Zadruga

by Margaret Pemberton

  Instead of speaking to her about Nicky she hugged her knees to her chest, saying, ‘Will you tell me about Ivan now? Were Mama and Papa approving? Did you marry in the cathedral? Why did you marry so quickly if you didn’t fall in love at first sight?’

  Katerina said slowly, ‘Though I didn’t fall in love with Ivan at first sight, I think he fell in love with me at first sight. After we were married he told me that he had done so.’

  ‘But he must have told you he loved you before you were married!’ Natalie protested, more intrigued than ever.

  Katerina leaned forward a little, clasping her arms around her knees, her waist-length hair, free of its pins, tumbling silkily over her shoulders.

  ‘It all began when Papa wrote Mama saying that Max wished to marry me and that…’

  ‘Max!’ Natalie nearly fell from the bed in shock. ‘I don’t believe it! Max? He never ever gave the slightest indication of being in love with you. Do you remember when…’

  Katerina said quickly, ‘Papa was in favour of the match. In his letters, as the weeks went by and the fighting with the Austrians grew more intense, he became quite emphatic that it was a proposal I should accept. He had been so distressed by …’ She hesitated awkwardly and Natalie’s eyes clouded with remembered pain.

  ‘By everything that led up to my marrying Julian?’

  Katerina nodded, her throat tight. When she could trust herself to speak again, she said, ‘All Papa wanted was to know that my future was secure and I knew that if I said I was in love elsewhere he wouldn’t persist in his insistence that I marry Max.’

  ‘But you weren’t in love elsewhere!’ Natalie could hardly believe what she was hearing. Surely Katerina, always so sedate and sensible and honourable, had not lied?

  ‘In Papa’s absence Ivan was scrupulous in offering Mama and myself all the protection possible. I grew to respect him very much and he was extremely handsome …’

  She paused again and for once Natalie didn’t interrupt. Round-eyed, she waited with baited breath for the story to continue.

  ‘When the Austrians first overran the borders and our troops fell back to the south to regroup, all the troops in Belgrade were ordered to join them. It was a terrible time, Natalie. The hospitals were crammed with wounded. I was working as a voluntary nurse with Mama and Cissie and Helga and we knew that the instant the troops left Belgrade, the city would be occupied. Ivan managed to see me before he evacuated his men. He pleaded with me to take Mama to Nish but I told him it was impossible. From the first day of fighting Mama had made up her mind that she would not leave the city…’

  Natalie gave a deep sigh of satisfaction. She had always known her mother was a heroine and now here was the proof.

  ‘I told him that if he had asked anything else of me I would have complied without hesitation…’

  ‘And?’ Natalie prompted, hardly able to bear the suspense, ‘And what did he say?’

  ‘He asked me to marry him.’

  ‘And you said yes? When you hardly knew him? You said yes rather than marry Max?’

  Katerina’s beautifully etched face was tortured. ‘Yes,’ she said in an agony of guilt. ‘There wasn’t time to think properly and I thought I would be able to learn to love him, whereas I was sure, then, that I would never be able to learn to love Max.’

  Natalie let out a deep, shuddering sigh of amazement. ‘I can hardly believe it of you, Trina. What if you’d been wrong? What if you hadn’t learned to love him after you were married?’

  Katerina remained silent, her eyes dark with emotions she still couldn’t express. Some day she would tell Natalie about her wedding breakfast and the terrible moment of revelation when she had known that she would never love Ivan and that she could, very easily, have learned to love Max. Tonight, however, was not the time. It was already after midnight and she was sure that in their room further down the corridor, Julian was waiting up for Natalie.

  Later, when Natalie had kissed her good night and gone to join Julian, Katerina had lain awake in the darkness, re-living the moment when he had greeted her.

  In some ways it had not been half as terrible as she had feared. The war had changed him, as it had changed all of them, but there were no visible signs of the injuries he had sustained early on in the war, in Flanders. Though his dark-blond hair was streaked with silver at the temples it was still as thick and springy as a ram’s fleece and he still wore it longer than any other Englishman she had ever met. Her relief at his well-being was deep, but hard on its heels had come another emotion, an emotion that was just as agonizing as she had anticipated it would be.

