“I did when I was young, but no way now. The city is great when you’re in your twenties, but once you start to get older then you really don’t want to be living somewhere you can hear your neighbors arguing or worse still, just talking.”
I turn to look out the windshield now, and ask Miss Lauren a personal question. “Miss Lauren, can I ask you something quite intrusive?”
“I’m not married because I’ve never loved anything as much as ballet.” Awkward . . . that’s exactly what I was going to ask her. She has to be a mind-reading alien. “Men will come and go, but ballet . . . that’s in my blood. I’ve never found anyone I love as much as ballet, or anyone I can commit to as much as ballet.”
“Wow,” I breathe.
I love ballet. Really, I do. But loving it more than a person? I’m not sure my commitment level is as high as Miss Lauren’s.
“I’m home,” I call when I open the front door, but I’m met with silence. “Mom,” I yell again in case she’s in the back room or back yard and she can’t hear me. “Mom!”
Once I’ve entered the dining room, I see there’s a note for me on the table: ‘If you get home before me, I’ve gone to the store to get groceries. I shouldn’t be too long.’
Leaving the thin piece of paper on the dining room table, I go to my bedroom and drop my bag. I take off my shoes, and go run a bath. My feet are killing me. As a matter of fact, my entire body is hurting. Today’s exam was by far the most grueling and brutal thing I’ve ever had to go through. The examiner was tough and unforgiving, looking down her nose at us while she barked out instructions to the small group which went through the exam.
I did my best, and Miss Lauren said she talked to the examiner who only told her, “That girl has potential if she stops screwing around.” To me, that’s neither here nor there. It doesn’t tell me if I passed or if I failed, just that she saw I have somewhat of a gift. But Miss Lauren was angry with me on the way home, she said I must not have applied myself. I tried to reassure her, to tell her I gave it everything I had in order to get as close to a pass as possible.
My phone starts ringing in my ballet bag, but by the time I get to it, it’s already stopped. I look at the name and smile ‘cause I know it will be killing Becky that I haven’t called her yet. I dial her number back while I walk to the bathroom to check on the bath. “Hey,” I say before she has a chance to say anything to me.
Becky huffs into the phone, “You are so lucky I love you, Alley-cat. Tell me, how did you do?”
“I failed,” I say bluntly.
“They gave you the results already? That’s not normally like them, usually you have to wait for the marks.”
“Nah, they didn’t give me the results, but the examiner told Miss Lauren I’ve got heaps of potential if I stop screwing around.”
“Ouch. That’s pretty bad.” I can almost feel her cringing on the other side of the phone. “Oh well, shit happens. You can do it again right?”
“Yeah, and I will.” I sit on the edge of the bath and check the water, adjusting it to be warmer than I usually have it.
“Have you heard from Elijah?” she asks.
“Why would I? I’m not like the other girls, Becky. I won’t fall on my back and open my legs, which means he has no interest in me. And that’s good, really, because I’m so not interested in him.” Becky cracks up laughing. “What?”
“You’re not interested in him. Aha. Keep telling yourself that.”
“I’m not. He’s just horny and has run out of girls at school. I’m not going to be another one he screws and then flicks away, and besides, I don’t want my first time being with someone who has no interest in me past the time in his bed.”
“Hey, I never said you should be screwing him. I just laughed at you because you do like him, and you’re probably disappointed how he is ‘cause that makes him a douche you can’t trust.”
“What? No, that’s not it at all. I don’t like him the way you think.”
“Yeah, right. Anyway, I just wanted to know how you did at your exam. Now I know you crashed and burned, no need to talk to you anymore.”
Becky makes me laugh. Some of the girls at school think she’s a bitch, but she’s not, she’s just super sarcastic, I’ve learned over the years. There’s not really any way to describe Becky except . . . she’s Becky. “Good ‘cause I don’t really wanna talk to you either.”
“Good. ‘Cause you can’t dance.”
“And you suck on the guitar.”
“Your hair is too dark.”
