She's Only Seventeen: A Novel of Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll

by K. M. Ellis

  “That feels really good.”

  “Does it?” he half smiled.

  “I really want you inside of me again”

  He laughed, “in due time, you’ll have me.”

  He kept rubbing, I don’t know how much elapsed, before a wave of pleasure unlike any I had every felt before came over me. My body contracted together in a movement so foreign to me. Gary stopped. I glanced up at him; he was ready for me now. With his lips on mine, his body entered mine once more.

  1984

  Thomas

  January 1984

  “Can I stay with you tonight, Kat?” I asked as I sat down on the couch.

  We had been hanging out all day and I had just brought her back to Gary’s house where she had been staying the past months.

  “Why?” she asked suddenly

  “Uh, well James and Ian are throwing a party tonight and I would rather sleep than get wasted so…”

  “Um okay, sure you can,” she said with a small smile

  “Cool.”

  She took a shower and got into her bed with me, “go to sleep, Tom,” she said, shutting off the light.

  I couldn’t. She must have thought I had because after about an hour, she got up and left. Curious, I followed her. She went down to the kitchen where Gary was.

  “I really wish you would not have him over here right now,” he whispered to her.

  “It’s only one night, plus it looks suspicious if I say no,” she said

  He came close to her, backing her into the counter, she giggled and to my horror, she put her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply.

  “God, I can’t go tonight without you,” he moaned softly as she tugged at the button on his jeans.

  He lifted her up easily, parting her panties to the side and letting himself loose.

  I couldn’t breathe as I watched him move with her on the counter. I ran back up the stairs to Kat’s room where I threw myself into her bed. She came back shortly after and fell in beside me.

  I didn’t say anything to her; I had no words for what she was doing.

  Gary

  February 1984

  I couldn’t believe this. I had been secretly sleeping with Kathryn Crowne for two months now and honestly, I was happier than I had ever been. She literally was always with me, and so eager to please. She had made me break up with Jen which I had no issues with. It had become a bit odd to have her around after I started with Kat. She couldn’t know of course that Kat and I was a thing, but I’m sure she had some notion that something was going on, considering how Kat and I had acted around her. Who could blame me? Kathryn was seventeen and gorgeous. She looked older than her age, possibly due to the fact that she dressed and acted that way. I didn’t care; I couldn’t keep my hand off of her. Her little buddy Thomas was suspicious, I could tell, in fact, everyone was. How could they not be? We tried to keep it as secretive as possible, but it was hard. I was proud to be with her, despite her age, and I wanted everyone to know. She didn’t seem to care either, the way she recklessly wrapped herself around me in public. “Do that thing with your tongue again,” she would say or “tell me how to do it,” it was exhilarating. She was brazen, she was bold, and horrible as it sounds, everything I had ever wanted.

  Kat

  March 1984

  “No, nothing’s going on,” I explained once more

  “Nothing? Since you’ve been back at “home” you’ve been a different person,” Thomas questioned.

  Had I been? Surely I was happier, but different? No.

  “I haven’t done anything different”

  “Jesus, Kat. You were so upset and depressed when Drew didn’t call; we all thought you were going mental. Now you’re on top of the world daily.”

  “So that makes me different?” I said, frustration rising in my voice.

  “Well yeah.”

  “No I’m exactly the same fucking way as I was before Drew, Thomas,” my voiced came out louder than expected as I saw Gary poke his head around the corner.

  “Everything alright in here?” he asked

  “Of course” I said calmly, giving him my best smile

  He smiled back almost too knowing, as he left the room. I could tell Thomas had seen what had been met for my eyes only.

  “Okay so what’s going on?” he asked again in a low whispered.

  I gigged as I repeated that nothing was.

