“We did.” My heart beats frantically as I grab onto the door handle. “We can do this.”
This is the hardest thing I’ve done in a long time, besides saying goodbye to my sister. Taking the steps up to the Brackman’s home is tearing me up on the inside.
Before I know it, Elijah is standing next to my open door, his hand extended to me. “Don’t over-think this, Becky.”
Right, don’t over-think this. He’s so right, I shouldn’t be thinking about the ‘what ifs.’ I regret not coming here months ago, but time stands still for no one. I need to move on.
I take his hand, and we head up to Alice’s house. Elijah’s holding my hand, not in a romantic way, but like a best friend. He’s doing it so I can lean on him for strength. He’s such a good guy. He was perfect for Alice. She deserved the absolute best, and she found it in Elijah.
When Elijah knocks on the door, I tighten my hold on his hand. His is warm and slightly sweaty. I look at him, and smile.
The door opens and we come face to face with Mrs. B. My God, she’s lost so much weight. She has dark bags beneath her eyes and her hair looks so lifeless and limp. Her eyes land on us, and the moment she sees us, a huge smile lights up her entire face. Even the darkness in her eyes disappears.
“Becky!” she cries and wraps me in her arms. “My girl.” She holds me tightly, smoothing my hair down and hugging me so tightly it’s almost painful. But I don’t care, because I need this so much. And I know if I need it, she does too.
I hear her breathing change into something fast, followed by sobs. “I’ve missed you so much,” I whisper.
“My girl. My beautiful girl.” She lets me go, and stands back, with her hands on my shoulders. “You look so gorgeous.” She then turns to Elijah, grabs hold of him and smashes his tall frame into her body.
I watch with a smile as he closes his eyes and leans into her. When she lets him go, she steps back. Her simple smile already makes her look so much better. “You’re as handsome as ever.”
“Thank you,” Elijah replies, the tips of his ears turning pink.
“Come in, come in.” She ushers us inside, and the moment the door closes she hooks her arm through mine and drags me in close to her.
With us inside, the familiar surroundings hit me hard in the chest. Like a lightning bolt striking, twisting inside my heart, I clutch at my breast and gasp. It still smells like Alice.
Mrs. B notices my reaction, and graciously doesn’t respond, but the tears in her eyes and her shoulders drooping tells me it hurts her so much more than it does me.
“Darling, we have guests,” she calls out to Mr. B.
Quickly I drop my hand, ashamed of my blatant reaction. I look around the room and see all the pictures of Alice. There are more than there were the last time I was here. There’s even a large picture of Alice and me together, hugging and smiling into the camera. I walk over to the photo and pick it up, a smile slowly creeping across my face because I remember when we took this picture. It was at Alley-cat’s sixteenth birthday.
Her mom and dad took us to Hawaii for a vacation, and to celebrate her birthday. Alice said she didn’t want a party, so her parents took us to Hawaii instead. Shame fills me even more, because they’ve done so much for me, and I haven’t been able to keep my promise to Alice.
“Becky?” I hear the deep tone of Mr. B’s voice call to me.
Placing the picture down, I turn and I’m met with a man who sounds like Mr. B, he even resembles him, but his hair has completely receded, and he has the darkest bags beneath his eyes. “Mr. B,” I say trying not to let my voice reveal my shock.
He opens his arms, accepting me—like always—and waits for a hug. Which makes me feel even worse because I’ve stayed away for so long.
“I’m so happy you’re here,” he whispers into my ear.
They’re like my second parents. Mrs. B is like my own mom.
“I’m sorry it took me so long,” I say holding tightly. “I was consumed with stupidity.”
Mr. B lets me go, and although his eyes are glistening, he manages to crack a smile. “It’s okay.” He winks at me. “We’ve all fallen victim to stupidity at some time in our lives. Lucky you noticed it now and didn’t leave it for too long.”
Elijah clears his throat and we both turn to look at him. “Sir,” he holds his hand out to Mr. B.
“Elijah, son.” He looks at his extended hand, shakes his head and embraces him.
