“He didn’t deceive you, Sam; he had to go. Did you notice any marks, scars, burns any-where?”
“How’d you know? Let me guess. You read my mind again?”
“Sam…. It’s just what they do.”
“Why? What for?” I touched where the doctor found the puncture wounds behind my ears.
“It’s an implant. Jordan says it has something to do with a tracking device.”
“Why didn’t it show up on the CT scan or MRI?”
“It wouldn’t, it’s undetectable.”
I thought back to Area 51, where the government had held Lucien. It seemed like a life time ago, or maybe I mean a nightmare ago.
“Why would they want to track me?”
He hesitated. “To keep an eye on you. You have Lucien’s DNA coursing through your veins now.”
“Huh…?”
“They put one of those in me? What they took out of Lucien at Area 51 when he was kidnapped?”
Cassiel nodded. “Let me see.”
He took a moment to inspect the puncture wounds that were well into the healing phase. “Clean cut, almost perfect in dimension and diameter. A highly-advanced surgical instrument made these.”
“Can you take it out?”
“I don’t think so. Maybe,” he sighed. “Jordan can take a look at it. Just wait and see. Maybe it’s not that simple a task.”
“What else did they do?”
“I’m not sure, possibly something to make you forget.” He took hold of my shoulders. I didn’t believe him; he wasn’t telling me everything.
“I don’t feel normal…I can’t remember….” I felt like I was suffocating.
“You’re overreacting.”
“If they wanted me to forget, why didn’t they make me forget about Lucien?” I fell to my knees. “Why didn’t they take my memory of him?”
“I will never stop loving you, Samantha Hunter,” Lucien had said. I remembered that much. Staring into the sky at the empty spot where Lucien had been, I couldn’t believe he was gone. I could pretend it wasn’t true, but Cassiel was there to remind me.
“I can take your memory of him,” Cassiel suggested.
“No, don’t.”
An icy breeze blew by me like a kiss of betrayal; an aftereffect of what was once Lucien. It started to snow more heavily. I blinked, suddenly aware that Cassiel was kneeling beside me.
“What happened? What really happened to me, Cassiel? How did I get back?”
“The same way they took you—through the light.”
“I was naked and bleeding. They found me at the Ranger Station that way.”
“Sam….”
My eyes met his. “What do you see?” I whispered. “Why did they take my clothes? What did they do to me? I can’t stand this.”
“You really don’t recall anything? They erased everything?” Cassiel asked. “You said you were bleeding.”
“My nose, ears, just about everywhere.”
His eyes narrowed and he looked away into the snowy sky. “Not good.”
“What did they do?”
“I have my suspicions. It’s not going to help matters if you know.”
“I have to know.”
“Your memory is completely wiped out, it seems. Maybe it’s for the best.”
“I have flashes of memory. You know what they did, don’t you, Cassiel?” I tried to remember. “There were lights and sounds, nothing like I’ve ever heard. I remember floating through a tunnel into a blue beam of light.”
“Let me try and help you remember.” Cassiel used his hands like Lucien did when he helped me remember the crash. He pressed his palms to my forehead.
The words just came. “They speak to me. But I don’t hear with my ears; it’s as though the words are in my head—like whoever has me says thoughts—which aren’t my thoughts. I see their hands pass in front of me, touching me. My God! I’m on a table with no clothes on whatsoever. I can’t move—and for some reason, I’m not scared. I’m not supposed to talk about what I’m seeing. That’s why they took my memories.”
Cassiel removed his hands and backed up.
“Why didn’t you stay on the mountainside with me? They don’t believe what they did was wrong. It’s normal for them. It’s all they know. They have their reasons for what they do,” he said in a whisper.
“Of course you’re going to defend them. You’re one of them,” I snapped.
“Biologically, yes, but, Samantha, I never knew them. They’re strangers to me. I know them no more than you do.”
I clutched the icy substance beneath my fingers with such force that my fingernails cut into my palms and heat escaped.
Cassiel took my bloody, cold hands from the snow and held them. He put his leather jacket around my shoulders, then unbuttoned and removed his white shirt to wrap around my hands. I wanted to pull away, but I couldn’t resist. He was all that was left of Lucien.
I met Cassiel’s dark gray eyes for a moment and then looked past him to the spot where Lucien and I had disappeared into the beam of bluish light. I tried to stand, but my feet were stuck awkwardly to the ground and my legs wouldn’t bear my weight. I was rooted in a familiar cold place I knew all too well as Lucien’s words reverberated in the air surrounding me. “Never stop loving you.”
“Why did they bring me back?”
“I don’t know.”
“Will I ever see him again?” My eyes brimmed with tears.
“You will,” Cassiel said. “He’s not really gone.”
He held me until I felt grounded. Patience wasn’t his virtue, but with his help, I gradually stood on my own. My eyes were heavy and tired.
“Go home, Sam. Can you drive?”
I nodded and we trudged back to my car. If it hadn’t been for Cassiel, I would have collapsed and froze to death. He pulled me along to my car as if I were a rag doll. I paused as he opened the driver’s door, and took his shirt from my hands. I turned back once more to look at the spot where Lucien and I had disappeared.
