Dying Wish

by Margaret McHeyzer

  The receptionist apologizes to me, but tells me there’s no two-bed rooms or cots available. Only the room we have, or we can spend more and get a suite. But that’s going to cost an extra two hundred and fifty a night, money neither of us have. Damn it, now I’m going to be forced to sleep in the bed with the guy I kinda like. And I definitely shouldn’t be liking him. That goes against the sister code.

  As I head back upstairs, I dread having this conversation with Elijah. But at the same time, I know it’s selfish of me to want him to be in bed with me even though I know nothing can ever happen between us.

  I slide my key in and come into the room. “So?” He stands from the bed and picks his bag up.

  “Looks like you’re stuck with me.”

  “Fuck,” he grumbles.

  Great, make me feel like a total loser. “Yeah, thanks,” I sarcastically bark at him. “I’m not that bad,” I add quietly.

  He runs his hand through his hair, then rubs the back of his neck. “It’s not you.” He sits back down on the edge of the bed and drops his head into his hands. “Trust me, Crest, it’s not you.”

  Sitting beside him, I put my hand on his thigh and squeeze. I want him to know I’ll be there for him, but in this case I don’t think talking is what he wants. The air crackles between us, it becomes stifling hot in the room and I start to fidget. But I still remain quiet. This isn’t a time to talk.

  I’m becoming uncomfortable with the intensity enveloping us. “Don’t tell me,” he says from behind his hands. “You’re hungry.”

  On cue, my stomach starts to grumble, although I wasn’t thinking about food. I was thinking about him and what I can do to comfort him. “Sounds like it.” I move my hand from his thigh, and walk over to the sliding door that opens to a small, quaint balcony.

  I give him a few minutes to get it together, before I go back in, but he beats me to it. As I’m leaning over the railing, looking out to the very small glimpse of the ocean I can see, I hear him come out.

  I don’t turn to look at him. Instead, I keep looking at the slice of the ocean wedged between two buildings. “You okay?” I ask in a soft voice.

  “Yeah, I am. I was being an idiot.”

  I know it’s not about me. Well I hope it’s not. “We should go get some dinner, and maybe go for a walk before bed. We’ve got tickets for the exhibition tomorrow and I want to get there early.”

  “Yeah, okay. Hey look, I’ll put the two armchairs together and sleep on that.”

  “Okay, if that’s what you want.” I’m hurt he doesn’t want to share the bed with me. My heart bleeds, but not because I was hoping something would happen between us, more because he’s obviously so revolted by me that he can’t bear the thought of sharing the bed.

  “Yeah, I think it’s for the best.”

  “Right.” I can’t stop the disappointment in my voice. I thought, if anything, we were friends.

  “What do you feel like eating?” he asks as he heads back inside.

  “Whatever.”

  “I’ll meet you back inside.” He closes the door and I stay, watching my limited view of the ocean.

  I can’t help but be hurt by him. Tears well up in my eyes and one even manages to escape. “Help me out, Alley-cat,” I whisper as I look up at the sky and pray my best friend sends me help.

  If I move over to the bed, I can’t trust that I won’t reach out and try to hold her. She’s driving me crazy with her sexy, sassy ways. Everything I say or do, she has a smartass remark for. And I love that about her.

  Instead, I’m stuck in this God damned chair, tossing and turning because my six-foot frame won’t fit. Every time I turn, the armchair under my legs moves away.

  “Damn it,” I mumble quietly as I sit up and move the armchair back. The moment I lie down, I try and pull the blanket up but instead I end up pushing the damned armchair away.

  “You’re a pain in the ass,” Becky says from over at the bed.

  Yeah she can say that, but she’s not offering to switch places. Not that I’d let her take these stupid armchairs. “Sorry,” I grumble as I fix the chair . . . again.

  She flicks on the light and sits up in bed. “This isn’t gonna work, and you know it. You’re way too tall to be sleeping on that.” She points to my makeshift bed. “And I’m way too stubborn to sleep there. And I’m not staying awake all night listening to you huffing and puffing because you can’t sleep. So get your ass in bed.”