“You’re too skinny.”
“You nose hairs stick out,” Becky adds.
I can’t help but laugh, but these insults are only going to get much worse. “Your third toe is like some giant’s mutated fungus.”
“You have dwarf ears.”
Running my hand through the filling bathtub, the warmth automatically relaxes me. “I gotta go, my bath is nearly ready and I have intentions on staying in it for as long as possible.”
“Love you,” she says after we’ve slung insults at each other.
“Love you too. See you at school tomorrow.”
“I’ll get Laurie to pick you up in the morning if you want.”
“I’ll just walk, see you there.”
“See ya.” We hang up and I stand and take myself into my room to put my phone on charge. Going back to the bathroom, I turn the water off, strip, and get in the bath. But my phone rings again, so I grab a towel and go to my bedroom to get it. “Hello,” I pant into the phone.
“Hello,” the gruff voice booms.
“Hello?” I quickly check my phone and see it’s Elijah.
“It’s Elijah,” he announces.
“I just saw. Um, now’s not the best time. I’m just about to get in the bath.”
“Oh.” He clears his throat and I can’t help but smile. “I was just calling to see how you did.”
My eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “Um, well I don’t know.” Walking back into the bathroom I take my towel off and hang it up behind the door. “Hang on, I’ll just get in the bath.”
“Oh God,” he whispers away from the phone.
“What’s wrong?” Sinking into the bath, I lean on the backrest and submerge my tired, incredibly sore body into the soothing hot water.
“Nothing.” He pauses for a few, incredibly awkward seconds.
“You still there?” Pulling the phone away from my ear I look at the screen just in case the call’s been lost. “Hello?”
“Yeah, I’m here.” Elijah takes a deep breath. “I was calling to see how you did with your exam.”
“I failed,” I state matter-of-factly.
“Really? That sucks for you, Alice, I know how hard you work at ballet.”
“It’s not official yet, but the examiner basically said I have potential. In translation, that means I failed.” I shrug my shoulders, even though there’s no one here to see.
“Maybe you didn’t.” I laugh out loud at him. “What’s so funny? Maybe you didn’t fail. You don’t know until you actually get the results, so I wouldn’t be so sure.”
“You’re so funny. My ballet teacher said most fail on the first attempt, and tee that information up with the examiner saying she thinks I have potential . . . I can guarantee you I’ve failed.”
“How about a wager?”
My foot slips from the edge of the bath into the water, and a splash reaches its way up to flick me in the eye. “Crap,” I say as I sit up more in the bath.
“What the hell is going on over there, Alice?” he demands to know. His voice drops a tone and it makes a chill shoot up my spine as tiny goosebumps prickle my arms.
“My foot slipped in the bath, that’s all. No need to stress.”
“I thought you hurt yourself.”
“Nah, nothing like that.” The phone goes quiet again and now there’s an uncomfortable hush which blankets me. “So anyway . . .” God, the non-talking is awful.
“We were talking about you
passing the ballet exam you went for.”
I chuckle, shake my head and roll my eyes at his persistence. “You’re certainly tenacious,” I say to him.
“I’m what?”
“Tenacious.”
“What the hell does the word ‘tenacious’ mean?”
“It means persistent and stubborn.”
“Ha! Yeah I’m stubborn and persistent, so yeah, okay you can call me tentacles if you want.”
I lose it at him, laughing so hard the water gently waves around my body. “Oh my God, Elijah! Tenacious not tentacles.” My gales of laughter are impeding our conversation.
“Tables?” he asks seriously.
I can’t help it, I laugh even more. “Tenacious,” I try to blurt out.
“Tetanus?”
“No.” I hang over the side of the bath, laughing so hard.
“Tennis?”
“Just . . . wait . . . I . . . can’t . . . talk.” I put the phone down and laugh until I can no longer laugh anymore. Taking a few deep breaths, I focus on controlling my laughter, but my cheeks hurt from smiling so much. “Okay, I’m back.”
