by Maddie Wade
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“No, you need to build the blade up with the growth rings alternating direction on each plank, like this,” K said as he showed Drew how to place the wood to fix the rudder on the boat they were restoring.
“Okay, I got it,” Drew said before he took over leaving K to get back to what he was doing.
It had become very apparent in the first week that just putting Drew through his paces would not work. The kid needed to immerse himself in something so that the destructive thoughts and feelings going around in his brain didn’t drown him. Restoring a twenty-foot wooden sloop was about as all-consuming as it got, but it also required concentration. Watching something that looked so broken become beautiful and majestic again was satisfying and would give him a sense of achievement while still allowing him to work through his shit.
Drew had started off watching K as he worked on the sloop. He’d then begun to ask questions and showing an interest, after that he’d started initiating conversations and becoming animated when Kanan talked about the boat. His face lost the permanent scowl.
Kanan had inherited the sloop after someone couldn’t pay a bill at the local bar he owned. It was worth jack shit, but he was in need of a project to keep him busy. He was surprised at how much he enjoyed teaching Drew how to restore it and passing on all the knowledge he had picked up. Now it was part of their daily routine. Drew would go for a run at six am, then after breakfast, which they shared on the deck, they would spend a few hours working on the boat, before a lunch of fresh fish. Afternoons were when he and Drew would explore the Island, with K asking Drew how he would come at certain situations from a tactical point of view.
Drew was intelligent and thought quickly on his feet. He just lacked the ability to control his emotions and slow down. He was typical of his generation K thought as he watched the kid use the epoxy as he’d shown him. He wanted everything now, with no thought to how rushing things could result in a complete fuck up.
The restoration that was teaching him patience was the key, God knows if you had no patience, you would fuck it up and end up sitting at the bottom of the ocean. His hope was that while he helped him with the basics of being a soldier and operator, the boat would teach him that being patient would render the best outcome.
Unless it pertained to beautiful stubborn women with tattoos and attitude for miles, then patience was worth fuck all. His mood darkened as he found himself thinking of Roz again. He worked himself to the bone most days so that he would fall asleep instead of thinking about the woman who haunted his every waking moment.
At least he had accomplished something with Drew because coming out to St. Kitt’s hadn’t allowed him to leave her behind. Memories were everywhere he looked, he had visions of her walking down the beach to him in a white bikini, her hips swaying seductively. Roz chopping fruit in his small kitchen, looking at him as she crawled towards him on the bed, a smile on her face that was as dirty as it was playful. It was relentless purgatory that for some reason he couldn’t break free from.
“Okay, that’s enough for today, let’s eat,” he called to Drew. The kid looked so much better than when they reached the island. His skin was tan, his eyes clearer and less haunted. He had even become fitter, his run times faster, his endurance longer. It was amazing how this place could heal you, long days in the sun, simple food, and hard work. The company that required nothing from you, even conversation. When they did talk, he found Drew to be a mature and sensible young man, but his self-confidence had taken a knock. He was sure between his time here and the support from Fortis they could get Drew back on the straight and narrow.
He was cleaning the fish he had caught this morning when he saw Drew turn and look behind him. His eyes followed, and he felt a jolt as he saw Zin and Celeste walking down the beach towards them, holding hands. Zin’s tall frame was wearing khaki shorts and a Hawaiian shirt, aviators finishing off his tourist look. It always amazed Kanan how Zin could blend in and stand out at the same time. Nobody would question the fact that he belonged here and yet he stood out at the same time.
His sister was in a pretty coral summer dress with big green leaves on it that fluttered around her knees. She looked happy, the radiant smile that was visible even from this distance making him smile. Zin made her happy and he thanked God every day that she had found someone who would cherish her as she deserved to be cherished. But also, a man who could protect her from the evil that was in the world.
Stepping out on to the deck that led directly to the beach, he waited until they got closer to move towards them. They looked relaxed, but he still felt a frisson of fear. Had something happened to Roz or Zack? Why had they come here?
“K,” Celeste exclaimed as she got within running distance, letting Zin’s hand go so she could run to him. He caught her in a hug and twirled her around as he had when she was a tiny child. His big frame engulfing hers.
“Hey, munchkin, to what do I owe the pleasure?” he asked putting her down and looking to Zin. Drew had moved beside them, and Celeste hugged him with a little less exuberance, as Zin glared at Drew, reminding everyone why he was called the Viper.
“Do I need a reason to visit my favourite brother?” she grinned as she moved closer to Zin, slipping her hand back in his as if some invisible force pulled them together. He chuckled at her reply, but his eyes never left Zin’s face. The man gave nothing away, his eyes hidden behind the glasses hiding any emotion that might give him a clue. “Of course not, it’s great to see you.”
They turned and walked back to his beach home side by side.
“How are the babies?” Drew asked as they walked.
“Oh, they are gorgeous and getting so big already,” Celeste replied enthusiastically. “Lauren misses you though and I’m sure the babies miss uncle Drew.”
