Yet those reasons were no longer valid. Was there a chance he might reconsider? The feelings she'd had for Ian had faded over the years, but after only a few weeks in his company the spark had flared again. Each day she spent with him, the glow of affection inside grew stronger. She was already halfway in love with him again. He was strong, rugged, and as gorgeous as he'd always been. He was also everything Greg hadn't been, a man who would be a kind and understanding husband and father.
Sorrow twisted her heart, bringing tears to her eyes when she thought of how Greg disregarded Toby's feelings. Her poor little boy deserved a father who would love him and take an interest in him. She had not chosen well when she hooked up with Greg. Toby was suffering because of her bad choice.
But it wasn't too late to start again and find a good man, a man like Ian.
"Max, no," Ian shouted, startling her back to the present. The old dog had started munching on sheep's poop. Toby giggled and Rachel covered her mouth to hide her amusement. Ian looked so stern and exasperated as he chased Max away from the temptation. But he was fighting a losing battle; the field was covered with the stuff.
Once they resumed their walk, Ian turned to her. "Are you enjoying working in the office? It can't be as exciting as a job at the airport."
"It's a lot less stressful, believe me. One of the best things is that I can keep Toby with me while he's out of school. I hated that he had to spend his Christmas vacation in day care."
"Look." Ian halted and pointed at the far hedge. "See the badger?" He dumped the things he was carrying on the ground, beckoned Toby, and lifted him onto his hip. "Look beside the hedge beneath the big tree."
Rachel stared at the black and white creature trotting along the edge of the field. "Wow, we've never seen a badger before, have we, sweetheart?"
Toby's curious gaze fixed on the animal, his small arm around Ian's neck. What a different life they would lead if Toby's wish came true and Ian were his dad. A sigh whispered out between Rachel's lips. No matter what she or Toby wished for, the fact remained that Greg would always be Toby's father. And the way Greg operated, he would likely take pleasure from screwing with their lives forever.
For a long time she had wanted Greg to be a proper father to Toby; now she just wanted him to disappear. Greg was not a good role model for her son to follow. Toby was better off without a father.
They traipsed across the field to a triangle of woodland at the corner where three fields met. The bare branches of leafless deciduous trees mixed with the bushy green pines.
Ian lifted Toby over the fence and set him on his feet. "You can choose the Christmas tree. Which do you like?"
Toby dashed from tree to tree counting them, Max on his heels barking. "This one, this one," he chanted, jumping on the spot. "It's number twelve, my birthday."
"Okay, pal, this one it is." Ian trimmed off some low branches so he could access the trunk, then bent and started sawing.
Rachel held Toby's hand so he kept clear, and stepped back. She released a gusty sigh of longing at the way Ian's worn jeans molded to his backside and the bulging muscles of his thighs as he leaned over. A rush of warmth filled her as she imagined being snuggled up in a warm, dark place with him.
Ian glanced over his shoulder and caught her looking. She grinned, making no attempt to hide her thoughts. She might as well test the waters. If he wanted to ignore her interest, he could.
He straightened, holding her gaze, a flash of heat in his brown eyes. With a kick of his boot, he snapped the rest of the trunk and the tree went down.
Toby rushed to the tree and examined it with Max.
Rachel crossed her arms. "Very macho, Mr. Harper. If you're trying to impress me, it's working."
"I aim to please, Miss Carne. Maybe we should gather some holly while we're here. There's a lovely bush on the other side of the copse that always carries lots of berries."
"Sounds like a good idea." Rachel placed a hand on top of Toby's fleecy hat. "You stay here with Max and watch your tree for a few minutes. Ian and I are going to that green bush over there with the red berries on it. We won't be long."
Toby nodded and crouched, looping his arms around Max's neck, then resting his head on the dog's shoulder.
Rachel followed Ian as he zigzagged between the trees to the far fence and the promised holly. He pulled some shears from his pocket, snipped off the branches she pointed at, and tied the stems with rope so she could carry them without pricking herself.
"There's one other thing here that's nice to have at Christmas."