“Good, ‘cause I gotta tell ya,’ I have no idea why you’d say I’ve got tentacles.” He chuckles into the other end of the phone. “So, about this bet,” he says returning to his seriousness.
“I’m not making a bet with you.”
“Are you chicken? Bok, bok, bok.” He makes chicken sounds into the phone.
“I’m not chicken,” I interrupt his ‘boking.’
“BOK! Chicken. Alice is a chicken.”
“I’m not a chicken.” My mouth widens into a smile and I grumble at his chicken noises. “You can carry on making those stupid noises, but I’m not a chicken and I’m not making a bet with you.”
“Chicken. I think you’re too-”
“Anyway, before you say something that’ll make me mad at you, how are you? What are you up to?” I cut him off mid-sentence, but it also makes me smile because I know I’ve got the upper hand here.
“I’m just talking to the prettiest girl I know.”
“Oh my God. You did not just say that. Seriously, Elijah, how corny can you get?”
“Corny? I’m being serious. I think you’re the prettiest girl I know. And I know a lot of girls.”
“That’s because you can’t keep it in your pants.”
“What? That’s a load of crap. I so can if I wanted to.”
“If you’re gonna continue to lie to me, then you may as well hang up now. I don’t like liars, and I hate it even more that you’re trying to convince me you’re not one of those guys at school. Because you and I know, you’re exactly that guy.” Pffft, lying to me is a no-no.
“I’m not lying.”
“Spare me the shit, Elijah. I’ve seen how they hang off you, I’ve seen how you’re always with a different girl, and I’ve seen how they chase after you once you’ve dumped them. Spare me the shit.” God, he’s making me so angry I’m just about to hang up.
He clears his throat and the line is once again submerged in silence. “You know what?”
“What?”
“I’m gonna make you a promise right now.”
“And what’s that?”
“I’m not going to take any girl out or have sex with any of them.”
“Yeah, right. A leopard doesn’t change its spots.”
“I’ll prove it to you.”
“Tsk,” I say into the phone condescendingly.
“I swear to you, Alice. I won’t go out with any chick at all, and just to prove to you that I can be the good guy, I’ll even tell the ones hanging around at school how I’m not interested in them and nothing is going to happen.”
“Why does it even matter what I say? Who cares what I think of you? If you’re happy with what you’re doing, then just keep doing it. Just don’t call me pretending to be this sickly sweet, innocent guy.”
“It matters, ‘cause I like you. And I’d like to ask you out on a date. A proper one. Not like the kind of dates I’d ask the other girls out on, but a real date. Like movies, and dinner. But . . .”
I draw my eyebrows together in question and wait for him to finish, but I realize he won’t finish until I ask him. “But, what?”
“But, it’s kinda got to be a cheap dinner ‘cause I don’t get paid too much for helping my old man out around the shop.”
“The shop?” I didn’t even know Elijah had a job, let alone what job he has.
“Yeah, the old man has a body shop business and I go in and help out a couple of days after school and on the weekends. He pays me a hundred and fifty bucks a week, but I gotta pay for my own phone and stuff, so I don’t have too much money left over.”
“Maybe you should get a share in Trojan.” Before I realize I’ve blurted it out, I clap my hand to my mouth. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, it’s really none of my business what you do.”
“You know what, Alice? You really know how to piss me off. I’m trying my hardest to not be a dick, and you keep saying things that get my back up and say something that will make you think I’m a dick.”
He’s right, I’m giving him a hard time over something that really doesn’t concern me, and isn’t my business. If he wants to be the guy at school who wants to screw around, then it’s none of my concern. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m such a bitch toward you.”
“Don’t do that,” he says in a calm voice. Squinting my eyes, I’m trying to figure out what I just did. “Don’t call yourself names. You’re not a bitch, you just call it as you see it. And yes, you’re right, I should buy shares in Trojan. Well, I should have, but not anymore. I told you, I’m not gonna have anything to do with any of those girls now.”
