Natural Selection

by Amanda Lance

  “Why don’t you get out of here?” Claudette said. “I’ll punch out for you when I leave.”

  “That probably isn’t a good idea.”

  Claudette laughed and hoisted the garbage up. “We might as well take advantage before we actually get cameras that work. Besides, you’ve done more around here today than I do in a week.”

  “Good point.” Emilia smiled.

  “Cool,” Claudette said, giving her a pat on the shoulder. “Just let me take this out.”

  Emilia stopped smiling as soon as Claudette was out of sight. She washed her hands and went to the lobby to get her book bag. It was the fourth time she had to pull the hair back up off her sweaty neck, and it only reminded her of how much she looked forward to a shower. Emilia sighed and stretched her arms; she was genuinely tired but knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep. And with two papers to work on, it wouldn’t matter, anyway. Maybe going home early was a good thing; she could get some research done and maybe a few pages written—

  “Em?” Claudette yelled over the sound of dogs as she rushed them inside. “Em!”

  Emilia laughed a little. She thought that Claudette almost looked like a rodeo clown the way she herded the dogs back into their cages. “What’s up?”

  “There’s some weird dude outside!”

  “Weird dude? What do you mean?”

  She put her brush back and glanced up the stairs. Emilia thought Paula was still around, but couldn’t be sure. There had never been any serious trouble at the shelter before, but Emilia was the third in charge, and if something happened now, she might be responsible for it.

  “Like a weird-pervert-guy just sitting in his car watching the place!”

  “Stop it.” Emilia got up and helped Claudette lock up the rest of the cages.

  “I’m serious,” she whispered, wide eyed. “I know you don’t get out much, but there are a lot of sickos out there who do messed up stuff to animals. You hear about it in the news all the time!”

  “I’m sure it’s nothing.” Emilia laughed. “But if you really feel uncomfortable, you can call the police.” She headed toward the lobby and slung one of her backpack straps over her shoulders.

  “Y-you’re not going to leave me, are you? There’s a dude who’s been sitting out there for like an hour with tinted windows just watching the place, and you’re going to leave me?”

  Emilia stopped in her tracks. Instantly, her heart jumped up in her throat, forcing her to swallow it back down again.

  “Wait.” She shook her head and tried to convince herself that she had misheard. “Say that again?”

  “Which part?”

  Emilia dropped her backpack and ran to the window to peek through the blinds. Sure enough, there was a sleek, gray vehicle with tinted windows parked in the last row of the parking lot.

  “How long has that been parked there?”

  “At least an hour. I saw it there when I took my fifteen, but I figured it was just somebody who got turned around, rerouting their GPS or something.”

  “Yeah,” Emilia said. “Makes sense.”

  “There is definitely somebody in there, though,” Claudette said, moving to join her at the window. “When I went to the dumpster, I saw somebody moving in there.”

  Emilia squinted but still couldn’t see anything.

  “Should we call the cops?”

  “No,” Emilia said, shaking her head. “I-I’m going to go check it out first.”

  “What? Really?”

  She nodded, trying to will the blood to stop rushing in her ears. There was nothing else Emilia needed to know who was in that car, and every molecule that made her up pulled her to him.

  “Wait, Em. At least let me write down the license plate—”

  But she was already out the door with her feet on the pavement.

  Chapter 3

  Reunited

  She was just as lovely as he remembered. More beautiful perhaps, with a flushed complexion and freckles brought out by the sun. Kasper didn’t know whether it was her sheer exquisiteness that gave him such pains or the awareness that he was partially to blame for why it had been undermined in the past summers. He had kept her trapped like some slave, scrubbing his house and dusting his shelves. Maybe last summer when he let her go, she had blossomed, come to life like a fire in the dark. Kasper certainly hoped so.

  Right away, he took in her simple t-shirt and denim shorts that stopped just before her knees. He was grateful then that at least that had not changed, as that was what he envisioned her wearing (at least when he envisioned her wearing anything). And Kasper continued to stare at her mercifully as though he had x-ray vision. He very much liked how her hair was pulled high and it bobbed, moving like a wave as she walked towards him—wait! Towards him? She was walking towards him?

  If he had sped away when she first walked out the door, he might have had a chance, but it was far too late now. She was only a few yards away, and it would be much too conspicuous, much too pathetic to drive away without being noticed.

  Kasper willed his hands to be steady and opened the door. Without air conditioning, the heat of the summer air assaulted him immediately, and it was just one of many instances he wished he was not trapped under a wig and gloves, long-sleeves, plastic parts, and a mask.

  She stopped when he staggered from the new Jaguar, a poor decision, he realized too late, as the seating was not equipped for his lengthy frame and a long drive. As a result, his legs had fallen asleep and would not cooperate. He silently cursed everything, including his last minute planning, Mrs. Levkin and Aasif equally, but himself above all others. Still, Emilia’s expression remained indifferent, her only change in position being how she crossed her arms over herself and looked away. Kasper could not blame her. She probably thought he was drunk, and he could only imagine how shameful he appeared.

  “Hello,” she said.

  “I-I…” He coughed, tried again. “Hello.”