  She’s already making a wall of pillows between us. “I’m not sleeping in there with you.” God, I know my hands will want to touch her. My mouth may even want to . . . snap out of it, Elijah.

  “Keep your hands to yourself, Mr. Sex-on-Legs and we won’t have a problem, got it?” She points her finger at me.

  “I promise not to touch you.” I hope I can get through these next three nights without touching her. I’ll sleep on my side away from her so then I can’t barrel through the stupid wall of pillows and drag her into me arms.

  “Good. Now lie down.” She’s so damn bossy.

  “No,” I cheekily retort. She ain’t telling me what to do.

  “Fine, don’t lie down. Sit up for all I care. But I’m going to sleep. Goodnight.” She turns the small lamp off, then I feel the bed dipping as she turns.

  “Goodnight,” I finally say, lying down too.

  As I start to drift off to sleep, I hear rustling coming from over Becky’s side of the room. I lay still, and try to listen to what it is. It sounds like crinkling of a foil packet. Sitting up in bed, I try to hone in on the sound. When I hear chewing, I turn the light on. “What?” Becky says with a mouth full of food.

  “Are you serious? You’re eating again?”

  “I’m hungry.” She shoves more into her mouth. “Weave me awone,” she says, chewing and speaking at the same time.

  “You’re unbelievable. How do you eat so much?”

  She holds her finger up, gesturing one minute, she chews and swallows then says, “I have a fast metabolism. Told you that already, I’m always hungry.”

  I shake my head at her and turn around, switching the light off. “Goodnight,” I say again.

  “Night.” Rustle . . . rustle . . . chew . . . rustle.

  Yep, she’s gonna drive me crazy.

  How do you sleep when the girl you want to hold is not even two feet away from you? You close your eyes, and try not to imagine how great she’d feel in your arms.

  Yep. Crazy.

  “Hey.” I feel someone nudging me. “Hey.” I open my eyes and notice I’m staring up at the crisp white ceiling.

  “What?” I groan in a rough, sleepy voice. Blinking like crazy, I try and wake myself up.

  “Did a tribe of mini-Indians crawl under the blankets and pitch a teepee?”

  I turn my head to look at her, “I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about.”

  She’s sitting cross-legged on the bed, looking cute as anything. Her blonde hair flops over her shoulder. “Really?” she asks. “You have no idea?”

  “I swear, it’s too damned early to be playing guessing games, Crest.”

  “Just don’t roll over, I don’t wanna lose an eye.”

  What the . . . oh fuck! Realization quickly overtakes me, and I roll to my side. I’m sporting a damned hard-on. “Crap, sorry.” I jump out of bed fast. And with my back to Becky, head to the bathroom and lock myself in, absolutely embarrassed.

  When I emerge into the bedroom, Becky’s sitting on the bed staring at her phone.

  “Hey, you okay?” I ask as I sit beside her.

  “This is going to sound crazy, but I feel like Alice should be here with us. This was something she wanted to do, and it kinda feels weird.” She shrugs. “I don’t know how to explain it, it’s just . . . I don’t know.” She huffs out a breath but keeps staring at her phone.

  My eyes travel down to the screen, and she’s staring at a message. “Who texted?” I ask.

  “It was the last message Alice sent me. Here, read it.
” She thrusts it at me. I take her phone and read the message. Like a sucker-punch to my heart, I keep my feelings to myself. The message is powerful, yet simple, it reads:

  Always be courageous and follow your heart. I’ll love you as much in death as I do in life.

  “She sent that to me just before she passed away. Even when she was about to die, she still thought of everyone else.”

  “She’s the most selfless person I’ve ever known,” I say to Becky, handing her phone back and draping my arm over her shoulder. Bringing her closer to me, I let her seek comfort. Today’s going to be an emotional day, and so will tomorrow. Becky doesn’t know what I have planned for her, and I have no intentions on telling her ahead of time.

  “She’s the most kind-hearted person I was ever lucky enough to meet.” She sighs and I feel her body loosen as I continue to hold her.

  Closing my eyes, I’m conflicted about how I feel. I want to hold on to Becky, to tilt her head back and kiss her softly, to be her strength. But my heart is ripping to shreds inside of me, because I feel like I’m betraying Alice. I love Alice with everything. She was the one girl who meant something to me, who made me want to be someone worthy of her.