“So you say.” Crap, I’m doing it again. “Sorry,” I immediately respond to my own snarky reaction. Elijah chuckles into the phone. “I don’t know why I’m so horrible to you.” I’m trying to be mindful but for whatever reason, it’s just not working. “Instead of me saying whatever comes into my mind, I’m going to try and watch what I say. I shouldn’t judge you for being the way you are. It’s really uncool of me saying these things.”
“Don’t worry about it, Alice. I’ve made a promise, which means hopefully soon, you won’t even think those things.”
Bringing my hand up, I push the warm water against the tub. I watch it gently ripple until it finds the edge and abruptly stops. “You don’t have to change for me,” I say as I repeat the flick of the water.
“I’m not. I’m changing for me,” he responds. He quickly adds, “Because I want you.”
Blinking, I stare ahead and suddenly find I’m not as verbose as I was a few seconds ago. I want to say something, but I have no idea what. “Um,” is all I can manage. My mind continues to go forward at a hundred miles an hour, but I can’t think of a logical or even sane thought.
“Did you hear me? I said I’m going to change because I want you, and I don’t want you thinking I’m a sleaze anymore. And besides, if you’re going to bring me home to your parents, I wanna make sure they know I’m good for you.”
Whoa, hold up a minute. “My parents? Who says you’re going to come meet my parents? You’re getting way ahead of yourself.”
Elijah chuckles, “I’m just saying, Alice. I’m gonna be around for a while, so you may as well get used to the idea of me hanging out at your place. I get my driver’s license soon, which means I’ll be at your place all the time.”
“Slow down, Valentine. Let’s just go with the flow. No meeting my parents.” A memory of when he used to pull my pig-tails suddenly comes to mind. “Anyway, I’m sure my dad would kick your butt for pulling my hair in elementary school.”
“Don’t forget the name calling.” I can’t help but smile. “I liked you even back then.”
I pull my head back, in complete surprise. “What?”
“I liked you even back then.”
“Um, okay.” Huh? Just then, I hear Mom call out saying she’s home.
“I have to go; I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”
“You can count on seeing me at school.”
We hang up, and I yell out to Mom, “I’m in the bath. I’ll be out in a bit.”
She creaks the door open so she can talk to me. “How’d it go?”
“Basically, by the feedback, I’d say I failed.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” I can hear the disappointment in her voice. “I’m sorry,” she adds. “Next time you’ll pass.”
“Yeah, maybe. I don’t know.”
“How are you feeling?”
“I knew I was going to fail, so I’m okay with it.”
“Alright, well . . .” She lets out a deep exhale. “I’ll let you finish your bath. I’m making a chicken stir fry for dinner. Come help me when you’re out of the bath.”
The bath ends up being the best thing for me. It completely relaxes me, and by the time I get out my entire body is floating way up high with the clouds.
Quickly getting dressed, I go out to find my parents sitting at the dining room table talking. “Hey, sweetheart. Mom told me how you think you did at the exam today. Kind of sucks for you, but I’m positive you’ll get it next time.” Dad stands from the dining room table and wraps his arms around me, kissing my forehead.
Snuggling into Dad’s chest, I smile because I know they both only want what’s best for me.
Today’s Wednesday and the school day’s been dragging along. The period end bell has rung, and I walk out to the courtyard where Becky, Laurie, Jacki, Amelia, and I usually hang out. But since Monday, Elijah has joined our group, trying to convince me he’s changing because he wants to date me.
I’m not so convinced.
I walk over to one of the large trees in the courtyard and sit under it. Taking my calendar out of my bag, I look through it to see what assignments I have due, and which I need to complete first.
“Hey,” Elijah says as he slings his backpack onto the ground and sits opposite me. “Whatcha’ doing?”
“Seeing what’s due and when. Man, I’ve got an English assignment and a science paper both due on the same day.”
“Yeah, I’ve got that English assignment too. Kinda sucks really.”
I shrug my shoulders at him. “Gotta be done, so I suppose we’d better just do it.”
Dying Wish Page 5