like that?”

  “If we can’t, then I just may have to quit. But for now, that’s just the way it is.”

  “You’re telling me that I come second,” she said.

  He could see the hurt in her eyes.

  “Yes, for now anyway. We aren’t married and I owe you no obligation. When we get married, then I’ll have to change that situation. Unless we can arrive at a compromise, that is.”

  She stood up, obviously angry now. “I think we need to decide where we stand right now, Eddie. Not later.”

  “I just told you where we stand. Discussion over.”

  With that, Elaine stomped off to the girl’s dorm.

  Eddie shook his head as he watched her walk across the yard. He then went up the stairs to his room. Our first fight, he thought to himself. Is it starting already?

  The next morning, Eddie was serving breakfast when Elaine walked into the kitchen. She walked up to him and said, “Good morning, handsome,” and gave him a kiss on the lips. “Can I help you?”

  “Sure. I can always use some help.”

  As she walked off to get an apron, Eddie noticed three teenage girls standing on the other side of the serving line watching them.

  “Boy, has she ever got her claws into him,” one of them said.

  “You really think so?” a second asked.

  “Another good man captured and being led to the altar,” the third
said, then all three walked off giggling.

  “Know-it-alls,” Eddie muttered to himself.

  The week went by with no further argument or mention of their disagreement. It was as if she had totally forgotten the incident. He was unaware that Dr. Pazarchek talked to her about Eddie’s military obligation and her duties if she were to become an officer’s wife. Particularly a Christian wife.

  Then, on the morning of April 8th, Eddie was standing outside the dining hall watching the kids walk to their classes, when a U.S. Marine corporal walked up from the parking lot. He stopped and spoke to several of the older kids and they pointed to Eddie. Eddie met the Marine halfway across the yard.

  The Marine saluted sharply, and Eddie returned his salute.

  “Lieutenant Donevant, sir?”

  “Yes.”

  “May I see your ID, sir?”

  Eddie showed him his military ID card, and the Marine handed him a message. The message was ordering him to report immediately to Jake at the fighter squadron at Udorn. Eddie handed the message back to the Marine and said, “Send a message to the Commanding Officer at Ubon. Tell him I want all my gear shipped to Udorn ASAP.”

  “Yes, sir. But we have orders to take you to the airport.”

  “Give me five minutes to pack. I’ll be right with you.”

  They exchanged salutes, and Eddie turned and walked to the guest quarters.

  Elaine watched the exchange from outside the classrooms. She walked most of the way across the yard and then ran the rest of the way to Eddie’s room.

  Eddie was packing when she walked in.

  “You’re leaving?”

  “Yes. Duty calls,” he answered with a pleasant smile.

  The tears fell into place and she said, “Please, don’t go.”

  “Hey, there, Beautiful,” he said and wrapped his arms around her. “It’s not forever. My vacation is over, and I have to go back to work.”

  “I don’t want to lose you,” she said as the tears began to flow down her face.

  “You aren’t losing me. And what happened to that tough, self reliant gal that I’ve come to love so much?”

  “I just want us to be together. If you’ve got to go, take me with you.”

  “I already told you. I’m a GI and a military base is no place for a civilian. And besides, I’m going to be working eighteen hour days, seven days a week. I wouldn’t be able to spend any time with you.”

  He kissed her and finished packing.

  “Eddie, I’ll do anything for you. Anything you want. Just tell me.”

  Eddie thought for a few seconds. Then he said, “Okay. Here’s what I want. Write me once a day, even if I don’t write back. Be the best teacher you can be here at this school. And don’t fall in love with anyone else until I can marry you.”

  “Oh, Eddie…”

  “Promise me you’ll wait for me.”

  “I promise.”

  “You won’t forget? I don’t want you to ask, ‘Eddie who?’ when I call.”

  She laughed through her tears and said, “I’ll wait for you. I promise.”

  He held her and kissed her for several minutes. “I love you,” he said softly. Then he turned, picked up his bags, and walked out.

  She watched him walk across the yard to the parking lot, climb into the jeep, and ride out onto the road. He was gone. She crawled onto his bed, wrapped her arms around his pillow, and cried herself to sleep.

  UDORN RTAFB

  8 April 1975

  Eddie stepped off the Thai Airways commuter plane at the Udorn transit terminal and was met by his old wizzo, Lieutenant Ralph Purdy.

  “Hello, Eddie,” he said with a big grin. He offered a quick handshake.

  “Ralph, what are you doing back at Udorn?” Eddie asked, pleased to see his old friend.

  “They were looking for crews with combat experience, so I volunteered. Colonel Waters knows we like the same music when we fly, so he teamed us up together.”

  “Old Man Waters is here?”

  “Yea. He made lieutenant colonel a week before I made first lieutenant.”

  “Well, congratulations to you both.”

  “Thanks. Here, throw your shit in the back of the truck. They’re putting us up in transit quarters.”

  “Yea, but I’ve got to find all my gear. It’s supposed to be coming up from Ubon sometime today,” Eddie said as he got into the truck.

