“I know, baby, and I’m sorry.”
“I’m glad I have a boyfriend,” I said, after a while.
“And I’m glad that I finally have a girlfriend.”
I smiled at that, and then we started talking about what classes I had in the morning.
***
Class was hard, and I mean real hard. Yeah, I haven’t been there in two weeks, and sure I had my class notes, and the online work that I had done during some of my free time away from Payton while I was home, but it didn’t seem like it helped at all.
I didn’t understand math like regular people. I was dumb as hell in it. My teacher, Mrs. Chung, didn’t make any sense to me at all either, and it didn’t help that her accent was so thick that everything sounded as if she were speaking out of a megaphone.
I looked at the algebra and shook my head. There was no helping me at all. I raised my hand, eliciting the entire class’s attention.
“Yes?” Mrs. Chung asked as she looked up from the overhead projector.
“I don’t understand this at all. Is there an easier way of figuring out what Y is?”
Mrs. Chung looked as though she wanted to smack me upside the head with a two by four, and to be honest I wish she had one handy. “You need tutor.”
Some of the people in my classed laughed. I nodded. No shit.
“I can help you,” a voice said. I turned toward it. It was a boy.
“Are you good at this?” I asked, feeling like a total loser.
“Yeah, I mean, It’s just…yeah, I’m good at it.”
I knew what he was going to say. Yeah, it was just pre-algebra, it wasn’t hard. But I refrained from huffing. “Well, that’s good, because I don’t get it at all.”
“Yeah, it’s no problem. It’ll help me anyway.”
I looked at him curiously and whispered. “How exactly?”
“I’m going for teaching.”
Oh, so I was going to be a guinea pig. I nodded. “Well that’s convenient.”
“I haven’t seen you in a while, I thought you may have dropped.”
“Oh, no.” I looked down at my book and then back at the board. It was truly all Greek to me.
“Then where were you, Vacay?”
“Um…no, my, uh, dad. He died.” It was the first time that I had allowed myself to say it out loud. It felt odd. I didn’t want to cry in class. I bit down on my lip, hoping to detour the onslaught of tears.
“Oh, God… Shit, I’m sorry.”
“That’s… it’s fine. You didn’t know.”
“Wow, I’m really sorry. I’m…I’m an ass.”
I smiled reassuringly. “You didn’t know, it’s okay. I’m Keri,” I said, hoping to stop the pity party.
“I know. I’m Chad. I’m in a lot of your classes.”
I really hadn’t been paying much attention to my surroundings. “Oh, well, sorry about that. I guess I’ve just been really focused.”
“Are you an education major, too?”
“No,” I replied, as I looked back at the board and then to my notes. I copied down what Mrs. Chung had written, and tried to make sense of it. “I’m going into Library Science. I want to be a librarian.”
“Nice,” Chad said. He moved his eyebrows up and down just like Seth did. I tried not to laugh, but I did.
“Yeah, I think so. Anyway, that’s probably why we are in a lot of classes together. I’m getting rid of most of my electives this semester. My main classes really haven’t started yet.”
“That’s cool. So, I’m available after my 2:30 Lit class if you want to meet?”
I sighed, and tapped my pen on my notebook. I didn’t have much free time during the school day, and I wanted to save the nights for talking with my mom and Payton.
“That’s fine. Do you mind if we meet in the cafeteria or somewhere where there’s food? I don’t have much of a break in the afternoon for lunch, and that’s kind of it.”
Chad grinned. “No, that’s fine. It’s a date.”
I looked at Chad and swallowed. “Okay, then… so how about Woody’s Tavern?”
“Sounds perfect. See you then.”
I turned back toward the front of class and focused back on the board. I couldn’t get the sound of Chad’s voice out of my head and the whole ‘It’s a date’ thing. It wasn’t really a date; it was just a tutoring session. I closed my eyes and worried my lip, hoping that Chad didn’t actually think it was a date. I didn’t even know him.
I thought of my dad, and the shotgun polishing, and then I thought of his corpse lying in the casket with the Earnhardt coin, and his pictures of his little girl, and then of me and Payton, and how disappointed he would be if he’d known that I was going to be out with a boy at a Tavern. A boy that I had just met.
Damn.
Tears.
“So, where were you?” Payton asked, several hours later when I finally remembered to call him. It was late. And way past his normal bedtime.
“I was studying.”
“In your room?” Payton asked. He yawned, and then made a funny sound in a sigh.
“No. I was out.” I waited for a minute, and then continued. “You know, you should probably get some sleep. The roosters crow awfully early in the morning.”
“No, I want to talk to you. Besides, I was already sleeping, and now I’m awake, it’s cool.”
“I woke you up?” I asked, feeling like a total asshole.
“No, don’t feel bad. It’s cool. I figure it’s going to take a while for us to get used to each other’s schedules. So, tell me what were you studying so late?”
“Math.”
“What kind?”
Payton was sort of a genius for a farm boy. He was our class’s Valedictorian, and was voted Most Likely to Succeed. He was kind of a big deal.