  But all these irrational feelings are happening inside my head too. Because I don’t want to want Becky, but she feels so right. Even sitting here on the bed, we fit together perfectly. It’s like she was created for me. But am I betraying Alice?

  The turmoil is killing me. I don’t know what to do or say. I don’t want to risk losing her, but I don’t think I can live a lifetime without knowing if we were meant to be.

  Before I do something stupid, I gather all my strength and push Becky away from me. She looks up at me, from beneath her gorgeous, big brown eyes with the saddest expression. She’s silently questioning why I pushed her away, but I had to. Can’t she see? God damn it.

  “We have to get ready to go.” I get up off the bed and grab my jeans and a t-shirt.

  “Yeah, okay. I have to have a shower first.”

  “Yeah cool.” The air between us shifts, and suddenly it becomes stuffy and consuming. “I’ll go downstairs and see if I can get us a bagel or something. You okay with that?” I don’t even bother waiting for the answer, I need to get out of there. If I know she’s having a shower, the stupid part of me will want to go in there and join her.

  As I get to the elevator, I lean against the opposite wall and close my eyes.

  “Help me out, Alice,” I whisper. “Give me something to work with.”

  The doors open and I get in, hitting the button for the bottom floor. Even though it’s under two minutes before I’m exiting the hotel, I’m still plagued with thoughts of Becky in the shower, and consumed with guilt because I feel like I’m cheating on Alice.

  Ridiculous.

  But it’s how I’m feeling, and I can’t help it.

  The beach is only a minute’s walk, and when I get to it, the familiar salty sea breeze hits me hard. The beach feels like home to me. We’ve never lived near water, but there’s something strangely calming about being so close to it. Maybe it’s the ocean’s smell, or the salt on my lips when I lick them. All I know is it feels like home to me.

  Strolling along the sidewalk, I try to give my mind a break from all the insane thoughts bubbling away inside. Wanting Becky isn’t something I would ever have imagined happening, but the reality is, I do want her.

  A part of me, and I can’t tell you how large a part, is screaming at me that the love I have for Alice will never come again. I still love Alice with every blood cell, every beat of my heart, everything I am.

  Alice is gone, though. It rips my heart into pieces because I miss her so much. But I can’t deny it any longer. I’m developing strong feelings toward Becky.

  Becky is the complete opposite of Alice. Alice was selfless, beautiful and so, so gentle. Becky has those qualities sometimes. But she’s guarded around me. And her mouth . . . sweet Jesus, her mouth. She says things that to others could be quite offensive, but I know it’s her dry sense of humor. And let’s not even talk about the amount she eats. “You know, Alice, you could help me out,” I whisper and look out toward the calm, blue water. “I don’t know what to do.”

  Up ahead is a small café, and I head into it to get Becky and myself some breakfast.

  It’s been a good twenty minutes and I’m hoping she’s out of the shower by now. Balancing the tray holding two coffee cups in one hand, I have the paper bag with the bagels in the other. I bought an extra one, because knowing Becky she’ll be hungry five minutes after she’s eaten breakfast.

  Once I reach the hotel elevator, my juggling act becomes more difficult as I try to use my pinkie to press the button. Luckily, an older lady gets in the lift with me and notices how I’m struggling.

  “What floor?” she asks.

  “Two please.” She presses the button for me. “Thank you.” She looks at me and gives me a small smile before staring at the silver door.

  The next challenge is when I get back to the room. Instead of me trying to fish the card out, I use my elbow to knock.

  “Hey,” Becky answers the door and steps aside. “Yum, food. I’m so hungry.”

  I chuckle. When isn’t she hungry? “I got you a coffee too, but it occurred to me that I have no idea what kind of coffee you like. So I went with a white chocolate mocha, I hope that’s cool?”

  “You got me a white chocolate mocha? Seriously? Why would you get me that?” She takes a sip of her coffee, then opens the paper bag with the bagel. “Oh, blueberry with cream cheese.” She looks at what I’ve brought up.

