“Hey Alley-cat, what’s going on?” Becky asks as she sits down next to me, cross-legged and starts rummaging through her bag. “Aha,” she proudly cries and pulls a shiny red apple out.
“I was just telling Elijah, I’m looking at what homework I have.”
“You worry too much about school,” Becky says between bites of the apple. “And you.” She turns to look at Elijah. “You’re serious about hanging out with us?” she asks in a condescending way.
Elijah chuckles, and then shakes his head. His small chuckle makes my stomach flutter. It’s cute . . . kind of. “I am.”
“Is that right?” Becky pushes Elijah’s shoulder. “So, you’re saying if say Jacki comes over and throws herself at you, you’ll turn her down?”
“Becky!” I call, my widening eyes flashing her a warning. I’m so embarrassed by what she’s saying. “Stop it,” I whisper through a clenched jaw.
“No, no,” Elijah interjects. “She has a point. I’ll make it clear, so everyone knows exactly where I stand.” He looks around and sees Jacki, Amelia, and Laurie walking over toward us.
“What is it you want to say, Mr. Sauvé?” Becky says as she wiggles her head and shoulders teasingly at him.
“I’ll wait for them, so they can all hear what I have to say.” He hooks his thumb toward the three slowly making their way over to us.
Laurie goes to sit beside Becky and drapes his arm protectively over her shoulder. “Hey,” he says to all of us and gives Elijah a nod of the head.
Jacki and Amelia come and sit down and are talking about something that happened in their last class. They stop talking when they notice all our eyes are on them. “What’s going on?” Amelia worriedly looks around at us and crinkles her forehead. “Is everything okay?”
I’m not saying anything, because I’m completely embarrassed. Becky isn’t saying anything because she’s chewing on her apple and looking at Elijah as if she’s daring him to verbalize what he’s thinking.
Elijah looks at me, with his sexy little smirk and winks. “You all know I’ve been hanging out with you guys since Monday. But, truth is, I’m only hanging out with you ‘cause of Alice.”
“What?” Jacki asks as she scrunches her nose in disgust toward Elijah. “What do you mean?”
“It means you’re all cool, but I’m really digging Alice, and I want to be her boyfriend so I’m hanging out to prove to her I’m not the ‘man whore’ she thinks I am.”
“Bullshit,” Becky says in a fake cough/insult.
Elijah and Laurie both chuckle, and again, I can feel my face redden. “It’s true,” Elijah starts and throws his arms up in a mock surrender type of way. “I’ve been known to sleep my way through a few girls here at school.”
“A few?” Jacki mumbles then quickly dips her head.
I know Jacki’s had the hots for him for ages. I now think I know why. “Yes, a few. You included.” Elijah answers my unasked question. “But, that’s all going to change. I’m not interested in anyone at all. I’m officially off the market. Actually, I was never on it to begin with.” Looking at Jacki, I see the hurt wash across her face. But she holds it together and plasters a fake smile on her pretty face. I feel sorry for her, because Elijah’s basically said he’s never been seriously interested in her. That’s gotta hurt.
I turn my head to look at Elijah, and his big gray eyes are already trained on me. “What?” I whisper as I think about his words.
“Anyway, these are the facts. I’m not into anyone but Alice.”
The group goes quiet for a few seconds, until the crunch of Becky’s apple brings us all to look at her. “So no more man whore. Hmmm, this’ll be interesting to watch.”
Elijah’s come out and told my group of friends how he feels about me, and about his willingness to change. And he’s making it obvious to everyone that he’s not going to go back on his word.
His words spin around in my mind, and I have a swarm of butterflies fluttering around inside me. But . . . is it too quick? “Excuse me,” I say in a small voice as I stand, grab my bag and head toward the dance hall. I need to put some music on and dance out whatever it is that’s going crazy through my body.
“Hey,” Elijah calls as he comes after me. I speed up to avoid him, because I don’t want to talk to him. I can hear the crackling of the grass as his heavy footsteps catch up to me. “Hey,” he says again, when he reaches me. “I was calling you.”
