He didn’t want me to see her. How could he? I started to move forward but Loki stepped in the way.
“I do not understand? Choose your words more wisely, my son.” Loki said, nearly laughing at Carlyle’s stupidity.
“If you did, you wouldn’t even come close to considering this.”
“That is where you are wrong and a fool. If you understood then you would know your place.”
“What the hell is so terrible about me wanting to see my mother?” I blurted out.
I was feeding off of Loki’s anger. I had been trying to stay quiet, but I just couldn’t anymore. How dare he! How dare anyone try to tell me that it was pointless.
“Your vision of Heaven is just what you want it to be. You don’t understand, but it’s an entire world, Mira. It just keeps going in infinite directions. Every person gets their Heaven, and in it, finding them is nearly impossible. Once you pass through, there is zero chance of return.”
“But if Zerach is immortal, then how can he never return?”
“The Zahn is our entry way into Heaven, much like it is yours. But when one of us goes through it, it is usually with a soul for it to claim. Going through it alone has never been attempted, except for our rite of passage. I do not doubt its dangers, but I expect with your heart, it will be easy enough.” Loki said.
“My heart?”
“Your wants guide us. Just keep focusing on that.” He winked.
I knew it. I had to focus on wanting her. It would easy enough now that he confirmed it. Not to mention, concentrating on wanting to see her was all I could do since it was first brought up.
“I want no part of this.” Carlyle sneered, turning his back towards us.
“You should have thought about that before you pretended to be something you weren’t.” I whispered.
There was no holding back anymore. In spite of his attacks on me, I was tired of Carlyle acting so self-righteous. He needed to understand the wrongs he had done and own up to them. It was petty and childish to act this way.
“I was on a mission, and I found you.”
“But now you go against everything I stand for?”
“This is nothing that you stand for. You are putting one of my kind, one of my family members, at danger for an unnecessary reason.” He said.
“Then give up on me. I don’t need you.”
I turned from him. Loki was facing me with a smile in the corner of his lips. He was proud of me. I had proved myself to him. Everything that Sebastian saw in me was now visible to Loki.
“Shall we?” He asked.
For a moment, the look he had in his eyes led me to believe he was inviting me to climb up on him. I wasn’t sure how I would have handled holding on to him though. So when he took to the sky without me, I was relieved. Carlyle darted after him; the gust from his take off nearly knocked me over. I hoped he was finally done talking and just didn’t want to be left alone with me, rather than trying to chase his father down to argue without our ears hearing.
Where was Sebastian, anyway? I glanced around and smiled when he was right behind me. He was smiling at me, as well. How long had he been waiting for me to notice him? I hadn’t forgotten him. He had to know that. This was such a hectic mess. I wished I could stop time for a few moments in his arms. Was I wasting time to go see my mother? How was he making me question it?
He seemed to feel my nerves were on edge. His body tensed up and I was engulfed in his arms. I felt the weight lift off of me for just a moment. I was weightless in his arms. A tingling on my forehead told me his lips were there. I was forgetting what I had even been stressed over. Like two magnets our lips found their way together, blindly. I was wasting time.
Startling me, Sebastian swept me up and took off after the other two. The way he was holding me made me giggle uncontrollably. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, but I had never flown with him before like this. My eyes were watering and I dug my face in his chest to shield them from the wind. When he slowed down to a much more reasonable pace, I moved my head out of his chest. I wanted to see everything, especially him. I was so lucky to have him. He was good to me, not the way Carlyle had been, but because he loved me. I had this handsome and brave beast in love with me. What shined through everything was how much he believed in me.
“You doubt your own beauty?” He asked, interrupting my thoughts.
“Huh?”
“You know you are the beauty and I am just a beast, but yet you stare at me wondering how someone like you deserves me? It’s not fair to lie to yourself like that. It is I who does not deserve someone as pure as you.”
For someone never knowing fairytales and love, he sure had that love story down pact. The man-beast who never thought he was worthy of such a woman, only to prove he was indeed the only one worth her. For his love was all that mattered to her and with that they had everything.
He leaned down and kissed my forehead, agreeing my thoughts. I could never see him as a beast as he or the books portrayed it though. I guess that was the proof that I was the beauty in the stories. Maybe he was right. My stomach tingled and I had to kiss him. I wasn’t sure how good he could fly without looking, but I reached up and pulled his lips to mine anyways. It gave me a rush like it did the first time. I savored it.
“Careful, you’re going to make us fall.” He whispered.
“I’ve already fallen for you.” I smiled.
He grinned the cutest grin then carried on flying without making eye contact. It made me blush knowing how embarrassed he got over that. I couldn’t help but to keep staring at him, thus making it worse.
“Hold on.” He whispered, squeezing me.
For a second, I thought he was trying to create a distraction, but then I realized we were hovering. I was suddenly reminded of what that meant. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck, took off my glasses, and dug my head against his chest. He took the nose dive down into the land below, making my heart stop beating. In a few seconds, everything got quiet and he very gracefully pulled himself upright to land.
“You can open your eyes, now.” He laughed.
