by K. M. Ellis
I went inside and grabbed the phone.
“Tom, can you meet me?”
Thomas
March 1989
“So the baby was Shane’s?” I asked
“Correct” she admitted.
Kat explained that she had a paternity test done on the baby after Shane had left the hospital. It had been months since the incident and they were further apart than ever.
“When will you tell him?”
“I don’t plan to,” she said
“Why wouldn’t you tell him?”
“I can’t,” she explained, “we’re already falling apart what’s the point?’
“This could change it?” I suggested.
She shrugged. “I feel like I’m turning into my father,” she said softy.
“You’re nothing like him,” I said honestly.
It was true; in the last months since the “incident” she had been sober, free from alcohol or drugs. She wasn’t looking back either. Shane still didn’t seem to care that she had made this huge life change.
Kat shrugged it off. Shane had been on tour with Arctic Circle since earlier this month. Kat was relieved to be alone.
“I think Gary is still mad at me,” she said
“I think it’s very honorable of him to have said ‘no’”
Her eyes narrowed as her face broke into a smile, “Well I guess it’s never too old to start,” she laughed.
We stared at each other for a moment, until Darla made a loud noise, breaking the spell.
“What are you doing?” Kat cooed at Darla who was now almost three.
“Food!” Darla demanded.
Kat’s face widened into a smile.
If I didn’t know it any better, from outsiders prospective, it looked as if we were a family. The thought of it warmed me.
Kat
Later That Day
When I arrived home the next day, Shane did not even ask where I had been. When he came out into the kitchen, I set my wedding band down in front of him; he picked it up and looked at it. His face softened. He looked hurt as I started walking away from him.
“Wait” his voice cracked. “What’s this?”
I could have been an asshole and just said “my wedding band,” but I straight out told him that I was ending our marriage. I could feel the whole mood in the room change as Shane’s face completely fell.
“Oh,” he paused. “I didn’t think you were that unhappy.”
He stopped talking and looked out the window. “It’s Drew, isn’t it,” he questioned.
When I did not respond, he continued. “I know you are still in love with him…” he trailed off caught off guard by unexpected tears.
He then looked up; sobbing he strained to say, “Do you even love me anymore?”
That was it, Shane thought he was unloved, when in reality, he was. I loved him more than he would ever know.
“Of course I do, Shane.” I said softly
“Then why are you acting like this?”
“Why are you?” I shouted, my anger showing through
“Because you’re sleeping with Drew!” he said, “that’s where you were right?”
“Yes,” I said sheepishly realizing someone probably had seen us and hinted to him.
“And now you don’t want to be married to me anymore so what am I supposed to think?” he sobbed again, trying to suppress it.
Shane,” I said moving towards him.
“Don’t,” he stopped me.
“Please,” I grabbed his arm
He froze. “Kat”, he said while looking down at me, his breathing heavy
I kissed him frantically then, like id never kiss him again. He had been the father of my child, not Drew. Drew didn’t matter, Shane did. His arms came around me pulling me close. We fell to the floor, his body pressed on top of me. He was inside of me before I could stop it. His hands slipped into mine as he moved faster. He cried out with me when we released together. It felt as if nothing had changed for a moment, for a second it was if the past year had never happened. My heart swelled with love for him. I was content. Then reality set back in. Tears ran down my cheeks. He looked down at me. He breathed out and pulled himself away.
“I don’t know what to do, Kat”
I hesitated, “Can we make it work?”
I don’t know what had come over me, I needed this, Shane. All of him.
He raised an eyebrow, “You want to?”
I shook my head yes.
He gave me a cocked smile and sighed. “I’ll do it for Darla.”
I threw my arms around him.
“Is it bad I want you again?” I whispered to him.
“One step at a time, Kat,” he stated while lifting me off of the floor.
His smirk told me all I needed to know.
Drew
March 1989
“I can’t do it,” Kat whispered to me before practice the next day. “I love him, I’m not leaving him.”
“You really think you can patch this up?”
“I’m hoping to,” she said firmly.
Shane walked past us, “You coming,” he asked me, so casually, like nothing had ever happened.
“Yeah, be there in a second.”
Kat glanced at him, and then flipped her attention back to me. “No more of any of this.” She said. “It’s done, all done, please.”
I stared at her incredulously, had she completely forgotten the night before?
“Please, Drew. It’s over.”
“Fine, fine Kat.”
She fixed her cat eyes on me, and then looked away. “You… uh, better get down there.”
“Yeah, cool… whatever Kat.”
She smiled casually, walking away without even a glance back to me.
I stood there feeling angrier than I had ever felt. I loved her and she had totally shunned me. After I was willing to give up my whole life for her.
Shane
April 1989
“Look this over, will you?” Kat asked me as she handed me a piece of paper.
I looked down at it, lyrics.
