Taboo (Penthouse Pleasures Book 1)
Page 4
“You were right. I was wrong.” He rested his forehead on hers for a moment. The weight of his regret bore down on her. “As much as I loved you, for some fucked up reason I need this in my life. Maybe it’s because of how we were raised, with my dad hurting my mom and all his other girlfriends, like taking his anger out on them was going to change our situation. It freaks me out thinking I might hurt someone, even by accident. I can’t let go completely unless there’s someone else there. Someone I trust to take care of my woman. It’s just the way I am. And it would only have hurt you worse if we’d gotten more involved, married, lived together, had kids, whatever, before I realized exactly how screwed up I am.”
“You still don’t get it, do you?” She tore herself from his hold. When she teetered, off balance from the overdose of hormones and grief he’d administered, Ian was there to steady her.
“I’m a freak, yeah. So?”
“It pissed me off more that you didn’t trust me enough to confide your fantasies in me when I bared everything to you. You didn’t think I could handle it.” She shook her head, still wounded by his blatant assumption that she would reject him. That she wasn’t as generous or accepting as he’d always been of her and her quirks. And mostly, that he thought less of her than the women he’d shared with a friend before he’d settled for her.
“What?” Jace blinked a few times, as if struggling to think clearly when so much of his blood flow had been diverted below his belt.
“She’s saying you fucked up by hiding what you like and that you stomped all over her pride by making it seem like other playmates could give you something she couldn’t, you idiot.” Ian wrapped an arm around her. He had tucked her to his side when he noticed her fists balling up and tears prickling her eyes.
Oh no, she would not shed even one more over this jerk. No way.
“You can’t seriously want me to think you would have been into it? A three-way?” Jace practically snorted. “No way. I saw your face when you told me what you’d heard that night. That wasn’t lust. It was fear and disgust.”
“I was naïve, Jace. I didn’t know relationships like that existed. Not as something more than a sordid brag from a man who considered fucking two women at once some kind of boost to his manhood. When I found out what you’d done, it was a shock. And yes, I was livid when I thought you’d cheated on me. I expected that of men in general, but not of you. Where we came from, hardly anyone was faithful except for Mr. and Mrs. Wilton, who’d been together since the Great Depression or some shit. That’s where my reactions came from. It didn’t have to be that way. You made it so much worse by hiding what you wanted until I’d already formed an idea of what our future looked like. Together. You and me against the world.”
He nodded then, a lot more slowly. Maybe it was sinking in, now that they were distanced from the emotions that had swept over them both like a tidal wave, destroying everything they’d built together. “So when you heard I liked to share…”
“It felt like you didn’t want me as bad as I wanted you. That I wasn’t enough for you, so you’d found someone else. Something more intense than I could give. I’d only ever been with you. Only knew what you’d taught me. Maybe I was a slow learner. Maybe you wanted another woman to do it right.” She snarled then. “I’d rip a bitch’s head off with my bare hands if you wanted to fuck her in front of me. So I couldn’t understand at first why that might be different for you. I reacted badly. And…well...”
“I did too, Casey. I’m sorry. For all of it.” His shoulders drooped. “All I ever wanted was to make you as happy as possible, including in bed. That night, when you confronted me, I knew I couldn’t give you everything. Not by myself. The thought of unleashing all the nasty parts of me without someone else to rein me in and keep you safe if I went too far—”
He couldn’t finish.
“Hey, man. It’s okay.” Ian put a hand on Jace’s shoulder then, shaking him a little. “You never would have put her at risk.”
Jace nodded again, then looked straight into her eyes. “So when you left me, I thought it was what was best for you, even if it nearly killed me.”
Could it possibly have been as painful for him as it had been for her? She’d ripped her own soul out and left it behind in the dust.
For the first time, she saw how badly she’d injured him—his ego and the tender emotions she hadn’t realized were only blossoming inside him then. He may have fucked plenty of other people before her. In ménages, even. But he’d never loved them. She could see that plainly now that she was older and wiser.