“Algebra.”
“Ah, yeah, you always sucked at that. Need some help?”
“Yeah, thanks for that,” I said, laughing. “No, I got a tutor, it’s cool.” There, I let it slip, and now it’s out.
“Oh, well I could help you with that. We can Skype. I was going to offer earlier, but didn’t want to offend you.”
Skype? Well there goes my bravado. “Oh, well, that’s okay,” I said, nervously.
“What’s going on?”
I swear, Payton had some sort of gift when it came to me and my bullshit. “Nothing.”
“There’s something you aren’t telling me.”
“No there’s not.”
“You know, I really wish I was there, and close to your right knee.”
I smiled. “I wish you were here, too.”
“So, you wouldn’t mind me tickling you?”
I thought back to the kiss in the fort. “Uh, duh.”
“You know for that, I’m going to tickle you extra hard.”
“What did you do today?” I asked, changing the subject.
“You’re not going to get off that easily,” Payton teased. “Seriously, Ker, I can help you with the math, it’s no big deal.”
“I know, and I told you it’s nothing.”
“Then why are you acting all secretive?”
“I’m not.”
“I can hear it in your voice.”
I sighed. “It’s nothing, okay, I just… leave it.”
“What the hell, Keri?” Payton scoffed. “I don’t get this. You tell me nothing is wrong, when I know damn well that something is going on. Is this about your dad?”
“No. But thanks for bringing that up!”
“I’m sorry,” Payton apologized immediately. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“You’re right, you shouldn’t have.”
“Don’t be mad, okay? I’m sorry. Talk to me.”
“Listen, I’m going to go. I’m not mad, I’m just tired.”
There were a few minutes of silence, and I was just about to hang up when I heard Payton’s voice. “Okay. I love you. Sweet dreams.”
“Goodnight,” I replied, and then hung up.
Just as I was contemplating the evening, I got a text from Payton.
*I really am sorry. You know I wouldn’t hurt you on purpose.*
I know, I really am just tired. Don’t worry about it.
*can we talk before school tomorrow?*
I’m out of here pretty early, I have a 7:50 chem. lab.
*I’m up every morning at five, 7:50 is no problem .*
I think I’m going to take the morning off if that’s okay?
I bit my lip as I waited for his reply. I didn’t get one. I was a jerk, and I knew it. Payton was the nicest guy that I had ever met, and I just treated him like shit.
The next afternoon I felt like a total jerk, even worse than the night before. I pulled up my email, and saw a message from Payton. I clicked on it, and read:
Keri,
Hey, it’s 3 am, and I can’t stop thinking about you, and the conversation we just had. I’m in over my head here, and I’m wide awake now. I don’t know what’s going on, if this is a thing where you miss your dad so much, and you don’t know how to deal, or if this is an I can’t handle having a boyfriend thing. If this is the first one, know this, your dad is with you always. He is in the way you laugh, the way you dream, and in the little things, like the shows you watch. The way you take your coffee. You know, two creams, one sugar. He’s the same way about his remote, too.
And, if it was the second thing, please don’t think too hard on it. This should be easy. It’s me, Pay, your Pay. We’re best friends, and we’ve been able to tell each other everything since I can remember. And if that doesn’t help convince you that we are it for each other, then think about that night in the fort—our first kiss. Think about that. I’ve been thinking about it constantly.
I miss you. I won’t say the other thing, because I know you’re scared.
Please be careful, and I’m here for the math if you need the help.
By the way, I signed up for Skype when you went away for school, my user name is Pay2244. Add me when you get the chance.
XX
Payton
I sighed as I finished reading the message and wiped my eyes. Payton was way too good to me. I pushed reply.
Payton,
Listen, I feel like a total ass, and just read your message, and now feel like the biggest ass ever. I’m scared, you’re right, and I’m not sure what to do. I do miss my dad, and I don’t want to talk about it, and I do want to talk about it. Honestly, my emotions are all over the place today.
I met someone.
I don’t want to talk about it, but I thought I should tell you before your feelings turn into real feelings. We’re best friends, and I don’t want to lose that.
Thanks for the things you said about Dad. He is with me always.
I’ll add you to my Skype when I get back tonight. I have another class in fifteen minutes.
Keri
I pushed send and took a deep breath. I probably just ruined everything that could have been with Payton. I didn’t want to hurt him, and no I didn’t know Chad well enough to think it was anything, but it was too hard having a serious boyfriend, especially after everything that had happened in the last few weeks. I honestly didn’t know what had come over me to even start something so soon after my dad died. It was a mistake, though, and I didn’t want to jump into anything so fast, and I couldn’t admit that I loved Payton, and I knew that he was waiting for it. I couldn’t ask him to wait while I figured things out, I couldn’t ask him to stop hounding me and asking me questions, either. He was my friend, and that’s how he was. He was kind, and loving and just plain perfect.
I looked down at the email and tears came fast, and then I heard my phone ringing.
It was him.