“Really? I didn’t hear you,” I lie to Elijah because I need to get away from him. He’s coming on way too fast and definitely too strong.
“Here I thought you got spooked and tried taking off on me.”
I stop walking and turn to look at him. “This is too much for me,” I admit. “This.” I point between us. “It’s just . . . I just don’t get it, Elijah. Only a week ago you didn’t like me, and now you’re going hell for leather to try and impress me. If you think this means you’re going to get sex from me, you’re wrong.” I turn to walk away from him, frustrated at the entire situation.
“You done? You ready to hear what I have to say or have you formed your opinion on what you think you know?” he shouts at me without trying to chase me.
“Shhh,” I turn and say while bringing my finger up to my lips. “I don’t need everyone to hear.” I look around and a few of the other seniors have already stopped talking to see what’s happening.
Elijah slumps his shoulders and tilts his head down for a few seconds. When he looks back, there’s a beautiful smile on his face and he takes a deep breath before jogging over to me. “It hasn’t been just the last week. It’s been since we were in elementary school together. I don’t know how many times I thought about you. How many times I compared every chick to you. I’d watch how they’d walk and wish it was you, they’d smile and all I’d see is your smile, they’d laugh and all I wanted is to hear your voice. I’ve been with girls, because I never thought I’d be with you. Lame excuse, yeah I know, but I wanted each of them to be you.”
What the hell? The blood in my veins thrums quickly as I continue to stare at him, speechless. “I don’t get it.”
“There’s nothing to get. I’m going to take it as slow as you need me to take it. I’ll wait as long as you want me to.”
I drop my eyes from his face, and try to think about what he’s saying. “I’m going to go dance. I need to . . .” I huff and look behind him, “ . . . get some distance.”
“I’ll come with you,” he offers.
“I want to be on my own. I can’t handle what you’ve just thrown at me, and in front of my friends.”
Elijah retreats a couple of steps, and I can see hurt flash in his eyes. “I get it,” he says, his voice is heavily wounded. “I’ll catch you later.” He turns and leaves before I can say anything else to him.
I think that’s best; he’s just come on so strong. I need to get my head on straight, not worry about him, but think about what I want.
I go to my locker, grab my pointe shoes and my leotard and go change.
The bell to indicate lunch has ended sounded a good ten minutes ago. Although I know I should be in class, I just keep dancing to let all this crap going through my body out through my dance.
Sweat is rolling down my back, and I’m huffing with the need to get more air into my lungs as I continue to push myself. My feet are hurting, my back is sore, and my heart is furious at me for putting so much pressure on it without warming up properly first. My body is protesting and screaming at me to stop. The adrenaline runs through my body at a fever pitch as I keep pushing my limits.
Finally, I go into a continuous pirouette and keep spinning until my body can no longer cope with the stress I’ve put on it. Stopping, I fall to the floor and huddle in on myself. Bringing my knees up to my chest, I hug them while I lay my head on my knees and try to relax.
“I haven’t ever seen you dance like that, Alice,” Miss King says, startling me from my own thoughts.
“I’m sorry, Miss King. I should g
o,” I respond as I unwrap myself from my body and go to stand.
“Please, stay.” Miss King comes over and sits beside me on the floor. I don’t bother standing, instead I sit again, crossing my legs while I fidget with my fingers. “Do you want to talk about it?” Miss King is our class year’s advisor, and also the school counselor. She’s got an open door policy, which means we can talk to her about anything, and it’ll remain confidential unless it’s life-threatening or illegal.
“Not really,” I answer, continuing to play with my fingers so I don’t have to look at her.
“Huh, really? Because from what I saw, you pushed yourself like nothing I’ve ever seen before. Almost like you were dancing to get away from something.” I stop fidgeting and look up at her. “Do you want to tell me? Is it home?”
“Oh God, no! Mom and Dad are awesome.” Miss King smiles, and lets a laugh out. “What’s funny?”
