Dying Wish

by Margaret McHeyzer

  “Yeah.” I look out the side window and let out a deep breath. Stupid, Becky . . .

  We get to a small restaurant on the main street in about fifteen minutes. Mike parks, and we get a spot right behind him.

  I get out of the car, angry at myself for letting my feelings get in the way of friendship. I’m such an idiot.

  “This place makes the meanest pizza in Florida,” Nicki says as she points to an incredibly bland building.

  “Does it?” I ask as I look the building up and down.

  “It’s open from lunch ’til late, and Alice used to love this place.” Nicki’s face lights up even more when she talks about Alice.

  “She never told me about it,” I reply, surprised Alice kept a secret from me.

  “You came with us once, when you were about nine.” Nicki slings her arm over my shoulder and we walk inside.

  “What? No I didn’t.” I don’t remember. But I look around the restaurant, stunned to find how busy it is inside. And how plain the décor is, too. “Are you sure?” I ask as I turn to Nicki.

  “Nicki, Mike, I haven’t seen you in a long time. Where’s Alice?” a small, smiling older woman asks while assessing me and Elijah.

  Shit, she doesn’t know.

  The old lady grabs Nicki, and gives her a kiss on each cheek, then moves over to Mike and does the same thing. Her accent is strong, it sounds European. I look to Elijah, and he’s gone pale, much like how I imagine I look to everyone.

  The old lady looks at us all, her eyes wide with worry. “Alice passed away six months ago,” Mike says.

  The old lady gasps, and dabs her forehead, her chest, and both shoulders, making an imaginary cross. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know,” she says in a small voice. She looks around her, flustered and obviously embarrassed.

  “We’re getting through it,” Mike offers her a kind word.

  “Sit, sit.” She gestures toward the back where there’s an unoccupied table. When we’ve all been seated, she looks at Nicki, who’s having a hard time. Nicki wipes at a tear then turns her head, hoping no one will notice. “I bring you out two pizzas? Yes?” the old lady asks. I can tell this conversation is forced, but then again, what can she say?

  “Thank you,” Nicki responds with a gentle smile.

  The old lady heads out the back and we’re all teetering on the edge of sadness. “We didn’t think this through too well,” Mike says.

  “Fuck,” Elijah mumbles from beside me.

  Clasping my hands beneath the table, I try and calm my rapidly beating heart. We’re all on the verge of tears. The heaviness in my heart is about to erupt. Elijah grabs my hand under the table and squeezes it.

  Looking over to him, he’s watching me, his gray eyes studying me. “Okay?” he asks and gives me a head nod.

  “Perfect.” Not perfect. Not even close. But if I cry, Nicki will cry because her eyes are already glistening, and this day will be ruined.

  “Maya shit,” Elijah says loudly.

  Ever been watching a movie where the room is so loud and you’re trying to say something important, only to yell it and the entire room goes quiet that very moment? Yeah, that’s exactly how Elijah’s words are delivered. The whole restaurant goes quiet. You can hear a pin drop. Every person in here turns to look at Elijah, myself included. His face rapidly erupts into flames. His eyes widen, his cheeks burn with embarrassment and he slowly turns to gaze around the restaurant.

  “Well, who wants chocolate cake?” Mike asks.

  The ridiculousness of this scenario sends Nicki over the edge. She starts laughing, accompanied with tears, which I suspect is the sadness escaping. “I can’t believe I said that so loudly.” Elijah leans his elbow on the table and hides his face behind his palm.

  “It’s all good, son.” Mike claps a hand to Elijah’s back and squeezes his shoulder.

  When the noise picks up again, and Elijah’s face returns to his normal shade, he leans over to Nicki and Mike and whispers, “I’m so sorry. I’m not even sure what came over me.”

  Nicki shakes her head at him, her face now lighter and not so set in sadness. “It was needed.”

  The little old lady comes out a good fifteen minutes later carrying two trays with pizza. She places them on the table, but doesn’t make eye contact with Nicki and Mike again. She tells us to enjoy our lunch, then hurriedly leaves, heading back to the kitchen.