“Show them to Tom yet?” I asked
“No, I wanted you to look them over first,” she said with a smile
I looked it over, “I guess I’d have to hear it with music.”
“Let’s go downstairs then and you can play the guitar part,” she suggested
“You don’t want to do it with Tom?”
“No, I want to see what you think first,” she said
She had been all smiles, like she was playing a part. I still couldn’t trust her, but I did still love her.
Thomas
May 1989
“When can we start things up again with the band? The guys are getting restless,” I asked her.
“I’ve been writing, Tom, but I need to fix this with Shane before I even consider doing anything at this point.”
“Kat…”
“Shush,” she said as she took my hand
“Where are you taking me?”
She plopped me down on her couch, “Sit here for a minute,” she asked sweetly
She came out of the kitchen a moment later with a plate.
“Try one,” she suggested
I picked up the cookie she had made, “you’re baking now?”
“Well I wanted to do something to make Shane happy but I’m really not good at this,” she let out a small laugh
I broke it in half, “We could play hockey with them.”
She broke down in laughter, “Thank you,” she said taking a bow
She was so beautiful, I wanted to scoop her up and take her away,
She sat beside me, “I’ve missed you, Tom… a lot…”
“I know me too, Kat.”
I held her to me, she trembled as she looked up at me, “Kat,” she stopped me with her lips. My hands held onto her waist while she pulled me down to her.
“Mommy?’
I sat up quickly; Darla was staring right at us.
“I hungry” she said reaching for the broken cookie I had sat on the coffee table
“I wouldn’t eat that,” I said to her
Darla smiled running away with it in her hand, Kat got up and went after her.
I sat on the couch alone, wondering to myself what had just happened and whether Darla would say something to Shane.
Kat
June 1989
I watched Drew through the glass in Shane’s downstairs studio in our basement.
“Kat, can you turn the bass up a bit?” Shane shouted
I sighed as I reached over and pushed up the bass volume.
Drew looked over and me and smiled, I looked away, trying not to smile.
I knew he was still angry at me, but that didn’t mean the tension was no longer there.
Shane and I had been sleeping together again casually. The spark which had ignited our marriage was no longer there, although we both tried.
I could feel my life slipping through the cracks.
“Now a little lower, Kat” Shane shouted
I pressed the bar down lower, playing the obedient wife.
I had never felt more trapped.
Gary
August 1989
I was invited to Darla’s third birthday by Kat and of course I attended. She had a chance to pull me outside near the oak tree in her backyard.
“I just wanted to apologize for…”
“It’s cool, Kathryn don’t mention it, really.”
She met my eyes and smiled as she leaned against the tree, her arms crossed.
“We’re okay, right?” she asked
“Yeah of course.”
She smile and hugged me. I looked over her shoulder and met Shane’s eyes who glared at me.
I let go of her, she turned and saw him, waving him over.
“Gary’s here,” she said to him
“I can see that” Shane responded sarcastically
He put his arm around her, “We’re gonna cut the cake now, “he directed her attention away from me.
I observed the two of them together as Tom came over to where I was standing, “Kat?” he asked me.
“What about her?”
“That’s who you’re looking at, isn’t it?”
“No,” I lied
“Right, cause it looks like you are,” he said
“Does it?”
“Yeah,” he turned in to me, “so if I were you, I’d direct my attention elsewhere.”
He walked away.
Great now I’m taking orders from a fucking twenty three year old
Kat
October 1989
“Did she go down okay?” I asked Shane as he came into the bedroom. He had just put Dar to bed for the night and looked exhausted.
“Yeah, it was okay, she just has so much energy,” he said, sitting on the bed with a sigh.
I came up behind him and massaged his shoulders
He leaned his head back, “god that feels good,” he murmured.
I traced the side of his neck with my tongue as he turned to face me, “take off your clothes,” he said.
I stripped them off and lay in the middle of the bed. He settled in between my legs, thrusting wordlessly inside of me. I lay quiet while he spent himself, he didn’t even kiss me, and it had been like this for months, me just laying there, no passion, no love. I felt like a vessel in his possession used solely for sexual purposes. The spark which had once been was dimmer than ever and I began to lose myself, I had to find a way to bring it back.
1990
Thomas
January/February 1990
We resumed Neptune around the beginning of the year. Things were good between Kat and Shane with the exception that she was still battling depression. We went on a mini tour throughout the United States that only lasted a couple of weeks, but it did Kat good just to be with Ian, James and myself. I began to see the Kat I used to know.
She was exciting and free without the restrains of family responsibility and especially Shane.
Hopping on my lap, she said,” Thomas, if I was single, would you fuck me.”?”
“You know I would, Kat,” I said in a low voice.
“It’s been so long since you’ve had me” she purred
“Yeah, and that almost ruined shit with Shane, remember.”
“So?”
We were celebrating the last show of the tour and Kat was tipsy. She had learned how to control her alcohol intake and was far from the mess she had been a year ago.