Rachel glanced around curiously, not sure what Ian meant.
He pointed up above their heads. A spiky ball of greenery hung on the bare branches of a silver birch.
Rachel narrowed her eyes, trying to see what it was.
"Mistletoe," Ian said. He grinned as her startled glance met his.
Her heart jumped and raced, her body tingly at the thought of kissing Ian. But the ball of mistletoe was so high and the tree too flimsy for a man built like Ian to climb. "How will you reach to cut some down?"
"I can't."
"Oh." She couldn't hide the note of disappointment in her voice.
He pulled off his glove and held out a hand to her. She slipped her fingers into the warmth of his palm as his hand closed around hers. He tugged gently, bringing her towards him—beneath the mistletoe.
"I prefer to do things au naturel," Ian said softly.
His fingers gripped her waist and drew her into his arms. Ian was so large and solid; she felt safe and protected in his embrace. He smoothed a few strands of hair back from her face as he looked down at her. "You're beautiful, Rach. I've wanted to do this ever since I rescued you from your house."
He leaned down. Rachel rose on her toes to meet him, his warm lips brushing hers then pressing harder, deepening the kiss.
The years fell away and Rachel melted into his arms, sparks of sensation bursting inside her.
She had waited eight years for him to kiss her back. It was so worth the wait.
Chapter Six
Ian stroked the hair off Rachel's face with a fingertip, trying not to wake her but wanting to touch her. She nestled beneath his arm on the squashy old sofa in his sitting room, her long dark hair cascading over his chest, her slender hand rested tantalizing on his thigh.
The last few days with Rachel and Toby had been fantastic. He'd taken things slowly with Rachel, kept a tight rein on his desire and allowed himself only hugs and kisses, not wanting to rush her. She responded to him so sweetly, so honestly. He had fallen in love with this beautiful woman and Toby was a great kid. If Ian didn't screw things up, he could have something special here; he could finally have the family he longed for.
If Ella were allowed to visit for Christmas, life would be almost perfect. But there was virtually no chance he'd see his daughter over the holidays. He'd been trying to arrange to bring her here to stay for months. Jane wouldn't agree because her damned husband told her not to.
With his lips pressed to Rachel's temple, he breathed in the floral fragrance of her hair, and allowed her sweet presence to ease the tension that filled him whenever he thought of the situation with his daughter. He needed to tell her about Ella and Jane, although he didn't want to burden her with his troubles when she had enough of her own to worry about.
The movie he and Rachel had watched on TV was finished, and the fire had died down to glowing embers. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve. They planned a day together, a family fun day at the zoo.
Rachel moaned in her sleep, snuggling closer to him, her hand trailing up his body to curl against his chest. He held his breath, fighting the shot of fire that streaked along his nerves in response to her touch. If she only knew what she did to him.
Was there any chance she might share his bed tonight? Was it too soon? He nuzzled her hair and caressed the soft skin of her wrist. "Hey, sleeping beauty, time to wake up so you can go to bed."
Her eyelashes flickered and she blinked at him, s
leepily dazed. She glanced at the television. "When did the movie finish?"
"Ages ago."
"Oh. I always fall asleep in front of the TV and miss things I want to watch."
"I've noticed." Ian grinned. She had fallen asleep snuggled beneath his arm on the sofa every night that week. He always missed the movie as well, but for a completely different reason. With her soft curves pressed against him, he couldn't concentrate on anything else.
Her voice was sleepy and sexy. If he didn't make love to her soon he would go crazy. "Rachel, love, I was thinking—"
The insistent trill of the house phone sliced through the slumberous mood. Ian gritted his teeth. What perfect timing. He was tempted to ignore it, but late-night calls usually came from Jane. Ian would never forgive himself it there were something wrong with Ella and he didn't pick up.
"I'd better get that." He reluctantly pulled his arm away from its comfortable spot around Rachel's body and stood.
She sighed and followed him up. "I need to go to bed so I'm fresh for our day out tomorrow."
"I'll be right behind you after I've let Max out." Ian dashed through to the kitchen, tripping over the dog who ambled in front of him.
