Laura's Secrets

by Augusta Wright

  Rowdy agreed to try it, and Laura got up to get him the salve. Jim remained silent. During the rest of the meal, she asked them questions about the day’s activities.

  After Jim headed out the door in the direction of the barn, Rowdy placed his forefinger under her chin and tilted her head up to his. He kissed her lightly on the forehead, continuing down to the tip of her nose before capturing her lips. As his kiss deepened, he tightened his arms about her body pulling her closer to him. Her arms went around him. When the kiss ended, their breathing was erratic. He kissed her again then set her away from him and, whistling a tune, he headed to the barn.

  Laura stood for some time in a daze. She had never been kissed before last night and now again this morning. She liked both men’s kisses and the way they made her feel. Should I have feelings about two men? Should I be kissing and loving on two men? She was beginning to understand what Jim had been trying to tell her last night. She might be pretty enough to catch the attention of a man. Now it seemed she had caught the attention of two men. She had forgotten, until now, how it felt to be young and interested in boys. She giggled. Jim and Rowdy were not boys, but men. And, as Jim had tried to explain to her, they had needs women did not. Or was that something Abner always drummed into her head? Yes, it was from him. She had wayward thoughts of her own. Was it possible to love two men? What happened if she did? She wished she could ask Cora about it. She knew about men. Didn’t she?

  As Laura did her chores, provoking daydreams tormented her. The two men complemented each other like night and day. Jim had thick, black, wavy hair; tanned skin; and beautiful dark blue eyes that lit up when he looked at her. He had a more serious side to his personality, unlike Rowdy, the jokester.

  In so many ways Rowdy was his exact opposite. His blond hair, when wet, curled about his handsome face; the wind and the sun had darkened his skin to a golden hue. He was not as tall and lean as Jim, but his arms and legs were muscular. He often shared stories of working on the railroad as a youngster before the war. His green eyes always sparkled as if he was up to mischief, which matched his ever-present grin.

  From the beginning, they’d treated her with the utmost kindness and respect. Did she want to lie with either as she had with Abner? She had never thought of lying with Abner as enjoyable. It was an ugly duty she had to perform. Never had she thought of lying with anyone else. Until now. Her guests were awakening feelings she had not known before. How could she control these feelings? Did she want to?

  During the evening meals, she sensed a tenderness emerging from her for each of the men. She appreciated their presence, their jokes, and their compliments on her cooking.

  That night after dinner, they carried their plates to the dishpan as usual. She’d long since given up protesting when they offered to help, welcoming their friendly jokes and company during the task.

  Rowdy playfully grabbed Laura’s hand in the hot dishwater, stroking it in a sensual manner then brushing her breast with his arm as he held her hand. While she tried to decide how to react, Jim pressed her into the counter, making her fully aware of his growing arousal. She was not only sweating from the hot water, but the hot attention they lavished on her.

  It took longer to do the dishes that night. By the time the last pan was hung on its hook, Laura was breathing hard, sensual thoughts occupying her mind.

  Jim stopped at the door without turning around, “We’ll be gone most of the day tomorrow hunting. Will you fix us some trail grub to take along?”

  “Yes, I’ll fix each of you a grub sack, in case you are separated,” she said sadly, already missing them.

  The next day Laura waved good-bye as the men rode out at daybreak. No matter what they brought back, she would put it in the smokehouse and cure the meat to preserve it. What security and comfort they’d provided. But soon they would ride out of her life. She had seen the strange looks cross their faces when they stared off into the sky or stood searching the dark forests for ghosts from their past. They seldom spoke of what they’d suffered during the war, and when they did it was expressed with much grief. She allowed them their privacy. Sometimes a strangeness would come over Jim, and he frightened her. He would disappear into the forest and be gone for hours. When he returned, he was moody and did not want company.

  Rowdy always seemed to have a bottle handy when his melancholy would come upon him. He would build a campfire on a hill, where he could drink and be alone with his ghosts.