  Even then I could tell he was unsatisfied with my answer, but there was no point in arguing anymore. He had his suspicions and he would think himself correct

  Gary

  May 1984

  I wasn’t sure who it came from first or who voiced it, but it was there. Someone had found out that I had been sleeping with Kathryn. Although she was almost eighteen and damned well able to consent, my career and the fact that I had fucking adopted her whilst she was living under my roof, changed everything. My carefree attitude towards the whole charade became cautious and destructive. I had to tell her it was over, I couldn’t see her anymore. I don’t know who it would hurt more.

  She came home around eleven at night to which she found me sitting on the couch with my usual jack and coke.

  “You stayed up for me?” she asked sweetly as she rolled around the arm of the couch plopping herself down right next to me. When she went to kiss me, I turned away.

  “What’s wrong?’ she asked instinctively, pulling backwards.

  I hoped she didn’t smell the amount of alcohol on my breath. In truth, I couldn’t have done it sober.

  “Kathryn,” I started, with every fiber of my being rejecting what I was about to say, “we can’t keep doing this.”

  “But why?” her caramel eyes didn’t have tears like I expected, just a sad concerned look.

  “Because it’s not healthy, you’re so young…”

  “Are you serious?”

  Now she looked taken back.

  “Yes, Kat, I’m very serious.”

  “Fuck you, Gary, you’re just fucking scared.”

  “Yeah, well maybe I am,” I shouted at her.

  “You fucking are!”

  “God, Kathryn, please just sit down and listen,” I said to her, pleading as she rose from the couch and started towards the door.

  “Kathryn…Kat… please,” I repeated, desperate for her to respond.

  She took one look at me and slammed the door behind her.

  With that, I immediately regretted my decision, realizing I had just lost the most important person in my life.

  Kat

  May 1984

  I honestly didn’t know what to do or what the feeling that suddenly had come over me was. I felt anger, hatred. Something I had never felt towards Gary before. I wasn’t even sure if I had loved him. Lusted definitely, but love? I longed to be wanted by someone after Drew, and when Gary came along, things seemed to fall into place. If I didn’t have feeling for him, then why was I so upset?

  I drove to Thomas, where as soon as he opened the door, I fell into his arms.

  “Whoa, what’s wrong, Kat”? He asked.

  I held him tighter, just wanting him to shut up.

  “Come on, Kat. Talk to me”

  “Can we just go upstairs?” I finally asked.

  “Sure,” he almost whispered.

  He let me lay on his bed with him, just holding me while we sat in silence. I rubbed my body against his in a manner that I knew would arouse him. I could feel his body growing stiff beneath his pants. His breath came quickly in my ear as I placed his right hand on my breast. When I turned to face him, his lips found mine and I felt a sense of relief that he was going along with this. I pushed him onto his back and wordlessly took him out of his pants. He was throbbing with wanting when I touched him, and as I started to move my hand in a stoking motion, I heard a small moan escape him.

  “Let me touch you, Kat,” he said

  I smiled and pushed his hand away, continuing what I was doing.

  “If you keep doing that you’ll make me c
um.”

  “That would be the point,” I explained

  His breath came heavier now, “god, just let me fuck you.”

  I moved faster now, setting a pattern in which I knew satisfied him. I bent over his cock. His eyes met mine as I put my lips to it. The noise which came out of him was one I had never heard before. His body almost seemed as if it was not his own as he gushed warm liquid into my mouth. I forced myself to swallow it before I lay back down next to him.

  His breath was staggered, and when he reached out to hold me, I allowed it, but the magic was gone and all I wanted was to escape from him.

  “Stay with me tonight,” he said softly into my hair.

  “You know I can’t”

  “Gary won’t care, he knows me, he’s let you before.”

  “I know,” I explained, “but”, I sighed, “we got into a fight before I left, he’s probably out looking for me.”

  “You think so?”

  “I don’t want to find out,” I said forcing a small laugh.

  In truth, Gary probably didn’t care. If he could just break off whatever we had as heartlessly as he did then why would he want to have me there if he wanted me gone? The thought crossed my mind to stay with Thomas, but was quickly dismissed. I knew I couldn’t, I never could be with him.