I peeked one eye open and saw the world around us was a bit fuzzy. Remembering my glasses weren’t on my face, I hoped they wouldn’t make me sick when I put them back on. Disappointingly, I still felt a bit dizzy looking through them. I needed food or water or even a moment to sit down. When Sebastian set me on my feet, I lost my grounding and fell backwards. He laughed as he caught me and helped me to straighten back up. Watching me carefully, he waited for me to find my equilibrium. With a few blinks and deep breaths it came to me and then we walked to catch up with Loki and Carlyle.
This place was a bit different than the part of their world I had gotten used to. There was color, but it seemed to have a tint of yellow on everything. There were no shops or stands or really any other buildings. There were, however, three houses at the end of the clearing we were standing in. It was odd because each house was a different shade of yellow. And not only that, but they varied in size from shortest to tallest and darkest to lightest. The darkest and tallest was to the right of them all. It was nearly burrowed into the vegetation. That’s when I noticed the odd look of the trees around us. Each one was shaped differently, almost like an alphabet forest. Their tops scattered a different color from their rainbow. I giggled as I had a thought of if any unicorns or other mythical creatures lived in there.
Something splashed behind me and I saw the purple stream next to us. How was this stream winding its way through all this clutter? Could it really have come from the valley we were in that one day? I guess it would be what went to that, since now we were on higher grounds. I hadn’t seen it from the air, though. Well, I might’ve if I had been paying attention.
I shot a quick glance over at Sebastian. He was staring straight ahead. Some fish jumped out from one of the lower bushes and waved me over. Seeing no reason to be standing in silence with them, I rushed over. Kneeling down, I pushed through the brush and stopped on th
e edge of the stream. I waved back to it and its friends. The water was so pure and clear, I was so thirsty. I hoped they didn’t mind my drinking from it.
With just a few sips, my body instantly felt better. The nausea was completely gone, and even my hunger seemed to dissipate. I splashed my face to cool off and they started shaking their tales to help splash me. I was giggling. When the water settled, I saw a black figure hovering over me. I panicked and threw myself around. Wiping the water from my eyes, I heard the fish scatter back under the water.
It was only Sebastian. He was right in my face, though.
“What are you doing?” He asked.
“I was dehydrated.” I said, innocently.
Had I just drunk from a sacred lake or something? That would be my luck.
“Do not run off again.”
He stuck his hand out and shook it for me to take. Were we really back to that? What had I done that had been so terrible? The lake was only a few steps off to their right.
“Okay, sorry.” I sighed.
“And don’t look at his face.” He warned me.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Exactly what I said.” He said out of the corner of his mouth.
The fish peered up from the water to watch me go. They were sorry for me. I waved to them as unnoticeably as possible. Sebastian squeezed my hand and tugged me along. The fish dashed away up the stream.
I faced forward and watched where I was going with a bit of hesitation. Before us were rock paths to each house. Sebastian led us down the one to the far left. The house it greeted was a type of green yellow that would blend into the grass perfectly, minus the whole rainbow forest backdrop. Now it just looked like an open meadow; which I suppose was still camouflage. It was strange how the camouflage worked better the closer you came to it as well.
Carlyle and Sebastian stopped next to me before we reached the patio stairs. Loki kept walking right up to the door. The noise his wings made as they hit each step made my stomach hiccup. They sounded hollow and broken. I wondered if that hurt them at all, or if he even noticed anymore.
When he reached the top, he held his hand up in a fist in front of the door. A strange horn echoed on the other side. I imagined it to be a team of guards announcing his arrival. There was a loud crack, like old wood splintering, and the door swung open. Loki stepped in to the doorway. There was no band from what I could see. I went to follow, but Sebastian pulled me back. Carlyle hissed from next to me.
“We are not welcome here.” He said.
“Then how come-”
“Shh.” Sebastian interrupted me.
I sighed. I felt like such a child around them. Regardless, I kept my mouth shut. Making less noise allowed my other senses to be heightened, so I tried to listen for footsteps or some sign of life on the other side of the cracked door. After a few moments of straining, I gave up. I couldn’t make out anything. If they could just let me step a bit closer, or open the door just a tad more, maybe I would know what was going on.
As if it were reading my mind, the wind picked up and blew the door open a bit more. I couldn’t help but laugh. Carlyle glared at me. I bit my lip and looked away from him. When I was certain he was back in statue pose, I searched the open doorway. Nothing. There was absolutely nothing inside. It was completely black without any sign of ending. I didn’t understand it. I went to ask Sebastian but then I remembered I was supposed to be quiet and thus, asking him would be talking. So, we just stood there and stared at the door to the abyss.
Not long after, Carlyle and Sebastian had turned to stone. I couldn’t; I was human. I kept fidgeting and sighing and looking for things to distract myself with. After standing there for what felt like an hour, I let go of Sebastian’s hand and sat on the ground. Carlyle went to object, but then held his breath. I didn’t care. They couldn’t expect me to stand that long doing nothing. Attention spans of humans were not very well kempt in these dull situations of waiting. Even if I were waiting on the answer of whether or not I got to see my mother, I was unable to focus on simply that.
