Make Up Break Up

by Lily Menon

  He rolled his eyes at her over his shoulder as they walked. “Are you always so suspicious? Call your Lyft after—there’s something I want to show you.”

  He led her around the side, away from the front of the hotel, to a stone-paved courtyard in the back. In the middle stood a fountain about twice Annika’s height, the base lit with multicolored lights. Ivy crept along the ground and the iron fence around them.

  “Oh.” Annika took a moment to listen to the rushing water, which sounded like the meditation she used to calm herself. “This is … beautiful.”

  Hudson looked up at the zenith of the fountain, the purple, blue, and pink lights playing across his chiseled face. “Yeah. I like to come here sometimes, just to sit and think at night. It’s usually empty, like it is now.”

  “And the hotel staff doesn’t mind?”

  Hudson tossed her an impish grin and sat on the lip of the fountain to dip his fingers in the water. “The manager enjoys certain … perks … from letting me come here.”

  Annika brushed her skirt under her and sat beside him. “Ah. Gummy bears?”

  “He’s more interested in Benjamin Franklin, unfortunately.” Hudson chuckled and flicked the water from his fingers. A drop landed in the hollow of Annika’s throat and rolled slowly down her chest and between her breasts, raising goose bumps and making her catch her breath. She adjusted herself on the lip of the fountain, feeling the hard stone pressing into her bottom and thighs, a wantonness taking over her that she hadn’t felt in forever.

  “Th-that’s expensive,” she said, when she realized she hadn’t responded.

  Hudson gave her a hooded look, as if he could tell where her mind had been. Annika forced herself to break eye contact and face forward, her breathing just a touch ragged.

  They sat and listened to the water together, the wind rustling the leaves in the trees. Annika breathed in and out to still the thumping of her heart. It worked, somewhat. She glanced at Hudson, wondering about what he’d said just a few minutes before, about how being broken up with was better than being ghosted. What did he mean? She opened her mouth to try and bring the conversation back to it, but he spoke first.

  “I didn’t steal your idea, you know,” he said quietly. The lights from the fountain were reflected in his eyes. “I wouldn’t do that.”

  Annika studied his face for any signs of dishonesty or guilt, but saw nothing but openness. “So … it was all just a coincidence? I told you about my idea to bring exes together, which was kind of the kernel of what became Make Up. You talked about creating an app for visual artists.”

  He rubbed his jaw and broke eye contact. “The visual artists app is something I’m still playing with. I haven’t given up on it. And you telling me about Make Up … that’s not what inspired Break Up.”

  She spread her fingers flat on the cold stone of the fountain, pondering his words. “Okay. I believe you. I think.” She did, she found. Maybe this all really was just a coincidence, and he hadn’t thought about her at all when he founded his company.

  But it didn’t completely absolve him of everything. He was still the founder of a company, an idea, that she found odious. “So, what did inspire Break Up?”

  But he was shaking his head slowly, his eyes searching her face. “Do you remember Vegas at all? How we met?”

  Annika dropped her gaze, her cheeks warming. “I remember.”

  Annika was busy texting June as she walked into the hotel restaurant for breakfast, which was the only reason she slid into the chair nearest the door—only to realize, with extreme horror, that it wasn’t actually empty and that she was, in fact, sitting in someone’s lap.

  That someone turned out to be a ridiculously gorgeous man with green eyes that evaporated all of Annika’s words. Every single one.

  Now, at the secret fountain, she found herself studiously avoiding Hudson’s eyes. The memory—and the fact that he remembered it, too—made her think again about what a different person he’d seemed to be then. A person she’d willingly spent an entire week with, cocooned in a Las Vegas hotel. What had happened?

  Not really sure what else to say, Annika kicked off her shoes and turned to put her feet in the fountain. Her breath immediately whooshed out. “Oh my god, that’s cold.”

  After a moment, Hudson joined her. “Fuck!”

  Annika laughed. “You didn’t even roll up your jeans. You’re going to freeze to death. What a tragic loss for Break Up.”