“I’m sorry too, Jace.” She lunged across the gap between them, grateful when he opened his arms to her.
“We weren’t ready,” he mumbled against her hair. His arms crushed her even as they shook.
“I think we might be now.”
7
Jace balked. “I don’t know, Casey.”
His hesitance struck her as rejection. Again.
Fortunately Ian was there to singlehandedly stop the runaway train of their dysfunction before it could derail their reconnection. When her spine stiffened, he was there, caressing her shoulder. “He’s afraid of losing you twice.”
“Well, I’ll put it this way.” She propped her hands on her hips. “If you want to fuck me again, you’re going to have to do it with Ian. I’m not going to use you, or take what I need without giving you the same. No way. Either I’ll like it, too, or I won’t. I’m not promising anything. But there’s only one way to find out.”
Jace practically growled. “Babe, be careful. Hearing you say shit like that does things to me. Things I can’t control.”
“That’s exactly why you have me.” Ian grinned as he looked between them. “Don’t worry, Jace. I’ve got your back. You’re not going to shut this down for us both, are you? I can already tell this is going to be next level.”
The guys exchanged a look that Casey tried desperately to interpret. She felt something pass between them. Some sort of pact, or maybe an ultimatum. Maybe they needed her too, to keep their arrangement alive.
“So you do this all the time now?” she wondered aloud before realizing how her question might come off. “I’m not judging. I just think I deserve to fully understand the situation this time. So I’m not surprised, or disappointed, when it’s all on the table. Is this like a thing you do every once in a while, or is every time you sleep with someone a twofer? That’s fair to ask, right?”
“You can ask us anything. Any time,” Ian assured her. “I’ll make sure he’s completely transparent if that’s what you need.”
She nodded, her apprehension fading. He got her, understood her uneasiness and didn’t hold it against her. Where Jace might bulldoze the truth and leverage her desire to evade tough topics, Ian confronted them head on without blowing up. He was easy to negotiate with.
An important skill in any relationship, it could be critical in a complex arrangement like the one they were about to explore together.
“Answer her, Jace,” Ian encouraged.
“Yeah. This is how it always is now. I don’t fuck women solo. It stresses me out and takes away from my enjoyment, worrying about monitoring myself while I’m trying to let go of all the bullshit in my head. I thought I could change for you.” Jace winced. “I love you. Loved you, I mean.”
Ian cleared his throat with a cough that sounded decidedly like, “Bullshit.”
Jace rounded on his partner. “Seriously. You’re not helping.”
“Funny, I think I am. For whatever reason, we’re all here in the same place, at the same time, with chemistry as powerful as those lights on the Brooklyn Bridge over there.” Ian shook his head. “This could be the only chance you have to fix your past mistakes. As your friend, I won’t stand by and watch you blow it. Be honest with her. Completely. Maybe if you had been before, you wouldn’t have lost her in the first place.”
For a moment, Casey thought Jace might lunge at Ian. Take a swing at him. She could imagine them tumblin
g around, smashing things in her elegant home as if it were one of the seedy, smoke-filled bars she’d grown up in. Ones where Jace had proved over and over that he was strong enough, and cared enough, to keep her safe even when her own mother wasn’t.
He’d broken a few stray hands that had grabbed her tits and ass before she even knew what those parts of her anatomy were good for. Then once she’d started playing pool, hustling the drunk bastards who’d underestimated her time and time again, he’d taken care of anyone who’d gotten angry that she’d used their paycheck to buy Jace and her some real food or to pad her pie-in-the-sky college fund.
She’d never admit it out loud, but watching him stick up for her, protect her, and go to battle for her had turned her on. It spoke to something primal inside her that craved security. The kind she’d tried to build for herself with her single-minded pursuit of her career.
Casey was never going back to that life. Couldn’t survive it.
