Dying Wish

by Margaret McHeyzer

  She stares into my eyes, and is about to kiss me again. “Not more than I love you,” I whisper and draw her back in to once again connect our souls.

  I’ve loved two women in my life. One was taken from me when we had only just begun. But she helped me find the second, the one who’ll own my heart until the day it stops beating.

  When you know you’re meant to be together, age becomes a mere number. One that when mentioned, means nothing.

  Standing in Nicki and Mike’s room, I check my cuff links, a present from Dad. He said his dad gave them to him when he got married, and they have been passed down in his family from one generation to the next. He said they were filled with luck, because there has never been a Turner divorce in over ninety years. Quite a feat in this day and age.

  However, I know it doesn’t matter if I wear the cuff links or not. What Becky and I have is something a rare few get to experience in life. We found our love for each other through my first love, and Becky’s best friend.

  Alice gave Becky and myself the most magical of gifts. She gave us the gift of life with love. If it wasn’t for Alice, neither Becky nor I would be getting ready to be married in less than half an hour.

  “Knock-knock,” Nicki says as she carefully opens the door to her room.

  “Come in.”

  She enters her room, and gasps when she sees me. “Wow, aren’t you a handsome young man?” she says as she grasps both my hands and squeezes them.

  I smile at her. “Thank you.”

  “Are you nervous?” she asks.

  Strangely, no. I’m not nervous because I know Becky and I are meant to be. “Not one little bit.” I smile again.

  “Come sit.” She holds my hand and takes me over to her bed.

  “Thank you for letting us get married here. Alice’s tree means so much to Becky and me.”

  “We wouldn’t have it any other way. I think Alice would have loved being here today.” Her eyes become red and she holds in a sob.

  “I…” I choke up, I don’t know what to say.

  Nicki holds her hand up to me and shakes her head. “It’s been three years since she passed away, and I know with all my heart, how much you still love her.” She clasps at her chest and smiles, though a few tears fall. “I know how much she loved you, and Becky. She loved you both with more heart, with more soul then anyone I’ve ever known.”

  I fumble with my chain, and stroke my thumb over the key. “Alice will always be in my heart. She’s the love of my life.”

  “Yes, sweetheart, just like you were hers.” She wipes at the wet skin beneath her eyes.

  I know Nicki and Mike are happy for us. They were the first to congratulate us, and they didn’t bat an eyelid when we asked if we could get married under Alice’s tree.

  “I’ve found a new home for my heart, Nicki, and it belongs to Becky now.”

  “I’ve never doubted how you felt for my daughter. Either of them.” Nicki has been a mom to Becky ever since Becky’s Mom passed away. She stands, cups my face in her warm palms and places a kiss on my cheek. “They were both lucky to have found you.”

  Man, my heart fills with respect and love for her. She’s one of the strongest and most courageous women I’ve ever met. “Thank you, but I’m the lucky one to have them — and you — in my life.”

  Nicki begins to leave, but stops just short of the door. She straightens her back and gives me one of the most beautiful, motherly smiles. “You know, funny thing about fate,” she says. “Sometimes we just know there are people who belong together. I knew it with you and Alice, and I knew it with you and Becky.”

  “Thank you. For you to say that means the world to me.”

  She takes an envelope out of her pants pocket and holds it out to me. “Alice also knew you and Becky were destined to be together. She made me promise to give you this when you two married. She knew, Elijah. This isn’t just fate. This is so much more than that.”

  I stand, walk over, and take the envelope out of her hand. My eyes instantly recognize Alice’s elegant writing. My name is scrawled perfectly on the envelope. She must’ve written this on one of her better days. Tears spring to my eyes, but I hold them in as I turn the envelope over in my hands.

  “Thank you,” I whisper, though my voice is croaky.

  “Just remember, Elijah. Alice is only one thought away.” Nicki closes the door and leaves me staring at the envelope.

  My heart beats rapidly while my palms sweat. I know what’s in this envelope is filled with love. Because it’s from my girl, Alice.

  Who says white is what should be worn by the bride? I’m the furthest thing from traditional. Standing in Alice’s room I stare at a photo of us together after one of her ballet recitals. We’ve got our faces smashed together so tightly you can barely identify any of our features.

  “I remember this,” I say as I carefully run my finger over her face. “You were being a drama queen the day before your recital, because you thought you sucked. So I took your ballet shoes and hid them. You remember that?” I ask and let out a small laugh. “You were so consumed by finding your shoes that you forgot all about the nerves. It was only half an hour before you went up on stage that I gave them back to you. You told me you hated me and punched me in the arm.” I laugh again, tears filling my eyes, making them sting.

  “I love you so much, Alley-cat. There’s no way we were going to get married if you weren’t with us. Thank you for sharing this day with us. Every year on our anniversary, we’re going to sing happy birthday to you and we’re going to know you’ll be with us every moment.”

  A huge lump is sitting in my throat, my nose is running, and tears are now falling freely. “Do you remember the first night I snuck in here? It was the night Mom died. You didn’t tell me to go away, you let me in. We’ve been soul sisters ever since.”