  Thomas

  May 1984

  Kat left as swiftly as she had come, and left me with a feeling of emptiness. I had been waiting so long for her to come back to me, to realize that, yes, there was something there. But no, she still refused to let it happen. I tried to suppress it, tried to put it out my mind, but the feeling of her on my body, God. I could feel myself growing hard again at the thought of it. Images ran through my mind, betraying everything I was trying to dismiss. I quickly pulled down my pants and began rubbing myself. Fuck. I was still slick with her… The release wasn’t satisfying. I wanted her again, needed her. I knew it was halfway impossible, but I’d have her again. I had to.

  Kat

  June 1984

  “Kathryn, talk to me,” Gary begged.

  I ignored him and continued to pack my things. I had asked Thomas earlier that week if I could move in with him and he said it was okay. He seemed hopeful towards me since I had renewed our intimacy.

  “Come on, Kathryn,” he said again

  He had been following me around like a wounded animal the past week or so, very uncharacteristic for Gary, I thought to myself.

  “Kat!” he yelled, slamming my suitcase shut so I was forced to look right at him.

  My eyes snapped to his, he had used my nickname instead of ‘Kathryn’.

  “I’m sorry, okay?” he said

  I breathed out hard, “No you’re not. If you were you would have made it work, but no, you care more about your career.”

  “I could go to jail, Kathryn if anyone proves those rumors to be true.”

  “I’ll be eighteen in a couple months Gary, I really don’t think it matters THAT much.”

  He huffed and moved away from me, “you don’t even know how hard this is for me, do you?”

  “Apparently not,” I said reopening my suitcase and continuing.

  “Would you stop that?” he said angrily.

  “Do you know what else happens when I’m eighteen, Gare?”

  “What?”

  “You’re no longer my legal guardian, YOU don’t get to tell me what to do anymore, but you know what? I don’t even have to wait for that cause I’ve been liberated from you.”

  “What do you mean, Kathryn?”

  “It means I’m a legal adult with a working profession in the eyes of the law and” I giggled cruelly,” I make my own choices now”

  “When did this happen.”

  I hadn’t gotten the official papers back yet but it was in motion. “Last week,” I said,” I hired a private lawyer.”

  “Kathryn…”

  “I’m leaving, and you need to leave me alone, or else I’ll get you for harassment.”

  “Don’t be like this, Kat” he said flatly, “your acting like your father.”

  My eyes snapped at him, “I hate you.”

  He grabbed my arms, his eyes blazing, “you don’t hate me, you little tease, you’re just angry because you didn’t get your way. Or at least you don’t think you did, but you fucking did. I want you, I still want you, words can’t stop it… nothing can.” He kissed me, hard and sloppy.

  I broke away from him, “It’s too late, it’s all too late.”

  “Can’t we just wait until you’re eighteen?”

  “You have been my legal guardian most of my life, don’t you think it looks a little funny?”

  “Not if you really love me,” he confessed.

  “And you love me?” I asked

  “In my own way, it’s complicated…”

  It was all I needed to hear.

  “Do what you want,” I said, no longer caring.

  Thomas

  June 1984

  When she finally admitted to me that she had been sleeping with Gary, I don’t know what hit me first, hatred or disgust. Although I had seen the affair in action, hearing it come from her lips affected me differently than I thought it would. I couldn’t tell her that I had already found out, that I had seen them together in their unnatural embrace.

  “Why would you sleep with him, Kat? That’s so fucking gross.”

  She shrugged, “It’s over now so who cares?”

  “Uh, everyone does!” I pointed out

  I didn’t want to admit to her that I was jealous. Jealous that he had been able to have her, jealous that she wanted him, jealous that she was hurt over losing him…

  She had used me.

  It would be the last time she would.

  James

  July 1984

  “He will get over it, Kat,” I told her

  “No, he’s pretty angry this time.”