  As she watched them suffer in their quiet agonies, she did not want to tie either one down to a mortgaged ranch. It would not be good for her or the one who stayed. Besides she would never marry again and give someone total control over her being.

  Many thoughts whirled through her mind as she toiled most of the morning in her garden. She had regained her strength since her accident and was thankful to do her own work again. She had left the milking to the men so she did not have to deal with the cow, but what would she do when they were gone? She would cross that bridge when she came to it. For now, her vegetables were growing fast as the warm springtime blossomed and before long, they would be able to enjoy them. The early corn had sprung up and was now putting on ears from stalks that towered over her head. Thinking of how delicious the fresh corn was going to be, she licked her lips in anticipation. Green beans were climbing the poles; carrots, radishes, and beets were already pushing their green leaves skyward. Early planting of onion slips had the bulbs already becoming the perfect size for eating. Canning time was drawing near, and she was ready for it. Each jar she put up was a promise she would survive the winter. The past winter had been mild, but she expected the coming one to be a bad one.

  She had a good supply of butter to take to Everclear to trade for supplies. She would need Cora’s and her girls’ help to make it happen, hoping they would go with her when she had to meet Tuffy. Knowing Tuffy was mean and angry with her did not make the decision to go any easier and because there was no lawman in the mining town, she knew she was unsafe. The marshal would have to come from Denver when there was trouble. But she would soon be forced to go because she needed sugar, flour, and other basic items she could not grow or find in the forest. The cellar kept the eggs, milk, butter, and meat fresh until she could make a trip to town. She finished up her morning chores by churning butter from the milk and storing it in large crocks in the cellar.

  As she worked, she thought of the Wilsons, who lived on the land joining hers on the west. They had not come to visit since last fall. Deciding to pack one of her last remaining smoked venison roasts, bread, butter, and milk; she wanted to see how they had fared during the winter months.

  After her light lunch, Laura loaded the packsaddle and horse for her trip. Mrs. Wilson had told her once they came out several years ago from Virginia with their four children and then had another baby since arriving. Just like she and Abner, they had been unprepared for the harshness of living in the mountains with its severe winters and short growing season. Laura hoped they had learned to live with the rugged conditions.

  Riding Beauty and leading the packhorse, she headed toward the main trail. Avoiding the hidden entrance to her place, she elected to wind her way through the trees to the lane leading to the Wilsons’ cabin a little way off the main road. As soon as she drew near, she saw huge claw marks scratched into the front door. Since only a giant grizzly could have made the marks, she quickly pulled her rifle from its scabbard. Cautiously, she continued on to the dilapidated shack.

  Yelling out, “Hello to the Wilsons!” she rode up to the front porch.

  After a long pause, while she feared the worst, the door opened a crack and Mr. Wilson poked his head out. He peered left and right and then opened it the rest of the way, allowing his family to crowd outside.

  “Hello, Mrs. Brown,” Mr. Wilson greeted her sadly.

  “Hello to you and your family,” Laura answered, climbing down from Beauty. Her rifle rested in the crook of her arm as she held both horses’ reins while she looked closely at t
he motley group before her. Mrs. Wilson’s hair was wild and unkempt and the children faces and hands were smudged with dirt appearing to have not been washed in days. Mr. Wilson’s clothes hung on him and looked as if he had lived in them for some time. The times Laura had seen him, he was always clean-shaven, but today he appeared as if he had not shaved in many days.

  What could have happened to make this family look and act like this?

  Concern for them showed as she said, “I came by to check on you since I have not seen you since last fall. Are you all right?” No one said anything as the group continued to stare at her.

  Mr. Wilson coughed and leaned against the doorway. “We haven’t had much to eat or drink lately.”

  Mrs. Wilson held the youngest child in her arms, but neither looked hearty. The other children had not fared much better either. The oldest boy, Matthew, who looked to be about sixteen, and his fourteen-year-old sister, Annie, had eyes that were sunk into their sockets and both looked as if they had been crying. Their cheeks were drawn and pale. The two younger children were hiding behind their mother’s skirt and whimpering in fear continually looking around.