  Nicki is the first in there to get a piece, followed by Mike.

  “Here.” Elijah grabs one of the trays and slides it over to me.

  “You have some.” I pointedly look at the pie then him.

  “Ladies first.” He smiles and my heart flips . . . again. Oh my God, he has a dimple when he smiles. How have I never noticed that before?

  “Thank you.” I grab a slice and start to eat.

  “Nicki and I have been talking, and we know you young kids wouldn’t really want to hang out with us oldies, but we’d like you to know how much we enjoyed having you kids over the other night. And we’d like to extend an invitation to come over whenever you’d like,” Mike says as he leans back in his seat and runs his hand over Nicki’s back.

  “It made us feel good,” Nicki adds. “It brought some life back to us. Almost like we have a purpose.” She blinks a few times. “But please, don’t think you have to come over all the time. Maybe once every few months or so . . . but only if you want. No pressure.”

  “Well, Becky and I talked about the same thing. And we’d like to come over every other week on a Sunday for lunch. If you’d have us?” Elijah speaks for both of us.

  We hadn’t discussed how often, but I love Nicki and Mike as if they’re my own parents. Nicki is everything I hope my Mom was to me. She’s the perfect mom, exactly how I imagine mine would have been.

  “We’d love for you kids to come every other week. If you can’t make it, it’s okay, we’re just so thrilled you’d want to hang out with us!” Nicki squeals. She looks to Mike who looks genuinely happy and Nicki goes back to eating, with a huge smile.

  My heart swells when I see what we’ve done today. I’m positive Alice would be reveling in this, basking in happiness.

  We were supposed to go to Mike and Nicki’s house every other week, but as it turns out we’ve been going every week for the last month and a half. They love having us over, and Becky and I enjoy going.

  The day we rode Maya, something shifted between Becky and myself. She’s been more distant with me, and it’s sending me crazy.

  That day, I almost kissed her. Fuck, what’s wrong with my head? We were on Maya and she told me she was scared of falling, so I held her to make sure she wasn’t going to tumble. She looked back at me, with her huge brown eyes begging me to kiss her. God, I wanted to so badly. Thankfully, Maya’s shitting broke the crazy spell Becky was putting me under.

  But I’ve noticed a huge shift between us since then. We hang out, but Becky’s backed right off. She gives me minimal answers, doesn’t make eye contact with me, and when I text her I always get short replies.

  It’s coming up to the end of the school year. There are only a few weeks left before we finish.

  I take myself to the cafeteria and grab something to eat, then head outside. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I’m in a shit mood, and I’m afraid I’ll snap at some innocent son of a bitch.

  I manage to sneak past Jacki and Amelia. I wish Jacki would leave me the hell alone. She’s always texting me and telling me I can come over whenever I want, we don’t have to do anything, just talk. But I don’t want to ‘talk’ to her, she’s not the kind of girl I want to ‘talk’ with.

  Sitting on the bottom bench of the bleachers, I contemplate eating; but I’m not in the mood. Truthfully, I’m confused. My head and heart are telling me there’s something wrong with Becky.

  I want to talk to her and find out exactly why she’s been so distant. But at the same time, I don’t, because I feel like I’d be betraying Alice.

  “Fuck it,” I mumble to myself as I ta
ke my phone out of my pocket and shoot a text over to Becky.

  Where are you? I ask.

  Around.

  Wanna talk about Alice’s bucket list?

  Sure.

  I’m out the back on the bleachers.

  Okay.

  She makes me want to throw my phone in frustration. But I keep it together and wait for her to come over.

  Just as I go to put my phone away in my pocket, I get another text:

  Actually, come over to mine L8R. I can’t now.

  OK. C U 2nite

  I put my phone away, even more irritated now because if I know her, she’s going to try to avoid me altogether. Running my hand through my hair, I groan in frustration. She’s killing me. I stand and pace in front of the bleachers, I feel like smashing something. She’s getting under my skin, and it’s making me crazy.

  I pull my phone out of my pocket and send her another message:

  What time?

