by K. M. Ellis
May 1990
I got to the house a little after eight. The front door was wide open and so I walked right in. I was shocked by what I saw. The whole house was in ruins, like someone had gone through and smashed everything with a baseball bat.
I saw Drew at the top of the stairs.
“Where is he?”I asked
“He’s upstairs, I’m afraid to leave him,” Drew said, “I’ve never seen him like this.”
I opened the door to Kat and Shane’s bedroom where I saw him with his head on his hands on the ground. That room too was also almost smashed to pieces.
“Tom,” he whispered, spotting me.
“What did you do?”I asked
“What did I do? nothing! Kat… she… god Tom, she cheated on me threw it in my face… again!”
“How do you know?” I asked, almost worried he knew about Kat and me.
He laughed out loud. “You don’t believe me?” he got up and headed to the door, “I’ll show you.”
He led me down to the studio pushing past Drew.
“Play it” he told me
I did. I heard Brian’s voice, husky with desire, then Kats.
“See” he said
I heard Kat begging him to stop. She had told him “No”. She hadn’t done anything.
Shane must have noticed it also, his mouth dropped.
“Did you listen to the whole thing before?” I asked
“No… I… oh my god… I… I don’t get it. She was down here last night she… she knew I would come here, she… she wanted me to hear it!” he put his head in his hands, shaking.
My eyes widened at the reality of what Kat had done.
“She still…. She still has fucked other guys and it was falling apart anyways… it hasn’t been the same since she miscarried Drew’s baby.” He tried to rationalize
“Your baby,” I said softly.
“What?” he said suddenly alert.
“She miscarried your baby. She got the DNA tested. It was your son, not Drew.”
“Why didn’t she tell me?” he said, his face dropping.
“No.. no, no” he repeated. “She should have told me, it would have fixed everything! She told you and not me… why? I don’t understand.”
I shook my head. “Kat asked me to get some of her things… and Darla’s”
His face crumpled. “So she’s really gone? We were trying so hard…”
“Well unless you call her up now and apologize, I think it is.”
“I can’t call her.” he said. “I can’t”
I had already known the answer.
“Then that’s it,” I said.
He nodded in understanding.
“She’s gone and so is Arctic Circle” He confirmed while he helped me pick some things to take to Kat and Darla.
“Thanks, Tom,” he said “You’re a good friend.”
I didn’t feel like one, she had planted the tape. I had a feeling it was more my fault than Shane would ever know.
Kat
May 1990
My plans had back fired and I was stuck with Brian, which wouldn’t have been bad at all, if not for the fact that I was truly in love with Thomas.
“I still haven’t slept with him yet” I confessed to Thomas.
“Why not?” he asked, an eyebrow raised
“You know why…”
We were working on the new album mere weeks after Shane and my separation. I needed the distraction.
“You need to figure out what you want, Kat. Sleep with Brian or, I don’t know…”
I could tell he was frustrated, we both wanted to be with each other, we had planned to be with each other… but now this…
“Shane would never take me back; it’s too late, plus, I still… I want you.”
Thomas had begun packing up. He paused when he got to where I was standing, and stood close to me. He took my hands in his, smoothing his thumbs over my palms. My breath came heavy unwillingly.
“You have a strange way of showing it” he said
I felt tears sing my eyes. “I didn’t know it would go down like that. I thought he would listen to that tape earlier, he’s usually down there, I don’t even know.” I sighed, “Brian wasn’t supposed to be there…”
You’ll be okay, Kat” he whispered, stroking my face
I took my hands from him and threw my arms around him, hugging him close to me. He rubbed my back with hand. Tears ran down my cheeks.
We stood there for a long time before he let me go and continued to pick up.
I touched his arm; he turned back to me again.
I kissed him, standing on my tip toes and wrapping my hand around his neck.
He pushed me back against the wall his body rubbing against mine.
I pulled away from him and walked away, he wasn’t following, just staring, “Come on!” I said grabbing his hand.
He picked me up as I wrapped my legs around him. We landed on his bed where we pulled off our clothing and lay together.
I did indeed have much to think about.
Thomas
May 1990
“She still hasn’t slept with Brian,” I told Shane as we sat at the pub close to my home.
He put down his glass and smirked. “She doesn’t love him, does she?”
“No, I don’t believe so.” I confirmed He picked up his glass, sloshing the liquid in the glass. “Should I talk to her?”
“To Kat?” I asked dumbly.
“Yes, Kat!” he exclaimed frustrated.
“I don’t know how it will do any good.”
“What do you mean?” he asked
“Like you said, she doesn’t love him, but she’s with him so it must be something” I explained She loves me I thought “Does she know you’re here?” he asked softly
“No and I don’t know if I will tell her. I…” I stopped myself before I had said it.
Shane hadn’t even heard me. I was thankful for it. I had almost been stupid enough to tell him I was in love with his soon to be ex wife.