“Would you two like a drink?” Mrs. B asks from somewhere behind us. We all turn to look at her; her face so hopeful and full of life. Even though we’ve only been here for a few minutes, already the mood inside has changed. It’s more uplifting.
I have a sick feeling Mr. and Mrs. B have been housebound, only leaving to go to work. The sadness in their eyes is obvious, it’s reflected in the black of their clothes. They’re still mourning, I suspect they always will be, to some degree.
“I’d love one,” Elijah says and moves to sit on the sofa.
“I’d like one too,” I say sitting two spaces away from Elijah.
“How are things?” Mr. B asks as he sits in a chair he brings in from the kitchen. “How have you two been?” He looks at me, then Elijah.
Sneaking a look over at Elijah, I see by the way he’s squeezing his hands together that neither of us have the courage to tell him the truth.
Mrs. B brings in a tray with a pitcher of iced tea and four tall glasses. She looks at us, then over to Mr. B. The panic on her face is obvious. “How’s school?” she asks, breaking the tension in the room.
“Good,” Elijah and I answer in unison.
“Tell me about Triple Threats? How’s it going with them?” she asks as she pours each of us a drink and hands it to us.
Man, this is much harder than I thought it was going to be. I sip on the drink, and gather my strength to tell her the truth. “I um . . .” Sip. “They’re giving me some time off.”
Mr. B lowers his glass and stares at his wife for a brief second before turning to look at me. “Are you telling me you’ve laid down your guitar?” his tone is serious and this scares me.
“I um . . . I’m taking a break from them and from music,” I say ‘music’ in such a small voice it’s almost impossible for the human ear to have heard it.
“Becky,” Mr. B starts. I’m in for it now. “You love that guitar almost as much as you loved my daughter.”
Rip. My heart tears in two. “I know. It’s been hard, that’s all. I’ve lost the passion I once had. I still teach at the school, but I have no desire to play again.”
Mrs. B lifts her eyebrows at me, then takes a sip of her drink. “Such a shame,” she says. “A talent like yours isn’t something that should be thrown away.” I know she’s saying it out of love, not out of spite or resentment. “Maybe the music has died in your heart. But I’m sure, in time, you’ll find it again.” She smiles at me, followed by a small, quick wink. “Tell me, Elijah, how are you doing with school?”
As I look down at the glass in my hand, I see Elijah shuffle in his seat. “It’s good. But Dad’s teaching me everything about the body shop, and I’ll be going to work for him once school’s finished.”
“No college?” Mr. B asks.
“Mike.” Mrs. B gives him a look that tells him not to ask questions like that.
“I’m simply asking. You’re not going to go to college when you finish?”
“No, I’m going to do what Dad does, and maybe one day he’ll open another business and I’ll run that one for him.”
“Is that what you want to do?” he pushes Elijah.
“There was a part of me, a long time ago, that wanted to get into the music industry.” I swing around to look at Elijah. How the hell did I not know this about him? “But that’s all over now.”
“Huh,” Mr. B huffs. “Maybe when Becky finds the love she had for the guitar, you two can somehow work together.” He shrugs and looks to Mrs. B.
“Mike and I were going to order p
izza tonight. Why don’t you two stay for dinner?”
“We were?” Mr. B asks. His wife gives him a look. The ‘look’ a woman gives her clueless husband. “Oh, yeah, we were. Why don’t you two stay? We’d love the company and there’s no way Nicki and I can eat an entire pie on our own.”
“Yes, stay,” Mrs. B says eagerly.
I look to Elijah, and smile at him, leaving it up to him as to whether we should stay or not. “We’d love to,” he answers on behalf of both of us.
I breathe out a sigh of relief. I’m glad he said yes, because I would’ve felt terrible, like I’m not honoring Alice’s wish to make sure her parents are okay.
“Excellent, I’ll go order it.” She jumps up and heads into the kitchen.
The conversation for the rest of the night isn’t so bad. Actually, it’s easy. I can tell Mr. and Mrs. B were both desperately in need of our visit, maybe as much as Elijah and I were.