She pushed my hair away from my ear, “Will you,”
“Don’t tempt me, Kat”
She giggles and wiggled around in my lap.
It excited me.
“Okay, that’s enough, go to bed, Kat. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.”
She laughed at me while standing up.
“Fine,”
I scooped her up in my arms and carried her to the bed. She plopped down looking up at me.
“We have to stop doing this, Thomas,” she said, sweeping hair out of my face again, as I looked down at her.
Her breasts were pushed up, peaking out of her dress. My eyes were drawn to them. She caught me looking.
Sitting up on her elbows, she tilted her head to the side.
“Ah” she said in a low voice.” So you do want me.”
“Fuck me I want you, Kat, but I’m not going to this time.” I said frustrated.
“If you’re sure,” she said as she sat up and took off her dress so her bare breasts spilled out. She was left with only a thin piece of lace covering her private areas.
My cock was throbbing in my pants as she straddled me and pushed me on my back on the bed. She ran her hand down my chest, to my belly and onto my crotch where she knelt between my legs.
“Should I let it loose?” She asked.
I nodded uncontrollably as she freed my manhood from its holding. I gasped when she started rubbing me.
“Kat.”I pleaded. “Kat… God… Kat,” I said as she moved faster and faster.
She suddenly stopped.
“What… why did you stop?”
She let go of my cock completely so it bounced against my stomach.
She got up and removed her underwear and then lay on the bed.
“If you want me, take me.” She said boldly.
My cock was pulsing with wanting, but I couldn’t bring myself to take her. I couldn’t betray Shane again. We had become such good friends in the last couple years and hadn’t I had done enough damage already.
“No, Kat.”
“No?” her eyebrow raised
“I can’t”
“Can’t or won’t?”
“Both”
She threw herself back down on the bed and sighed. “Alright.” She said. “You can leave now; I’m tired and want to go to bed.”
“Really, Kat?”
“Yup, goodnight Thomas.”
“And where am I supposed to sleep?” I asked
“I don’t care where you go”, she responded.
“All this, because I won’t have sex with you because you’re married?”
“Fine,” she said pulling on her dress and grabbing her bag, she left, slamming the door behind her.
James
February 1990
Knock knock
I answered the hotel door and saw Kat, whose hair was a mess and visibly angry. She strolled into the room I was sharing with Ian.
“I am NOT staying in a room with that man tonight,” she said yelling at the wall between our rooms.
She looked at Ian,”Can we switch?” she asked him.
“Sure, Kat, I’m not even going to ask what happened,” he responded.
He packed up his things and shut the door behind him.
Kat turned to me, her eyes full of wanting.
Thomas
February 1990
I answered the door and saw Ia
n standing outside.
“Kat wants to switch,” he said.
I felt a pit form in my stomach; she was probably sleeping with James. I felt disgusted as I let Ian in and went to bed.
Kat was normal in the morning, like nothing had happened. She even sat with me on the bus back home, sharing chocolate she had gotten from the hotel store.
When we got back, Kat was told by Arctic Circle’s manager Roy, that he wanted her help promoting their new album and asked her to sing on the album with Brian. This would also feature a music video in which Kat was excited to act in. She was overly excited at the prospect of it.
It would also help us out also, as Kat being featured would boost and advertise for Neptune. I was excited for her.
Shane
March 1990
Kat came home all smiles when she came home. She dragged me to the bedroom first thing and when she kissed me I felt my fears that she could have been cheating disappear. Her mouth came down harder as her kisses grew more eager. She got on top of me while she was still holding onto me. I put hot mouth on her breasts, my tongue all over her body. When I entered her, I had to stop first because it was too much. Although it lasted only minutes, she and I both came together. I couldn’t have been happier with the result. It was the best we had together in a long time.
Roy
April 1990
I had chosen Kat to be in the video and the track because of her popularity. When we had released Doom so many years ago featuring her in the video, it had been the most demanded song we had ever had. I hoped this one would have an equal amount of success.
Brian
April 1990
Kat and I recorded the song together and were preparing to the video. Although Shane was a little defensive about what Roy had planned for the video, in the end he agreed to it.
It would feature me and Kat in many different ways, including in a sexual manner. I’d be on top of her on a bed in the middle of a field, moving against her. Of course we would be covered and nothing would be showing. The fact that I would be kissing Kat set Shane’s nerves on edge.
“It’s just acting,” I told him
He huffed and turned away from me.
The day of shooting arrived and we finished everything but the “sex” scene. Roy’ energy excited us all and we found ourselves in good spirits as Kat lay on the bed in a teddy and her underwear. I would be wearing boxers and would not be touching her body sexually. As Roy positioned us correctly, he placed the sheets over my bottom so it looked as f I was naked and Kat was half-dressed. Slowly I moved myself against her in the motion as if we were really having sex. I could feel myself growing.