  The corner of Hudson’s mouth lifted. “And the world at large.”

  She rolled her eyes. “At least you’re not low on self-confidence. I don’t know how anyone puts up with you.” She gave him a sidelong glance and wiggled her toes in the water. “Your girlfriend must be a saint.”

  He shook his head, looking into the water. The reflection of small ripples played across his skin. “Nope. No girlfriend. Probably a good thing, given how much I work.”

  A beat passed, during which Annika squashed a brief flash of happiness before adding, “It’s such an enormous coincidence, you moving into the building.”

  He met her eye, his face serious. “Are you asking me if I followed you there?”

  Annika wiggled her toes again. “Did you?”

  Hudson shook his head and studied her. “No. I’ve had my eye on that space for a while, so when two offices opened up side by side, I knew we had to snag them. We just knocked the wall down between them to make it one giant office.”

  Annika looked at their feet in the water, his enormous pale ones next to her smaller, darker ones. They were different in just about every way. She didn’t really know what she was doing here, sitting at a fountain and talking with him. “You’re different now than you were then.”

  Annika lifted her cold feet out of the water and set them on the broad lip of the fountain, knees up to her chest.

  “You mean in Vegas,” he said, his green eyes like a lion’s, intent, focused. He pulled his feet out, too, and sat in a position that mirrored hers, so they were toe to toe.

  “I do.” Annika saw a shadow pass over Hudson’s face, but she didn’t have the wherewithal to interpret what it might mean.

  “Well, a lot of things have changed since Vegas.” Hudson pushed a hand through his hair, leaving it mussed. “Are you dating anyone?”

  Annika couldn’t help the surprised laugh that burst out of her. “I haven’t had a second date in, like, a year.” Shit. She hadn’t meant to say that. Damn margaritas.

  Hudson looked taken aback. “Seriously?”

  Annika shrugged and looked into the water, rippling from a slight breeze. “Seriously. It’s been nothing more than a string of first dates or random encounters.”

  Hudson set his elbows on his knees and grunted.

  “What?” Annika asked, feeling defensive. “What’s that grunt supposed to mean?”

  Hudson looked deep into her eyes. “I guess I just find that kind of hard to believe.” He said it reluctantly. Was he afraid of offending her?

  Annika didn’t look away. “Why?”

  The silence between them stretched, and then melted and morphed into something interesting. Annika was suddenly aware that the tips of their toes were touching. That they were completely alone in this very romantic courtyard. That the margaritas she’d drunk over the course of the night were still swimming along happily in her bloodstream, transforming the world into a glowing, sparkling phantasmagoria of romantic opportunity, inhibiting every good-decision-making neurotransmitter in her brain.

  “The same reason I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Vegas,” Hudson said quietly, dipping his head to look into her eyes.

  Annika glanced down. “Oh, stop it.” She was going for nonchalance, but her voice was a little shaky.

  Hudson pressed the tips of his fingers into the back of her hand for just a moment. Her heart hammered against her chest like a pitiful, confused bird. “Tell me you haven’t thought about it.” His voice wasn’t the least bit shaky. Annika would’ve felt annoye
d if she weren’t so breathlessly, ridiculously nervous.

  She met his eyes then, and the blood roared in her ears at the memories that wanted to surface. “Maybe a little,” she said, her voice just a breath in the balmy night air. If he kisses me, I’ll kiss him back, she thought. She wasn’t sure whether to blame the starlit night, or the glimmers of deep kindness she’d gotten from him when he gave the gummy bears to the homeless man, or the fact that he’d said her energy when she talked about Make Up was “electric,” or the way he was staring at her right then. I want to kiss him. Right here, right now.

  He continued to stare into her eyes, the moment building and building until her blood was lava and she couldn’t take it anymore. Annika reached a hand forward, her fingertips grazing the corner of his mouth. His eyes closed as he let out a long, slow breath.

  Taking that as encouragement, Annika leaned forward, her pulse pounding so loudly she was sure he could hear it. And then, softly, surely, she pressed her mouth to his.

