by Mandy Baggot
She turned her head to look for him. He was to their left, on a sun-bed not too far away, close enough to see them, far enough away to give them space. He never joined them for meals. He sat a few tables away, making sure everything passed off smoothly, and he wasn’t a great one for conversation. She had spent many an hour in the backseat of a limo with him, and she’d barely been given more than a few minutes of dialogue. Still, she didn’t need to know his life story, and she certainly didn’t want to divulge hers.
“You are looking at Tyler again, child,” Tawanda remarked, tearing her eyes away from the crossword.
“I wasn’t. I wanted to know where he was, that’s all,” Autumn said as her cheeks reddened.
“If I were younger, I would be looking at him. What am I saying? I look at him anyway. What normal, red-blooded woman wouldn’t look at him?” Tawanda’s laughter boomed out of her chest.
“I’m not interested in looking at him,” Autumn said, folding her arms across her bikini-clad chest.
“No?”
“No.”
“Well, how about that one over there?” Tawanda asked as she nudged her head to the right.
Autumn sat herself up a little, inched her sunglasses down her nose, and peeked over in the direction Tawanda was nodding.
Autumn felt her stomach contract as she observed the man Tawanda had pointed out. He was tall, lithe, and had short, dark hair that spiked down over his forehead. For a second, a glimmer of hope fluttered in her abdomen. Then, as the man turned to face their way, the feeling died.
“He look like Mr. Nathan, no?” Tawanda stated.
Autumn sighed. “A little…but not as handsome.”
“Someone will come, child. Someone who will sweep you off your feet when you’re least expecting it.”
“I’m not sure I want to be swept off my feet.”
“No?”
“No, I mean, all that stuff isn’t real. Men are just men. Some of them are better than others, but none of them ride up on a white horse or paraglide in with a bouquet of roses,” Autumn said, her attention turning to a man about to launch into the air from the back of a speedboat.
“That, I would like to see,” Tawanda remarked. “Most of them this week have been lucky to hang on to their swimming trunks!”
Autumn turned and faced her friend. “I still miss him.”
“I know.”
“It’s been almost two months, and it doesn’t feel better.”
“I know.”
“I don’t know how to make it better. I don’t know how to stop thinking about him, stop missing him.”
Her emotions were getting the better of her. She could feel the rise and fall of her chest becoming more and more rapid, and the numbers were falling onto her tongue.
“When Tyler arrived, when he told me that word, I almost thought that…” Tawanda started, her voice trembling.
“Thought what?”
“He used a code word Nathan had used before, a word only a few of us would know the meaning of. For a second, I thought he was still alive,” Tawanda said.
Her words pulled at Autumn’s heart as the thought of Nathan being with her filled her with loss and longing all at the same time.
“But then I realized that Nathan, being Nathan, had thought of everything. He’d always had Tyler lined up for you, if he didn’t make it. He was always so organized like that, always thinking ahead, knowing what needed to be done and doing it. He wouldn’t want you to be mourning him forever, Autumn. He would want you to live your life and make the most of everything.” Tawanda reached for her hand. “He would be so proud of what you did with the donation to Help For Heroes, and for the work you’re going to do with Blu-Daddy’s foundation.”
“I know, but it isn’t enough. I wish he was here. We had no time together, and the time we had together was extreme, to say the least, and…” Autumn started.
“There’s a fishing trip this afternoon? Wanna go?”
Neither of them had noticed Tyler approach. He now stood in front of Autumn’s sun-bed wearing nothing but shorts and shades.
“Mr. James, I was actually in the middle of a conversation. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to speak to you about sneaking up on me,” Autumn said, pulling off her sunglasses and wiping at her tear-filled eyes.
“I apologize, Miss Raine, but Leo, the guide over there, would like to know numbers and…” Tyler started.
“Why would I want to go on a fishing trip? In case you aren’t already aware, I hate fish,” Autumn stated.