His sister always seemed to know what to say. Drew beamed at her words, never having had a proper family life he relished his family now, which was why he was struggling so hard.
“I miss them all too,” he replied.
“How’s the beast?” K asked of Samson.
His sister squinted her eyes at him in a mock glare which she couldn’t pull off. “My beautiful beast is perfect.”
“That’s great Celeste but I was referring to Samson, not Zin,” he replied making her laugh and the man at her side to shoot him the finger from behind her back. Ha, he was so whipped. They reached the boat and Celeste asked about it.
“Why don’t you show me what you’ve been up to, Drew,” she said steering Drew away so that Zin could obviously talk to him in private. He watched them walk the few feet to the boat.
“What’s going on?” K asked as they stood watching Drew show Celeste the boat, his enthusiasm evident from where they stood.
“You got a beer before we do this?”
“Of course.” He turned and walked towards the massive fridge that was fully stocked as Zin followed. He passed him a beer and took one for himself snapping the lid off on the side of the old driftwood table. He took a swig, tamping down the desire to rush the man who was now watching Celeste as she laughed with Drew.
“Let’s sit,” he said, and they took a seat under the shade of a palm tree.
“You need to come back to the UK,” Zin started, and K froze his beer halfway to his lip.
“Why?”
“Celeste misses you.”
He sighed, and a sense of relief and disappointment hit him. What an idiot to think Roz had changed her mind. “I miss her too, but I promised your sister I would stay out of her way and Zack needs me to do this job.”
Zin looked at him and K could feel the man assessing him and seeing through his bullshit. “Roz didn’t know what she wanted but she’s changed.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, she rented a place close to me and Celeste. And she’s now fostering Natalia and Katarina. She’s making a life for herself.”
Kanan felt the air in his lungs constrict in shock. Zack said the girl’s family
didn’t want to know anything about them, but he had found them a really wonderful woman who was willing to take them in. At the time he had been close to flying home, the thought of those poor kids in another place with more strangers did not sit well with him.
But what could he offer them? Nothing was the answer. So, he’d stayed and trusted Zack to make the best decision he could. He felt a smile lift the corners of his mouth at the thought of Roz coping with two girls. He always said she would be a great mum but never for one-second thought she would actually settle down long enough to do it.
Turned out it wasn’t settling down she couldn’t do, it was just him she didn’t want to do it with. He felt bitterness burn through him, waging war on his heart and soul. He had been so sure he could give her what she needed. So sure, that deep down she loved him and was just scared but now he knew differently.
It was like a physical pain in his chest, finally coming to the realisation that it was over, that she truly didn’t love him.
“What has this got to do with me?” he asked sharply. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled that she has. Roz has a lot to give, she always has but she has made her position about us clear.” He took a swig of the beer almost draining the bottle as the desire to get blind drunk filled him.
“Everything! She loves you and this is her way of showing you.”
Kanan let a humourless laugh erupt. “She most definitely does not love me. In fact, she feels the exact opposite of that emotion for me. And I quote, ‘I hate you K.’ Does that sound even remotely like she loves me?”
Zin started to chuckle, and K twisted to look at him. “What’s so funny, motherfucker?”
“Let me tell you a story, Kanan,” he began, the humour clearing. “When we were young, our father hated that we were close. Roz was always saying she loved me and I told her the same. We only had each other to depend on. Our mother was weak, her mind wasn’t even there half the time, so we became best friends. But our father hated it and told us that if he heard us say ‘I love you’ again he would make us suffer, and he meant every word. So, after that particular beating, we started to say ‘I hate you’ to each other instead of I love you. We knew what it meant, and it stuck, even now she tells me she hates me.” He turned and looked K taking off his glasses, so he could see the truth in his stare. “So, you see, if she told you she hates you, then she means she loves you.”
K felt hope sizzle in his veins. Could she actually love him? Was there still hope for a future for them, one where they could both have everything they ever wanted? He had known from the minute he’d held her in his arms that she was the woman for him. Even dirty and close to death he had known that somehow his destiny was tied to hers.
He had followed her career for years until he lost sight of her. Nothing could have prepared him for the shock he’d felt as she’d walked towards him on his beach. Every molecule in him had fought with the need to tell her he knew who she was, but he sensed correctly that she would have run.
Shame, wanting her to hide her past, and only allow the world to see who she had become. So, he had acted like he had never met her before, hadn’t felt her skin on his. Allowing their first meeting to take on a new meaning for him. He’d been so damn proud of the woman she had become.
Falling in love with her had been easy, some would say inevitable. How could he not? She was stunningly beautiful, strong, kind, clever, funny—the list could go on. The only thing marring their time was the certainty he had felt in his bones that she would leave. Every night he had fallen asleep with her in his arms and wondered how long they had left together.
Going back to the hut the night he had planned to tell her who he was and finding her gone had been one of the worst nights of his life. He had sensed it the moment he set foot inside the simple home they had shared for nearly two months, her very essence wasn’t there. That hadn’t stopped him from looking for her. He’d spent the entire night trying to find her and had planned to beg her to come back. In the end, he had come back here with a bottle of rum and drunk it until he’d passed out.
