Helios

by Anja Fuerst

  Work was almost impossible, but I forced myself, sickly way to stay there. The words were stuck in my throat and not water down. I knew he would have to put them out, just did not know how or when, or even if you have the courage to do it.

  When he did not come to me or asked me anything, we all afternoon so. I, like an idiot he was, would from time to time to the bathroom to cry a little. He was hurt, hurt, hurt and my dreams of princesses and castles shattered. Mr. Carter played all my charm for him on the floor and stepped over, crushing them like crushing an insect.

  After about a dozen trips to the bathroom, and as the day was already ending, at least for C & D Medical System employees, did not dare to pick up my things and go. I sat staring at the computer screen. The blue background with the company logo revolved slowly passed countless times before I could look away.

  The phone rang. I answered almost automatically.

  - Mr. Carter Hall - not bothered to look at the device to find out who it was, though his grin got me out of trance. Anger almost suffocated me.

  - Do not want to come home today and we still have much work to do?

  How could he be so cynical? He had taken me to bed, done what they wanted with me, even as a son of a bitch married, and now call me with the most expensive stick making fun of my situation?

  - Are you married? - My teeth are not opened to facilitate the exit of words. Anger not allowed. This time he did not laugh.

  - Melissa ... - tried to speak after a pause.

  - YOU ARE MARRIED, YOU SON OF A BITCH! - I yelled unable to stop myself.

  In less than two seconds he was already at my side. I not had time to hang up the phone. We were looking at us. I with the phone still in his hand, glued to his ear and he with his hands in his trouser pocket. He seemed surprised at my reaction. Needless to say, the damn tears already tumbled down my face.

  - Melissa, I ...

  - Shut up, Robert. Shut the damn mouth or I will not be responsible for my actions.

  Ok. I have to admit I've always been more like a fearful and cornered pet, but truth be told, when something out of my control, really out of control. As my genius, for example, it took the present, but when I let him slip away, gone. Some shit would be made.

  - Are you married. Married! How could you?

  - I thought you knew ...

  - Did what? - He turned away from me uncomfortable with our fight, but did not seem intimidated.

  - Are you serious? - He raised an eyebrow, still in doubt about my reaction.

  - Do you really think I would go to bed with a married man? MARRIED! - Panic began to reveal in my voice. Our Lady of the unsuspecting lovers hold in my hand.

  Robert took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair. Then he looked at me still puzzled.

  - How would guess that you do not know anything? The whole company knows. Nicole ...

  - You know how long I work here? - He became confused and ran his hands through his hair again.

  - Two weeks?

  - Not that. Not that, you miserable. I spent a week getting to know the company and then four days traveling with you. How could you imagine?

  - Melissa Ah! I ... What can I say? I'm sorry? I thought...

  - Of course. Feels a lot. You're sorry, you fucking, asshole, idiot, arrogant son of a bitch and fuck ...

  - Wow! That dirty mouth - I should hit him with a punch. Certainly we would like're even!

  - What do you think you are? His obsession for control does not allow that respects people and their feelings? Do you really think you can do whatever you want? What can fuck their secretaries when he pleases and that will never have problems because of that?

  - Because? You claim to be a problem for me? - Took a defensive posture and the threat was clear in his eyes.

  - No, "Mr. Carter ". I'm not like you. You can rest assured about keeping your beautiful wedding. The idiot is here from the scene.

  - As well? - At the same moment his defensive disbanded. - Are you going to resign? - As I did not answer he deduced all alone. - I should imagine. Very fragile, vulnerable, the breakable doll. It seems I was wrong about you, Melissa.

  - Great! I am relieved, as also cheated his.

  - For your information, I do not go around shagging my secretaries. This had never happened before.

  - For the love of God! Do not come to this absurd conversation that "it was the first time he cheated on his wife," "marriage does not walk well", "you think of divorce", "is only a matter of time" and "there is something special between us ". Do not be so cretin to this point.