He grabbed the phone and pressed it to his ear. "Yes, can I help you?"
"Ian." Jane's tearful voice squeaked on the line and his gut clenched with annoyance and anxiety.
"Has something happened to Ella?"
"No."
"Why are you calling, then?" He knew he sounded unsympathetic, but she'd chosen to leave him for Eric. Now she had to deal with the consequences. She had caused him so much heartache over the last couple of years. She had taken his baby girl away and tried to keep him from seeing her, but she was quick enough to call when she wanted something.
"Can I come and stay with you?" Jane said.
"What?" Ian's heart jolted in his chest. He wanted nothing more than to have Ella come and stay, but he didn't want Jane anywhere near here. She would do her best to destroy his fledgling relationship with Rachel. He swallowed hard and pressed a hand to his forehead. "Are you leaving Eric?"
She sobbed on the phone. Familiar frustration tightened Ian's muscles. She turned every tiny thing into a massive drama, so he had no idea if it were serious or not.
"Tell me what's wrong."
"Ella keeps coming into our bed at night and Eric gets mad."
"What do you mean by mad? He doesn't hurt her, does he?"
Silence.
Ian hauled in a breath, struggling to hang on to his temper. "Jane, answer the damn question."
All he could hear was her muffled sobs.
"I'm coming down to see her tomorrow. I want to make sure she's okay. You'd better be there or I'll camp out on your front step until you get home. Do you understand? If Eric doesn't like it, he can get stuffed."
The dial tone filled his ear. He cursed loudly and slammed the phone down on the counter. Every few months, Jane did something like this to him. The first time he'd raced down to Cornwall, a seven-hour drive, only to find there was nothing wrong at all. To make matters worse, Eric had threatened to call the police if Ian didn't get out of his house.
He hated the fact that man was playing father to Ella, a man who Ian was pretty certain didn't care about her at all. In fact, he didn't seem to care much about Jane either. More than anything in the world, Ian wanted his daughter safe. If that meant putting up with Jane as well, he'd have to do it.
***
Rachel woke with a start, not sure what had disturbed her. The hall light shone through the open door, illuminating the empty sheets on Toby's side of the bed. She boosted herself on an elbow and glanced around. Toby made a habit of disappearing from bed first thing in the morning to find Ian.
Rachel picked up her phone to check the time—a little before three. Surely Toby wouldn't go to Ian in the middle of the night?
An ethereal glow shone through the curtains. She slid out of bed and peeked between them. A huge full moon hung above the rolling countryside, gleaming off the shiny white snow covering the fields, hedges, and trees.
A scene flickered through her imagination—her, Toby, and Ian playing together in the snow, laughing as they tossed snowballs and built their snowman. Toby had never had a proper family Christmas with a father figure around. This would be a new experience for him, a wonderful one that Rachel hoped would be the first of many Christmases with Ian in their lives. Ian was so different from Greg. He would not make promises he didn't keep and let Toby down.
She wrapped her arms around her body against the chill and padded barefoot into the hall, half expecting to find Toby had gone to the toilet. The bathroom door stood ajar, the room in darkness. Her gaze moved the other way, towards Ian's room.
His door stood wide like hers, an open invitation, or she wished it were. They had spent the past five evenings, after Toby went to bed, snuggled on the sofa, kissing. She had thought Ian might invite her into his bed tonight. He'd seemed to be working up to asking, then the damn phone rang and ruined things. She'd lain awake listening for him to come up, hoping for a soft knock on her door. She'd been disappointed.
Rachel padded along the hall and peeped into Ian's room. Light spilled across the bed, showing Toby snuggled with his teddy, fast asleep beside Ian. A cocktail of conflicting emotions swirled inside Rachel. Her baby had left her to come to a man he'd known for only a few weeks. On the other hand, she was overjoyed that Toby felt comfortable enough with Ian to seek him out.
She prayed things worked between her and Ian, not only for her sake, but for Toby's as well. Her little boy already seemed to love Ian and he would be hurt if they broke up.