  I sighed, “Look, Kat, Tom is… he has always been… a bit rash. I mean you have to see it from his point of view.”

  She shrugged, “okay, so maybe sleeping with Gary was a bad idea. But James, I felt something with him, something I have never felt before with anyone else.”

  “Like love?” I asked

  She giggled, “Love is a stupid word.”

  “That’s because you’ve never been in love, Kat.”

  She sat down on my bed, “I thought I loved Drew, but I realize now he’s just a fucking loser.”

  “Drew’s not a loser Kat. He was almost ten years older than you; he took advantage of you, sorta like Gary. Kat, find a guy your own age?”

  She laughed, “Like you?”

  I smiled, “You know I don’t want to be in a relationship.”

  She inched closer to me, “what if it was just a sexual relationship,” she asked under her breath.

  “I think that could work,” I responded, smiling at her and coming closer so she was inches away.

  “Don’t tell Thomas,” she said sternly

  “I wouldn’t dream of it,” I responded, grabbing the back of her head and pulling her down to me.

  What he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him right?

  Roy

  Late August 1984

  It had been months since Shane had approached me with the idea of touring with Neptune again. I had toyed with the idea in my mind, back and forth, until I decided it would be worth a shot. After all, the numbers hadn’t been what they had been since they were together last time.

  I called a meeting with Arctic Circle.

  “So I have decided to try to get in touch with Neptune to see about you both doing another tour together.” I began.

  I saw Drew’s eyes roll. “Is there a problem?” I asked

  “Why do you want us to tour with them? They’re so young and boring,” he complained

  Shane answered for me, “Dude, she’s Pete Crowne’s daughter, you saw what happened before, and don’t you want that again? Shits been dead since we got off last year!”

  The
other guys nodded in agreement. Drew had been defeated in this argument.

  “I am going to contact Kat about the proposed tour, just to get a feel on where she and Neptune stand with this,” I explained.

  The guys seemed satisfied with the agreement as I prepared on what I would say when I contacted her.

  Kat

  September 1984

  Neptune was stuck. We wanted to get back out on tour but did not have the means to do so. Sure we were sort of fine on our own, people loved us, but everything was just so expensive that Thomas and I decided it would be best to find someone to go on tour with once again as we had with Arctic Circle. That tour had been such a hit that the guys and I really wanted to do another world tour with someone as soon as possible. The fans had mixed feelings about me, some loved me because I was my father’s daughter, but other’s hated and despised me because of the media calling me a whore for seducing Gary.

  Instead of feeling angry and upset over Gary, I found new energy with casual sex with James. We kept it a secret from everyone else and fortunately it stayed that way.

  I began to feel as if we should give up hope when I received a call from Arctic Circle’s manager, Roy. He agreed that we should meet and did not hesitate to set up a time and place a couple weeks later.

  I met him at a hotel within walking distance of my residence. He brought me up to his room to speak. As we spoke, he told me that “a tour with Neptune would be beneficial to Arctic Circle, but first I needed to help him if he was going to help me”. I didn’t fully understand what he meant until I felt his eyes surveying my body like a championed racer would his prized horse. I hen realized that I needed to make sacrifices for the band even if it met giving myself sexually to this man, I was repulsed by the thought of it. He was around Gary’s age, but nowhere near as good looking or charismatic.

  “You’re turning into a beautiful young woman, Kathryn Crowne. I’d love to have you,” he explained

  I asked him what I could do for him, growing bolder because of the confidence boosts he was feeding me. I shyly reached over and touched his leg.

  The fact that I was practically still underage didn’t seem to nerve him at all. I was illegal, forbidden, and therefore desirable. I would try my best to please this man with my girlish charms. His body shook a bit when I inched closer to the prize. Undoing his belt, I heard him intake a breath. He looked almost taken back by my actions. I reached into his pants to pull out a decent, but fairly small member. I didn’t show any disappointment because he was rock solid. I timidly rubbed him. He started to shiver a bit and told me sternly that he wanted me.