  He was silent for a while. My breathing was fast and my nose was running due to constant weeping. I did not dare to leave and he did not let you do that. Definitely I had no idea what I wanted at that time.

  - Melissa ... Honey ... Why do not we here to talk better in a more appropriate place?

  My anger became even more evident. What was he thinking? It could take me to bed again with that little chat? In some I believed that if I promised the world I would give. It would not be so easy.

  Ri chagrined.

  - No, Mr. Carter - as always happened in my life, trying to destroy me, strengthened me, so I found myself decided. - Never let you touch a finger on me again. Understood? Never. I will not resign, because contrary to what you think, I'm not so fragile and so, after all, are only four months, then I'll be free of you, besides this work will have a great weight on my resume. Meanwhile, I forbid you to look at me mischievously, or talk to me something other than professional nature. We never have lunch or will do anything together that is not related to our work. And that includes fucking phenomenal, whether in Chicago, Greece, Brazil or anywhere else in the world. Now excuse me because my time is over and do not think you, who will not charge overtime.

  I grabbed my bag and walked away without believing that had managed to come out with such dignity. However, once I entered the taxi, crying returned with full force. The driver became concerned and asked if he could help me in some way. Almost I asked if he had a time machine attached to your car, so we could return to the past and prevent all happened.

  At home, I took a quick shower, I put on my old sweatshirt, more like an affront to Mr. Carter than the desire to get comfortable, and threw myself on the bed. I cried a lot longer than I ever imagined being able to cry.

  My cell phone rang and I ignored him. Deep down I wished it was him and that fact does not answer the call hurt him as much as had managed to hurt me. It was unfortunate, but nonetheless I still wanted him to care. I wanted to be able to despise him, to destroy your self-confidence, to destabilize his life. I wanted he wanted me. This finding left me shocked. He was married, I was wishing?

  CHAPTER 18

  The next day I went out to all expectations. As soon as I woke up I rushed to check the connections and was very disappointed to find that all eight were Nicole and Dean, as well as the two messages that had been sent by my "ficante". A asking if I had arrived safely and the other to confirm our meeting.

  I not have to think long to return your call. He answered me with the same voice syrupy ever. Interestingly, I clung to this detail as if he needed it to survive. Dean could not be the man of my dreams, but was not married, what should count as ten points in its favor, and really want to be with me, really, and not just for enjoyment.

  - Confirmed for today? - He was excited. I tried to stay.

  - Of course! I'll leave the night on your own, then surprised me - there was no chance I get to schedule a meeting. My head was still crazy.

  - Do not worry babe. I'll do my best.

  Almost freaked when a thought invaded my mind: no matter that Dean was struggling to make the best, he would never be a Robert. Holy shit!

  Driving to work was another great sacrifice. I did not want to go, but would not give him a taste to confirm my cowardice. It was only a matter of time, a few more exits with Dean and everything would be part of the past. I tried to fool myself.

  But I did not
know that the situation will only get worse for me. In the morning Mr. Carter called warning that could not attend the company. Without showing any emotion and especially without giving me attention, she asked to send by email a copy of some contracts and told me that he knew the time would come. He hung up in conventional manner. He had come to erect the wall between us. But was not that what I wanted? So why his attitude was bothering me so much?

  I had to make some calls unchecking the commitments that morning. I had lunch with Nick and Alexa, as always when Mr. Carter was not. Our friendship was growing and I felt right beside them, even though he had committed a terrible crime, after all, if Mr. Carter is the brother of Nicole and Tanya's husband, they were doubly minted. I was even in a tight spot. I could never let them know what had happened.

  Mr. Hanson arrived almost at the end of our lunch and Nicole had to leave us. I was with Alexa, talking about the company gossip. Just the conversation we should have had before the trip to Greece. I not only had been informed that they were married, but that Mrs. Carter was the second largest shareholder of the group. It was a "holy shit" in so many words. The crazy could even fire me.

