Every Beat of My Heart

by Kianna Alexander

  The tears gathered in her eyes, and she dashed away one that spilled down her cheek. “You had plenty of time to tell me before, Rashad. Whatever it is, I don’t want to hear it. And I don’t want to see you again, ever.” She stepped back.

  “Lina, wait. Don’t...”

  Before he could finish his sentence, she’d retreated inside and slammed the door. Now he heard the lock turn, and her footfalls as she walked away, retreating farther into the house.

  He stood there on her porch for a few silent minutes, taking in the finality of her words. Tightness rose in his chest, and he felt as if his heart were being wrenched in a vise.

  He hadn’t told her the whole truth, and now she hated him. Regardless of how over the top he’d thought her trust issues were, she had a right to guard her own heart in any way she saw fit. He’d brought this on himself, and now he’d have to pay for his stubbornness. The punishment of a life spent without her seemed too much to bear, but he couldn’t think of anything else he could say or do that would make her change her mind.

  In stoic silence, he turned and walked back to his truck.

  Chapter 15

  Lina let her eyes close, and enjoyed the feeling of coolness as the esthetician placed the fresh cucumber slices on her eyelids. Her face already tingled from the tea tree and vitamin E mask she’d been wearing for the past twenty minutes, and as the stack of heated blankets were placed over her robe-clad body, she sank into the padded table.

  She was just beginning to enjoy her warm cocoon of luxury when her mother’s voice cut into her reverie.

  “Lina, you know I’m not one to get in your business.”

  Beneath the cucumbers, she rolled her eyes. She knew her mother couldn’t detect her movement, since they were lying next to each other on tables in Serenity Spa, each similarly covered in blankets and face gunk. “Mama, please don’t. I’m trying to relax.”

  Carla sighed. “I know that, but it’s not my fault you can’t relax. You’re feeling emotional, and we both know why.”

  Lina groaned under her breath. Regardless of the way she felt, she knew better than to disrespect her mother. Grown or not, she knew Carla Smith would give her a fat lip if she did. “Mama, you know I love you, but I really don’t want to talk about this right now.”

  “Well, that’s tough. You’re not going to ruin my day at the spa with that salty attitude, missy. So we’re going to talk about it.”

  She could tell from her mother’s tone that she intended to hash this thing out, whether Lina liked it or not. Settling into the padded table, she acquiesced. “Okay, Mama. What do you have to say?”

  “Nothing, yet. I want to hear what you have to say.”

  Lina blew out a breath. A moment ago, she’d thought listening to her mother lecture her would be the worst of it. But this, being forced to relive it all and dredge up all the bad emotions swirling around inside of her, was bound to be far more unpleasant. “I already told you, Mama. He’s still lying to me after everything we’ve been through together, and you know I can’t stand being lied to.”

  “So you’re going to tell me that you’re not mad he won that piano that you wanted to give me?”

  She removed the cucumbers, and opened her eyes. When she turned her head toward her mother, she found her already watching her. “Of course I’m upset about that. I really wanted you to have that piano, because I know how much you love Monk’s music.”

  Her mama’s face, painted blue with the anti-aging algae mask she wore, twisted into a frown. “Girl, did you ever stop and think if I wanted the piano? Or where I would put it? That thing was about the size of a small barge.”

  Her brow furrowed. “You mean you wouldn’t have wanted it?”

  “I didn’t say that. It’s just that you didn’t ask me. I know you wanted to surprise me, but for someone like me, living in a two-bedroom house, owning something like that would just be silly and impractical.”

  “If I’d won the bid, what would you have done with the piano?”

  Her mother looked thoughtful for a minute. “Seems to me, something like that belongs in a museum. Monk was born here in North Carolina, up in Rocky Mount. Maybe they’d want it up there, to put on display.”

  In that moment, Lina realized that she’d been so determined to get the piano, she hadn’t really given much thought to what her mother would do with it. “I see your point, but it’s just like I told him. The piano isn’t the issue here, dishonesty is.”

  “Mmm-hmm.” It was the telltale sound of skepticism.