  She still loved him. She had known the instant he took hold of her hand that she was still as emotionally bound to him as she had been the day she had discovered he was to marry Natalie.

  Her heart physically hurt her. It was a burden she was going to have to bear life-long; a burden she could share with no-one, least of all Natalie.

  Natalie, too, was tormented by the need to confess. Within days of their returning to London Nicky would be leaving for Belgrade and she and Stephen would either accompany him, or follow him as soon as was possible. When that moment arrived it would be impossible to keep their relationship secret and she wanted to tell Katerina about it now, to forewarn her.

  Not until their penultimate day in Nice did she drum up the courage to do so. They were walking together in the high, hilly gardens that looked down over the port and that reminded Natalie of the Kalemegdan Gardens. Julian had taken Stephen and Peter to the Marine Aquarium. Zita was taking an afternoon nap.

  ‘I can’t bear the thought of saying goodbye tomorrow,’ Katerina said to her suddenly, with fierce passion.

  Though the January sky was a diamond-hard blue the temperature was low and her kid-gloved hands were tucked deep within a wolf muff.

  Natalie pulled the collar of her wool, topaz-coloured coat, closer around her throat. It was fastened with smoky pearl buttons and on top of her dark curls she wore a matching hat jauntily decorated with a plume of jewel-coloured feathers.

  ‘It won’t be for long,’ she said to Katerina comfortingly, ‘there’s something I’ve wanted to tell you ever since I arrived and now I’m going to.’

  Katerina looked across at her in sudden apprehension. There was a hint of defiance in Natalie’s voice. It was a tone she remembered well, a tone that had always presaged news of a scrape of some kind or another.

  They had drawn abreast of a wooden bench, strategically placed so that those taking advantage of it could enjoy the magnificent view and she said, ‘Let’s sit down. You haven’t done anything foolish again, have you?’

  ‘I’ve fallen in love,’ Natalie said, sitting down and deciding not to waste time in a preamble.

  Katerina felt dizzy with relief. ‘I’m glad,’ she said sincerely. ‘There was no need for you to tell me though. Seeing you and Julian together it’s quite obvious…’

  Natalie’s sleek eyebrows rose until they were nearly lost in her hair. ‘I’m not talking about Julian,’ she said, amazed at Katerina’s innocent assumption. ‘Julian and I are friends. I’ve fallen in love with a Slav. A Croat. His name is Nikita Kechko and he’s…’

  Katerina stared at her, suddenly very still. ‘You can’t mean it,’ she said at last, slowly, ‘I don’t believe you. How can you possibly have developed a crush on someone when Julian has only been home a matter of weeks?’

  Natalie said patiently, ‘I haven’t developed a crush on Nicky. I’m in love with him, Trina. I’ve been in love with him for three years. He’s an active supporter of the Yugoslav Committee and he’s been promised a position in the new government. He’ll be leaving London for Belgrade within days and I will probably leave with him. Even if I don’t, I will follow him as soon as I can…’

  ‘I don’t believe you!’ Katerina said again, her eyes wide and dark and full of an expression that Natalie had never seen there before; an expression she couldn’t understand. ‘I don’t believe that even you could
be so selfish and foolish and… and wicked!’

  Every trace of colour had left Katerina’s cheeks and now Natalie felt the blood drain from her own.

  ‘Wicked?’ she cried, mortified. ‘How can you call me wicked? If it wasn’t for my sacrifice in marrying Julian, Mama would have been separated from Papa for over four years!’

  ‘They were separated anyway,’ Katerina said with shocking, unexpected brutality, ‘and there would have been no question of Mama leaving for Switzerland or anywhere else if it hadn’t been for your heedless, irresponsible behaviour…’

  ‘I wasn’t heedless and irresponsible!’ Natalie riposted indignantly. ‘My seeing Gavrilo in Sarajevo was just an unfortunate accident…’

  ‘An unfortunate accident?’ As she thought of everything that the unfortunate accident had led to, a rage she had never believed herself capable of surged through Katerina. ‘That “unfortunate accident” destroyed our family! Because of it, we’ll never be a family again as we used to be! Never! Never! Never! All because you never troubled to think as to what the consequences of your friendship with student nationalists might lead to! And you’re still not thinking about anyone but yourself! Julian loves you! How can you possibly consider leaving him after all he’s done for you?’

