by Ruth Reid
The barn door opened. Judith looked up from her seat on the milking stool long enough to see David enter, then she looked back down at the straw-covered floor. The lantern he carried didn’t offer much light, but she didn’t want to see his face. Outside, his eyes had narrowed when he looked at her. She didn’t expect him to be kind now that they were alone in the barn. Judith had never given him reason to punish her. Until now.
He stopped in front of Judith, arms crossed and leaning heavily on one hip. “What do you have to say for yourself?”
Indignation welled within her. And hopelessness too, as she realized that no explanation would appease his angry mind-set. He wouldn’t believe anything she said. She shook her head and watched from the corner of her eye as his arms uncrossed and his hands twitched at his side.
“Well?” His voice deepened.
What do I tell him, God? Judith kept her head bowed.
“How do you think Mamm and Daed will feel if you’re forbidden to join the church? Leniency toward your outburst will not continue. You are of age to choose to follow God or the world.”
Judith hadn’t considered such consequences of her actions. Her parents would be devastated if their daughter were adjudged by the bishop as offending God, and she were forbidden to stay within the fold.
“I don’t want you seeing that Englisch man again.”
David’s tongue-lashing struck her heart as painfully as if he’d taken a strap to her. Then he did something she never expected. He bent to his knees in front of her, his eyes hooded with concern.
“Judith, I don’t want you to destroy your reputation. But even more important, I don’t want you going to hell because you opened your mind to deception.”
Her throat swelled. False prophets deceive people. Pride, greed, self-ambition, and lust were all tactics she knew the enemy used to mislead those in the world. A world of which she wanted no part. Loving the Lord and serving Him all the days of her life was her goal. She wanted to be pleasing in God’s sight. Judith bowed her head. She wanted to be pleasing in her parents’ sight too.
David interrupted her thoughts by squeezing her folded hands, the first time in a long while that she could recall an outwardly kind gesture from him. “You need to pray and ask for forgiveness.”
Judith nodded. She had several issues to pray about.
He stood, started toward the door, and stopped. “Don’t ever let me hear you’ve been with the Englischer again.”
She sat silent, her mind whirling with David’s words of counsel. Once he left the barn, she fell to her knees. “Forgive me, God. Let my heart be not deceived with empty words. My desire is to be Your obedient servant. Aemen.”
Walking to the house, Judith silently repeated her prayer for wisdom. She sighed with relief when she saw that David’s buggy was gone from the yard. She climbed the porch steps wondering what he had told her father.
Martha met her at the door with a smirk. “Did he use the thin leather strap?”
Judith groaned. “I’m nineteen, Martha.” She scanned the room. “Where’s Daed?”
Her sister’s smile faded. “He went to spend the night with Samuel at the hospital, and David and Ellen took Rebecca home with them again.”
Judith went into the kitchen. Feeling her stomach rumble, she realized she hadn’t eaten supper. Several dishes of food brought by the womenfolk lined the counter. She peeled back the lid from a dish of beans, then looked inside the next container.
Martha came into the kitchen and leaned against the wall. “Did you really see an angel?” She rolled her eyes. “I told Levi that you make up so many stories, no one knows the truth.”
“I tell stories to children, not adults.”
“That isn’t what I heard. Levi said you angered the bishop.” Judith closed her eyes, willing herself not to cry. Levi had told Martha everything. The two of them must have had a long laugh together.
“Another story I heard was that you spent all day with an Englisch man.” She made a tsk-tsk sound. “What evil are you weaving in all your lies?” Martha turned and walked down the hall to her bedroom.
Judith brought her hand up to the back of her neck, applied pressure, then decided she wasn’t restraining these words. Anger fueled her steps down the hall.
She swung the bedroom door open hard, slamming it against the wall. “I didn’t lie.” Her eye caught the lamp on the windowsill. “What are you up to, Martha?” She pointed at the lamp. “You don’t think I know what it means to have a lamp lit in the window?”