Shane
June 1990
I had Drew over for some drinks on night. I had to get my mind off of Kat and how much she had angered me. For some odd reason, he and I had become better friends the last couple weeks since Kat had been out of my life.
“There’s something I need to tell you,” I said.
Drew sat down his glass and raised an eyebrow at me.
“When you were with Kat, her and I were…”
“I know,” he said, “I mean, it was pretty obvious,” he picked up his glass and took another sip.
“It was my fault you two broke up.”
“How was it your fault, Shane? I had too much to drink, Tammy was there and we hooked up. It wasn’t anyone’s fault but mine.”
“I was making you drink, more and more. It was what Kat and I had planned, that I take you out and get you wasted and hoped that you cheat on her,” I explained
“Kat wanted that?”
I nodded
“I see, but if you hadn’t done it, I probably would have fucked up myself, you know?”
“You think so?” I asked
“I don’t know, man. I mean I loved her. I thought she was the one and as much as I didn’t want to, I think I would have eventually.”
He looked down at his glass and twirled the mixing straw in it, thinking I assumed.
“Anyways, she seemed so much happier with you,” he added.
“I guess not,” I noted
He looked over to me and gave e a half smile,”Well who cares now, she’s not with either of us anymore,” he said with a sigh.
He was right, sure, but then…why did I still care?
Kat
June 1990
“Kat?”
I instantly recognized the voice. I slowly turned around in the store and saw Drew.
“Grocery shopping?” he asked casually
I forced a small smile, “Yup, just picking up some things.”
We stood in silen
ce for a moment.
“Uh, it was good to see you, Drew,” I said and began to turn away.
“Wait,” he said suddenly, touching my arm with his finger tips. “I was hoping I would run into you sometime, I… I really want to talk to you about a couple of things.”
I turned back to him, “Okay, shoot.”
“Not here, Kat, please?” he asked in a low voice.
I sat my basket down when he told me to follow him.
“Come on,” he said, motioning me to get in his car.
“God I hope no one sees us,” I told him as I sat in the passenger seat of his Jaguar.
He gave me a tilted smile as he started the car and sped off.
“Where are we going?”
“Somewhere private,” he said.
My eyes widened.
“Just to talk, Kat, Christ!” he exclaimed
He turned down a small road and parked his car and got out.
He came around my side and I opened the door and got out also. He took my arm by the wrist, “Come on” he said again.
“Fuckin, where are we going?” I asked again
He stopped when he got to the lake dock.
“What?”
He sat on the bench, “Come here,” he said, his arm out.
I sat beside him.
“Kat, Shane told me that you and he planned all the shit that went down with Tammy and me when you and I broke up… is that true?”
“Why the fuck did Shane tell you that?” I asked, angrily.
“Just tell me if it’s true,” he breathed out hard
“Yeah, it is.”
“Why?”
“I wanted to be with Shane,” I answered meekly
His eyebrows narrowed in, “Then why didn’t you just tell me? I’ve thought all these years that I had hurt you, that…”
“It did hurt me!” I cried
“That night before I went out,” he paused, “You… you were acting strange, I remember.”
“How was I acting strange?”
“You just were!” he shouted
I stood up, “Take me back to my car please,” I asked him
“I just don’t understand, Kat”
“See, that’s why we would have never worked out, you do not understand me and never have.”
“You never gave us the chance,” he murmured, standing up beside me.
I turned to him, “Can we just go please?”
“You know, it’s funny, I’ve known you for so long and I’ve never wanted you as badly as I do now. I took you for granted when we were younger. I hurt you and you resented me for it. If you and Shane hadn’t…I don’t know, I don’t think I would have ever cheated on you.”
“What do you want from me, Drew?”
His eyes met mine, “Nothing,” he said, breathing slowly
“Nothing?”I repeated, my lips slightly parted
“Nothing,” he said again, his lips meeting mine.
I pulled away from him, “Please just take me back to my car,” I said softly
“Kat…” he said, reaching for me
“No,” I swatted him away
“I’m sorry, Kat.”
I had to get out of there before something happened. I don’t even know if I wanted it to. He was so close, so familiar, so… I didn’t even know the right word to describe it, but a tiny piece of me wanted him so badly that I was going to lose control.
“Please?” I begged again.
“Okay, come on.”
We got back to his car where he drove us back to the store.
“I guess I’ll see you around?” he said
“I guess so.”
“Look, I’m sorry,” he said
“Just stop.”
“I’m trying to apologize to you…”
I opened the door and got out, ignoring him. I could feel his eyes on me as I got into my car. When I put the keys in and started it up, he had driven away. I realized I had forgotten to go grocery shopping.
Fuck it I said to myself
Thomas
June 1990
I set my guitar down against the couch as the knocking at the door got louder.
“What are you doing?” I asked when I opened the door and saw Kat standing there.
“I just saw Drew.”
My heart dropped, “Drew? What did you do?”