  It was the most terrible quarrel they had ever had and it had sprung up so quickly that Natalie could hardly believe it was happening.

  ‘Julian knows I wasn’t in love with him when we married,’ she protested defensively, wanting Katerina to understand the way things really were more than she could ever remember wanting anything, except to return to Belgrade. ‘Papa and Mama knew it and you knew it! You can’t have expected me to live lovelessly all my life…’

  ‘You haven’t lived lovelessly! You aren’t living lovelessly now!’ Never, in all her life, had Katerina been so impassioned. ‘Julian loves you with all his heart and it’s obvious, just seeing the two of you together, how deeply happy you are with him. You can’t possibly leave him … it would be an act of lunacy!’

  A squirrel ran across the path a few inches from their feet and disappeared over the lip of the shrub-covered hillside. Neither of them paid it the slightest attention.

  ‘It isn’t an act of lunacy,’ Natalie said, mortally offended. ‘Under the circumstances it’s the most sensible and honourable action I can take.’

  ‘What circumstances?’ Katerina’s voice was very quiet, utterly implacable.

  Natalie hesitated but Katerina’s eyes were holding hers so fiercely she knew she had no alternative but to tell her the truth.

  ‘I’m having a baby,’ she said, defiance creeping back into her voice. ‘It’s Nicky’s baby and I’m going to tell Julian about it immediately we leave for London. The only reason I haven’t already told him is that I didn’t want our family reunion to be spoiled…’

  ‘Dear God,’ Katerina whispered softly under her breath, her face chalk-white as she rose unsteadily to her feet. ‘Dear, dear God.’

  ‘… and I’m sure he’s going to be far more understanding than you have been. We’ll still remain friends and Stephen will visit him for holidays and perhaps Julian will visit Belgrade…’

  ‘Belgrade?’

  ‘Yes. I told you. Nicky is leaving London for Belgrade. He’s going to be involved in the formation of the new government, though I don’t know yet in what capacity…’

  ‘And you think that you are going to join him there?’

  There was an odd note in Katerina’s voice. So odd that Natalie felt suddenly afraid.

  ‘Yes, I told you. We may travel together or I may follow a few days later with Stephen…’

  Katerina thought of all the anguish Natalie’s past foolishness had occasioned and all the anguish her present foolishness was going to occasion. She thought of Julian and of his unselfishness and integrity and of how, if he hadn’t so precipitately and gallantly married Natalie he might, eventually, have become her own much-loved husband.

  Very slowly and very deliberately she said, ‘You will never return to Belgrade, Natalie. Sandro has forbidden it.’

  This time it was Natalie’s turn to stare and to say in stupefied disbelief, ‘I don’t believe you! You’re just trying to frighten me!’

  Katerina shook her head and Natalie felt ice-cold waves of terror surging through her. ‘What you are saying is impossible!’ Her voice was cracked and scarcely recognizable. ‘Sandro is even fonder of me than he is of Hélène! He would never do such a thing! Why should he? There’s absolutely no possible reason…’

  ‘Sandro will take any measure, no matter how painful to himself, to protect Serbia’s honour. Even before you had left Belgrade the Austrians had requested your extradition. A copy will still be in the Austrian archives. If it ever comes to light it will link Archduke Franz Ferdinand’s assassination to the House of Karageorgevich. Sandro is determined that if that situation ever arises he will be able to show that you have been persona non grata in Serbia ever since the assassination took place. He told me of his decision long ago. He’s since also told Papa and Papa has told Julian.’

  ‘No!’ Natalie could feel the ground tilting at her feet, shelving away into a great vast void. ‘I don’t believe you! If it was the truth Julian would have told me!’