Instead of breaking Ian’s perfect, sculpted nose, Jace took a deep breath, then faced her. It shocked her. He listened to Ian, actually took his advice instead of succumbing to his white-hot temper. She’d never seen him come back from somewhere near his flashpoint before.
Jace unlocked his jaw and said in a gravelly rasp, “I have thought about you every day since you left. You never left my mind. Or my heart. There, happy?”
He glared at Ian.
Okay, so he was still Jace at the core. He’d just learned how to adapt. She could handle that. Because there were things she had to say. Things that would have set the old Jace off into an argument where neither of them heard the other no matter how loud they screamed.
“I believed you before, when you told me that. But it’s hard to now. You didn’t fight very hard for me. You let me leave. You never once called, or emailed, or anything. That hurt the most. Knowing you didn’t even try…”
“Hey.” Ian rubbed her shoulder, tucking her closer to his strength and heat. She accepted his solace when she couldn’t have gone to Jace that easily. Not with the weight of everything between them. “I hate to break it to you, but I don’t think you’ve got this one straight. Jace has never really let you go. Not all the way. He compares every woman we’re with to you, and they come up lacking. It’s been causing some issues lately that we can talk about some other time, okay?”
“Shit!” Jace glared at his partner and best friend.
“In fact, I’d venture to say that the harder he fell for you, the more he wanted to explore ménage because he knew how much pleasure it would bring you.” Ian smiled softly. “It takes a lot for a guy to swallow his pride and ask another man to help him drive his lover crazy, don’t you think?”
Well, she’d never quite thought of it that way.
What once had seemed illicit and warped now seemed generous and romantic, in a way.
“But once he realized he was never going to end up in a traditional relationship but believed that’s all you wanted, he didn’t feel it was right to try to lure you back to a life you weren’t interested in.” Ian laid it all out when Jace never could have explained so clearly without getting upset. “Now that he knows you’re open to the idea, there’s going to be no stopping him from having you. From us having you.”
Both she and Jace were silent, evaluating each other and the man standing between them, the one helping them find their way back to each other.
“If I’m wrong, you can stop me from kissing her. Just say the word, partner.” Ian cupped her chin and angled her face toward his. His eyes were a deep brown that mesmerized her. He was gentle and coaxing where Jace would have been forceful. He was sweet, and impossible to resist. “You can stop me too, Casey. If you want.”
That bastard chuckled.
But he wasn’t wrong.
She didn’t want him to stop. Not now when she could sense the heat of his well-muscled body seeping into her. Already turned on enough that she could probably come in his arms if he’d hold her close enough and let her grind against his thigh while they made out, she didn’t resist.
“Fuck, that’s hot.” Jace groaned as he watched them introduce themselves to each other in this way. Since they’d only have one first kiss, she tried her best to make it count.
Casey parted her lips and relaxed into Ian’s grip. He took advantage, teasing the tip of her tongue with his as he glided his mouth across hers. They kissed until she grew dizzy from lack of oxygen.
At some point, Jace had come closer so he could stroke his fingers through her hair while she kissed the shit out of his partner. If only she’d known how perfect this could feel, she would have found him and apologized a long time ago. If only he’d shown her…
“What?” Ian asked, nearly as breathless as she felt. “What’s that frown for?”
“I was a foolish girl back then. I didn’t understand. I wasted so much time.” She sighed, looking over her shoulder at Jace. “Now I’m a woman, fully capable of making my own decisions about what will or will not happen in my bedroom.”
“I can see that.” Ian inched forward, trapping her between him and Jace. She didn’t stop him.
“It’s been a while since I found someone I was excited to be with. Since the thought of dating and sex sounded more like fun and less like an interview or a chore.” She leaned toward Ian, who reached out to Jace, pulling him closer. He came. If he hadn’t wanted to, he could easily have resisted the light tug. “So if I want to see what this is like, I hope you’ll indulge me. Even if it’s just for tonight.”
“I’m in,” Ian said immediately.
