Edge of Desperation

by Nat Kennedy

  “Relax your brain. Like we talked about. Breathe in deep. Think of something constant, or steady. A ticking clock. A flame. A tree.” He spoke in a slow, soft cadence. Almost hypnotic. “Keep your mind on your item. Hold it.” They sat there for a while, Kyle's breath slowing and growing deeper, while Reggie sharpened his own mind to a dagger's edge.

  He'd learned to do this to himself long ago. Though he didn't have Taint, he'd still Wielded to the edge of madness. Young men did stupid things. Bethany had slapped him out of it. Their parents were dead, and he'd been a rough kid once he learned to pluck the Nerve. Looking for trouble, really. He would have been dumped in an oubliette if it wasn't for Bethany. He owed her everything.

  Eventually, he'd stopped using that part of his power and worked on this part. He'd gone inward, looking for the Nerve's connection rooted within. Bethany had no idea what he was talking about: the Nerve's root. He'd tried to explain it to her, another mentalist, but she kept telling him the Nerve was out there not internal. Reggie knew better. Everyone had a root of the Nerve that stretched out into the greater...whatever you called it. Universe? He could feel it when he wanted to untangle it, just like he could feel it when he wanted to pluck the Nerve for other purposes.

  Reggie was unique amongst everyone he'd ever met. He had two Wielding powers. One to paralyze his target, the other to untangle and manipulate the Nerve.

  Now, as the crackle of Mylar tickled at his ears, he plucked the Nerve, sinking into Kyle's gaze and seeking out the root. He let his intention slide into Kyle. Kyle shifted. Reggie stopped his progress until the other man relaxed again, releasing his mind, then Reggie pushed in farther, seeking that tangle.

  “Relax,” he whispered. “Relax and try to feel what I'm doing. Because you'll have to learn to do this for yourself.”

  “I can do that?” Kyle asked, lips barely moving. His thoughts tightened and Reggie cursed himself for distracting him.

  Reggie nodded along with the crackle of his Tracer. “I've taught other men to do this. It is possible.”

  “Can you stop Corruption too?” Kyle badgered him, though his mind had settled.

  Reggie straightened, feeling his shirt rub against his back. “No.”

  Then Kyle's mind unwound, open and receptive. Reggie nudged around, little short movements, until he discovered the root. The tangled knot of Nerve pulsed, agitated and angry. Reggie ran his thoughts over it, his Wielding power caressing the bundle. Then he tapped against it. A beat, a pattern, repetitive until he changed it up, seeking the right cadence. The Nerve pulsed, tightened. Kyle gasped and held his breath. Reggie stopped, prayed Kyle would relax soon because they hadn't gotten this far before. The snag was so close. Kyle's tense shoulders dipped, his breathing eased. Reggie tapped again. It took a while, but he did find the right cadence. The tangle loosened.

  Kyle jerked, driving Reggie from his mind. He popped to his feet, pressing his hand against his temple. “Goddamn... that... so fucking wrong. Creepy!”