  “If you will help me unload the packsaddle we can have some dinner.” She reached for a saddlebag, but the group swarmed off the porch and whisked the food into the cabin and consumed it in a flash. Laura followed them in and stood in the doorway in disbelief. What could have happened to these people to cause them to act in such a manner?

  “Please forgive us. We have not eaten in three days,” explained Mr. Wilson as he wiped his dirty mouth on his sleeve.

  “What has happened?” Laura asked.

  “A grizzly has been terrorizing us for weeks. He was prowling around at night, but now he is lurking nearby in the daytime, too. He tore up the garden and killed our milk cow. I haven’t been able to hunt because he follows and takes the kill. And I fear he might kill me instead. We are at our wit’s end, Mrs. Brown.” He wiped a tear from his cheek.

  “Why don’t you shoot him?” Laura asked.

  “Well, I did, several weeks ago but I didn’t kill him. I think it only made him mad. Whenever we go outside, he attacks. Did you see him when you rode up?”

  “No, thank goodness. I better get going before it starts to get dark. He might try to follow me, too.” She gathered up the empty baskets and milk pail and opened the door just wide enough to peek out. Not seeing the bear, she quickly loaded her items on the packhorse and climbed up on Beauty. “You should kill the bear before something bad happens. Bear meat is good and healthy. Then you would at least have something to eat for a while. You can’t let him stop you from feeding your family.” Laura waved good-bye to the family and rode hard toward the lane back to the main trail. Continuing to watch the trail and woods, she made her way back home. Relief washed over her when her cabin came into sight. She dug her heels into Beauty’s side, and the horse galloped down the path to the river and then upward to her haven.

  The Widow’s Peak was what she secretly called the high point near her cabin. Of course, no one knew she was a widow, except for Jim and Rowdy. The Wilsons had not even asked about Abner. Oh well, one less couple she would have to lie to. She rode on to the barn to unsaddle and feed the horses.

  Hurrying back to the cabin, she went inside, pulling the bar down to secure the door. Then she closed and barred all the shutters. Finally, she sat in her rocking chair and took a deep breath. Her trip to fulfill her Christian duty had been a good thing because she had been able to help the Wilsons at least for one day. However, their fear had transferred to her. She did not need to know a bear could wreak so much havoc on a family. What if he comes over here? What would I do? She rocked and thought about what she should do in the event of a bear attack.

  Tamping down her fears, she lifted down the large buffalo rifle Tuffy had talked Abner into buying. Abner knew he was paying too much for it, but bought it anyway to save face. He never took it down from its hooks. Tomorrow, she would set up targets to make sure she was able to handle it. It was heavier than her rifle and she wanted to be prepared. She had learned quickly how to handle a rifle and a handgun when she first came to live in the wilderness. Just holding the big gun, she felt better. She had seen what fear had done to the Wilsons and it was not going to happen to her.

  After cleaning the buffalo gun, she placed it back in its place on the wall with the other guns. The men would be back soon, so she started peeling potatoes to fry. Taking a smoked elk roast from the cellar, she began to slice it. With a pan of gravy and biscuits, it would be a filling supper. As she finished, she heard hoof beats.

  Jim and Rowdy rode in, shouting. Opening the cabin door, she walked out on the porch, happy to see the men and the packhorses laden with meat.

  “What did you get?”

  Jim beamed. “Rowdy got a large elk, and I killed a deer. We got into a flock of turkeys and killed several. We have them gutted and will hang them in the trees to cool for the night. Supper ready?” A warm smile curved his lips as he looked at her.

  “It’s ready when you two get ready. Come on in after you wash up.”

  “We’ll get these cooling and take care of the horses before we come in,” yelled Rowdy as he threw a rope over a high limb in a tree.

  When the men came in, they brought the livers and hearts, her favorite parts. She placed them in the root cellar to cool overnight. Tomorrow, she would prepare a delicious stew and fry up some of the liver.