  ‘Perhaps he didn’t want to hurt you.’ Katerina’s voice was terrifyingly steady. ‘Perhaps he was just waiting for the right moment, just as you were waiting for the right moment to tell him about Nikita and the baby you are carrying.’

  Natalie tried to speak and couldn’t. The waves of terror surging through her were submerging her; drowning her. What would Nicky’s reaction be when she told him she could never return to Belgrade? Would he be happy to remain in London? And if he wasn’t, and if Julian’s reaction was as unreasonable and as cruel as Katerina’s had been, what then? What would she do? Where would she go?

  Above all else, how could she possibly live the rest of her life without being allowed to return home? She couldn’t even conceive of such a future. It was unimaginable. Impossible. As the enormity of the words persona non grata beat against her ears she whispered hoarsely, ‘What am I to do, Trina? I can’t bear the thought of living the rest of my life as an exile! I can’t live with such pain! I can’t survive it!’

  For one long never-to-be-forgotten moment, Katerina’s eyes held hers and in unspeakable horror Natalie finally recognized the expression in their grey-green depths. It was contempt.

  She sucked in her breath, crying out yet again in protest and without speaking, without stretching a hand of comfort towards her, Katerina turned on her heel and began to walk away down the snowdrop-edged path.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Natalie was totally incapable of either movement or speech. She stared after Katerina barely able to comprehend the enormity of the nightmare that had engulfed her. How could Katerina have said such cruel things to her? How could she have been so uncaring? So pitiless?

  Two small birds flew wrangling into a nearby shrub. The squirrel returned to the lip of the hillside and sat on its haunches, watching her with shiny-bright eyes. In the distance the winter sun gleamed on the red roofs of the houses clustered around the port and on the vast, shimmering, aquamarine surface of the sea.

  Katerina had long since disappeared from view and Natalie suddenly became aware of how cold she was. The bench she was sitting on was hideously exposed and an insidious chill was beginning to seep through her body, bone by bone. Numbly she rose to her feet. She had to return to the Negresco. She had to speak to Julian.

  The minute she entered their suite and he looked into her eyes he knew that Katerina had broken the news to her of her permanent exile.

  ‘Oh, my love,’ he said, his voice heavy with compassion as he walked swiftly towards her. ‘I didn’t want you to know until your reunion with your mother and Katerina was over. I didn’t want these precious few days to be spoilt.’

  He took her lovingly and comfortingly in his arms and she said in a tight, dry voice
, ‘It’s true, then? Everything Katerina told me is true?’

  He said gently, ‘I don’t know yet what Katerina has said to you but yes, anything she has said will be the truth.’

  Her arms didn’t encircle him in loving response. In a moment as horrendous as any she had just survived she knew that somewhere, deep inside, she had been cherishing the desperate hope that Katerina had been wrong and that Julian would tell her so and would put everything right.

  Now, as she looked into his brandy-dark eyes and saw the pity there, the hope died and grief encompassed her. It was a grief too deep for tears. She felt as if she had died; as if she would never be able to give vent to any emotion ever again.

  Her mother came and sat with her. A doctor came and gave her a sleeping tablet. Julian did his best to comfort her, holding her in his arms and telling her how the reunion in Nice would become an annual event and of how her parents and Katerina and Peter would be able to stay with them for long periods once they had a home of their own, whether that home was in London or some other European capital.

  She had known that she should tell him about the baby but was as unable to do so as she was unable to weep. She would tell Nicky first, as she should have done weeks ago. And she would have to also tell him that they could never live together in Belgrade, that they would have to go instead to Zagreb or Sarajevo.

  The next morning Katerina asked if she could say goodbye to Natalie in private instead of doing so on a railway platform. Neither Julian nor her mother thought the request odd, assuming she was simply too distressed to be able to cope with a public farewell.

  When she entered the room Natalie was sitting on her dressing-table stool dressed in the narrow, ankle-length cherry-red dress and coat she had arrived in. Their eyes met in the dressing-table mirror.

  ‘You haven’t told him yet, have you?’ Katerina asked starkly.

  Natalie shook her head, still not turning to face her, mesmerized by the change that had come over Katerina, transforming her from a loving sister into an implacably cool, hostile stranger.