  Reggie flopped back, arms splayed to his side. He was exhausted from just that little bit, but it had worked, even if just an inch, it had worked.

  ~~~

  “How's your suspension going?” Bethany asked over the phone. As usual her exhaustion worried him.

  He grabbed the milk from his grocery bag and stuck it in the fridge next to a two liter of Coke. “Another week of proof gathering, and then I should be reinstated. Other than the women's words, there's no proof. No camera footage, no other witnesses supporting them. I've excellent character witnesses. I'm just staying away from campus as requested and helping out Kyle. How're you, you sound beat.”

  He unloaded the veggies into the crisper, then placed the cans of refried beans in the cupboard as his sister continued. “Well, working on a murder investigation, this one at the Black Castle. You've been there, right?”

  “Once or twice.” His sister knew exactly how many times he'd been there; he'd only visited the club for her. A male Wielder hangout, the place teemed with men. Many worked the Nerve, right there in public. If Reggie hadn't suspected they could all be mad, he might have enjoyed himself more.

  “Well, the owner also uses the bar to smuggle things. Mostly to avoid import taxes. A lot of the items go to the cults. He's one infraction away from me slapping him upside the head with a cease and desist.”

  “Oh really, what kind of things?” Reggie wondered what a modern day smuggler would work with.

  “Oh, cigars, rare fruits, alcohol. Nothing illegal, usually. Someone claimed he'd smuggled in ivory.”

  “Ivory, ew. What a bastard.” He closed his fridge and folded his bags to store near the door.

  “Yeah, well,” his sister sounded grudging in her agreement. “Not sure that was a legitimate accusation. He's some righteous vegan or something. How's Kyle?”

  Reggie flopped down on his couch, propping his legs up on the coffee table. “Doing well! I'm able to help. It's working.” He couldn't hide the joy in his voice.

  “Reggie, that is amazing.” She breathed out a relieved sigh. “I can't believe you are able to help him.”

  “And, I'm teaching him how to do it for himself. He's not catching on, but I'm sure he can do it.”

  “It could be something only an untangler can do.”

  Reggie laughed at her name for him. “Well, I start the process and through guidance, help the men learn to do it themselves. Very similar to a Mind Shield, and I think anyone could do it. Remember Juan and Terry? They learned it.” Reggie checked out the clock and hoped Kyle would show up soon. “How are Paul and Melanie?”

  “Ah, okay, I guess. Got the cold shoulder last night. It was my dinner night, so I brought home Chinese. He got in my face because I was supposed to cook.” A bitter chuckle filled the phone. “I mean, damn it! I don't have time for that.”

  “How are you holding up?” Reggie knew Bethany loved her family, but it was the domestic demands that presented her toughest challenge. She loved her job more, and Paul had never accepted that.

  There was a long pause. Through the phone Reggie could hear the bustling action of the Bureau's office. “The thing is,” she said, her voice strained, and Reggie imagined her holding back tears. His sister didn't cry. She never broke down. She sniffed and when she began talking again, her voice was muffled, like she was cupping her mouth and the receiver with her hand. “It sucks. He expects me to quit my job.”

  “Of course he doesn't expect you to quit your job.” Nobody expected a woman Wielder to do anything they didn't want to do. Reggie decided to say something he knew he would pay for later. “Maybe he just wants to share his life with someone.” He gritted his teeth and waited for the backlash.

  She grunted self-deprecatingly. “Maybe he should make it worth my while then,” she said in a harsh, fast jumble of words. “I'm worth more as a mentalist than as a wife and he's just a selfish bastard who wants everything but won't sacrifice a thing.”

  Reggie's chest tightened. He just wanted his sister to be happy. “Yeah, I know. I'm sorry.”

  Another sniff, then, “I gotta go. Talk to you soon.”

  “If there's anything I can do... Why don't we meet for dinner tonight?” Reggie asked.

  “Can't tonight. Task force meeting on the murder suspect. Tomorrow?”

  Reggie wouldn't hold his breath, but he agreed and hung up.

  Bethany had not been the marriage type, but Reggie guessed she'd just wanted something traditional. She had raised Reggie from his early teens. Worked hard with her power and excelled in mind-reading. She was valuable and experienced. But she loved Melanie, hell, she loved Paul. Reggie wished they could work everything out. It wasn't like Paul didn't know what he was getting into when they first started dating.

  His doorbell rang and Reggie's welcoming grin dried up when he opened the door and saw Kyle.

  “Good afternoon,” Kyle said as he sauntered in. Reggie's gaze snagged on a black fishnet shirt under his black jacket. Kyle finished his ensemble with b
lack jeans, black boots and heavy lines of gray eyeliner.

  “You're dressed for going out, I see.” Reggie struggled to keep his disapproval out of his voice. If Kyle went out to a party or the bars, he was a target for the cults. Plus, he couldn't run in those calf hugging boots.

  But damn...

  Reggie admonished himself, pushing all of his bad and inappropriate thoughts behind a locked gate.