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I wanted to see where my money was going. I was unaware that was against the law in this state.”

  “I see.” She nodded. “So the donation did come from you.”

  He looked at the ground and clutched his hands. Kasper had hoped she would respond to his comment, his attempt at dry humor, but she did not even smile, and it made his heart sink. As a result, he reverted to his usual defensiveness and let his ego take over.

  “A thank you would be nice.”

  “Thank you,” she snapped. “Now, what are you doing here?”

  He should have sped away. No matter how pathetic it was, he should have driven away as fast as he possibly could have. It would have been far better than the anger he was being subjected to now.

  “Horses are not the only animals that hold my interest. You know as well as anyone that I enjoy charitable organizations, and I like to look in on them from time to time.”

  “Is that what I was?” He watched while her brows scrunched together. “A charity?”

  “Hardly.” He wanted to say much more but could not. Kasper memorized the pebbles she kicked beneath her feet.

  “You hate dogs,” she said.

  “But not you.” He took a step closer, slightly amazed that she did not turn away or go running back inside. “Never you.”

  “You could have fooled me.” As Emilia looked back up, he could see the anger there, as fresh and clear as the day itself.

  “You must know it was for the best.” How many times had Aasif told him the exact same thing? That Emilia had only offered him affection in return for his money and probably did not care for him at all?

  “I’m not talking about this,” she replied. “Not here.”

  “B-but you will?” he asked, much more pathetically than he wanted to. “Speak to me, I mean?”

  Emilia stopped mid-turn, and when she saw the upstairs window; she thought she saw the blinds move but couldn’t be sure.

  “Will
you talk to me, Emilia, allow me explain myself?”

  He was sure she heard the desperation in his voice but didn’t know how to hide it and was not sure he wanted to. There were few times he saw Emilia Ward lose her temper, but when he did, he knew she was prone to hold a grudge. And like many times before, Mrs. Levkin was right; Kasper would be incapable of living without her.

  “Sure,” she replied. “I’ll talk to you.” Glancing back at the window, she smiled wryly, her expression transforming to something devious and wry.

  “What?” If he’d any skin showing, she would have seen him pale.

  She shrugged. “Yeah. It’s way too hot out here, and you said you wanted to see where your money was going.”

  He clenched his fists at his sides. Of course he had walked into that one—of course. “Ah, yes, I did, didn’t I?”

  “Besides, everyone wants to meet the man who saved this place.”

  People? She wanted him to meet people? Just how angry was she, anyway? He wanted to inquire more about her feelings, but she had already turned, leaving him with an ultimatum: either she wouldn’t see him, or he would have to be exposed to the world.

  His underbelly exposed, Kasper followed her wordlessly, accepting his fate with each step and the beating of his malfunctioning heart. If he had hurt her, then perhaps his humiliation would resolve her anger—or at least begin the process. Even as he told himself this, he could not make himself stop shaking, couldn’t prevent the dizziness that overwhelmed him when his lungs began to stop working.

  He snapped out of it when he heard the bell against the door ring, signifying that he had, in fact, followed her straight into hell.

  The cool of the artificial air helped significantly, as did the fact that there was no one in the lobby that he could see immediately with the knowledge that they could see him. When his senses began to register, Kasper began to regret not having given the place more money. The place smelled of canine, though he had expected that. But he had not expected the quality of everything else to be quite as poor as it was. Holes in the walls had been plastered and caked over time and time again; windows were cracked; and only every other light bulb in the ceiling appeared to be working. He recognized mold on the ceiling and was both grateful and amazed that the air conditioning worked.

  “Th-this is where you work?”

  She nodded. “It might not be a step up from cleaning houses, but I like it.”

  “Em?”

  They both looked up to the sound of the meek voice on the stairs.

  “Hey, Claudette.”

  “Is, uh, everything okay?”

  “Great.” Emilia smirked and raised one of her eyebrows, moving to the end of the stairs to meet her. “Go and grab Paula. You can tell her that Mr. Carl von Weber has graced us with his presence.”

  “What? No way.”

  Kasper cringed while Emilia gestured towards him lavishly.

  He stared at the ground and listened to the eager little steps of Emilia’s colleague as she ran away. If he had any doubt that she was intentionally trying to hurt him, he was cured of the speculation now. Yet he could not look her in the eye, could not question her with his stare.

  “Oh my goodness, hello, Mr.—”

  Like everyone, Paula was startled by the mask, and it made her stop right where she stood. Kasper narrowed his eyes, noticing instantly how she flinched when he looked up at her, and she swallowed hard. The younger woman Emilia had addressed as Claudette tried to hide behind her and look at anything but him.

  Emilia, however, pretended not to see how uncomfortable everyone was. She continued to smile as though she was the queen of the room; regal and dignified, she interlaced her fingers and held them in front of herself.

  “Carl von Weber?” The woman Emilia had identified as Paula finished descending the stairs and did something between a smile and a grimace.

  “Yes.” Emilia beamed. “He was driving through from Massachusetts and decided to stop by. Isn’t that nice?”