“Mr. Nathan, he liked to fish,” Tawanda remarked.
“I am well aware of that.” Autumn leaped up from her sun-bed and searched for her purse.
“Come on, a holiday isn’t a holiday unless you live a little,” Tyler suggested.
“I’m living just fine thank you, here by the bar, on the sun-bed, doing crossword puzzles with my friend. Besides,” Autumn spat, “it isn’t like you and I would have a real conversation on the boat, is it? You don’t do conversation.”
“I could take the photographs,” Tyler suggested. “A few snaps of you with a swordfish for your website?”
Autumn slipped her purse over her shoulder. “No,” she said.
“Tyler, united, next to - eight letters, ending in E-R,” Tawanda questioned.
“Oh, for God’s sake, Tawanda,” Autumn yelled, “It’s ‘together’. United, next to, ‘together’!” She threw her hands up and stalked away from them both.
Tears pricked her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. She smiled at the bellboy, raised a hand at the barman, but when she closed the door to her luxury suite, she gave in.
She let out an anguished sob and threw herself onto the four-poster bed, burying her head in the sumptuous pillows. It wasn’t just losing Nathan that was hitting her hard. It was her father, too. She had no idea where he was, would probably never know. It was almost better believing he was dead, because thinking he was gone had given her a definite end. Even though she knew the likelihood of seeing him again was slim, there would always be that speck of hope, no matter what the realistic side of her told herself.
So, here she was, alone in a luxury suite in a five-star hotel in the Seychelles, not knowing what she was going to do from here. She knew she should confide in Tawanda, but she just didn’t know how.
There was a knock at the door. She sat up and drew a pillow to her stomach. It had been doing constant revolutions since breakfast, and it wasn’t time for lunch yet.
She cleared her throat. “Who is it?” she called.
“It’s Tyler.”
She gritted her teeth and closed her eyes. She was convinced Tawanda was trying to set them up. Her friend’s earlier comments about his physique hadn’t fallen on deaf ears, but she wasn’t interested. He may look good, but looks weren’t everything. In fact, they were of precious little importance.
“Come in,” she called.
No doubt he was going to give her a dressing down about storming off the beach without telling him where she was going.
He opened the door and entered the suite. He still wore the shorts and shades, but now with a pair of Havaianas on his feet.
Autumn pulled the pillow closer and met his gaze.
“You should come fishing,” Tyler stated, his hands on his hips.
“I don’t want to come fishing. I have no interest in fishing. What is the necessity for me to come fishing?” Autumn wanted to know.
“I don’t know. I thought maybe, as Nathan always wanted to fish here, you’d like to do it for him,” Tyler said.
She knew he was watching for her reaction, and she gave it to him. Her lips tightened, her eyes began to weep, and she hugged the pillow with everything she had.
“How do you know that?” she hissed.
“We were friends, Miss Raine, from a few years back. The fishing here is world famous. We talked about doing it one day. Obviously, we never did.”
“You’re so young, how can you…”
Autumn nodded and blinked back her tears.
“I don’t have conversation, because in my line of work, you get used to only speaking when it’s really necessary. I apologize for that. I can try harder, if that’s what you’d like.”
“What I’d like is for this to feel like a normal holiday, not some sort of vacation from death and grief,” she said, spluttering out the words.
“Then we should fish. Plus, if we don’t, I’m going to lose a bet,” he stated.
“What?”
“I kind of bet Leo that you and I would bring home the heaviest catch.”
“Are you crazy? You bet a fishing tour guide that you and a singer would bring home the heaviest catch?” Autumn put her hand over her mouth.
“I’d had two piña coladas, and you know I rarely drink. It went straight to my head,” Tyler admitted.
“Don’t make me laugh,” Autumn said, a smile turning up the corners of her mouth. “I don’t want to laugh.”
“Come on, come and fish with me. Besides, if you leave me with Tawanda and that crossword puzzle, I’m going to resign,” Tyler told her, smiling in return.
