by Mandy Baggot
She looked at herself in the mirror. She’d bought the dress from a woman on the beach when she and Tawanda had taken a walk out past the hotel. It was the color of the ocean, waves of different shades of blue, with a scalloped neck and half-sleeves. It sat just on her knee in flat feet, rising an inch when she slipped on brown leather, wedge heel sandals. As she looked at her reflection, she flattened down the front of the dress across her abdomen. She had put on some weight here which was down to the hearty portions Tawanda had been heaping on her plate from the buffet three times a day. Still, she needed a bit of change in her life, and maybe weight gain was a long overdue change.
It was a beautiful evening, not that every evening wasn’t beautiful at an exclusive resort on a tropical island, but tonight, the heat was slightly less intense, and there was a cool breeze coming off the ocean.
Even though she’d spent much of the early evening vomiting, she was famished. Too much sun had unsettled her stomach, but all the sea air had given her a raging appetite. She put her hand to her stomach and looked forward to chicken and rice and as many desserts as she could manage.
“Miss Raine, excuse me. You are to come this way,” a waiter said, greeting her before she could reach the steps to the restaurant.
“What?” Autumn asked, a look of puzzlement on her face.
“Please, special table, this way,” the waiter insisted, putting an arm behind her back and almost shepherding her over to his right.
She was going to murder Tyler when she saw him. No, she was going to fire him, then murder him. How many times did she have to tell him there was never going to be anything more than professional friendship between them? If she’d known he was going to take a fishing trip as something close to betrothal, she would never have agreed to go with him. If there were flowers and champagne or a steel band playing, this would be the shortest dinner date ever.
The waiter bowled along at a pace, leading her down the path to the beach. It was all she could do to keep up with him.
Then, as she reached the white sand, her mouth fell open. There was the special table referred to. It was sat right at the water’s edge, a lone stargazer lily in a short glass vase, surrounded by five glowing tealight candles.
“Please,” the waiter said, holding out a chair for her.
“It’s very beautiful, it really is but…I can’t stay here. Where is Mr. James?” Autumn asked the hotel employee.
“I bring wine, you choose food,” the waiter continued, indicating the menu on the table.
“No…wait…I can’t…” Autumn began, turning to address the waiter.
He was gone. The bottom of his white uniform was currently disappearing behind the foliage that led back to the hotel complex.
The table setting was stunning. It was luxurious, yet understated, and there were even five candles. Autumn picked the lily out of the vase and held it under her nose, breathing in the heady scent. She closed her eyes and tried to remember. She should have been sharing this holiday with Nathan. They’d talked about it, the places they would go, the things they would try together if they got the chance. But they hadn’t been given that opportunity. Fate had stepped in and snatched it out of their hands.
“Autumn.”
She snapped open her eyes. The flower tumbled from her grasp and hit the sand. She shook her head and gripped the table with both hands. Sunstroke had a lot to answer for. His voice had sounded so real, not like it was in her head, but as if he were here.
“Autumn.”
There it was again, a voice, his voice, behind her. Her heart sped up, her head ached. This wasn’t real. She hadn’t been feeling well earlier, and the heat was affecting her. It was Tyler, not Nathan. Tyler who she was going to fire because he’d created a romantic setting that pained ever fiber of her being.
“Autumn, turn around,” the voice urged.
She didn’t dare. She closed her eyes again. Somehow, this was a cruel trick, and she didn’t want to give in to that. She couldn’t handle it. He couldn’t be here, because he was dead. She’d been there. She’d seen it. Hadn’t she?
Inch by inch, in slow motion, she turned her body away from the table, her eyes closed. The scent of the lily and the fragrance of the ocean had been interspersed with something else, another smell that was etched in her memory. She opened her eyes in one quick movement, and there he was, Nathan, just a few yards away from her.
He took a step forward and watched her fall to the ground, scuttling backwards on the sand to grab hold of a chair. She looked completely terrified, and he couldn’t blame her. She’d believed he was dead, and here he was, very much alive, turning up out of the blue without any warning, giving her no time to process or even count to five.
He watched her scramble to her feet again, counting up her fingers, and his heart swelled as all the feelings he’d tried to deny flooded through him. He’d been wrong. He’d been so fucking wrong.
She ran to him, crossed the distance between them, and threw her arms around his neck, pulling him close, wanting there to be no space to divide them, not even air.
“I can’t believe…I can’t…you’re alive,” Autumn stated, kissing his cheeks, holding his face in her hands, her fingers moving over every inch.
“Yeah, like Jesus, me, back from the dead,” Nathan responded with half a smile.
“Oh, Nathan, I can’t believe you’re here! You’re real. This is real. I just can’t…” Autumn’s tears flowed thick and fast.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, taking her face in his hands and looking into her eyes.
“Why are you sorry? I’ve dreamed about this, every night, dreamed you were still alive, longed for you. You don’t know how much I’ve longed for you.” Autumn smiled at him, touched his face as if to check he was really flesh and bone and not a hologram.
She’d never felt anguish and joy culminating together before. It was the most overwhelming feeling. Her body didn’t quite know how to respond. The tears fell, her heart palpitated, and her stomach flipped like playing cards being dealt. She was a wreck.
“I wasn’t going to come back,” he stated.
“What?”