“Most kids your age talk about how suffocating their parents are.” She shakes her head but continues to smile. “You’re telling me your parents are ‘awesome.’” She indicates with quotes.
“They are. They completely support my dancing, and are so proud of me.”
“You’ve always been mature, Alice. Although you’re going through puberty and you’re sixteen, you still have a level head on your shoulders.”
“Thank you.” I feel the blush rise to my cheeks as she compliments me. “But no, it’s not Mom and Dad.”
“School?” she asks. I have a feeling she knows it’s not school, but she’s eliminating everything else. I shake my head, just answering her in gesture. “Work?”
“I don’t have a job. I dance virtually every afternoon.”
“Dance then?” I shake my head again. “Any problems with bullying at school?”
“No.”
“I see. It must be a problem with the opposite sex, or the same sex.”
Trying to contain my smile, I shrug my shoulders. “It’s a boy,” I finally say after a few seconds of silence.
“Is he trying to pressure you to have sex?”
“Oh my God, no! Nothing like that. It feels like he’s declaring his love for me.”
“You’re a sensible girl, Alice. Does it feel like it’s a manipulation tactic to get you to have sex with him?”
Keeping my eyes on the floor, I think about her question. “I’ve never had a boyfriend before, so I don’t know anything about manipulation. But I’ve watched Becky all our lives and I think I’d know if someone is trying to manipulate me.”
“What’s the problem then?” she asks. “He’s not pressuring you into sex, it doesn’t feel like he’s manipulating you, I don’t see the issue. Will your parents not like him?”
I chuckle at her question. “He’s picked on me since we were six years old. He ignored me for a while, and now, suddenly he’s back and trying to be a part of my life.”
“How?” Miss King asks me. She takes her long hair out of her ponytail and reties it. I watch as she carefully, quickly fixes her hair. “What’s he done that shows you he’s trying?”
“He’s called me, asked me how my ballet exam went. He knows some ballet terms. And at the beginning of lunch, he announced to all my friends that he’s serious and isn’t going to . . .” I pause for a second because it’s embarrassing saying the next part aloud. “He said he’s going to stop having sex with other girls and he’s going to tell them all to back off.” Oh my gosh, how damn awkward! I feel the redness in my face as I say the words.
“Okay.”
I look at Miss King and wait for more than just ‘okay.’ “Is that all you have to say? Shouldn’t you be offering me advice and telling me to use a condom when I do have sex with him?”
Miss King’s eyebrows shoot up and she tilts her head to the side. She’s a fairly young teacher, and all the students like her. She makes a very conscious effort to make you comfortable around her, and she never really reacts in a condescending judgmental way. “Seems you like him too.”
I shrug, but a smile pulls at my lips. “He’s alright,” I answer.
“Alright? Judging by your pink cheeks and that cheeky smile, I think you like him.”
I shake my head at Miss King. “I shouldn’t like him. He’s been a thorn in my side for as long as I can remember. He’s always picked on me, saying horrible things. He used to call me ‘germ girl.’” I half chuckle, although really there’s nothing funny about bullying.
“It used to be said that if a boy teased you, he liked you. But now, we try to stamp that out from a young age, because there’s been a lot of controversy surrounding it.”
“Huh?” I look at Miss King in question. What on earth is she going on about?
She sits forward and smiles at me. “I’m babbling, aren’t I?” My eyebrows lift and I slowly nod my head. “Let’s just say this, forget about the past. Forget about how he used to be, look at how he is now. We all change from being kids to young adults, then again as we enter adulthood. We keep evolving; it’s human nature. If you can see he’s evolving positively, then there’s no reason not to give him an opportunity to prove himself now.”
Screwing my nose up, I’m not sure I like where she’s going with this. “I don’t know,” I say as I play with my fingers.
“I’m not saying you should go out with him, or do anything with him. All I’m saying is watch his behavior. If you see cracks in what he’s said to you, then you know he’s not entirely honorable and truthful in how he feels toward you.”
Nodding my head, I look down to my pointe shoes and play with the ends of the ribbons. “I suppose,” I manage to say after a few seconds of intense pause.