  Lina lifted her head and shoulders off the table to look at her mother. “What? I’m serious. He’s obviously doing something on the side, if he can still have all this money after losing his job at the courthouse. And his bid was extravagant, way beyond what he needed to spend to win. It’s like he was showing off.”

  “How do you know he’s doing something on the side? What if he spent his life savings on the piano? He’s a grown man, and whether you like it or not he can spend his money as he sees fit.”

  She held back the eye roll she felt coming on, since they were both without their cucumber slices. “Something just doesn’t feel right. Didn’t you teach me to go with my gut?”

  “Is your gut really telling you he’s doing something wrong? Or are you just mad that you don’t know his whole life story?”

  Lina started to launch a retort, but quieted. She’d spent the past two nights making all kinds of assumptions about what Rashad might be doing to have access to that kind of money. When he’d stood on her porch the previous morning, looking and smelling as delicious as a five-layer chocolate cake, he’d probably been trying to explain his financial situation, but she’d been so angry and hurt she didn’t let him finish. While the pain still remained, her anger had tapered off significantly, and if she were honest with herself, she’d have to admit that she missed him. There was no way she was going to admit that to her mother, though.

  Carla shook her head. “Ever since you found out what an ass Warren was and divorced him, you’ve been holding on to this grudge against men. I haven’t liked none of the idiots you’ve dated, but I like Rashad. He’s a good man, Lina. I’m telling you, if you don’t come to your senses and stop all this bitterness, you’re going to regret it.”

  Tears started to gather in Lina’s eyes, and she held them back as best she could. There just wasn’t any good way to wipe your face when it was smeared with tea tree mask. “Mama, I don’t want to get hurt again. I don’t think I can take another heartbreak.”

  “I know, baby. I know. I don’t want to see you hurt again, either. But I honestly don’t believe Rashad is out to hurt you.”

  Lina sniffled, dabbed at her eyes with the corner of one of the blankets heaped atop her.

  “You don’t have to go after him. If I’m right, and I usually am, he’ll be back to make his case again. All I’m asking of you is to give the man a fair shot at explaining himself. If you don’t like what you hear then, I’ll let it go. Okay?”

  She looked into her mother’s loving eyes, and nodded. “Fair enough, Mama.”

  “Good.” She lay back again and put the cucumbers back over her eyes. “Now you can relax.”

  Shaking her head, Lina replaced her own cucumber slices and lay back on the table. Her mother had given her plenty to think about. Her mind fixated on Rashad, and she replayed the vivid memories of his kiss, his touch and his expert lovemaking. The warmth of ten heated blankets was lovely, but it wasn’t nearly as wonderful as the feel of his hard, naked body cradling against hers. In his arms, she’d found true passion, and his touch had been the antidote to her stressful days at work. Now that she’d experienced his loving, her life would never be the same. She doubted very seriously that any other man could compete with the erotic memories he’d left her with. Could she really go the rest of her life without
the thrill of everything he’d given her?

  The soft music and the lure of the warm blankets got the better of her, and soon, she drifted off to sleep.

  And while she napped, those passion filled memories of Rashad and his lovemaking haunted her dreams.

  * * *

  Rashad reached behind him to wrap an elastic band around his locks, to keep them out of his face. He eased onto the bench and flexed his hands over the keyboard, stretching his joints. He was at Marco’s house for Monday night rehearsal, and he expected to play and sing pretty hard today. At a time like this, when emotion threatened to rise to the surface, he escaped into the comfort of music.

  Around him, the others were busy setting up to play, as well. Ken was already stationed behind the drum set. Marco adjusted the strap holding his tenor saxophone around his neck and Darius plucked a few notes on Miss Molly, his beloved upright bass.

  Marco, his strap now adjusted to his liking, clapped his hands together. “All right. Rashad, you’re picking the set for this week. What do you have?”

  Rashad reached into his pocket and pulled out the list of songs he’d chosen. Unfolding the paper, he handed it to Marco.

  Marco’s brow furrowed as he read the song titles aloud. “‘Hard Hearted Hannah,’ ‘I Got It Bad and That Ain’t Good,’ ‘Stormy Weather’... Jeez, Rashad, is it that bad, man?”