  “I remember that night too.” I turn to see Nicki leaning against the door jamb watching me. Her eyes move down my body, taking me in and smiles.

  “Do you know what Alice has taught me over the years?”

  Nicki walks over to me and swings her arm around my waist. “What?” She leans over and plucks a couple of tissues, and wipes at my tears, then hers.

  “She taught me to be courageous. It’s okay to go after what you want, as long as you truly want it.”

  “My girls.” She gives me a kiss on the cheek. “I’ve never been as proud of someone as I am of you right now, Becky. You’ve become a beautiful, brave woman, who has the most amazing heart.”

  Tears are still falling as I hug her tightly. “Nicki, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you for a long time.”

  “What is it?”

  “I’d be humbled if you’d allow me to call you Mom. You’ve been my Mom since I was eight years old, and I’d feel privileged if you would let me give you the title you deserve.”

  “Sweet girl, you’ll always be my own daughter. I’m honored to call you my daughter, and for you to call me your Mom.” She had told me many times to call her Mom, but it never seemed right, until now.

  She hugs me again as we both share in this moment. A connection she’ll never be able to have with Alice, but one she can share with me.

  “Are you ready?” she asks.

  “I’ve never been more ready.”

  She looks out the window and smiles. “You look beautiful. I love this color on you.”

  I look down to my cocktail dress, and smooth it with my hands. “When I saw it, I knew I had to have it. The color is the same shade of blue as Alice’s eyes.”

  “It is.” She takes a deep breath and adds, “You know before Alice passed away, she made me promise her something.”

  I look over to Nicki, who’s smiling at me. I chuckle, because that sounds exactly like Alice. “She was always so selfless, but in a way, it sounds exactly like her.”

  She takes an envelope out of the pant suit she’s wearing. “She told me the day you and Elijah got married, I had to give you this.” She holds
an envelope out to me.

  “Wait, what? She knew?” I ask. With trembling hands, I slowly reach out and take the envelope.

  “We all knew.” She stands and straightens her pants. “Your father is outside. When you’re ready, he is too.”

  “Thank you,” I reply, though my eyes are stuck on this letter. When I hear the door click shut, I almost rip the letter open to read it. But I know, whatever is in it, is written with love and I choose not to open it until I’m with Elijah.

  Gathering my strength, I stand and walk to the door.

  Closing my eyes, I take several deep breaths. Then I open them and reach for my bouquet of daisies. Holding the letter in my hand, I walk out and find Dad waiting for me.

  “You look beautiful,” Dad says as he stands from the sofa.

  “Thank you.” I walk over to him and he offers me his elbow to hold on to.

  “Let’s get my girl married.”

  We walk out, and we’re greeted by our guests, who are all waiting for me.

  Looking up, under Alice’s tree, I see Elijah standing beneath the luxurious canopy of leaves. I had no nerves about marrying him or even about marrying him young. Now, I want to run to him, throw myself in his arms and hurry this moment up.

  When we reach the tree, Dad kisses me on the cheek and goes to sit on one of the white chairs lined up beneath the tree.

  “You look beautiful,” Elijah says.

  He’s wearing a long sleeve button down shirt, black pants and black shoes. His key proudly displayed around his neck, my heart sitting prominently on my chest.

  “Wait,” Elijah says looking at the celebrant.

  She looks to me, her eyes wide with fear. But I’m not worried, not one bit.

  “Would you like me to give you a moment?” she nervously asks.

  “Just one.” Elijah holds up a finger, links our hands together and whisks us behind the tree so no one can hear us. “You’re so beautiful.” He leans down and kisses me.

  “I think you’re supposed to wait until she pronounces us husband and wife before you do that.” I let out a small giggle.

  “I wanted to tell you something.”

  “What?” I look into his gray eyes, and all I can see is love and happiness.

  “Alice left me a letter.”

  “Oh my God.” I clutch mine in my hand. “Me too.” I show him the envelope.

  “What do you think, instead of reading our vows we read her letters?”

  I can’t possibly love him any more than I do. It’s physically impossible for any more love to fill my heart, but somehow, in this moment, it happens. My heartbeat is pounding, not from nerves or anxiety, but because I love him so much. “Perfect,” I whisper.

  “Great.” He triumphantly smiles. “Let’s get married.” He gives me a small peck on the lips, then links our fingers and leads me back. The celebrant is standing to the side, looking really worried. Elijah walks over to her, and tells her what we’re going to do. Instantly relief washes over her while a huge smile lights up her face.

  They both come back to under the tree, and Elijah takes his place beside me.

  “Well, that was exciting,” the celebrant says, and the small crowd chuckles. She begins the ceremony. Her words about love, commitment and the sanctuary of what marriage offers is nothing short of perfect.

  “Rebecca and Elijah had some vows written, but I believe they’re going to do something else instead. Rebecca, care to start?”

