Let's Face It

by Jodi R. Moore

  Today was an if only kind of day—the kind I had imagined in my mind. The conversation. The hug. The feelings. The if only came . . . and went.

  It just wasn’t real.

  As I waited for Charlie, I realized Sean would’ve never left his parents’ barbeque to pick me up at the beach—even if he was already going out to get more ice. He never would’ve invited me to a barbeque in the first place.

  Charlie waved as his sister pulled the car over to the curb. There were a bunch of cars waiting behind her so I quickly got in the back seat.

  Thankfully, he didn’t ask me how it went with Sean since I wasn’t sure I was ready to talk about it. Instead, he told me how glad he was that I could come and about some of the people I might meet at the barbeque.

  “Is your Uncle Terry there?” I knew it was a long-shot, but Charlie had invited him when we were at lunch and there were so many more questions I had for him. Especially after seeing his name on the sticky note in Dr. Lee’s lab.

  “I’m still hoping he might show up,” Charlie said.

  “Really?” his sister said. I could tell by the way she said it that she didn’t think he would come.

  She turned off the main road down a narrow, twisty street lined with lush trees. The estates were set back so far from the road that most of the time you couldn’t even see them behind their gates.

  The driveway she pulled into lead to a house straight out of a storybook, the kind that I used to draw in kindergarten with a long trapezoid roof and lots of windows.

  As his sister got out of the car, I suddenly felt underdressed and couldn’t believe I was showing up to the barbeque in a tank top and rolled-up cargo shorts covered in beach grime. Charlie had his polo shirt tucked in and was actually wearing a belt—which I don’t think he even wore at work. His sister had a cute sundress on with high-heeled sandals. I sort of didn’t want to get out of the car, but there was no turning back.

  “I feel so sandy.” I grabbed my beach bag out of the back seat and closed the door.

  “You can rinse off in the guest bathroom if you want,” Charlie said. “There’s a sneaky way upstairs through the kitchen. I’ll show you.”

  His sister got her purse out of the back seat. “I have a bunch of clothes in the guest room that I keep around for my friends. You can borrow anything you want,” she said.

  “Are you sure?” It was really nice of her to offer considering she just met me.

  “Yeah, that’s what they’re there for. I’ve got makeup in the drawers and hair products too—I just throw stuff in there after I’ve gotten something I’m not sure I really like.”

  “She’s so nice,” I whispered to Charlie as we walked closer to the door. And suddenly I remembered, “Charlie, you left the ice in the trunk.”

  “What ice?” his sister said, looking at me funny. We hadn’t stopped to get ice, but I figured they must’ve gotten it before they picked me up.

  Charlie looked a little flustered. “Um, we didn’t end up needing it.”

  “Why would we need ice?” Charlie’s sister said to him. “We have a caterer.”

  Charlie didn’t answer. He just opened the door and walked me up the kitchen stairs to the guest room. He said he’d wait for me in another room down the hall and pointed towards the door so I’d know where to find him when I was finished getting ready.

  His sister had more clothes for her friends to borrow than I even owned. She had all different sizes of outfits hanging neatly in the closet with matching shoes set in cubbies at the bottom of the closet.

  I rinsed my feet off in the shower with the detachable showerhead and washed my face. Then I took out my ponytail and brushed out my hair with a wide-toothed comb from one of the drawers. The salty beach air always made my hair puff out, but as I shook it out it kind of looked good with the wave in it.

  When Charlie’s sister first mentioned borrowing clothes, I didn’t really expect to do it. But now that I was seeing what she had, and realized she had things in my size, it seemed like a much better idea than wearing my shorts. I found a nice, casual dress with a green and white leaf pattern, and it matched the sandals I was wearing.

  After I quickly went back in the bathroom and put on some makeup, I gave myself one final glance-over in the mirror and then set my beach bag in the corner, before going to find Charlie.

  I heard a quiet drumming before I opened the door, realizing that the room was mostly soundproof as Charlie jammed on his drums along with music blaring from the speakers. I quickly closed the door behind me, even though most of the guests were outside and probably wouldn’t have been able to hear anyway.