Jace studied the two of them for a while before admitting, “I could never say no to you.”
He leaned in and angled her face toward him. He held her steady as he closed the gap between them and fused his mouth to hers. She wondered if he could taste Ian’s cinnamon flavor on her lips. It had been forever since she’d kissed him, and still she remembered every detail, every nuance of how he made love to her with his mouth. God, she’d missed this.
Casey couldn’t say if she moaned because it felt so right or because witnessing their interaction was making Ian harder. His growing erection nudged her hip.
She’d never been one for mind games before.
With Jace West, she had no sense of self-preservation or restraint.
When it came to the ex-love-of-her-life who—she was coming to realize—might be the current-love-of-her-life, she could only fight with fiery passion.
“So what do you say, Jace?” Ian cocked his head and flashed a disarming grin before making absolutely sure they were all in agreement. “Su señorita es mi señorita, no?”
Jace broke their contact and swallowed hard. He paused, only the rapid rise and fall of his chest betraying how high the stakes were for him. Finally, he nodded.
Ian lifted Casey. He spun her around a few times before moving toward the tall counter of the kitchen island. While he had her in the air, Jace reached over and raised her skirt, bunching it around her waist in one fluid motion just before Ian set her down. The cool stone beneath her ass shocked her. She gasped.
Ian grinned and tucked the loose tendrils of hair behind her ear. “I can’t wait to hear you make those noises while I’m eating you. Jace told me how loud and sweet you are when you come. Let’s see if he was telling the truth, huh?”
What? Was that where this was heading? Of course it was. These two guys weren’t the sort to take things slow or be satisfied with a few lusty kisses. No, they were going to dive right in. They were doing this. Today. Right now.
Casey bit her lip and nodded eagerly.
Jace set one hand on each of her knees and yanked, spreading her wide open. “Don’t make me a liar, babe. Show Ian how fucking delicious you are.”
She braced her hands behind her, flat on the counter, then leaned back on straight-locked arms. Her gaze flew to Jace’s, suddenly worried. What if she let him down? What if she could only lose herself to rapture with him? Could she fuck up his bond with Ian?
Jace called his friend’s attention to her reaction. “Ian, help.”
Casey looked away and down, embarrassed by their scrutiny.
“Sorry, that was a lot of pressure to put on you,” Ian said as he stroked her legs from the tops of her thighs to her knees, then down her calves. Over and over. “We only said those things because there’s no doubt in our minds that you’re going to blow us away. You already have by being so brave and open to this.”
She drew a deep breath as the tension melted from her bones. “Okay.”
“Here, let me prove it to you.” Ian walked his fingers higher this time, to the waistband of her lacy panties. She lifted her ass so he could slide them down then over her knees. From there, they floated to the floor.
“I can smell you already, babe. You’re as fucking hot as I remembered,” Jace rasped in her ear as he covered her face with kisses. When he claimed her mouth, it was nothing like the liquid exchange she’d had with Ian.
Jace sealed his mouth over hers and plundered, distracted her with deep contact, the pulls of his mouth as he sucked on her tongue, and the sharp nips of his teeth sprinkled in, keeping her on edge. While she focused on him, Ian bent lower and began to kiss and lick a trail up her leg.
It felt surreal and so fucking great to have an extra set of hands and a second mouth on her skin, driving her beyond reason or doubt. She let go, quit thinking, and committed herself to simply reacting. When they did something that sent sparks up her spine, she allowed her moans to break free from her throat without suppressing them or worrying about propriety as she had with other lovers she’d had while pursuing a partner appropriate for the sophisticated woman she aimed to be.
What an idiot! Appropriate was definitely not the criteria a woman should use to pick a lover.
While Ian progressed up her thighs, tormenting her with his slow pace, Jace took things up another notch. He shoved his hand down the front of her tank top, pushed the cups of her bra beneath her breasts, then filled his palm with one. He kneaded it as he devoured her cries.