Fishing was exhausting. For what seemed like hours, she had to sit on the boat in the blazing sun, waiting for an elusive bite. When she did get a tug on the line, she leaped up, expecting to have caught Jaws, but usually the fish outwitted her and got away. Minutes of exertion, trying to reel it in, left her in need of a lie down and a cold drink. Three hours, they’d been out on the boat, and she’d caught nothing. She would have felt worse, but Tyler had also drawn a blank.
“I don’t know what Nathan saw in this. It’s the most boring thing I’ve ever done. Well, apart from that whimsical crochet item I had to take part in on the TV show,” Autumn remarked.
“The fish can feel you’re not into it, you know. You’re not trying hard enough,” Tyler stated, adjusting his rod and moving his chair closer to hers.
“The fish can feel I’m not into it? Don’t be ridiculous! Fish don’t have feelings!”
“Whoa! Don’t be saying that too loud. Greenpeace is everywhere.”
“I’m afraid you’re going to lose your bet,” Autumn stated. She let out a sigh and looked down at the photo of Nathan wedged in her lap.
“We’ve only been here three hours,” Tyler reminded her.
“Only! You make it sound like five minutes.”
“Well, it is, relatively speaking. Whoa! Hold up, I’ve got a bite!” Tyler jumped up from his seat. “Whoa, it’s a big one, look!” he exclaimed.
Tyler’s rod bent with the exertion of holding onto what appeared to be a large catch.
Tyler struggled to maintain his grip. “Autumn, come on, you’re going to have to help me here.”
She got up and watched Tyler’s straining forearms. “Well, what do I do?” she asked.
“Help me hold the rod. I don’t want to lose this one. This could be the biggest one I’ve ever caught.”
Autumn put her hands over his and stood behind him, trying with all her strength to keep him from losing the rod over the side of the boat.
“It isn’t a shark, is it? Because if you’ve caught a shark and haul it onto the deck, I’m not going to be impressed.”
“It could be a shark, couldn’t it? It’s a delicacy apparently. We could probably sell it.”
“You’d better convince me it isn’t a shark, or I’m letting go of this rod,” Autumn replied.
“Leo!” Tyler called to the guide. “Give us a hand here. We’ve got a big one!”
Twenty minutes later, the huge milkfish was hauled on board, and, in true showbiz fashion, as soon as it had made its entrance, the cameras were out to capture the moment. The milkfish was held above heads, vertically in arms, horizontally by its tail, close up for ugly face comparisons, and all the images were uploaded onto the hotel website and Facebook page before they had reached the shore.
“A fisherwoman now,” Tyler remarked, indicating the catch being taken off in a cool container as they arrived back on the island.
Autumn stepped down from the jetty onto the sand. “It was your catch.”
“Joint effort,” Tyler told her with a smile. “I think you actually talked it in, and it knew you wouldn’t shut up until it surrendered.”
“Right, for that comment you’re on crossword duty with Tawanda all of tomorrow while I go kayaking.”
“Kayaking?”
“They do kayaking here. I thought I might give it a try. I can’t spend the whole holiday on a sun-bed, and, as exciting as fishing was, it didn’t really float my kayak,” she said, smiling back at him.
“Very good. Listen, they’re going to cook the fish for us. I’ve booked a table for eight o’clock.”
“I hate fish,” Autumn replied.
“I know, but you can have something else and watch me eat her,” Tyler suggested.
“I don’t think so.”
Her palms were sweating, and her head was starting to spin. Had he just asked her on a date? What was she? Some kind of fair game for bodyguards?
“Come on, you know Tawanda’s got a new puzzle book today. She’s bound to bring it to dinner,” Tyler continued.
“I don’t want to have dinner with you.”
“Why not?”
“Why not? Because it’s sounding like you’re asking me to dinner, like on a date,” Autumn blurted out, trying to look at him but not blind herself with the sun.