  He kept playing, and I sat down on a little couch to watch. I had never seen someone play like that along to a song I knew. His whole body moved as his legs stomped on the kick drum while his arms knew exactly where to go to get the right sound, and bring out the energy in the music. His hands were moving so fast, each doing their own thing but yet it was like they were dancing together.

  Watching Charlie play the drums was like getting to see a whole other side of him that I could tell he wanted me to see. It was different than listening to his drum solo ringtones, I could feel him feeling the music. And I was feeling it, too.

  “You’re so good, Charlie!” I said when the song ended.

  “Thanks.”

  “I could never do that.” I stood up and walked closer to his drum set.

  “Yes, you could,” he said. “I’ll show you.” He reached behind him and scooted up a stool next to him, for me to sit on.

  “No, seriously, my friend Jenna tried to teach me some stuff on her friend’s drum set, and I don’t know how you can play one beat with one hand and a different beat with the other hand. I just end up messing them both up.”

  “That’s ‘cause you’re over-thinking it.” He started the next song with his remote control song changer. It was one of the songs he had given me on Friday. Maybe he picked the song because he knew I’d know it. It was slower than the first one he had played. He handed the sticks to me to try.

  “I don’t even know how to hold them right,” I said.

  He reached for my left hand. It automatically relaxed into his, as he slid my hand closer to the end of the drumstick. He gently wrapped my fingers around it. “Keep your thumb up here, on the side.” And then before I knew what had happened he flipped my hand over and it was perfectly positioned over the drum. I quickly fidgeted the other drumstick in my right hand trying to get it into a similar position without messing the left one up. Although, part of me was hoping I wouldn’t get the grip exactly right so he could show me again. But he smiled at my attempt. “Go ahead. Try it.”

  I’m sure I seemed super tense. I was trying so hard to at least stay on beat, tapping the drum in front of me, not even reaching yet for the other ones or even contemplating using the pedals by my feet.

  “You look like you’re hanging on for your life,” he said. “Just loosen your grip a little.” He reached for my left hand again, sliding my thumb back over to the side of the drumstick, making sure my fingers weren’t clenched so tightly. “Just relax. Don’t over-think it.” I wished I could do that, but I was flooded with thoughts and feelings for Charlie I never really knew that I had until now. “Sometimes you have to let your mind go and just feel the music,” he said.

  I definitely felt it . . . But it wasn’t just the music—it was him.

  I felt all those things he had said from the very first time we met, about how he liked how I said what was on my mind and went after the things I wanted. Why couldn’t I do that right now? Just let my mind go. Just let myself feel this unexpected rush of emotions and tell him how I felt.

  But I was too nervous. Too nervous to even play. “Here, I want to listen to you play.” I handed the sticks back to him.

  I was watching his hands, occasionally turning to see the smile on his face as his head bobbed to the music, and I was glad he wasn’t looking straight in my eyes or he might’ve known how I fel
t. But maybe I wanted him to. Maybe he could already feel it, sitting so close to me.

  The song was about to end—the song that I had originally thought was about me and Sean, but maybe Charlie had meant for it to be about him and me. I wasn’t completely sure—and I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but I couldn’t think of what to do to figure it out.

  “I really liked the songs you gave me,” I said as the song faded out.

  “I hoped you would,” he said, then a sudden blast of band field show music filled the room as he scrambled for the remote control, but instead knocked it to the floor behind the drum set. He quickly went over to it and finally shut the music off. “Sorry about that.”

  He seemed nervous standing across from me, the drums in between us.

  “I’m used to it from my friends,” I said, standing up. And then I was more aware than ever that I was looking at him and he was looking at me. And I’m sure we had looked at each other a hundred times before that, but I felt like if I kept looking at him, I would . . . well I don’t know what would’ve happened, but I just had to look away.

  The next thing I knew, I was looking at the door. Not because I really wanted to. I just didn’t know what I wanted.

  “So, um, should we go see if your uncle is here?” I took a few steps towards the door.

  “Uh, sure,” he said, following me. “I doubt he’s here, but I’ll show you around.”