  “I packed it into your bunk area about an hour ago. Captain Renwick flew down and got it for you.”

  The transit quarters was a couple of wood framed buildings covered with corrugated metal. They were open bay, but had been divided into cubicles with wall lockers and wooden partitions. Usually an enlisted quarters, it was now filled with fighter pilots.

  Eddie unpacked the items he thought he would need, then laid back on his bunk and thought about Elaine. It would take him a few days to decide if he really wanted to marry this girl, he thought. But after just an hour he sat up and wrote her a letter.

  Dear Elaine,April 8, 1975

  Just want to clarify a few things. One, I’m at Udorn, not Ubon, as you may have noticed by the return address. Two, I already miss you. That’s going to make life just a little tougher for me. Three, I really do love you, and I’m serious about us getting married. But I have some things to take care of first. So, please, be patient.

  I love you,

  Eddie

  P.S. - I’m finding that you are the best thing that ever happened to me. The worst thing would be if I ever lost you.

  Eddie sealed the envelope and walked off to the post office.

  Crews of the two fighter squadrons settled in, then spent the rest of their time lounging at the pool and hanging out at the Officer’s Club.

  Meanwhile, a squadron of RF-4’s was flying continuously. All the sorties were into Cambodia, mostly around Phnom Penh. Something big was up, but no one knew exactly what it was.

  At 5:00 p.m., April 10th, the bar was closed to all air crews and support personnel in both fighter squadrons. Orders were given that all air crews were to get a good night’s sleep and be ready for a call out from any time after midnight. The base was quiet and tensions were high. Crews found it difficult to sleep.

  Eddie, too, was unable to sleep. He walked to the snack shop where he bought a Mountain Dew. He then walked to the pilots lounge in Flight Operations.

  Elaine was in the outer office when the phone rang. One of the teenagers was supposed to be answering the phone in the evenings, but she was alone in the office.

  “Hello.”

  “Elaine?”

  “Yes,” she said, unsure if the voice was Eddie’s.

  “Hey, doll. You sound great, even over this static line.”

  “Eddie,” she squealed.

  Eddie broke into a broad smile. “You sound happy to hear from me.”

  “Oh, it is good to hear your voice. Where are you?”

  “Udorn. Why?”

  “I just talked to Teresa. She told me that you weren’t at Ubon and couldn’t tell me where you were. Wouldn’t give me a phone number or anything. Are you okay?”

  “Yea, I’m fine.”

  “You aren’t in trouble?”

  “No, I’m not in trouble.”

  She heard the laughter in his voice.

  “Then why wouldn’t Teresa tell me anything? What are you doing?”

  “I’m going to be doing some flying this week. That’s all. I need a few hours each month to keep my wings.”

  “Something is going on, Eddie. I know it.”

  “No. I just miss you and called to say I love you.”

  “You’re lying, Eddie. You’re either going to do something very dangerous or you want to tell me it’s over.”

  Eddie hesitated before asking, “Are those my choices
?”

  “Are you telling me it’s over between us?”

  “No, of course not. I miss you like you wouldn’t believe.”

  “You’re doing something dangerous. What is it, Eddie?”

  “After riding in a jeep with you, nothing I do seems dangerous,” he said, laughing. But he heard only silence at the other end of the phone. “Hey, doll. I’m sorry. I can’t talk about it. And I’ve got to go.”

  “Eddie, please –-”

  “Elaine, I love you. I’ve got a letter in the mail to you. I’ll see you soon.”

  “I love you, Eddie,” she said, fighting back the tears.

  “I know you do. I’ll try to call you around 9:00 tomorrow night. If not, then the night after.”

  “Okay.”

  “Good night. And pray for me.”

  “I will.”

  The click on the line followed by static told her that he was gone. She ran to her room, locked the door, and cried herself to sleep.

  UDORN RTAFB

  7:00 a.m.

  11 April 1975

  The glare of the naked light bulb above his head woke Eddie from a sound sleep. He knocked the light aside with his hand, rolled onto his side, and squinted at the small travel clock on the metal stand next to his bed.

  “Oh-seven-hundred, partner,” Ralph Purdy said.

  Eddie pulled his pillow over his head. “Go away,” he muttered. “I was having a great time with my new girl.”

  Ralph picked up Elaine’s picture from the stand. “Nice. Definitely nice.”

  Eddie pulled his pillow from his head and looked at Ralph. “Give me that, you pervert.” Eddie took the photograph from Ralph’s hand and asked, “What do you want?”

  “We brief at 0800. Came to see if you wanted to get some breakfast before we fly.”

  Eddie’s head jerked up. “Less than an hour?!”

  “Yea,” Ralph answered. He reached down and took Elaine’s picture out of Eddie’s hand for a second look.

  Eddie jumped up and grabbed clean underwear, a towel, and his shaving kit. “Weather?”

  “Severe clear with light to moderate SAM’s and scattered triple-A.”

  “Saigon?”

  “Nah. Phnom Penh today. At least that’s the rumor from the recon guys.”