  “Later.” Kyle took off his coat. His fishnet shirt and second-skin jeans left nothing to the imagination. “There's a party. You could go with me.”

  Reggie laughed, a little more strained than he wanted. “Don't mingle with students.”

  Kyle's eyes sparkled. “But you're mingling with me.”

  Reggie's laughter died. “I'm teaching you.” He stalked past Kyle into his living room. “Sit down. We've work to do. Since I can't run you to exhaustion, we'll experiment with you being fresh.”

  “I'm always fresh, teach.”

  “Oh, do shut up.”

  Kyle tossed his jacket over the recliner's arm and folded himself into a cross-legged position across from Reggie. Those jeans must have spandex in them to allow for such flexibility. Reggie sat across from him as Kyle leaned back, bracing himself with his elbows on the ground. The brat was putting his body on show. Kyle's eyeliner brought out the gray in his blue eyes, giving them a cloudy undertone. They were beautiful really, stormy, the eyes of someone wild.

  “Relax,” Reggie said. His crackling Tracer signaled him Wielding the Nerve. Kyle's natural Mind Shield blocked him. It wasn't strong. If Reggie were a mind-reader he could probably blast through it, but Reggie's untangling ability was too subtle, required too much finesse, to break down any shielding at all.

  “I am relaxed.”

  “Relax your mind.”

  Reggie sought out the root of the Nerve. Traveled from the Nerve of the World, tracking it to its foundation in the young man, but he couldn't find it. Reggie gritted his teeth. He'd tapped at Kyle's tangle a few times now. He knew the other man's Nerve pathway somewhat well, but now, he found nothing. The mind too active, the Shield too sturdy.

  Reggie broke eye contact, panting from the strain. A dizzy spell had him squeezing his eyes shut. “I can't do it. You're too…”

  “Fresh?”

  “Idiot, but yes. You've too much energy fueling your natural shielding; it's not letting me in.”

  Kyle sighed and arched his back. His nipples budded through the fishnet. Oh hell. Reggie's hot-young-man immunity was slowly wearing down.

  “So, this isn't going to work without running me to the ground?” Kyle asked. Reggie looked up at Kyle's tone. His animated expression from earlier was gone.

  “I don't think so. Now you know.”

  “I can think of ways to wear me out.” Kyle leered at Reggie, and it was just so comical, he laughed.

  Kyle's sexual tango ceased and a flutter of hurt, replaced instantly by anger, marred his handsome face until his expression landed in a sneer. “What's wrong with that? I know you think I'm hot, so don't play that 'I'm not interested in guys' bullshit.”

  Reggie blanched, uncomfortable with the way Kyle slapped him with his own inappropriate interest. “Kyle, you are a very attractive young man.” Why couldn't Kyle understand it wasn't just about attraction? “However, I'm a professor at the university you attend. I don't think it appropriate—”

  “Oh bull,” Kyle spat. “You are not my professor, and don't play the age card. I'm twenty-one, perfectly legal on all accounts... You're what...” his gaze shifted to the ceiling as his mind's wheels turned, “at the youngest twenty-six.” He waited, eyebrows arched.

  “I'm twenty-seven.”

  Kyle's eyes widened, a small smile flittering across his lips. “Pretty good, teach.” Reggie's pride swelled at the young man's admiration. “See, only six years difference. That's nothing.”

  “It's enough.” Reggie got to his feet. He should not be having this conversation.

  “What's stopping you?” Kyle stood in response, his arms held away from his body, as if presenting the goods. “I like you. You like me. What's the problem?”

  Reggie just wanted to rewind the night and start over. “I do not date students, Kyle. It stands against everything I find proper.”

  Kyle yanked on his coat. “Fine. I'll take my improper ass out of your house.”

  Reggie reached out for Kyle. “Hey, where you going tonight?”

  “What, now you're telling me I can't go out?”

  Reggie ran his fingers through his hair. Kyle watched the action, then tore his eyes away. “No, you can go out. Just, please be careful. Make sure they're people you know and trust. Don't go anywhere with anyone you don't know.”

  Kyle harrumphed. “Yes, dad.” He turned and barged out.

  Crap. How did this go downhill so fast?

  That night, Reggie tossed and turned with nervous agitation. When he did finally sleep, he had nightmares of flaming horses charging after him and then trampling down an entire village and all he could do was watch the flames destroy everything.

  He got up at five and gave in to his anxiety. He dialed Kyle's number.

  It rang five times before a man answered the phone. “What?” he said in a sleep heavy voice.

  “Is Kyle there?”

  “He's sleeping. Is it important?” The man coughed away from the phone, a morning smoker's hack.

  “Yes.”

  Moments passed and Reggie prayed Kyle was just at a buddy's, maybe a shag buddy, but not tied up in some twisted cult trap.

  “Hello?” mumbled a half-asleep Kyle. “Who's it?”

  “Kyle, it's Reggie. Is everything cool?”

  Nothing through the receiver and Reggie wondered if Kyle had hung up on him. He was pissed last night. “Yeah. I'm okay…. Dad.”

  “That's your dad?” the other man said.

  “No,” Kyle muttered back. “It's a joke.”

  Reggie sighed, chuckled a little. Didn't sound like Kyle was there against his will. “Okay, good. Are you coming by today?”

  “Later, this afternoon.” Kyle sounded blurry, more than half asleep.

  “See you then.”

  Reggie hung up and went back to bed.