  “You strike me as a white chocolate mocha drinker, not a regular plain black coffee girl.”

  “Why is there three?” She points to the other two bagels. “And, just so you know; this coffee is the only coffee I drink.”

  Score one for Elijah. A tingle of happiness shivers up my spine. “I bought an extra bagel for you, because you’re always hungry.”

  She goes to open her mouth to take a bite of her bagel, but closes it and stares straight at me. “You bought an extra bagel for me?”

  “Yeah, you’re always eating, I knew you’d be hungry thirty-six seconds after you finish breakfast.” I take a sip of my coffee, and start in on my bagel.

  “Thirty-six seconds? Come on, give me some credit.” She’s already almost finished her first bagel. “More like an hour or two.”

  “And hour or two? You’ve got like only four bites left of that bagel, and I bet you’ll be eating the second one the moment you’ve inhaled the first.” She looks at me, mouth gaping open, and her eyes narrow at me. “Intimidation isn’t going to work on me, Crest.”

  “Huh, just to prove you wrong, after this bagel, I’m not going to eat until lunch.”

  “Which is hours away,” I make a point of saying.

  She eats her last bite of the bagel, chews it then swallows. She’s frowning, with her lips pursed together. “I foresee a major problem.”

  I’m still eating my bagel, not even halfway through it, and I can already see her eyeing the bagel she’s vowed not to eat. “I foresee a problem too. You want to eat this, but you’re so damn stubborn, you won’t.”

  She looks at the bagel, then back to me. “Nope.” She pulls her shoulders back and lifts her head high. “I’m going to brush my teeth before we leave.” She heads into the bathroom, and I finish my breakfast.

  “Hey,” I yell once I’m done. “We’ve got to get going.”

  She opens the door, looking cute as anything, and grabs her bag. “I’m good to go.”

  “Let’s go. Do you know what museum it’s at?” I ask as we head out of the room.

  “Yeah, nah.” She starts playing on her phone.

  “Is that a yes or a no? I’m not quite up to speed on Becky speak.”

  “I know the name, but have no idea how to get there. That’s why I’m looking it up, so we can get directions.” We get to the elevator, and I press the button to go down to the ground
floor. “Wait, I forgot something, you go ahead, I’ll catch up with you downstairs.” She runs back to the room.

  “Okay then,” I call to her retreating back. “I’ll meet you downstairs.” I know she didn’t hear me, because I can’t even see her anymore.

  I take the elevator down, and sit at one of the small sofas waiting for her. I take my phone out of my pocket, and let Mom know what we’re doing today. When I hear the ‘ding’ of the elevator doors opening, I look up to see Becky bouncing toward me. “I’m ready.” She smiles. “And it’s not too far from here. We can either drive, or walk. The walk is about fifteen minutes, the drive about three or four. But, it’s up to you.”

  I look up at the sky, and notice there’s not one dark cloud up there. If we walk, I know it won’t rain so she won’t get wet. But if we walk, she’ll be complaining about how hungry she is and we’ll need to stop every two hundred yards for her to get something to eat. “Better if we drive,” I say

  “Okay,” she says happily and bounces off toward the car.

  I swear, it’s like she’s on drugs, she’s happy and chirpy. “You’re acting weird.” I thought she might be teary and shit, like she was last night. “What’s gotten into you?” I unlock the car and get in.

  She clicks her seat belt in and turns to look at me. “I thought I was going to be emotional, but I’m not. I’m actually really happy, because this is something Alice wanted to do and I’m so damn proud we can do it for her.”

  “Kind of. We’re not actually going to touch a pyramid, but maybe being there is one step closer to ticking it off her bucket list.”

  “Yeah,” she says with a happy sigh.

  I pull out into the street and Becky tells me where to turn to get to the museum. When we get there, I notice the obvious change in her demeanor. She’s still excited, but she keeps wiping her palms down her shorts. “You okay?” I ask, turning the car off.

  “Yeah, I know this is crazy, but it’s like I feel closer to her. It’s like . . .” She looks around the car, “She’s coming with us.”

  “I . . .”

  She interrupts me by saying, “Can I ask you for a favor?”