Then I remembered what Loki had said to me. Was that why it was taking so long? Had I lost sight? I wanted to see her. I needed to prove it. I was such an idiot. That had to be why Sebastian had told me not to talk. He couldn’t directly affect me again. He knew that if I started talking my brain would trail off and I’d get lost in my thoughts completely, straying from the whole reason I was supposed to be silent. Oh...right.
I leaned back against the porch and closed my eyes. Deep, rhythmic breaths helped calm my nerves. There was a sensation growing from my chest. I saw her face. Everything stopped moving around me. I was stuck in time. My hand reached out for her. When I tried to grasp her shoulder, I missed. I needed to try harder. I had to want this more than anything. I sucked everything inside of me and screamed for her. Silence engulfed me.
Something soft tapped my hand. I looked down and a flower was drinking a tear drop up. I didn’t even know I was crying. Touching my cheek, I felt nothing that signified I had been crying. What created that droplet? It didn’t rain here. It was too perfect for rain. Just to be sure, I looked around me. There was nothing. Had my attempts even broken through?
Zerach had to have seen them. She was every fiber, every particle of my being. If he could just feel that, if he could just know how much I wanted it, that should help their discussion. I wish they would’ve let me in. I could’ve talked so much better than sitting out here screaming for her. No, focus, Mira; think happier thoughts.
I brought myself back to the first day that I met her. The dark haired man that reeked of cigarettes was driving. The woman with the short dress was laughing in the passenger seat. I remember wanting to know what was so funny, but had assumed they were just happy I was finally out of that last foster home. I was certainly happy to be gone, even though my hopes weren’t too high for this next home.
When we pulled up, I had peeked over the car door and out the window. I remember her standing there in the doorway. She had her arms crossed along her chest and was standing with a hunch. I didn’t want to judge her, but I knew she was judging me just as much as I was in fact judging her.
Her shoulders were covered in a blue shall and just below her long, plaid, wool knitted skirt was loose bunched up panty hose around her ankles. I’d never had a grandmother, but that’s the impression I got from her. Well, I suppose I actually got the impression that she was somebody’s mother that had never had a grandchild, making me her very own. I didn’t mind being a grandchild. I had been a maid, a waiter, a paper boy, a cook, a babysitter, but I had never been a grandchild.
She smiled a smile full of sincere happiness when I walked up to her. My heart skipped a beat of joy unknown to me before. I felt safe with her. I hadn’t even spoken a word to her yet, but I already trusted her with my life. She loved me before she knew I existed. And in my heart, there was a place for her before I even knew what it meant.
Before I could reach out to her, her arms unraveled exposing the reason they had been crossed. She was trying to hide a white spotted puppy. She bent down and placed him in my arms. Then she finally spoke. She asked me what I wanted to call him. I was afraid to say anything though. I was so used to being overlooked that I didn’t think it mattered much what I had to say.
If nothing she had done had been enough, she was smiling at me the kindest smile to console me. She explained that she had a feeling I was going to be tongue tied, so she already had picked out a name for the puppy. His name was ‘Spike’. I knew she wanted my approval, but all I could do was stare at her. It was so much. She was perfect.
I felt another drop on my arm. Then another one fell. They were cold. Was it honestly raining or was I finally crying? I opened my eyes to check. When I looked at my hand, the evidence was there. Rain. The flower that had been next to me was ducked under the porch steps. It was afraid. I began to lean over to coo it but was distracted from a shadow that was slowly creeping up. A storm? What was happeni
ng? I stood up and reached for Sebastian’s hand. Why had I ever let go of it?
I realized what was happening, now. Loki had been gone far too long. He said he had been the one keeping me safe. It was over. The Zahn had finally found me. Was I ready? I didn’t think I was ever going to be ready. I still wasn’t even sure of what I was going to do. How could it come now? How did it know what I truly felt when I was so unsure? This had happened the last time. I had given up Earth. I looked at my hands; I was still human, nothing was changing me.
Sebastian finally turned around to face the same direction as me. He took a step back and pulled me close to him. He wasn’t going to give me up again. Would it work this time? The Minakai wasn’t necessarily on our side to give that last chance.
The clouds rearranged and a face formed. It was a full blown storm cloud now, with eyes and a mouth. The flowing white clouds around it swirled inwards to make thick locks of hair. There was a nose and other features forming. The face looked slightly familiar. I took a step forward and the mouth started to open up. I was completely captivated by it.
Lightning struck. I jumped back and returned to my place in Sebastian’s grasp. Why was I constantly finding myself away from him? The cloud’s hair was twirling around with a high pitch whistle every time the locks clashed into one another. The ferocity of the wind was whipping my own free hair in my face, making it hard to see anything. I wasn’t sure I wanted to see anything anyways. It was all so overwhelming. The sound of the whistling had turned into a freight train. The wind was swooping my hair up into a spiral, were we in the middle of a tornado? Rather than picking me or anything around us up, it was more bringing the Zahn closer. I was morbidly fixated on it now. The grass tore slowly with a straining crunch, and I just watched it get closer. Soon it was all I could see. Its mouth started to open wide with a deafening blow that made all sound lost from around us. The only thing left was the way my skin settled back into place on my body from the crawling chills the silence brought.
Monsters & Fairytales Page 41