  Everyone was laughing and joking with each other. They were glad to be back with Laura even though they’d only been gone since morning. They could not resist touching her arm or shoulder whenever they passed. As they ate their meal, she told them about her neighbors. They scoffed when she said she had cleaned the buffalo gun getting it ready if she needed it.

  “It’s not funny that I want to protect myself,” she fiercely reminded them.

  “Laura, we laughed because the gun is so big and you’re so small,” said Rowdy.

  “I’m a good shot, but I’ll need to learn how to shoot the bigger gun.”

  “We know you can hunt for yourself if need be, and we’re glad you can protect yourself when it is necessary,” answered Jim as he gave her a special look.

  Her heart melted from his look. “Anyone want a piece of pie?”

  They answered together, “Yes!” and Laura got up to serve the pie.

  After the dishes were washed and put away, they retired early. As Laura lay in bed in the darkness, her thoughts turned toward the two men again. Were they comfortable? Did they think of her at all? What would it be like to have one of them in her bed right now? Oh my goodness. She remembered how it was to have Abner on top of her. He’d never kissed her or even touched her in any way to make her want him. The memories of the night Jim had held her close came flooding over her. He was strong, lean, muscular and hard, his maleness pushing against her. He had said he wanted her. Did she want him like that? She was not sure what all of it meant. She had feelings for him and for Rowdy, too. But how could she choose between them?

  She touched herself in ways she had never done before, discovering wetness between her legs. Continuing to experiment, she delighted herself with sensations she’d never before dreamed were possible. Had Jim and Rowdy ever thought of her in this way? She was innocent, as Jim had said, but she wanted to learn more about these new feelings. After she made her decision, she drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

  Chapter Nine

  The next morning, Laura put on her work pants. Her few dresses were wearing out and she had reconstructed some of Abner’s pants to fit her. They were much more convenient and easier to work in. She made a mental note to alter more of Abner’s pants before she wore these out. The more her independence grew, the more she liked it.

  Strapping her pistol and holster to her hip and picking up the rifle she had cleaned last night and the bag of shots and powder horn, she headed out to set up practice targets. When she had six cans lined up, she raised the monstrous rifle to t
ake aim. She much preferred her smaller rifle, but she was determined to learn to use this one.

  As she raised the buffalo rifle to her right shoulder, sighting down the long barrel, she thought she was prepared for the recoil, but she was mistaken. The explosion knocked her backward onto her butt and left her dazed for a moment from the recoil and the haze of smoke from the gunpowder circling her head. Her ears rang from the sound of the loud explosion.

  When she got her wits back, she expected the can to be gone, but it was still sitting there. Glaring at it still sitting on the log made her even more determined. Getting up, she reloaded the rifle and took aim again. This time, braced for the recoil, she sent the can flying into the air. “Yahoo! I hit it!” Reloading and shooting the rest of the cans off the log one by one, she proved she could defend herself. Just let that old bear come around here and he will be sorry.

  Loud whistles and clapping came from near the river where the men were boning and cutting up the animals they had killed the day before. Laura bowed several times; proud they had watched her shoot. But she had her chores to do now and couldn’t take any more time from her busy day. Glancing with anticipation at the two handsome men who were working with their shirts off again, she returned to the cabin.

  Later, as they ate their evening meal, the men talked about Laura and the big gun.

  “Laura, I do believe you can take care of yourself if need be,” joked Rowdy but the mirth did not reach his eyes.

  “I didn’t have anyone to depend on but myself until you showed up. I’ve learned, since I’ve been living in this wild country, that I have to be prepared for whatever the land throws at me. I never want to be as the Wilsons are now. They are so frightened; they won’t leave their cabin. I know they won’t survive another winter out here if they don’t change. I felt bad about not taking them more food, but it would jeopardize my survival if I continue to feed them. I will check on them soon, but I want Mr. Wilson to take care of the problem. Am I wrong to think this way?” she asked with tears in her eyes.