  ~~~

  That Monday, Reggie tightened his tie and looked himself over in the floor length mirror in his bedroom. Pressed gray slacks, gray suit jacket, pale blue shirt and dark blue tie. Professional. Somber. Not the look of an ass grabber. He combed his hair, fluffing up the top. Still in his twenties, he didn't want to look like those tenured fossils he worked under. Wait, maybe he should. Then they'd respect his word more. He patted down his hair.

  The review of the findings for the sexual harassment case was today. He checked his watch. In three hours. And a few days earlier than expected. He planned on driving to campus, and in his spare time before the meeting he would go through the notes the other professors had left for him in his office. He wanted to get back to teaching. This last week and a half of nothing to do but ward off his own sexual harassment and digging through another Wielder's mind were both exhausting and disrupting. He wanted normal again.

  The bell rang and the door opened. “Hey, teach! Where are you?”

  Reggie appreciated that Kyle didn't hold their argument from the other day against him, but just walking into his house was a bit forward. Still, Reggie didn't mind much.

  “Just a minute, I'll be right out.” He tugged his tie to the left. It still hung off center. He left his room and spotted Kyle in the living room, dressed in long running pants and track shoes.

  Kyle started when he caught sight of Reggie, eyebrows poised to leap up his forehead. “Whoa, you aren't going biking in that. Whose funeral?”

  Reggie gave him an exasperated look, then shook his head in dry amusement. He didn't blame the guy. Even to himself, Reggie thought he looked like a man play acting. He normally wore jeans and a tweed jacket, the jacket being his ideal professorial wear. His button-down shirts were all
stylish and colorful. He never wore a tie.

  “I think I'm going to choke.” He tugged on his tie like it was a noose.

  “So, where you going? I take it we're not on for today?”

  Reggie shook his head. “My message, if you would have listened to it, canceled today.” Why did people just return your call and not listen to your voice mail? “I've got a meeting today.”

  “Yeah, for what?” Kyle flopped down in Reggie's recliner.

  He steeled his spine. “Sexual harassment hearing.”

  Kyle twisted in his chair to look up at Reggie. Reggie's face burned.

  “What? You?” Kyle's voice boomed in the living room. His unguarded expression, so open and trusting, caused Reggie's lips to press together, lest they quiver. “Ain't no way, man. You're too much of a prude.”

  “It was one of my female students. And another came forward to join in on the claim.”

  Kyle started laughing.

  Reggie's sudden feeling of trust and camaraderie with Kyle crumbled to the floor. “Why are you laughing?”

  The younger man gulped down air to control his laughter. “You're a sausage monkey. Don't they know that? Why would you hit on the girls?”

  Reggie scowled. “I am not open about my sexuality at the university.”

  “Not open about it anywhere. Prude.” Kyle blinked, wiped at his eyes as he gulped his laughter away. “Well, tell them. It's the modern world, man. Nobody will care if you're a homosexual. It's not a big deal.”

  “It's my private life that they don't need to know about,” Reggie said with some dignity.

  “Just tell, 'em. I bet they'll let you off.”

  “Kyle, they will not do anything of the sort just because I tell them I'm gay. I could be lying. I could be bisexual. I could just be an asshole who likes to harass women.”