  She wasted no time in telling me that their marriage was walking shaken, but the family believed it was just a bad phase, and pointed out that the recent events had been too strong for the couple. Alexa omitted the information about what had actually occurred, however it provided a reconciliation approaching. Also made a point of making apparent dissatisfaction with this possibility, although not inform their reasons.

  The whole time I was trying to feel excited to be Friday and my meeting with Dean, but after everything that happened was impossible to feel excited enough, even knowing how much was needed. I returned, unwillingly, to my room at the end of the lunch hour. I did not want to find it yet, because neither had any idea how it would be. But the room was empty. I could not hide my disappointment.

  Mr. Carter returned to the final day with Mrs. Carter in tow. I thought my body would not support, however, my reaction was fairly quiet and could contain anger for being so stupid. The two greeted me politely and my heart sank at the thought of how much I was stupid and vulnerable.

  Alexa was right. They were living a difficult period and I was just a moment in his life. Dean needed to bring me back to reality. Even if it meant a serious relationship, as he so wanted. The important thing was to take Mr. Carter of my head.

  I made sure to leave the office before him and ran home starting the preparations for my night. I preferred to meet with Dean at the club he had chosen. It would be great to hear loud and let the beat of the music would spare me from thinking or talking deeper issues.

  I knew I needed time to sort my thoughts, and even longer to get to feel good in your presence. See Mr. Carter so naturally with his wife that afternoon, he made me plunge into a sea of resentment and guilt. Dean was my reality and now I needed him more than anything.

  - Forward is that you walk, Melissa. This time do the right thing.

  I said staring at me in the mirror. My face was drawn and showed deep-set eyes. Lack of mind was visible. However I needed to give my best to deserve the best of Dean. For this reason, I dried my hair until they were completely smooth, chose a black, short, snug skirt with lace details that sparkled, put a white shirt with generous neckline. light brown coat belted with some gold buttons that only served as a garnish to complete the look.

  I wore a black long-barreled boots and huge jumps that certainly would make me think more of them than anything else that night. The makeup was made to raze. I was not afraid of red lipstick.

  Once I got the club, which by the way was crowded and queue at the door, which did not prevent me from passing, since Dean had gotten the entries with a friend, I was greeted by him with a warm hug and a passionate kiss. I corresponded trying to feel the same way. Unfortunately I failed. It was virtually impossible to pretend desire when all he had forced me to compare.

  The breastplate of Mr. Carter was more defined. The arms of Mr. Carter were warmer and safe. The lips of Mr. Carter were unmatched. The language of Mr. Carter ... The touch of Mr. Carter ... The voice of Mr. Carter ... Oh shit! It was not to be.

  - You are wonderful, kitten - looked my curves that tight and short clothes. At least that pleased me.

  I wanted to feel attractive, sexy and desired, even if it were not for Mr. Carter. At least I finish my night in bed with Dean. It would be great to cool down a bit my mind. I only hoped that comparisons would not continue.

  - Want to dance or drink? - He was super excited.

  - Drinking - went together to the bar where he ordered the drinks. The alcohol would help me to relax.

  We talked about our week. Dean was very curious about my new job. I wonder if he had made friends and my boss was reasonable. Little did it matter that "my boss" was banned for one night. I disguised as much as I could, but I was troubled when he started asking about Greece. My phone vibrated making me thank the interruption. I gave my excuse and went to meet a corner and you can hear better. It was Nicole. What she wanted?

  - Hi Nick! - I covered one ear with his finger and cried a little.

  - Honey, where are you? - His tearful voice caught my attention.

  - I'm in the Queen's, why?

  - I need to talk to you. It would be too bad if I showed up? - I turned to Dean who was still at the bar watching me carefully and pondered. Would he be upset?

  - Of course not. I'll be waiting - hung up the phone already wondering how to break the news.

  - What's up? - Dean pulled me into his arms and kissed my neck. I liked it.