Martha flipped her nose into the air. “I don’t care. I’m seventeen, and you can’t stop me from going out.”
Judith walked to the window and turned the wick down to extinguish the flame. “You’re a tease. I saw you flirting with Levi . . . touching his hand every time you passed him a pumpkin.”
Martha laughed. “Then you muscht have seen how much he liked it.” She raised her chin, removed the top two straight pins that held her dress together, and tossed them onto the dresser. Then she turned and swept out of the bedroom.
Judith stormed after her. “Where are you going?”
“Anywhere the world takes me. I plan to have fun. Not live a boring life like you.”
Judith pulled Martha’s arm. “The devil seeks those he can devour . . . and I hope you reap what you’ve sown.”
Martha jerked her arm from Judith’s grip. “My life’s in my own hands,” she said and fled out the back door.
Judith turned her face to the ceiling. “I suppose I’ll be blamed for not stopping her. With Mamm and Daed gone, this will be my fault.”
If there was ever a time to pray, it was now.
Chapter Nine
Andrew arrived at the Fischer house before daybreak to do the barn chores. When he saw no sign of lamplight coming from the kitchen window and no smoke from the stovepipe extending over the house roof, he went straight to the barn. It seemed improbable that the entire household would go to the hospital this early. Perhaps they had overslept.
Inside the barn he added the correct amount of powdered milk and warmed water into the feed pail, then rolled his shirtsleeve and hand-stirred the mixture, making sure there wasn’t any sediment of powder caked on the bottom of the bucket before he fed the calf.
From the hayloft above him, the floor creaked. Footsteps caused a fine dust of hay to spill between the boards. Andrew set the bucket of calf feed down and walked around the stall area to peer up the wooden ladder attached to the wall.
“Levi, did you hear something?” a female voice asked.
“Don’t worry. Ready yourself,” his cousin replied.
Andrew’s throat tightened as the air in his lungs drained. He leaned against the wall, unable to comprehend what he had overheard. Hearing boots thump directly above, he dashed around the corner.
Levi whistled as he climbed down the ladder. He rounded the corner, pulling his suspenders over his shoulders. “How long have you been here?”
Andrew picked up the calf feed. “I should ask you that.”
Levi cleared his throat. “I thought I’d get an early start.” His eyes widened as a haze of dust sifted through the floor cracks directly above him.
“What did you get an early start doing?” Andrew didn’t want his suspicions confirmed. He sucked in his breath, hearing Levi’s companion tromping down the ladder.
Martha rounded the corner. Her unbound hair hung over her shoulders, her prayer kapp bunched in her hand. She flipped her hair to one side, exposing her long neck.
Levi took a step toward her, and Andrew moved into his path to block him. He pressed his hand against Levi’s chest as he looked over his shoulder at Martha. “Go to the haus and make yourself presentable.”
“Levi?” Her voice dragged into a helpless-sounding plea.
Levi groaned. “Run along. Andrew and I need to talk.”
“Where were you all night?” Judith trailed the swing of Martha’s butter-colored waist-length hair as her sister sashayed down t
he hall.
“I went out.” She entered the room and tossed her kapp on the bed.
“Why is your prayer kapp off?”
“I didn’t go out to pray.” Martha fingered her tangled hair and removed several pieces of hay.
Judith pointed to the head covering. “Put it on. You’ll follow the Ordnung while you’re living in our parents’ house.”
Martha laughed. “Like you do?” She picked up the kapp and twirled it by the strings. “Did you keep your head covering on when you met with the Englischer?”
Judith left the room without another word. David would have to deal with Martha’s disobedience. Her sister never listened to anything Judith had to say.
Why did Martha choose now to make a point of proving her difference? The family needed to stand strong together for Samuel. Judith entered the kitchen as the kettle began to hiss. She blew out a breath, wishing she could be like the kettle and blow off everything pent up inside of her.