  5

  Considering I’m aware of her schedule, I know she’s teaching tonight, and she’s going to use that as an excuse to cancel. But I also know she finishes at seven. So I’m going to show up at the school where she teaches guitar and I’m going to take her home. We need to talk, because whatever is going on between us is crazy.

  And after Alice passed away, I can’t deal with crazy anymore. I need normal, and I need her to be in my life.

  Becky and I share a connection, something deeper than friends, and to let that go isn’t right. Whatever her problem is with me, we need to get it sorted. I suspect she’s probably weirded out with me for almost kissing her. I do understand though, it’s not right to be attracted to her.

  I send her another text:

  C U @ 5

  I don’t receive another text back, instead I plan my confrontation for when I see her tonight.

  Sure enough Becky did what I thought she would. She cancelled. Now I’m sitting outside the place where she teaches music, waiting for her to finish. I’d been giving her a lift whenever her Dad couldn’t take her or when he needed the car, but she hasn’t asked me since the day we went riding Maya.

  I see her dad pull into the lot to wait for her. So I get out of my car and walk over to him.

  He rolls down the window with a confused look on his face when I approach him. “Are you bringing Becky home? She didn’t tell me,” he asks.

  “That would be right, trust her to not tell you.” I pray my lie works.

  “It’s okay. Tell her I’ve gone to work. There’s money on the table for her to get lunch tomorrow and dinner tonight. Thanks for taking her home, Elijah.”

  “I’ll pass the message on.”

  He rolls his window up, and leaves. Good, my plan is working . . . so far.

  I go and sit in my car, waiting for her to come out.

  Listening to music, I lean my head against the back rest and keep my eyes on the door. I don’t want her to come out, look for her Dad, then call him to see where he is.

  It doesn’t take long before the door opens and students filter through. I get out of the car and go stand beside the door to wait for her.

  Becky comes out and doesn’t initially see me. “Becky.” I reach out to touch her arm.

  Becky yells and jumps back simultaneously. “You scared me half to death.” She clutches her chest and breathes erratically.

  The sight of her flushed face and wide eyes makes me break out into a smile. I try to contain it, but I’m hopeless at pretending. “Sorry,” I mumble. Not really.

  “Sorry, my ass, jerk. You did that on purpose.” Becky smacks me one on the arm.

  “Hey, for a chick you can hit.” I rub the spot where she’s hit me faking how hurt I am.

  Her eyebrows lift defiantly, and she tilts her head to the side. “For a chick? Do you want to see my ninja skills? I’ve threatened you before. I can so karate chop you.” She brings her hands up to hit me while her eyes narrow, warning me.

  “Hey.” I hold my hands up in front of me. “No karate chopping is necessary.”

  Becky drops her hands, but her posture is still stiff. “What are you doing here?” She looks around the parking lot.

  “I’m taking you home.”

  “Nah, Dad should be here soon.” She checks the car park again.

  “About that. He said he’s going to work and there’s money on the table for you to get dinner and lunch tomorrow.”

  Becky’s shoulders drop dramatically. “And he got you to come pick me up?” There’s so much sadness in her voice.

  “Not exactly. I knew you didn’t want to talk to me, so I came down here. When your dad showed up, he was under the impression you forgot to tell him I was picking you up.”

  “And you didn’t correct him?” she snidely snaps.

  “No, I didn’t.”

  “Typical guy,” she mumbles under her breath. “Look, I gotta catch the bus home.”

  Ouch, talk about mega rejection. “I’ll give you a lift,” I say as I hold my hand out to take her backpack.

  Becky’s conflicted. It’s written all over her face. Her lips are mashed together into a thin line, her eyes have narrowed, and her shoulders are high with tension. “I um . . .” She’s grasping at straws.

  “Give me your backpack,” I demand, almost pulling it off her shoulder.

  “No, I can carry my own backpack.” She holds onto it tightly.

  “I’m taking you home, Becky, like it or not. And we’re going to talk about whatever is going on between us.”

  She takes a defiant step backward. “What if I don’t want you to take me home?” Man, this chick is killing me. Killing. Me!

  “Just get in the damn car, Becky,” I yell over my shoulder as I head to my car. Chicks.