  For a moment—just a breath of a moment—she felt Hudson’s warm lips mold to hers, his stubble rough against her skin. She pushed herself forward, trying to deepen the kiss. In the next moment, though, he had his gigantic hands around her upper arms and was applying a steady pressure so she couldn’t kiss him anymore.

  Annika looked at him, her head swirling with his pheromones and her petulance. All she could manage was a high-pitched whining sound at being thwarted. “Hnnng?”

  Hudson gazed into her eyes, his own burning with an intensity she found incredibly sexy. “Why are you kissing me?”

  His question did not compute. “Why am I kissing you? Because I want to?” She blinked.

  His eyes were two emeralds in the darkness. “You want to. Are you sure?”

  Annika felt her lips lift in a smile. “Do I want to? Let me show you.” She leaned forward again, but his hands were like steel clamps around her arms.

  “No, Annika. You’ve had a lot to drink tonight.” He paused, so many expressions flashing across his face, she had trouble keeping track of them all. “Believe me, I’m … glad you want to kiss me. But not like this.”

  “I’m not that drunk,” she said, her eyes returning to his lips.

  Hudson half smiled at her tone, but his gaze was serious when he spoke. “When I kiss you again, I want you to be clear-headed. I don’t want this to be another mistake.”

  Annika sat back, her cheeks hot. Sure, he was saying he didn’t want to kiss her because she was drunk. But maybe he was just letting her down easy. Maybe all the toying with her in yoga class and asking about Vegas had been just that—toying.

  “Ready to go?” he asked, swinging his legs around and stuffing his feet back into his shoes. He didn’t meet her eye.

  Annika felt her heart drop, a small disappointed stone falling in her chest. “Yeah. Sure.”

  On the walk back to their Lyft stops, they talked about inconsequential things, and Annika rallied. She was glad Hudson hadn’t kissed her. She was glad he’d stopped her. Because, actually, he was right. She’d clearly lost her head to want to kiss him of all people, Mr. Heartbreaker of the Masses, Mr. Boorish Break Up Bully. Mr. Stupid Smug Smile. Mr. Green-Eyed Devil. Mr. Powerful, Pleasing Pecs—oh. Her Lyft was here.

  chapter seven

  It was Saturday evening, which meant it was time for Annika’s weekly journey to her father’s house in the Hollywood Hills. Although she’d never tell Hudson, her weekly dinner dates with her dad were the real reason why it was hard to get to know anyone. Saturday night was prime date-night real estate, and Annika knew no one would understand why she felt the need to spend every single one with her father. No one would get the guilt she still felt at leaving him behind to knock around in that giant lonely house, now that she wasn’t there to fill it with a modicum of noise anymore.

  She pulled up the long, winding driveway, got out of her hybrid Honda Accord, and paused. The hills loomed in the distance, dusk already wrapping them in pink and purple. She took a deep breath—even after all these years away, this felt like home.

  She climbed up the wide front steps and let herself in. The massive crystal chandelier that had hung in the foyer since before she was born shimmered and twinkled, welcoming her home. “Daddy? I’m here!”

  He came in from the kitchen, a striped half apron tied around his trim waist. “Ani!” He scooped her up in a hug and then held her by the shoulders, studying her with a physician’s critical eye. “Have you been eating?”

  Annika resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Every week, this was her dad’s standing question. It was like he was afraid that without him making his delicious recipes, she’d just wither away and silently starve to death. Never mind that she’d been living on her own—and cooking for herself, or getting takeout, which was basically hunting and gathering—for six years now. “Yes, I’ve been eating.” She gave him a peck on his clean-shaved cheek.

  “Come on in. Have a glass of homemade lemonade.” Annika followed him and the strains of Vivaldi coming from the direction of the kitchen, which transported her back to high school.

  She would sit on a barstool doing homework while her dad bustled around cooking, Vivaldi keeping them company, drawing them together. Annika had grown up listening to classical music and nothing else. Even now, she could name composer and composition for almost any piece of classical music she came across. June found it annoying when she’d interrupt an especially poignant engagement ring or pregnancy test commercial by naming the piece of music playing in the background, but Annika couldn’t help it. Her dad had ingrained that knowledge and appreciation in her.