Cassiel helped me in the Mustang and shut the door, pausing a moment until I started the car. I watched him get in his Jeep. He waited for me to pull out and followed close behind.
5 The Betrayal
Time stood still as I drove home. All I felt was betrayal. After all that we’d been through, Lucien was gone. Or had he ever existed? Was it all a dream, or was my sanity in question once again? I drove the Mustang into the driveway. Squeezing my eyes shut, I held in the tears that welled there and rested my head against the steering wheel. I thought about the last time I had felt this badly: last April. I recovered, but this time, I wasn’t so sure I could. Lucien, the person who sustained me through the grief, was now the one causing my sorrow.
Cassiel didn’t say a word as he climbed into the car and shut the door. I shut the engine off. We sat there a moment, neither of us talking. Cassiel reached over and took my hand.
“How are your hands?” he asked softly.
I looked outside at the glimmering white night. It felt surreal, like I was dreaming.
He let go of my hand. “Samantha, I’m sorry this happened to you, you of all people….” His voice faltered. “You have to understand why it had to be this way. Lucien didn’t know it was going to happen that night. It all happened so fast. It wasn’t until the last minute that any of us knew. The Wormhole isn’t an exact science.”
“The Wormhole?”
“A window in which time and space have no boundaries. It was either that night or wait for the next opportune moment, whenever that would be.”
I didn’t believe him.
“Samantha, you didn’t think your little romance was going to last a lifetime, did you?”
“How dare you! You wanted this. How can you sit there pretending you’re my friend?” My head throbbed from
the sudden rush of blood. It seemed unreal that anything could seem human.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I thought we were past this hostility. I would never hurt you,” he said. “Lucien had to go. He was the most rational choice. If he had stayed, who knows what may have developed with Banth and Dejaha? They’re not ones to mess with.”
I sat there for a few moments, thinking.
“You betrayed me, Cassiel. You are no better than Lucien. You should’ve warned me. All of you—Jordan, Michael, everyone except me knew that Lucien was leaving. He made me believe we had a future.”
“Samantha, you must’ve had some clue,” he sneered.
“A clue? I hate you, and I hate Lucien!”
“What kind of future would you two have had, anyway? What would you have done when you started to get old and Lucien still looked like he did on the day he met you?”
“I never thought about that.”
“Don’t you think Lucien thought of it?”
“So, you’re telling me he left because I was going to get old?”
“That’s just a small part of why he left. He saw how complicated it made your life. The Alliance had to make things right. A government official was killed.”
I remembered that night on Halloween when we were being tailgated. We were nearly killed. Lucien took the blame.
“But Lucien didn’t kill him. I was there.”
“It doesn’t matter. He was involved.”
I opened the car door and was about to climb out when Cassiel took hold of my arm. “Samantha, wait.”
With all the strength I could muster, I pulled away from his grip. I rushed toward the house, sliding on the ice-covered driveway. Damn snow! I thought it didn’t snow in New Mexico. I’ve been wrong about many things, haven’t I?
“Sam?”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Cassiel standing outside of the Jeep, holding the door. I trotted to the house, leaving him behind.
“Sam, don’t do this.”
I took my keys out of my purse and fidgeted with the lock. I tried to place the key into the tiny hole, but my hands were too shaky.
“Sam, wait,” Cassiel said, walking up behind me. “It doesn’t have to be this way. We can figure something out. Maybe there’s a way to get him to come back. We can work some-thing out with Banth and Dejaha.”
I halted a moment, listening to him.
“You don’t get it,” I said without turning. “He chose to leave. He doesn’t want to come back.”
6 Finn
I leaned against the door and wept silently. I wiped my eyes and went into the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water, then stood by the window above the sink, gazing out into the darkness. The light from the Jeep caught my eye. I watched the snow begin to cover the windshield. After a few moments, the Jeep’s headlights beamed. I took a deep breath and rinsed out the glass, then noticed a note on the refrigerator:
Samantha Hunter,
For Christ’s sake! I go to the store and you take off? I don’t like you pulling a stunt like this. Call me as soon you get in!
Dad
***
The TV was blaring in the living room. I hit the switch and dragged myself up the stairs. I crawled into my bed, not bothering to undress. Before my head hit the pillow, my phone rang. It was Dad. I somehow managed to explain where I had gone even though I didn’t tell him the truth.
Later that night as I tossed and turned, I began to think of Lucien. I thought of his beautifully luminous eyes and the fullness of his lips, the boyish dimple in his chin, and the incredible, mischievous grin.
“Lucien, where are you?”
My head throbbed once again with exhaustion. I had never experienced such a gut-wrenching pain that burrowed so deeply through my veins. Was it normal to feel this way, or did some cosmic force somehow curse me? I felt worse now than when Finn died.
“Are you going to feel sorry for yourself forever?”
I opened my eyes wide but didn’t move. Finn.