I shook my head. I couldn’t answer the phone. I didn’t have it in me to face this head on. I waited until voicemail picked up, and then sighed out a breath of relief. He didn’t leave a message.
And then I heard the ding of my email.
Keri,
I don’t know what’s going on here. Please, call me.
Payton
I pushed reply once more and wrote:
Payton,
I think it was pretty self-explanatory. I can’t do this right now. Maybe I’ll see you over break, and we can talk then?
Keri
My phone rang once more, and then it stopped again, this time after a few seconds, I heard the voicemail ding. I pushed the button and listened.
“Please, Keri, call me. I want to talk to you about this. I need to talk to you.”
I hung up, and then started for my next class, and tried to forget all about breaking Payton’s heart, and trying to move on.
Chapter Nine
*Stickball*
“So, are you going to tell me what’s going on with you, or what?” Alexis asked as we watched Todd field the ball. He really was quite horrible, as he tripped twice, over his own feet, and nearly scored a goal for the other team.
I sighed, and looked at Alexis. “No, I really don’t feel like it.”
“Too bad, I want to know.” She waited for me with one hand on her hip, and her other hand shielding her eyes. It was November, and it was cold as ice.
“Well, then you’ll be waiting a long time.” I watched the game for a little while longer, and then gave up. I didn’t need another person mad at me. “I broke it off with Payton.”
“What? Why?” she asked. She now moved toward me and sat down on the bench beside me.
“It’s just too much. And way too soon.”
“I wondered about that.”
“You did?” I asked, feeling quite stupid that I didn’t find anything wrong with acquiring a new boyfriend on my father’s deathbed.
“Yeah, I was a little worried, but then you told me it was Payton. The guy that you’ve know your entire life. It wasn’t like it was a sudden move or anything.”
“But it was sudden, and it was just after my dad died.”
Alexis looked at me, and then quirked her eyebrow. “I hardly think seventeen years of knowing the boy next door qualifies as sudden, but what do I know?” She rolled her eyes and then looked back toward the field. “Besides, even though it was bad timing, it was something that was bound to happen. You said the kiss was good, right?”
I sighed. “It was more than good. It was…life changing.”
“Okay, so it was life changing, and how is that a bad thing?”
“It wasn’t good timing, and he’s too far away, and I’m here, and it just won’t work out.”
“Why are you making things so difficult, Keri?”
“How would you feel if Todd were back home and you were here?”
Alexis sighed and shrugged. “I guess I see your point there, but still. If Todd was my guy back home, I’d have something to look forward to.”
“Yeah, but you’d have nothing here.”
“I’d have school,” Alexis pointed out, rather snottily I might add.
“I guess so.”
“You didn’t have a boyfriend before, so why does it all of a sudden matter now?”
It didn’t. It really didn’t bother me until I had spent the entire afternoon, and then evening with Chad. “It doesn’t.”
“Oh my God. You’re holding out on me!” Alexis squealed. “You are seeing someone else!”
My face reddened, and Alexis’s eyes widened. “Wow. That
was fast.”
“It’s not what you think. I’m not seeing anyone.”
“You totally are. Where were you on Monday?”
“I knew you were still awake!”
“Of course I was. Todd and I were making out nearly the entire night. He doesn’t have any early classes on Tuesdays. So, stop hedging, where were you?”
“I have a math tutor.”
“Yeah, so.”
“His name is Chad, and he’s nice.”
“His name is Chad and he’s nice? What’s that?”
“What?”
“So you’re going to trade nice for life changing?”
“But he’s here, and he doesn’t know me and he didn’t know my dad and he doesn’t love me.”
“Wow, he sounds like a real winner,” Alexis commented, and blew her breath up toward her bangs. She rolled her eyes and turned her whole body toward me. “Listen, and I mean really listen, Keri.”
“I’m listening.”
“Call Payton. Tell him that you’re sorry that you’re an idiot, and that you can’t wait to see him over break, and that he’s the one for you and all that shit, because this Chad guy sounds like a scammer. I mean, really, does he know about your dad?”
I nodded. “Well, he knows that he died, and that’s where I was last week.”
“And does he know that you’re having a hard time, and did he say a lot of things like, I’m really sorry, Keri, and what can I do? Is there anything I can help you with, and can I tutor you…and let me do it or free?”
I frowned, and felt a bit disgusted with not only myself, but with the situation.
“The guy is a dick. He’s a scammer, and you’re a sweet person. Call Payton, apologize, and then if you need help with the math, I’ll help you free of charge.”
“You know algebra?”
“Honey, you’re in pre-algebra, I think the apes at the zoo know it better than you do. Honestly, were you even alive in high school?”
I laughed at her tone and then shook my head. “How did I get a roommate like you?”
“You’re just lucky I guess.”
We turned our attention back to the game just in time for Todd to score an actual goal. We jumped up from our seats and cheered.
I thought of Payton, and our first kiss. I pulled out my cell and saw seven missed calls and three messages.
The Boy Next Door (Falling for You Book 1) Page 5