He had spent the next month that way until he had woken up in a pool of his own vomit and decided enough was enough. Now, as he sat next to Zin with the information he had, he had to wonder if he could trust what he said. She’d burned him pretty badly after he put himself out there time and time again. Could he trust her again? The resounding thought in his head was no! He couldn’t trust that just because she loved him she would be brave enough to be with him.
“If she wants me she knows where I am,” he answered Zin’s unasked question.
“She doesn’t know where you are.”
“Yes, she does. If she really thinks about it, she knows in here,” he said tapping his chest.
Zin didn’t say anything else and Kanan admired him for that. He and Celeste stayed a few days and it wasn’t mentioned again. They spent the time with him showing them the island, taking them to his favourite bar and grill. He even took them all out on his boat where they caught fish and drank and swan until late afternoon. Then they sat around the fire pit and grilled meat while watching the sun go down.
It had been the perfect few days and he was sad to see them go, not knowing when he would see Celeste again. Hugging him tight Celeste leaned back, holding onto his biceps so she could look up into his face. “I’m going to miss you, but I can see why you love it here.”
“I’ll miss you too, munchkin and you are welcome anytime. Feel free to leave the idiot at home next time though.” He laughed, as Zin glared. Their relationship had come a long way in the last few months.
Celeste’s face went serious. “She needs you, K. She doesn’t say it, but she misses you.”
“Then she knows where to find me,” he replied, resolute that she needed to come to him this time or he would never know for sure if she had just buckled to his will.
Celeste nodded and kissed his cheek. “We’ll see you for Christmas though, won’t we?”
He had promised to come for Christmas, deciding that he wasn’t prepared to sacrifice his relationship with his sister for anyone. “Yes, I’ll be home for Christmas,” he sighed. Zin stepped forward as they shook hands and understanding between them now. “Take care of her,” he said.
“Always,” Zin replied with a nod.
Drew said goodbye at the beach, opting to work on the boat while K drove them to the airport. He put the conversation about Roz behind him refusing to dwell on what might have been or what could still be, instead concentrating on moving forward and giving Drew the help that he needed to move forward as well.
That all changed one month later.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
She fucking hated this car, this piece of shit MPV handled like road kill, but it was the safest car on the road and she was determined to keep her girls safe. Even if it came at the cost of comfort and style. She would literally kill for an hour on her Hayabusa, Roz thought as she bumped down the drive on a Saturday afternoon, two weeks after Zin and Celeste had returned from their short holiday.
As soon as they came home she had seen their tan faces and the smile of contentment that split Celeste’s face, and known where they had been and where K was. Celeste confirmed it later when she told her about the boat he was teaching Drew to restore. Her face had split into a grin at the thought of Kanan in his board shorts, no shirt, skin glistening as he sanded and painted.
It had been her favourite thing to watch him do, that was until she got to watch him eat her out. Now that was her favourite view in the world. Kanan was a beautiful man, with the most expressive eyes she had ever seen. But it was so much more than that to her, he was her safety and her biggest threat. He terrified her and yet she craved him more with every day they were apart.
Stopping the car outside the Cunningham Estate she exited the vehicle and began to walk away until she heard a small person banging on the window of the car and realised she had completely forgotten they had the damn child locks and she needed to open the
door for the girls.
“Fuck! Sorry, sorry,” she gasped as she blew her hair out of her eyes. She desperately needed a haircut, but she never seemed to get time. She had spent her life thinking parenting was easy, but it was fucking hard. Between cleaning the house, doing the shopping, cooking, helping with homework, washing, and running errands she never got a second to herself.
She was fucking exhausted from it and she loved it. Never had she felt a better sense of achievement than when Katarina said thank you for the ice-cream she passed her at dinner the other night. She’d stopped short and fought the urge to turn around and hug the girl until she couldn’t breathe. Instead, she’d blinked back the stupid tears and said she was welcome.
Walking into the Estate as the first drop of summer rain fell, she went towards the kitchen knowing someone would be there. This house was literally a hotbed of people. Even though some had moved home now the threat of the Divine Watchers had lessened others had stayed, and she could see why.
There was something comforting about knowing someone was around all the time, she’d never really had that and although she wouldn’t want this set up for herself seeing as she really wasn’t a people person, she could see why others did.
“Can we go play with Paige?” Natalia asked as they passed the room that had been turned into a kid’s playroom. Megan was sitting with Paige and Riley doing puzzles.
“Yes, but mind your manners,” she reminded them.
“We will,” Natalia said as she and Katarina ran off giggling. Roz bit back the smile, sure that if she continued this smiling shit someone was gonna have her sectioned for mental instability. Pushing through the door of the kitchen she found Ava sitting at the counter, leaning her elbows on the top while she nursed a mug.
“Hi, Ava.” Ava looked up and Roz grimaced at the green look on her face. “That bad huh?”