The visit hurt my heart. Hell, I’d even go as far as to say it hurt my soul. But I think I would’ve kicked myself and felt even worse if we hadn’t gone to see them.
As I climb into bed, I feel like I’ve made a tiny step toward recovering from the loss of my beautiful sister, Alice.
She was insane. A few days ago when we were going to Mike and Nicki’s house, Becky wanted me to turn back so she could change out of the jeans she was wearing because they were Alice’s. She thought the Brackman’s might have been upset or disappointed. But in fact, I think they were so pleased to see us that they couldn’t care less what she was wearing.
As I lie in bed, I can’t help but think about Alice. I was consumed by her timeless beauty, her absolutely pure heart, and her sheer selflessness. She was, without a doubt, the most awe-inspiring person I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing.
She made everything better. She made me want to be better. I felt like I had to always try to make sure I was worthy of her. There’s no other word to describe Alice but perfect.
Since she’s been gone, I haven’t looked at anyone else. No mindless sex, no dates, nothing. I can’t bring myself to even gaze at anyone. When I hear someone laugh, all I hear is Alice’s infectious giggle. I love how when she’d laugh hard, she’d snort, which would then make her laugh even harder. Unfortunately, I only heard that a handful of times before she . . .
I close my eyes tightly and turn on my side facing my wall. My mind doesn’t want to go to sleep. It’s telling me to get out of bed, and go to Alice’s tree.
As much as I don’t want to listen to my head, the persistent nagging isn’t easing. The more I try to ignore it, the more restless I become; tossing and turning.
“Fuck this,” I sigh as I throw the covers off me and lay in the darkness, staring up at my stark ceiling. I take a deep breath, frustrated with my stupid mind for not wanting to go to sleep. Leaning over I grab my phone and check the time. Two in the freaking morning. “Ugh,” I grumble as I stand and grab my jeans.
I quickly get dressed and head out of the house quietly. No one, other than Becky, knows I go to Alice’s tree in the middle of night. They’d all think it was lame. Not that I care what they think. It’s none of their damn business.
Alice’s house isn’t too far from mine, just a few blocks over. When I go over in the middle of the night, I tend to jog, electing to leave my car at home. It’s safer that way—no one can hear me.
It takes me about twelve minutes, and when I get there I find the side gate slightly ajar. Scrunching my brows together, I quietly enter the backyard.
When I round the side of the house, I make out a blonde sitting on the bench under the tree.
“Hey,” I say in a low voice.
She’s not even surprised to see me here. “Hey,” she responds and sits on her hands.
Beside the trunk of the tree are two bottles of water and a small battery operated candle. I sit beside her on the bench seat and look at the candle. “What’s this?” I ask and point to the offerings.
She shrugs, and chuckles. “I didn’t bring them. They were already here.”
“Huh.” I look toward the back of the house, and it may be my paranoia, but I swear I see a dark figure looking out the window. “Do you think Nicki put these out here for us?”
“I can’t imagine anyone else would.”
“They know we’ve been coming here then.”
“I’d assume so.”
“I wonder why neither said anything the other night?” Becky shrugs again and looks at the water.
“Who knows? But I think it’s sweet.”
“Yeah.” There’s a silence between us. “What are you doing here?” I finally ask.
She half chuckles. “I was going to ask you the same question. I was in bed, and I couldn’t sleep. I was tossing and turning, and my stupid brain kept telling me to come here.”
Looking at her and I shake my head. “Me too.”
Becky breaks out into a laugh, it’s quiet enough so she won’t wake anyone but loud enough for my own smile to pull across my face. “What’s so funny?”
“I know this is gonna seem crazy and all, but do you think Alice made us restless so we’d both come here?”
Yep, crazy. But I’m also smart enough to never tell a woman she’s crazy. I value my life way too much. “Not at all.” I think about protecting my balls in case she thinks I’m being sarcastic. Which of course, I am. “Maybe she did.” I try to sound convincing.