“You big wuss. I never thought I’d see the day my sister would have a pity party.” One of the accent pillows from my bed went flying by my head. “Darn, I missed.”
I sat up to look, not believing my ears.
“Finn?”
He was there, as clear as my reflection, standing at the foot of my bed.
“Seriously, Sis, you’re making me sick to my stomach with all your feel-sorry-for-me shit.”
“How is this possible? You don’t look like the vision on the mountainside.”
“Because I’m not a vision.” Finn pushed my covers away and sat next to me.
“What are you doing here? You’re dead.”
“Tell me something I don’t already know,” he laughed.
I wasn’t as amused.
“I don’t get it. Why is this happening?”
“Because you had to find a boyfriend from outer space.”
I jumped out of bed and scrambled to the bathroom and tore open the medicine cabinet. Finn followed.
“There aren’t any. You threw them out.”
I pushed past him and looked under the bed.
“Not there,” he said, laughing.
I pulled open my dresser drawers and searched.
“Sam, stop. You’re not crazy. You don’t need any Xanax. I’m real.”
“Okay, so now I see dead people?”
“You have the blood of an alien in your cells now. What did you expect?”
“My cells? Like my eyes and my hair?”
“Have you looked in the mirror lately?”
“Why?”
I rushed to my vanity mirror. “Oh, my God. My eyes. They’re like Lucien’s eyes.”
“You’re going to keep changing until you are no longer human, and with that comes special gifts. One of yours is to see dead people.”
“I’m not so sure that’s a gift.”
“Don’t worry. You’re not going to see every dead person who walks the earth. Only me. I think it’s because we’re twins and shared the same womb. But I’m a newbie, who knows for sure.”
“Can I see Mom?”
“I think you can see who you want to see. If you really want to. I just came to tell you to get your shit together, Sis. I gotta go now.”
“You’re leaving? You just got here.”
As quickly as he had appeared, he was gone.
***
I normally say a prayer before I close my eyes to sleep, but it was not a night for counting my blessings. It was a night when every loss I had ever experienced came rushing back. I wanted Lucien lying next to me like he was the night before the Christmas solstice. I wanted to laugh off my fears of never seeing him or hearing his roguish laughter again. I wanted Finn back with me, and not as a ghost.
Why did they send me back?
My nightmares were full of images and probing shadows. Some moments were filled with intense pain, others were blissful. Each night, more and more was revealed, but I never saw the shadows’ faces. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, but still not a word from Lucien or his family. The rumor at school was that he had decided to be homeschooled like the rest of his family. Dad gave up asking me what had happened between Lucien and me. I was tired of making excuses for why he didn’t come around anymore. He stopped asking me about that night when the ranger found me naked. The police stopped coming around, too. Every night I would go outside to look at the heavens, searching for a supernatural sign from Lucien telling me that he was coming back. Just blackness and stars. Would I have to wait for each equinox until I would see Lucien again, or would I ever see him again?
7 The Slip
I slipped and ordered Klonopin on the internet. Not my best decision, but without a prescription, I didn’t have much of a choice. It’s amazing what you can
find on the internet. If I really wanted to, I could buy a two-headed cat on Amazon. I didn’t even hear Dad come into the living room. I was cuddled up on the couch with a blanket Nana had knitted.
“Sam, I have office hours. You want to tag along?”
“What?”
“You want to come with me to the office? We can grab dinner afterward.”
“Do you believe in life after death?” I asked, not looking at him.
“Where’s that coming from?”
“Never mind.”
“Well? Do you want to come with me?”
“No.”
He turned and left. A moment later he poked his head back in the doorway to the living room. “Why didn’t I notice before?”
“What?”
“Your eyes. They’re not mismatched anymore.”
He stepped more closely, staring.
I had to make something up. And quickly. “Dad, they’ve been like this. Since the hospital.”
“They have?”
“I know. They look sort of like zombie eyes. Should I get colored contacts?”
“No. But they remind me of that no-good-for-nothing ex-boyfriend of yours.” He paused, then turned and left again.
A few moments later he came back. “Yes, I believe in life after death. There has to be.”
***
Dad shouldn’t have left his Ativan on his nightstand. He should have known that I would check there first. It was careless of him. I took one too many last night. I never made it downstairs today. After the morning that Finn made his appearance, I lost track of time. I think it was mid-January. A definite chill filled the air.
The long monochrome of winter caused a bleak shadow over my bedroom, reminding me of that cold December day. I looked at the undraped window frame from where I lay in the security of my covers. Tiny crystal-shaped ice stars formed on the windowpane. For the first time in years, New Mexico had record-breaking snow. For the last couple of days, blizzard conditions had kept Dad home from work, and school had been closed. My room felt like an icebox. No matter how many blankets I piled on my bed, the chill crept through to my bones. I was content staying curled up in a ball on my bed all day. What I really wanted was to disappear. Something happened to me when the light overshadowed Lucien and me. Whoever took me and brought me back did something. I wasn’t the same. Cassiel knew, but he wasn’t talking.
Equinox (Beyond Moondust Trilogy Book 2) Page 2