  She poured herself a glass of strawberry lemonade from the crystal pitcher and took her usual seat on a barstool. “Smells delicious!”

  “Thank you.” Her dad looked proud, like he always did when she complimented his cooking. Gesturing to the bubbling pot on the stove, he said, “This is the tropical fruit chutney to go with our kalua pork.”

  She watched him work for a few minutes, moving efficiently in the kitchen, pulling a tray of warm Hawaiian rolls out of the oven. A feeling of contentment and ease glowed within her.

  Occasionally, Hudson popped into her mind, but she pushed him right out using her meditation skills. She pictured a babbling brook instead of the way she’d leaned in to kiss him and how he’d physically restrained her to stop her. He’d stopped her. He wasn’t even supposed to be more than a speed bump in her life.

  She pictured the babbling brook running right over his face.

  “What are you thinking about?”

  Annika almost choked on her lemonade. “S-sorry?”

  Her dad waved an oven-mitted hand in the air. “You looked completely lost in thought, like you were trying to map the genome in your head.”

  “Oh. Um, no. Definitely not trying to do that.” She attempted a light laugh. She knew what was coming.

  “It’s not too late for medical school.” There it was. His back was turned to her, but she knew the look on his face: equal parts grave, concerned, and patronizing.

  “Which would be helpful if I wanted to become a doctor. But I don’t.”

  He turned and considered her, the recessed lighting shining in his impeccably groomed silver hair. “And why not?”

  Annika threw up her hands. “Dad. Can you not? We’ve had this conversation so many times. I have a job, remember? I have my own business. How do you think it makes me feel when you keep bringing up medical school?”

  Her dad frowned. “Makes you feel?” he said, as if those words didn’t make sense.

  Oh my god. Why was it that every time they had an argument, Annika felt like she’d been sucked into a vortex and was fifteen years old again? “Yes, makes me feel! People have feelings, Dad, and you’re not making me feel good ones right now.”

  He still looked confused. “But this isn’t about feelings. This is about making a financially secure career decision, which has nothing to do with emotion.”

  Annika glared at hi
m. “There’s more to life than money.” She knew she wasn’t being completely fair. Her dad was not the shallow type, and he’d always been very generous with her. But he was getting on her nerves.

  “I know there is. And when you have money, you can enjoy those other things a lot more. Let me tell you, Annika, not once since about five years after medical school have I had to worry about how I was going to pay the bills.” He leveled a glance at her. “Can you say the same?”

  Annika felt her blood pressure rising, along with her embarrassment. “No, I can’t. Not yet. But that doesn’t mean it’ll always be this way.”

  “Do you have an idea of when that’ll change?”

  Annika gripped her glass, her fingers sliding in the condensation. “We have a few things we’re playing with. The money will come.”

  “How will it come? Do you have a plan in place so that financial stress doesn’t become a pattern? How are you going to take care of yourself? How will you support your family one day? These are the things you need to be thinking of and planning for now.”

  “Dad, please. I’m nowhere near having a family. And I’ll figure it out, okay? Lots of new businesses deal with this.”

  “I’m just worried about you, Ani.”

  “Well, there’s nothing for you to worry about! I’m a grown woman. I can take care of myself. I don’t need you to worry.”

  He smiled a little. “I’m your father.”

  Annika shook her head and got to her feet, abandoning her lemonade. “I’m going out on the balcony for a little while.”

  She strode out before he could respond, down the hall to the great room and through the French doors onto the enormous deck, which faced the mountains in the distance. It was almost completely dark now. Annika lit the outdoor gas fireplace, watching the flames dance for a moment.

  Her dad loved her, this she knew. She had never doubted that. But every time he pretended that Make Up wasn’t a “real” business and that running it wasn’t a “real” job, she felt like he was questioning who she was. She stood on the balcony for a long time, until she heard him walk up behind her.