Becky swings her head around to look at me, her eyebrows are raised high and her mouth is now pursed together into a tight line. I discreetly move my hands down to cup myself. Becky’s eyes flick to my groin, and I instinctively flinch. Call it self-preservation.
“So,” I start saying trying to change the direction of this conversation. “Mike and Nicki.”
Becky nods her head, but her face is telling a different story. It takes a few seconds, and thankfully she lets it go. “I was thinking about something.”
“What’s that?” The mood goes back to light and easy.
“We should ask them if they want to come and ride the elephant with us. I’m sure Nicki would’ve found the bucket list, and I think they’d be hurt if we went and did something on it without asking them if they want to be part of it.”
I nod my head and think about what Becky’s said. She makes a good point. If anyone loves Alice as much as us, it’s her parents. “I think that’s a great idea.” Becky’s smile makes her skin radiate with kindness. She comes across as a tough-ass chick, but I think beneath that hard exterior, she’s got a very large heart.
“I’ll call them in the morning and let them know. Hey, I gotta say, I’m really excited about riding an elephant. I’ve been doing some research on them and they’re so gentle. I think Alice would’ve loved to be with us.” She smiles, and I notice when she says Alice’s name, there’s not so much sadness.
Becky lets out a huge yawn, then rubs her eyes. Taking my phone out of my pocket, I check on the time and see we’ve been here for nearly an hour. “I’ll walk you home,” I say as I stand and reach for her hand to pull her up.
“Thanks.” She places her small hand in mine, and allows me to help her up. She then looks at the two bottles of water. “What should we do with them?” She pointedly moves her eyes to me then back to the water.
“We’ll leave them on the bench.” I bend and scoop them up, placing them on the seat.
We leave the backyard quietly, and head toward Becky’s home. “I’ve said it before, this neighborhood is safe. You don’t need to walk me home.”
“It’s on my way.” I’d hate myself if something happened to her.
“Whatever. I’d karate chop anyone who’d try anything.” She bends her knees and brings her hands up in a rigid karate pose.
“Seriously? You think that scowl on your face and the pathetic attempt at karate would stop someone from picking you up and dragging you into a car?”
“It’s not pathetic. I’ll have you know Alice and I watched a lot of Jackie Chan movies
. We have moves.” She relaxes out of the karate pose, only to jut her hip out and place her hand on it. “I can take you down, like that.” She snaps her fingers at me.
I can’t help but roar with laughter. Thank God we’re in the street now, because my laughter would’ve woken Alice’s parents. “Yeah, okay.” I start walking again, still laughing.
“Are you laughing at me?” Her footsteps aren’t as light as she runs toward me.
“Yep,” I turn my head to look at her over my shoulder.
“I can karate chop you as well as any master.” Her tone is getting more frustrated, which of course makes me laugh even more. She’s a handful.
“It’s so cute that you think so.” I shove my hands in my pockets and keep walking.
I hear her gasp from behind me. “Right!” Then I hear her charge toward me.
I run ahead of her, making her speed up, but she’s still not able to catch me. “Stop running away, I need to karate chop you.”
“A real master of karate wouldn’t be telling me to stop running.”
I turn and start running backward, and see she’s stopped in the middle of the road. “Come back here.” She stomps her foot and crosses her arms in front of her chest.
“So you can karate chop me?” I ask a good twenty feet away.
“Yes!” She pouts at me, making me laugh even more.
I stop walking, and run for her. Her eyes bulge out of her head, and she starts laughing as she tries to get away from me. I get to her easily, lean down and swing her over my shoulder. I’ve got my arms tightly around her legs and she’s laughing as I march her up the street. “I thought you were a master karate chopper,” I say as I walk toward her house.
“Put me down and I’ll show you how much of a karate expert I am.” She pounds on my back with her tiny fists. She’s not hurting me, instead, she’s making me laugh even louder.
“Come on, Jackie . . . show me what you’ve got.” She tries kicking at me, but my arms tighten around her. Her struggle quickly disappears. “I thought so,” I mumble. “Master, my ass.”
Dying Wish Page 29