“Me? I did nothing, he kissed me,” she exclaimed, throwing her hands up “Explain,” I said, crossing my arms
“He saw me at the grocery store and said he had to talk to me, so I let him and he kissed me.”
“Talk to you about what?”
“Oh apparently Shane told him about how me and him were seeing each other and he told Drew we broke him and I up.”
“Well, you did, didn’t you?” I asked
“Yeah, but I don’t need Shane going around telling people that!”
“Understandable.”
She let out a snort, “Whatever, I’m over it, what are you doing?”
“Just playing some guitar.” I answered
“Do you want to go to the bedroom?” she asked
“What?”
“You know, maybe we can fuck or whatever…” she said casually
“I’m really not in the mood right now, Kat. Is that all this is? A booty call?”
“No,” she blurted out fast
“Well, it’s not happening tonight, okay?”
“Fine, it was a mistake coming here,” she said flatly
“So I was right? Just a booty call.”
“Fuck you, Tom” she shouted as she left.
“Whatever, Kat,” I whispered to myself as I picked up my guitar and started playing, she’d be back.
Brian
June 1990
“It’s hot and I want to go swimming!” Darla yelled at me.
The almost four year old was more demanding and more work than I had ever thought a child could be. Part of me felt she was acting out because of her parents separation, something I had played a large part in so I suppose I owed her this much.
“I’ll take you, if it’s okay with your mum.” I said smiling widely.
I looked to Kat who smiled and nodded.
Darla and I spent a couple hours down at the beach. She fell asleep in the car on the way home and when I arrived home, I put her to bed. Kat was nowhere in sight.
I entered my bedroom when I saw her, lying in the bed. She sat up when she saw me, the sheet sliding off of her, revealing her breasts. She smiled at me.
“Kat…” I managed.
She got up slowly, her nude body exciting me with every step towards me.
She wrapped her fingers around the strings of my swim shorts and let them drop so I was as naked as she was.
I took her face in my hands and kissed her finally. She did back with the same passion as I wrapped her legs around me and pushed her onto the bed.
She reached down and felt my hardness.
“It’s so big,” she said smiling coyly, her fingers toying with it. I felt my pulse quicken as pleasure shot through me. She pulled me closer by my cock so it was teasing the entrance of her.
“Fuck me” she said
She cried out when I entered her, her body almost seemed too small for mine. She wrapped her legs tighter around me, so we both could adjust to each other. Moving in and out of her, I felt myself beginning to come; when I paused she asked why I had.
“I don’t want to come yet, Kat” I said
She pushed her hips against me, slow at first, then faster. I gripped the sheets behind her head.
“Stop,” I begged.
She didn’t.
I couldn’t stop myself as I filled her up. She looked satisfied as she lay beneath me while I caught my breath.
She let out a little sigh.
I felt hopeful for the first time in months.
Kat
June 1990
“I did it, Tom”
“What did you do now?” he asked turning to me.
“I did it… with Brian.”
His eyes widened, “You mean?”
I nodded.
“Why?”
“Because I’m just going to accept the fact that Shane and I are over and you know, Arctic Circle is done for without Brian, so why not make the best of it?”
“Is this cause I wouldn’t fuck you yesterday?” he asked
My eyes narrowed and my lips curled slightly, “No,” I managed to lie
“Even if you don’t love him?” he asked, his mood changing suddenly. I couldn’t blame him.
“Who said I can’t love him?!” I said, raising my voice.
He looked taken back, “If I’m just going to be yelled at, ill see myself out.”
“No,” I said, grabbing his arm and turning him back towards me.
“Do you love him?’ he asked again
“You know I do not.”
His eyes bore into me. “Shane still loves you, he told me so, a few weeks ago.”
“You met with him?” I asked
“We’re still friends, Kat”
“He won’t be so friendly with you when he finds out about us”
“You wouldn’t”
“Why?” I cried.
“Because you want me, but you won’t let it happen, you shouldn’t have slept with him. Just leave him, leave him and be with me, like we fucking planned, or else this is really all for nothing.”
Thomas paced back and forth in front of me.
I put my hand to my forehead, tears running down my cheeks now.
“You don’t understand, Tom. I’m not sure you ever will, I’m stuck with him, I didn’t mean to break up the band, I feel responsibly, if I’m not with him for at least sometime then that really seems all for nothing!” I said as I turned from him and left the living room. He didn’t follow me.
I heard the door shut and realized he had left. My whole body went rigid. I fell to the floor in tears, sure I had Brian, but I had never felt so lonely in my life, my wanting for Thomas threatening to consume me whole.
Shane
June 1990
I looked through the peep hole in my door where Thomas was banging the hell out of the door.
“Hey,” I said as I opened it.
He was fuming.
“She slept with him.” He said, his eyes downcast
“I figured she would soon enough, if she had not before now” I told him.
“Part of me didn’t think she would.” He confessed
He seemed angrier than I was.
“Did you just see her?” I asked.
“Yeah, she wasn’t happy with me when she told me and then she started crying so I left.”