  - It was Nicole. It is also my boss, and wants to talk to me. He asked to come here, a problem? - An inquiry was made on his face and realized he did not like shade.

  - It's all right. Let's enjoy it while it is not enough.

  He pulled me a passionate kiss, those who once made me lose my mind and that at that time had not much effect on me. Still I corresponded. It would be good for the end of our night, if I carried away anymore. We were kissing until my phone back to vibrate. Nicole was telling you it was there. I went to meet him, not knowing if she could get in, but found it already inside, without having waited for anything or anyone. Money does wonders, huh?

  - Hi - we hugged like old friends. - What happened? - I was curious to your face a few friends.

  - Paul - pouted like a spoiled child. - Sorry to spoil your evening. It's your crush? - She saw Dean leaning against the bar watching us. He nodded and she responded. Dean was always very nice to be with anyone else. What a huge difference ... Never mind. It was better to forget the comparisons.

  - Yes But it's okay.. Dean did not bother. Now tell me, what Paul did?

  - Do you believe that he had to stick to suggest the guy I score a night out with you so that Adam were together? - I blinked several times without understanding. - Adam is in his glue. He said that we were friends and would be a great opportunity to get closer. It is unbelievable that he made this proposal - I understand her side and was even grateful for my friend not think that possibility.

  - All right, Nick. I just say to Mr Simpson that I have a boyfriend and he left my foot - I tried to cheer her up a bit, even making sure that would not be so easy.

  - As if it was enough - he rolled his eyes. It was beautiful as well. Smile. - I was angry with him. Paul knows that I avoid linking my personal life to Adam, though. They are like brothers, are not they? Still, I do not like it. Never encourage a relationship with a friend of mine. I know very well what Adam is capable of. Abgail say so.

  - What has Abgail?

  - Anything. Let this conversation there. I'm messing up your evening. Go back to your flirting, it does not stop us looking. Go dance a little. I'm here waiting.

  I looked at Dean who looked even impatient. Nicole took to him making the necessary introductions. While she waited for the drink you asked, I suggested to Dean that we were dancing. He accepted at the time.

  With his arms arou
nd my waist kept my body very close to it. The music was slow and sensual. Our movements were suggestive. He stroked my back as he kissed my neck. I smiled encouraging him to continue. It was good that hard I tried so we could return to our relationship. Dean was caring and careful with me. Exactly what I needed at that time.

  I could stay that way for a long time, if my eyes do not first sight of something disturbing.

  A pair of gray eyes. Penetrating. Touching me and invading me more than Dean was able to do. I tensed. Mr. Carter was there. Leaning against the bar. arms crossed on his chest. He wore dark jeans and a short-sleeved shirt, a little snug. It was wonderful! So at ease and comfortable as my bed.

  Dean shook my waist with my hands and pulled me closer. I was troubled. My eyes could not deviate from Mr. Carter. It was as if hypnotized. He watched me ferociously. Extremely seductive. Entrancing.

  Dean was moving and I followed him, brushing my body to him, but actually was willing to be in Mr. Carter arms. But I could not do it. I climbed the hands in the back of Dean to reach his hair, grabbing them. I wanted, somehow, to encourage you to break the trance in which I found myself.

  He sighed. His face turned toward my and in the brief second I felt that kiss, I saw the head of Mr. Carter moving slowly, saying "no." Holy shit! I was cursed for the rest of my life, because at that time could not disobey an order it.

  I closed my eyes and looked my lips of my ficante. As I was stupid. It was Dean who I wanted at that time. I could not fool me. I was stupid, irresponsible, vulnerable and weak. All this was perfectly true. As it was true that my whole body vibrated begging for Robert, for his touches, his kisses. No, please no!

  The angle I was, I could see Nicole, sulky talking to whom be identified Mr. Hanson. Her back was to me, but it was noticeable that discussed. He had gone after her, but what Mr. Carter was doing there? Will could never get rid of it?

  - Wait here. I have to answer a call.