The back door slammed, and Judith looked out the window to see Martha walking toward the chicken coop. Relieved to see that her sister had put her hair up and that her kapp was in place, she returned to preparing the morning meal.
The heated bacon lard snapped in the cast-iron fry pan. Martha hadn’t returned from gathering the eggs. Judith peered out the window but didn’t see her sister. Now that the weather had turned cooler, the chickens were not laying as many eggs. It never took this long to collect them.
Judith removed the skillet from the stove as Martha entered the kitchen and placed the basket of eggs on the counter.
Judith selected a few eggs and rinsed them in a bowl of vinegar water. “I see you’ve made yourself presentable.”
“Not because you told me to.”
Judith dried the eggs with a clean dish towel and took them over to the stove. “I would hope you make yourself presentable to the Lord.”
Martha clasped both hands behind her back and sighed as she always did when she wanted attention.
Judith wrapped the pot holder over the pan’s handle and placed the skillet back on the stove. “I suppose you want me to ask what you did while you were out all night.” She cracked the eggs into the pan, then looked at Martha when she didn’t reply.
Martha smirked. “I don’t think you want to ask.” She sauntered toward the door.
Judith followed.
Her sister stepped outside onto the porch, then looked back through the screen door at Judith. “I was with Levi.”
Judith froze. A knot formed in her throat as she watched Martha skip down the porch steps and head toward the barn. Judith tightened her grip on the door handle to steady herself. Martha must be lying. It couldn’t be true. Judith leaned her head against the wall and closed her eyes until the scent of burned eggs consumed the room. She opened her eyes to see a haze of smoke drifting out from the kitchen.
She ran into the kitchen. Grabbing a pot holder, she removed the fry pan from the stove while leaning far away from the bacon lard as it spat. She placed the hot pan next to the sink and opened the window to let out the smoke.
Judith wiped her hands on the front of her apron. She needed fresh air. Now was as good a time as any, she decided, to find Martha and learn the truth.
“Back off.” Levi pushed Andrew aside.
“Only a woman’s husband should see her hair down.”
Levi’s face contorted. “What does that matter to you, Bishop Junior?”
Andrew’s jaw twitched. He pinned Levi against the barn wall. “What about Judith? You said you planned to marry her.”
“Back off!” Levi shoved Andrew’s hand away. He thumbed his chest. “I want a fraa who is submissive to me.”
Andrew stepped away from him. “You should want a fraa who is obedient to God.”
Levi chuckled. “Judith is rebellious.” He peered at Andrew. “Isn’t that what the bishop said, Junior?” He shook his head, making a patronizing tsk-tsk. “If you keep defending her, you’ll fall out of favor with your father.”
Andrew loved and respected his father, but something deep within him believed Judith. He’d spent most of the night praying for her—and praying it wasn’t guilt that led her to believe Samuel would walk again.
Levi walked to the barn door and paused. “I’m sure we’ll still get married.” He swung the door open, then looked over his shoulder at Andrew. “But she needs to straighten out first.”
Levi’s smug grin provoked Andrew, and the veins in his neck burned as he grabbed his cousin by his suspenders. “Stay away from Judith.”
Levi sneered. “What are you going to do, fight me for her?”
His fist balled, Andrew had to restrain himself from striking his cousin. How dare Levi say Judith needed to straighten out, yet lure Martha into sin? Levi’s breath reeked with alcohol, and no doubt Martha’s did too. With a slight shove, Andrew released his hold. “Forgive me.” He ground out the words between clenched teeth. “I lost my temper.”
Levi shook his shoulders to adjust his suspenders back in the right place. “It’s nice to see you’re human.”
Andrew clamped his jaw shut. Since childhood, Levi had loved to provoke him in ways unpleasing to the Lord. Andrew had disregarded the behavior in the past, understanding that Levi was two years younger and hadn’t matured. But now there was a good chance that Levi’s actions would involve hurting Judith, and Andrew wasn’t about to stand back and watch.