“And that would be wrong because…”
“I don’t want to go on a date with you. I don’t want to go on a date period. I’ve just lost someone who was so special to me. I can’t even contemplate anything with anyone else. Not now, possibly not ever. I can’t believe you’d even ask,” Autumn blasted.
“I apologize,” Tyler began. “I just thought—”
“Well, don’t. Don’t think about it ever again. I know no one understands how I felt about Nathan, but I’m telling you nice, and loud and clear, so that you know. I’m still in love with him, and I don’t see that changing!”
As the words flew from her mouth, so did the torrent of emotion, and before she burst into another avalanche of tears, she hurried up the sand toward the hotel.
She reached into her purse for Nathan’s photo. She felt her iPhone, felt her wallet and sunscreen, but where was the photo? She’d had it on the boat. The boat. She’d leaped up to help Tyler with the fish. Where was it? Was it still on the boat or had it…had it fallen overboard?
She ran back toward Tyler, tears streaming down her face. She bypassed him, leaped up onto the jetty, and sprinted toward the boat moored at the edge.
“Hey, Autumn! Wait! What are you doing?” Tyler called to her.
She heaved herself up onto the deck and went to the area she’d been standing. She scoured the floor with her eyes, moved buckets and sheets out of the way, upturning anything she came in contact with. She couldn’t lose the photo. It was all she had.
“What’s going on? What are you doing? Are you okay?” Tyler asked, making it up onto the deck with her.
“My photo…my photo of Nathan, it’s gone. I had it here and it’s gone,” she raved through a mist of tears.
“Oh.”
“Oh? Is that all you can say? It’s the most precious thing I own. It’s the only thing I have. I can’t have lost it! How stupid! How careless! How did I do that? It’s your fault! You and that fish! It’s all your fault!” Autumn screamed, hitting Tyler in the chest with an angry fist.
Tyler took hold of her hands. “Hey! Hey, come on, it’s okay. I’ll get you another photo. I’ll find you another, I promise.”
“I shouldn’t be here with you. I should be here with him. We talked about coming here,” Autumn stated as her body started to shake.
“I know,” Tyler said, pulling her into his embrace.
“I just want him back, Tyler. I just want him back.”
“I know that, too.”
“I feel sick.” Autumn pulled herself away from him and leaned over the edge of the boat.
Chapter Forty-Six
It took two glasses of lemonade and some painkillers to quell the headache and the nausea. She hadn’t worn a hat on the boat, and now she was paying for it. Today had been a particularly bad day. The boat trip, meant to evoke memories of Nathan and his desire to go fishing in the Seychelles, had done nothing but lose her the only tangible connection she had with him, and make Tyler think she was ready to move on with another man. How could he think that? Had she made him think that? She had done nothing but be short with him, because she didn’t like being ordered about, not because she enjoyed argumentative foreplay. But, after dressing him down about asking her to dinner, he’d rubbed her back while she was sick over the side of the boat, and she’d felt guilty. No, she didn’t want to go on a date with him, but she could eat a meal with him. He’d been good to her, to her and Tawanda, and he went above and beyond the call of duty all the time for them. He’d not asked for time off, not even a night off. He was reliable, dependable, everything you could ask for in a bodyguard. And she’d been upfront with him. There wasn’t going to be anything more than a professional friendship between them. As long as he understood that, there was no reason not to join him for a meal.
Tonight, it was Tawanda’s turn for a date. She had struck up a relationship with Manny, one of the team of swimming pool cleaners, and he was taking her to the hotel’s Creole restaurant. Autumn had never seen her so excited. She had been a gibbering wreck when she was trying to get ready, and in the end, Autumn hadn’t mentioned losing Nathan’s photograph, but had helped her choose what to wear, and had redone her beehive of dreadlocks for her. She was so happy for her friend. Tawanda was another person who had given all her time and energy to Autumn over the last few months. She deserved some time to kick back and have fun.