“There’s no need to rush into anything. And, if he does pressure you to do anything, or you see him doing something you don’t like, then you know he was saying whatever he could just so he could have sex with you.”
Shrugging my shoulders, I remain quiet but think about Miss King’s words. She’s right. I can give Elijah a chance, but I’ll keep my eyes and ears open. If he’s serious about me, then I won’t hear rumors about him. “Yeah, I suppose,” I finally say as her words sink in. “I can let things play out and see where it goes.”
Miss King stands and offers me her hand to pull me up. She’s smiling at me and I can tell by her face, she’s satisfied with our conversation. “That’s all you can do. Unless you want to rush into it with him.”
Dusting my hands over my butt to get any flecks of dirt off me, I shake my head and smile. “I’m not that kind of person.”
“Happy to hear. Now I believe you need a pass because you’ve missed class.”
My shoulders droop because I know Mr. Nicholls, my math teacher, will be pissed off at me for not attending his class. “Oh yeah, Mr. Nicholls,” I sigh, defeated.
“Come to my room and I’ll give you a slip. I’ll let you get changed first.” Miss King heads off toward her office and I go get changed out of my sweaty ballet clothes.
When I get to Mr. Nicholls’s math class, I hand him the note, and he looks at it with a scowl on his face. He huffs once, and with disappointed eyes, he points his finger toward where I usually sit.
I head over to my seat beside Becky’s and slide in quietly. Her long hair is creating a veil over her face, which means she hasn’t seen me yet. When I take my pen out of my bag, her head snaps to the side. “Where were you?” she asks in a grumbly tone.
“Dancing.” I look over to Mr. Nicholls whose scowl has grown. “Shh,” I shush Becky but keep my eyes on Mr. Nicholls.
Becky’s gaze follows mine, and she notices the intent look he’s giving both of us. When he looks back down to his tablet, Becky leans over and smacks me in the arm. “You can’t do shit like that, Alice.”
“What?” I pretend I have no idea what she’s talking about.
“You took off, and you went to dance without even telling me what’s going on.”
“You were grilling, Elijah,” I angrily spit toward her. “It was humiliating.”
“Both of us.”
“He was handling it well, and besides, I’ve got your back. I’ll always have it.”
I huff out in frustration. “Whatever, but next time . . .”
“Miss Menzies and Miss Brackman, do you two care to share the intense conversation you’re having?” Mr. Nicholls calls from the front of the class from above his thick, black-rimmed glasses.
“No, sir,” I say and duck my head down so he can’t see the rapidly rising red in my cheeks.
“No, sir,” Becky answers straight after me.
“Then I suspect the only thing I’ll hear from the two of you for the rest of this class, is nothing?” he questions sarcastically. “Which means I expect quiet.”
Keeping my head down, I nod my response.
There’s only a few minutes left of the class and I ignore Becky’s angry stare. I know she’s sitting there glaring at me, her annoyance vibrating off her body. I know her so well.
“Stop it,” I whisper to her while looking up at Mr. Nicholls to make sure he doesn’t hear me.
Becky brings her hand up to her face, and with two fingers points to her eyes, then points to me. A small smile stretches across my face, and I can’t help but love Becky for being Becky.
The bell sounds and Becky abruptly stands and lightly punches me in the arm. “What the hell was that for?” I say rubbing the spot where she’s hit me.
“You walked off.” She moves out of the way so I can stand. “You shouldn’t have walked off.”
“You embarrassed me, and not to mention you embarrassed Elijah too.”
“I don’t give a rat’s ass about Elijah. He’s not my best friend or sister. I care about you. And if he thinks for one moment he can try and screw with you, then he needs to know you come with an army. Me.” She proudly points to herself.
“I can take care of myself, Becky,” I snap, still humiliated by her earlier interrogation of Elijah.
We walk out of class together, and Becky slings her arm over my shoulder. “I never said you couldn’t. What I was saying is you don’t have to. He hurts you, I cripple him.”
Dying Wish Page 6