  “Fine, but I’m coming under protest, and because my feet hurt and I don’t want to walk. And because I’m hungry and want to get home quickly so I can get some dinner. And because . . .”

  “I get it. You can stop talking now,” I say to her as I slide into the driver’s seat. I watch as she drags her feet to get to the car, and I know she’s doing that on purpose. She looks at me and snarls. I roll my eyes at her. She brings her hand up and scratches her nose with her middle finger, I shake my head. This could go on all night. “Hurry up!” I shout.

  “Fine!” she barks back and gets into the front seat.

  I head out of the parking area, and we drive toward her place. “Are you hungry?”

  “Yeah.” Here come the single word replies.

  “Do you feel like IHOP?” She nonchalantly shrugs at me. “Is that a yes, or a no?”

  “’Spose.”

  “I feel like IHOP, so we’re going to IHOP.”

  “Fine.”

  Gripping the steering wheel tightly, I breathe and count to ten. She’s so aggravating. But I keep quiet. God knows I don’t want to start an argument and have her jump out of my car while I’m doing thirty. And knowing how stubborn she is, I bet she’d do it just to spite me.

  We pull into the IHOP parking lot and Becky’s out of the car like a shot, power walking toward the entrance. I jog to catch up to her, and she looks at me sideways before pushing through the door.

  When we’re seated, she looks down at her phone, completely ignoring me.

  “What’s the deal?” I ask.

  “What deal?” She looks up for a second before looking back down.

  “What’s happened, Becky? You and I were good before the elephant ride, but since then you’ve been avoiding me.”

  “I have not!” her words don’t match her tone. Her eyes are hard, and her face flushes pink. I tilt my head at her, giving her a questioning look. Her shoulders slump and she nods her head. “Okay, maybe I have.”

  The waitress comes over to take our order, and I notice how Becky relaxes somewhat. When the waitress leaves, I remain quiet, though my eyes are on an evasive Becky. It takes the entire time until the waitress returns with our drinks for me to finally respond, “Why?”

  Becky’s brown
eyes are looking down at her drink. She’s swirling the straw around, still avoiding me. It takes her a few seconds to finally answer. “Because I don’t know how to handle everything.”

  That’s the most cryptic, though possibly the most honest sentence I’ve ever heard from her. “You mean Alice?” It’s the only thing I can think of that’s causing her to pull away from me.

  “Yeah . . . Alice.” Her delivery isn’t convincing, but it’s all she’s giving me.

  “Is there anything else?” I try and push her to tell me what’s really getting her down.

  “Nah, nothing else.” Her shoulders are hitched up high again. Chicks.

  “Then why aren’t we hanging out any more? Only when we go to Nicki and Mike’s are you kinda normal around me. Have I done something to you? Do I make you feel uncomfortable?” Give me something to work with.

  A small smile tugs up one side of her mouth and she mumbles something, it sounds like she’s said, ‘You have no idea.’ But her voice is so small, it’s inaudible. I decide to leave it alone. At least she’s sitting here with me. That’s a start, I guess.

  The waitress brings over our food and Becky inhales hers. “Where the hell do you put it?” I ask as I finish up my meal.

  “I was hungry.” She shrugs. “Girls can have appetites too, you know,” she sharply barks at me.

  “Hey, I’m all for chicks who eat. You’re not getting an argument out of me.”

  When I finish, Becky is up on her feet within seconds. “I’m tired. Can you take me home, please?” she asks.

  “Yeah.” I head over to pay our bill and then we leave.

  The entire trip back to her place is quiet, much like the awkward silence ever since I picked her up. We’ve talked about nothing much, and it’s beginning to irritate the fuck out of me. When we pull up in front of her place, I turn the car off and get out. “What are you doing?” she asks while assessing me.

  “I’m coming inside,” I respond.

  “Why?”

  “Because we’re going to talk about Alice’s bucket list and what we’re going to do next.” And I want to hang out with you and hopefully get to the bottom of why you’re acting so weird. I bet it’s because I almost kissed her. She’s disgusted with me.