Ian appeared to be asleep but surprised her when he lifted his head. "Toby came in about ten minutes ago," he whispered. "I would have come to tell you, but I thought you'd be asleep."
"Some sixth sense woke me. I knew he'd gone."
"Mother's intuition," Ian said with a smile.
"You don't mind him in bed with you?"
"No. He's welcome." Ian stroked an affectionate hand over Toby's head. An aura of safety surrounded Ian like a big fluffy security blanket. Toby must be drawn to that, as Rachel was. Rachel had tried to shelter Toby from the emotional wreckage Greg made of her life, but her poor boy must sense things weren't right. It was only natural he would cling to a good, steady father figure when he found one.
A pang of loneliness stole through Rachel. For a moment she was jealous of her own son—jealous of how easy it was for him to come in here and climb in Ian's bed. She longed to reach a place in her relationship with Ian where she could seek comfort from him without all the other complications between a man and a woman getting in the way. Of course she wanted an intimate relationship with him, very much. But her need for someone to love her and simply be there for her was just as strong.
Rachel knew she should return to her room, but the thought of climbing back in her cold bed alone did not appeal at all.
"It's snowing," she said, grasping for any reason to stay with Ian and Toby.
"It had started when I let Max out before I came to bed."
"Oh." Rachel shivered and rubbed her bare arms against the chill.
"Come and get in with us." Ian stretched across Toby and lifted the covers.
After a moment's hesitation, she hurried the few steps to the bed and climbed in, tugging the thick comforter up and snuggling against her little boy.
Ian's clean herbal fragrance clung to the pillow and covers, wrapping her in his aura, even though she wasn't touching him. At least she was near him.
Rachel had dreamed of sharing Ian's bed, dreamed of being in his arms. Those dreams had not included a four-year-old chaperone, but right now all she wanted was to be with them both.
"Did you notice the time?" he whispered.
"Nearly three."
Silence filled the room for a few moments, the only sound the subtle creak of the old house.
"This isn't how I imagined it would be when you came to m
y bed," Ian said softly.
"No."
"I promise we'll be together soon, Rachel." Ian's breath hissed out in a sigh. "First, I have to straighten out my life."
A frisson of disquiet passed through her. "What's wrong?"
For long moments he didn't answer; she started to think he wasn't going to. Then he turned on his side to face her and reached over Toby to clasp her hand. "There's something I need to discuss with you. I didn't want the issues from my past to get in the way of our relationship, but I think it's inevitable."
Rachel's disquiet deepened. "Go on."
"The phone call was from my ex, Jane. She tends to do that, call late or early or anytime that's inconvenient, usually after she's had a fight with her husband."
Rachel's growing sense of fear that her relationship with Ian would be derailed by his ex receded at the mention of another man.
"Can't you tell her to talk to her husband?" And leave Ian alone. From the tone of his voice, he saw this woman as an annoyance.
"It's more complicated than that. I have a daughter with her. Ella's about the same age as Toby."
Rachel's heart pulsed in painful beats as though it were being squeezed by a giant fist. She hadn't suspected for a moment that Ian had a child. Why hadn't he mentioned her before? There were no photos of Ella in the house. The moment she thought that, she noticed a photo in a frame on his bedside table.
During the last eight years he'd had relationships with other women and there were always consequences. How stupid of her not to consider that.
"Where does she live?"
"Jane's new husband took them down to Cornwall, supposedly for a new job. Although I'm pretty sure he just wanted to move far enough away that it was difficult for me to see Ella."
"Why?"
Ian rubbed a hand over his face. "He wants me out of Jane's life."
Rachel wasn't comfortable with the idea of Ian seeing his ex regularly either, but she would never keep him from seeing his daughter. "Are you going to see Ella over the Christmas holidays?"
"I tried to arrange something, but it's almost impossible to get any type of commitment out of Jane. The last time I was supposed to see Ella, I arrived and they were out. I hung around all day. In the end, I had to drive home without seeing her. It's a hell of a long way to go for nothing."
A Christmas Family Wish Page 5