  Paula cleared her throat. “Yes, very nice. Mr. Weber, on behalf of everyone here, let me just say thank you so much for your generosity. Your donation will make sure a difference—”

  “Please.” He held out his hand to stop the women from the painful interaction and did not fail to see how Claudette still hid behind her, staring at the ground. When he glanced back at Emilia, she was no longer smiling, and despite his nervousness, the change in her expression that him curious. “None of that is necessary.”

  “We are just so grateful…” She looked away nervously and tried to shove Claudette away from her. When she did, though, the girl tripped and stumbled over own feet, falling directly in front of him. Emilia rushed to help her, but Claudette had already inadvertently looked up at him and turned white, her eyes staring at him in disbelief. Wide and never-ending, she ogled as if she were in a contest and would only lose when she blinked.

  Emilia whispered something in her ear, something sharp and lost to everyone else, and the girl snapped out of it, standing with Emilia’s help and practically running away as she turned scarlet.

  Paula smiled as much as she could and tried to save the remainder of the conversation. “Would you like to go on a tour or—”

  “Perhaps another time. I have another appointment that I must attend to. Goodbye, ladies. It was lovely to meet you.”

  And before any of them could say another word, he was out the door.

  ***

  She tried to follow him, of course, but even with her guilt energizing her, Emilia could not catch up to his long strides, and before she could rouse up the courage to call out to him, he was already in his car, backing away and out of her life—again.

  Emilia left, too, not bothering to answer any of Paula’s nosy questions, but just grabbing her things and trying to make it to her car before she began crying. As predicted, the tears came as a heavy rainfall during the spring: unwanted and messy. No longer caring, Emilia let the tears come as she drove to her apartment and stopped only long enough so that she could get up the stairs without anyone noticing. Tut greeted her in his usual manner, and Emilia was forced to stop crying for his sake, since she had to take him outside.

  She splashed some water on her face and put him on his leash, thanking him for his patience with an extra treat and a pat on the head. When she caught a glance of herself in the mirror, she grabbed her extra dark sunglasses and put them on. Though she had only sobbed for a few minutes, it was enough to make a great deal of difference in her appearance.

  Tut half-dragged her out to the sidewalk, and Emilia was glad to jog with him, stopping only so he could sniff the occasional fire hydrant or candy wrapper. Emilia never had to be bothered by other dog walkers or students who lived the neighborhood because they were interested in her dog or—heaven forbid—wanted to pet him. No, many people were afraid of pit bulls by reputation, and once they saw his face, they pieced together that he was a fighting dog and immediately steered their strollers and small dogs in the other direction.

  They assumed he was a monster.

  Was that what Paula and Claudette had thought when they met Kasper today? Emilia had never seen it first-hand before, but she had heard Kasper explain his theory of reactions and couldn’t help but assume he was exaggerating. There was no way that educated people, people who had grown up with the slightest bit of decency, could be that shallow, that insensitive…

  Maybe it was perspective that had made her doubt what Kasper always said about the responses people gave him, but clearly she had been wrong. And though she doubted it, Emilia knew how uncomfortable the introduction would make Kasper. Whether she was trying to hurt him or prove something, she did not know. Either way, she had obviously wounded him, and maybe subconsciously that was what she wanted—to hurt him with an ounce of the potency with which he had injured her with.

  When they got back to the apartment, Emilia washed Tut’s bowls before giving him fresh water with ice cubes, w
hich he lapped up happily. Only once she saw he was satisfied and content did she get undressed and escape into a hot shower. Emilia didn’t need to search her subconscious to know that she still loved Kasper. Yet now that she had hurt him, what would he think of her?

  What if she had ruined her one and only chance?

  ***

  Kasper waited until after dark before venturing out again, needing that time to recover after his considerable embarrassment. It had been some months since his last “public appearance,” and though it had been longer since they were quite that bad, Kasper at least had time to prepare for them. He was not undignified without proper notice.

  He could not blame Emilia for the ambush; she did know, after all, how to push all of his buttons. And if he wanted to damage someone, psychological would be the way to do it—damage without leaving a mark.

  He started by cruising around the laboratory she frequented on Thursday evenings for her dermatology course, stopping to stare into windows and imagining her dissecting the dead faces of felines with her brows knit and struggling to keep the strings from her headphones from contaminating samples.

  From there, he went to the campus library, unimpressed by its singular structure and lack of security. But he only stayed long enough to envision how he could correct the mistakes before driving past the launderette she used and her grocery store.

  Her apartment complex was the last stop.

  Like the animal shelter, Kasper wished Frankford had alerted him to the condition of the building, how decrepit it was. Then again, hadn’t it been his decision not to know the details of her life? Hadn’t that been the way he had justified looking in on her again? That it wasn’t really a breach of her privacy if he had to imagine the specific elements?

  He had spent too long in the small car to spend any more time in there than he had to. So he parked in a spot that clearly did not belong to a resident and stood outside. Watching the buses and vehicles that passed, he was strangely relieved that they were just as broken and elderly as Emilia’s. It was this, in addition to the flags in the windows of red and white and the stickers on bumpers that had cartoon bears on them that reminded him he was in a college town.