  Rashad looked up from the keyboard to see everyone in the room staring at him. “What? We can’t just be singing the same love songs all the time. Love is complicated, and sometimes it goes wrong.”

  Ken, tapping out a slow rhythm on the snare, quipped, “Yeah, but based on that set list, love didn’t just go bad, it died a slow and painful death.”

  Darius chuckled, with a shake of his head. “Seriously, Rashad. This is a concert, not a funeral.”

  Rashad folded his arms over his chest. Sounding much angrier than he intended, he growled, “Ha-ha. Y’all are so damn funny. Regardless, it was my turn to pick the set list, so deal with it.”

  Ken laid down his sticks and put his hands up in a gesture of surrender. “Whatever, man. Just chill.”

  Leaning his bass against the wall, Darius cocked his head to the side. “Nah, man. You can’t be expecting us to play all this sad music just because you’re in a funk. The female fans expect better from us.”

  Rashad got to his feet, hands balled into fists. “Don’t press me on this, D.”

  Darius looked him dead in the eye. “If you wanna square up, go ahead. But you know good and damn well that I’m right.”

  Marco, finding himself standing between the two of them, took a big step back. Ken, eyes wide, stayed behind the drum set, and remained quiet.

  Tension crackled in the room like static electricity as Rashad and Darius stared each other down.

  Anger coursed through Rashad like hot lava, but as he looked at Darius, the best friend he’d ever had, he knew his anger was misdirected. They’d tussled before, but not since college. He knew Darius could hold his own in a fight. And when it came down to brass tacks, there was no reason for them to be fighting.

  Rashad took a deep breath, relaxed his hands at his sides. “You’re right, man. I’m sorry.”

  Darius relaxed as well, and the tension seemed to drain from the atmosphere. “I’m glad you see my point. I don’t mind a few of these brokenhearted songs, let’s just mix it up with something more upbeat, okay?”

  Rashad nodded as he went back to his seat behind the keyboard. “I’m good with that. Y’all pick three songs, and we’ll mix those with my first three. Deal?”

  Everyone seemed agreeable, so they drafted a new set list, then shuffled through their sheet music collection for the songs they didn’t know by heart.

  Marco snapped his fingers, as if he’d just remembered something. “I forgot to tell you. Rudy over at the Blue Lounge called me. He says that piano they ordered for the club came in today.”

  Clapping his hands together, Rashad perked up. “Great. It’s an upright, I’m guessing?”

  Marco wet his reed, placed it in the slot at the mouthpiece of his sax. “Yeah, Rudy says they couldn’t fit a baby grand since the stage is so small. It’s supposed to be a top-of-the-line model, though.”

  Rashad was glad to hear that the piano had finally come in. He didn’t mind playing the keyboard per se, but to his mind, nothing matched the clear, pure sound of an actual piano. He’d offered to bring in the one he had at home, but Rudy, the owner of the Blue, had told him there wasn’t room for a piano that size. Rashad hadn’t played an upright since his college days, but it would still be a marked improvement from playing a keyboard during shows.

  Darius called out to him, breaking through his thoughts. “Rashad, are you gonna be all right, man?”

  Rashad looked over at his friend, and saw the genuine concern in his eyes. “Yeah, D. I’ll be all right.”

  Darius responded with a grin and a wink.

  Rashad smiled. He remembered the crestfallen look on Darius’s face all those months ago, when Darius was sure he’d lost his chance at being with Eve. They’d gotten through it, and now were married, expecting and deliriously happy. That thought gave him hope that he might somehow mend his broken relationship with Lina.

  Taking a deep breath, he set his focus on Ken, who counted off the start of the first song.

  Rashad put his fingers to the keys, and once cued, sang and played as passionately as his feelings for Lina demanded.

  Chapter 16

  Tuesday evening, Lina sat in the passenger seat of Tara Mitchell’s midsize sedan, watching the scenery of the Queen City roll by. When Tara had entered her office an hour ago and offered her a ride to the Park Hotel, she’d accepted. The firm often used the meeting rooms at the Park when they had to schmooze wealthy clients. Lina assumed that to be the reason Gwendolyn had asked the entire staff to meet her there at six thirty that evening.