  I look to Elijah, and hand my flowers to Mom, who’s sitting in the front row. My hands are shaking, but I know this is the right thing to do. “This is a letter my best friend, my sister, wrote for me before she passed away.” I clear my throat and open the single page of crisp white paper.

  ”To my sister, best friend, and soul mate, Becky,

  “They say you can only have one soul mate in your life, but I know that’s not true. My life has been full. It’s been perfect, and I know it’s because you’ve been in it ever since I can remember. There’s not one memory I have that you’re not a part of. We were going to grow up, move out and share an apartment together. You’d only be home sometimes, because you’d be a big rock star out on tour, and I’d be the principal ballerina at the American Ballet Theatre.

  “That was how our life was supposed to be.

  “That was our plan. To be together, no matter what happened.”

  Tears are falling from my eyes, and I need a few seconds to find the courage to push on with the letter. I look over to Mom, and she’s crying big fat, ugly tears too. I offer her a smile, and she returns it and gives me a small nod of the head. Elijah touches my hand, and squeezes it.

  Clearing my throat, I continue with the letter.

  ”Plans don’t always work out the way we want them. I don’t want to die, but I know it’s my time to go.

  “I want you to know, I’ll always be in your heart, as you’ll always be in mine. When you and Elijah are out together, look for a beautiful leaf gliding through the sky, and know I’m always with you.”

  I sob at her words. I can’t control the tears as they stream down my eyes. Elijah steps in and hugs me as he kisses my forehead.

  “I can do this,” I say when I pull myself together.

  “Yes, you can. Because our best friend is here with us.” He taps the paper, then adds, “…and here.” He places his palm over his heart. He smiles at me then embraces me tightly against his body.

  I look at the paper trembling in my hands and continue reading, repeating the last line.

  “When you and Elijah are out together, look for a beautiful leaf gliding through the sky, and know I’m always with you. Because my dying wish is to make sure you and Elijah find each other in this crazy thing called life.”

  Suddenly the most amazing thing happens as I’m reading the letter Alice has left for me.

  A perfectly green leaf falls from her tree and lands on top of her precious words.

  My darling Elijah,

  You’re reading this, which means my wish has come true.

  Elijah, I’m so in love with you and I have to thank you. You’re an incredible man, who’s stayed by my side through everything.

  My heart does and will always belong to you. With every single breath I take, my soul grows fuller with love. I’m so lucky to have you in my life, and I’m so thankful for how passionately you love me.

  In my heart I’m hoping one day, you’ll love Becky. Considering today you’re getting married, I know she’s found her way to your heart.

  As I’m writing this, it sounds crazy, but I can see it. You two are perfect for each other. You both have this intense connection that’s undeniable.

  I wish it’s me standing next to you, exchanging words of love, and making a commitment, although I know that can never be. It makes me happy to know you and Becky have found love with each other. You two are destined to be together.

  Love her as fiercely as you love me. Treat her the way you treat me. Hold her the way you hold me. If there’s anyone in this world who deserves to be loved the way you love me, it’s Becky.

  You’re a good man, Elijah Turner. You’ll always have a part of me with you.

  As you exchange your vows, know I’m in heaven, looking down at you two and smiling. My heart is now full, because my dying wish is for you to find love again, with the one woman I know will love you until her last breath.

  It’s almost time for me to say goodbye. I know, because I can feel it in my body. And I’m going to die knowing in my heart, that one day soon you and Becky will be together.

  Protect her, Elijah and know she will always love you.

  My last heartbeat will be for you.

  When I take my final breath, your love will stay with me.

  Until we meet again . . .

  Alice.

  To my sister, best friend and soul mate, Becky,

  They say you can only have one soul mate in your life, but I know that’s not true. My life has been full. It’s been perfect,
and I know it’s because you’ve been in it ever since I can remember. There’s not one memory I have that you’re not a part of. We were going to grow up, move out and share an apartment together. You’d only be home sometimes, because you’d be a big rock star out on tour, and I’d be the principal ballerina at the American Ballet Theatre.

  That was how our life was supposed to be. That was our plan. To be together, no matter what happened. Plans don’t always work out the way we want them. I don’t want to die, but I know it’s my time to go.

  I want you to know, I’ll always be in your heart, as you’ll always be in mine. When you and Elijah are out together, look for a beautiful leaf gliding through the sky, and know I’m always with you.

  Because my dying wish is to make sure you and Elijah find each other in this crazy thing called life.

  I wish I could be with you today, to tell you how beautiful you look and how proud of you I am.

  You two are my best friends, and I want you to know that nothing makes me happier than the thought of you going through life together. Make memories with him, Becky. Grow old holding hands, and kiss him every day.

  I’m so lucky to have you in my life.

  I love you so much.

  I’ll always be with you . . .

  Alley-cat

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  You’ve been by my side

  As little girls

  In our precious world

  With cheeky smiles

  You held my hand

  We played under your tree together

  Now you’re gone, now you’re gone

  You always knew what to do

  What to say,

  How to dress,

  How I miss your smile

  You’ve been by my side