His devious gloat worried Andrew. Would Levi continue to court Judith just to spite him? He watched Levi leave the barn, shoulders straight with an obvious agenda.
Andrew closed his eyes. “God, protect Judith from him. Allow her eyes to open to his ways.” He swallowed hard. “I don’t know why, but she loves him . . .” A tinge of guilt rose up in him. Once her eyes were opened, she’d be hurt beyond repair.
Curious to see if Levi went to his buggy or the house, Andrew stood at the door and searched the grounds. He spotted Levi leaning against the chicken coop. Martha rounded the corner and stumbled, falling against him. Levi’s arms wrapped around her waist, and she leaned into his embrace.
The door to the house slammed. Andrew caught a glimpse of Judith standing on the porch with her hand shielding her eyes as she scanned the yard. He scratched the back of his neck as Judith stepped off the porch. Had the Lord answered his prayer so quickly?
Chapter Ten
Judith halted at the sight of Martha and Levi’s compromising embrace. Her sister’s body fit snug against Levi’s chest, and both appeared deeply involved in kissing.
“You know public kissing is not permitted.” Judith narrowed her eyes at Martha. “You’re not even of age.”
Levi’s hands fell from around Martha. “Judith—we just—”
Judith held up hands to silence him. “Spare me the shameful details.” No amount of talking would explain what she had seen.
She fled toward the back of the barn. Once she reached the orchard, she veered off the main path, not caring that the low-lying branches scraped her face. Her only thought was to run as far away from Levi and Martha as she could.
At the river she collapsed to her knees, sobbing. “Why, God? How much more can I take?” Her sister knew that Judith had waited two years to court Levi. Several times she had shared with Martha her dreams of marrying him. Martha knew how many hours Judith had spent working on her wedding quilt, planning a large garden for a wedding feast. All for what—for Martha? She wasn’t sure how, but somehow Judith must have failed her family, failed her church . . . failed God.
When a deep sound of someone clearing his throat caught her attention, she looked up through tear-stained eyes and squinted into the light. His face masked by the backlight of sun, Judith recognized him by his enormous size.
“What troubles your soul, Judith?”
She drew in a deep breath, released it, and inhaled again to gain control over her voice. “My life has been . . . torn apart.” Choking on her words, she couldn’t continue. She couldn’t explain how
Levi and her sister had wronged her.
“Things are not always what they seem.” He walked to where she knelt on the ground. “God sees beyond today.” He knelt beside her and placed his hand on her shoulder. “Child, only He knows the beginning from the end.”
Judith nodded. She understood from reading her Bible that God was the Alpha and the Omega. “I know,” she whispered.
“But do you believe?”
She shrugged, unable to talk with a constricted throat.
He cupped her face in his hand, and peace washed over her as he passed his thumb over her eyelids and cleared the cloudiness from her sight. “God loves you.”
She sniffled. “Do you have a name?” The reflective shades of blue in his eyes sparkled like a transparent sheet of glass spread over Lake Michigan.
He moved his hands from her face and lifted them to the sky. “Did God not place the stars and call them each by name?”
“God is the creator of all,” she said, barely above a whisper.
“I am Tobias.”
Cautiously she lifted her eyes toward him. “Will you tell me about the different paths from my dream?”
Tobias touched her cheek. “Your dream has not yet been revealed to me.”
“But God sent you. Why?” She didn’t understand how God could send an angel to someone as plain and insignificant as herself.
Tobias stood. “You are wise and will gain understanding in time. When your eyes are completely open, then you will comprehend.”
Judith opened her eyes as wide as she could. “I want to see God’s purpose for my life. But I don’t see anything different.”
The boom of his laughter caused the treetops to shake their branches. An array of red and yellow leaves rained from the sky. “This is not the time, child. But do not be discouraged. For the Lord gives wisdom. From His mouth come knowledge and understanding.” Tobias surveyed the wooded area to her right.