  Her eyes on the road, Tara mused out loud. “I wonder who the client is this time.”

  Lina shrugged. “I don’t know. I asked Gwen earlier, but she’s being pretty tight-lipped about this one. Must be somebody famous.”

  “Ooh, what if it’s J. Cole. He’s from Fayetteville, you know. Girl, if it is, I’ll die!”

  Tara spent the rest of the ride hypothesizing aloud on who the client might be. Lina, while curious, just didn’t have the brain space to dedicate to a guessing game. All she could think about was Rashad, and how badly she missed him. She couldn’t bring herself to call, though she knew he’d take her call. She was so torn about the whole situation, her emotions wouldn’t allow her to pick up the phone. But she still held out some hope that he’d contact her. It had only been three days since she’d slammed the door in his face.

  When Tara pulled her car into a parking space at the Park Hotel, she and Lina climbed out with briefcases and handbags in tow. They entered the lobby, greeting the front desk staff as they made their way to the Maple suite, the room the firm had always used when at the hotel.

  The lights seemed a bit dim to Lina as they moved down the corridor, but she didn’t pay it much attention. She and Tara were still chatting when she swung open the double doors to the room.

  “Surprise!”

  Lina dropped her purse as she looked around the room at all her coworkers from the firm. The Maple suite had been draped in black and silver finery, and a large sign hanging across the front wall read Congratulations Lina and Tara.

  Tara’s hand flew to her mouth. “You guys!”

  Lina, still in shock, felt a smile spreading across her face. “Wow.” As she looked around, she spotted her mother as well as Eve and Darius among the smiling faces present in the room. She also saw Barton, Tara’s longtime boyfriend, standing amid the partygoers. Obviously, someone had put a great deal of effort into planning this little soiree. Desp
ite her pain over Rashad, she couldn’t help but be touched by the kind gesture.

  Gwendolyn stepped out of the crowd, a broad smile on her face. “Welcome, ladies. I just want to say congratulations, and that I’m so glad to have you two as my newest senior partners.”

  Applause and cheers filled the room.

  Waiters fanned out through the space, passing around filled flutes of champagne. As Lina accepted her glass, she offered a smile to her mother, who blew her a kiss in response.

  Once everyone had been served, Gwendolyn raised her glass. “A toast to the women of the hour, Lina and Tara.”

  “Hear, hear.”

  The collective sound of glasses clinking together soon gave way to the din of many competing conversations.

  Lina hugged Tara and Gwendolyn, then walked over to where her mother stood with Darius and Eve. “How long have you all been keeping this secret from me?”

  Eve chuckled. “Gwen called us a couple of weeks ago about it.”

  Playfully, Lina punched Eve in the shoulder. “I can’t believe you held it in that long.”

  “That’s why I’ve been keeping her so busy at home, so she wouldn’t have the time or the strength to spill the beans.” Darius drew his wife close to his side and gave her a soft kiss on the lips.

  Watching them sent a twinge through her, as she remembered the way Rashad kissed her.

  Carla grabbed her, pulling her into an embrace. “Oh, I’m so proud of you, baby!”

  She could hear the emotion in her mother’s voice. “Thanks, Mama. Come on now, don’t cry.”

  Dashing away a few tears, Carla smiled. “I’ll be all right. That’s just the pride leaking out through my eyes, that’s all.”

  Laughing at her mother’s turn of phrase, she kissed her on the cheek. “I love you, too, Mama.”

  Lina moved around the room, stopping to speak to her coworkers, and to Barton, who had his arm draped around Tara. When she’d finished making her rounds, she took a seat near the rear of the room, beneath the banner. There, a large window looked out on a courtyard behind the hotel. The scenery was beautiful. There was a large three-tiered fountain, with crystal clear water cascading down toward the small pool at the bottom. Surrounding the fountains were hundreds of brightly colored blooms, including raspberry-pink petunias, sunny-yellow impatiens and snowy white phlox. Gazing at the cascading water and the colorful flowers, she felt some of the tension inside of her draining away.