Suddenly, all the emotion stopped bombarding her senses, and she stilled. What had he said? What did that mean?
“I’ve been an idiot, Autumn, such a prick. I thought staying away was the best thing for you. I know you deserve so much better than me, and we got too close. I got too close and—”
“I don’t understand,” she managed to speak, the words tripping out of her shaking lips.
“I pretty much died in that warehouse, but that soldier kept up the CPR until the paramedics turned up and saved me. Then I had a visit from Section 7. As soon as I was fit enough, they wanted me and a team to finish As-Wana, find their leader, their base, and destroy all their operatives. So, two weeks later, that’s exactly what we did.”
“But you don’t trust Section 7. They lied to you. You told me that.”
“I didn’t do it for them. I did it for you. Those bastards beat and degraded you. I needed revenge for that.”
“And then? Where have you been since then? Why didn’t you call me? I was in pieces, Nathan, broken apart, grieving for you, and you were… You were what?”
“I heard what you did at the IMAs, the donation, how you spoke about me. And the award, Autumn. You won an award,” he said, pride coating his tone.
“I didn’t care about the award. I would have given everything I owned away for one more minute with you, but you were what? Hiding?”
“Yes, if you like,” he agreed with a sigh.
“You sent Tyler, to look after me. Why? Why didn’t you come back? I told you I loved you. We talked about a future.”
“Tyler’s good at what he does, and he’s younger than me, about your age. I reckon he knows what knife and fork to use, too,” Nathan responded.
“You tried to palm me off with some sort of replacement! How dare you!” Autumn screamed.
She went to h
it him then, with all the force she could muster, but before she could land the blow, he caught her hand.
He’d rehearsed what he wanted to say so many times, but now, he was here, now, she was standing in front of him, this beautiful woman who had blossomed and grown and changed so much since they first met. All the well-practiced words were failing him. He had to make this right. He had to be truly honest with her. For the first time since he lost his family, he had to unfasten the Kevlar wrapped around his heart and bare his soul.
“Yeah, I hoped you’d fall for Tyler. Handsome bloke, strong, can protect you, smart, too. Half of me wanted it to happen because I thought he’d make you happier than I ever could,” he began.
Autumn let out a sob and put both her hands to her mouth. Did he really think she was that fickle? She’d never told any man she loved him before, but she’d told him, and what? Hadn’t he believed her?
“But that was a fucking stupid idea,’ he continued. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you, couldn’t stop thinking about him with you, and every time we made contact, nothing changed. You were eating a little bit more, but you weren’t noticing Tyler, and you spent most of your time walking around with a photo of me.”
Her eyes were still discarding tears at a rapid rate, and she almost couldn’t see anything. From the ultimate high of him being alive, she was dropping down into a cold, dark pit.
“Before I fell unconscious, I was still doing my job. I made sure I thanked everyone, tried to make situations right for the future, but I forgot someone.”
“Me?” Autumn guessed.
“No, me. While I was telling you what to say to Tawanda, telling you not to give your mother a hard time, I should have been saying something else. I should have been telling you how much I love you.”
She gazed at him, tried to focus her weeping eyes. He looked so nervous, so terrified about what he’d just admitted. At that moment, his guard was truly down. She loved him more than ever.
“I love you, Autumn. I tried to deny it, hide it, forget you, but I couldn’t. I can’t. I don’t want to,” he said, his voice faltering.
He reached a hand up and tucked a section of her red hair behind one ear, his thumb trailing her cheek. She wrapped her arms around his neck again and reveled in feeling his muscular frame pressed against hers.
“Will you forgive me? Will you be with me? Will you have me back?” Nathan whispered, rubbing a hand up and down her back.
“Actually…it’s us. Will we have you back.”
“What?”
She moved away from him to spend a second absorbing his expression. He hadn’t guessed, and she wasn’t entirely sure what his reaction would be. Her secret had stopped her from going insane these last few weeks.
“I’m pregnant,” she informed him. “I’m having your baby.”
His heart felt like it was going to burst open, and for a man who had been resuscitated several times en route to the operating theater, it was not such a great position to be in. But, despite the shock, he didn’t stop the mile-wide smile from lighting up his face. He was back with the woman he loved, and they were going to be a family.
“I know it’s a shock, but, to be honest, having you appear back from the dead has to be worse, well, more of a surprise, you know, and…I don’t know how you feel about having more children because of Marie, but…”Autumn began, pulling at her fingers.
Nathan took her hands in his. “Will you both have me back?” he asked.
“Yes!” Autumn squealed and leaped up into his arms.
He looked at her, those gold-flecked eyes no longer harsh, but soft and full of love and desire for her.
“Will you both have dinner with me?” Nathan asked, lifting up his leg and waving his foot about.
Autumn let out a laugh. “What are you wearing?” she exclaimed.
“Listen, where I come from, this is a formal shoe. I remember someone telling me once I needed a formal shoe to eat here.”
She went on tip-toes and kissed him. He stroked her hair with his hands.
“I can’t do it. Take them off…please…take them off, they’re terrible!” Autumn exclaimed.
“Lose the dress.”
“Nathan!”
“That’s the deal. Take it or leave it.”
She slowly traced her finger along his jaw and waited, waited for what was coming next.
He lowered his head, his lips meeting hers, and all the memories she’d had to evoke of their precious moments together came alive again—just like he had.