  Part of me didn’t want to leave the music room. That part wanted to just stay there listening to music together . . . talking. Except I wasn’t sure I was ready to say certain things to him. He was my friend, and I didn’t want to mess anything up.

  We walked around the backyard. Different people kept coming up to Charlie and saying hi, and he always introduced me as his friend, Kaylin. It was nice. A few months ago, I didn’t even know who Charlie was—and now we were friends. I just wasn’t sure if that was all we were. And now that I wouldn’t be seeing him every day, once the conference was over, I was worried I might never be able to figure it out.

  I was so absorbed in my thoughts, I hadn’t even realized we were headed right towards Charlie’s parents. Here I was about to finally meet Charles Tomlin Sr. and I couldn’t even think straight. I had seen him a few times at the office and one time he came to ask Jayla something when we were in a meeting, but I had never actually spoken to him.

  “Dad, this is Kaylin,” Charlie said.

  “I’ve heard a lot about you.” He held out his hand to shake mine. “Have you enjoyed working on Project Lettuce?”

  Here was my chance. I could tell him about how uncool Clearagel Cool was and ask him why he wouldn’t invest in research that could really lead to a cure. Like Dr. Lee’s.

  Charlie was smiling at me. I knew he wouldn’t care if I told his dad what I really thought.

  “It was nice getting to work with Charlie,” I said. It’s not what I had planned to say, but it was true. Yeah, I definitely was starting to like Charlie. “The research bungalow was pretty cool. He took me to see it one day.” What was left of it.

  “Oh yeah, Charlie mentioned you were really into science and research.”

  And you should be too, I thought.

  “Yeah, I got to meet this scientist the other day at the university who created a vaccine for acne,” I told him. “Maybe you’ve heard about her—Dr. Sunny Lee.”

  “Well, that would be something, wouldn’t it—a vaccine for acne.” The way he said it, it was like I had just told him a fairytale that couldn’t possibly be true.

  “That’s just it,” I said. “It really could be something if a company continued the research. I know it’s expensive to do the next tests, like a million dollars, but that’s not very much if it could really cure acne. Maybe Tomlin & Tomlin could do it.”

  From everything Charlie and his uncle Terry had said, I was pretty sure I knew what Charlie’s dad would say, but there was still the chance that once he saw in my face how much I wanted this—how much I needed it—I could convince him.

  He cleared his throat. “It’s not the first million that’s the problem. It’s the tens of millions you need after that. And even then—there’s no guarantee.” He shook his head. “I’ve got to place better bets than that.”

  “But what if it worked?” I wished he could see that if everyone always thought like he did, people would still be getting polio. Wasn’t it at least a possibility?

  “I wouldn’t get your hopes up,” he said.

  Don’t get your hopes up?! It was too late. My hopes were already up—about a cure for acne, about Charlie, and about what might happen at the conference.

  Even if Charlie’s dad didn’t think it was possible, there was still hope that someone else did—someone like Terry.

  seventeen

  9:15 a.m. FROM CHARLIE

  When you get here don’t go to the booth. Take the escalators all the way up to the Grand Ballroom. I told the guys at the door to let you into the Green Room. C U soon

  My mom dropped me off at the convention center. I was glad Charlie told me exactly where to go, I just wished he was there to show me. And I wished he was there for other reasons, too. His sister was with us when my parents picked me up at his house, so I just said a see-you-later kind of goodbye, not the kind of goodbye I felt knowing that I wouldn’t get to see him every day after the conference was over.

  And now there were swarms of people around at the convention center and loud videos playing on the display booth screens. It wasn’t the best environment to tell someone how much you were going to miss them, and how you hoped you wouldn’t have to.

  There was a constant flow of people emptying off the escalator and funneling into the pavilion where lit-up, display booths and large screens showcased new products and technologies. Except for the newest announcements like Clearagel Cool and whatever T2 was up to. Those would be unveiled at the Grand Ballroom presentations starting in just fifteen minutes.

  I finally reached the Grand Ballroom and immediately noticed a sign.

  SPECIAL PRESENTATIONS

  10:00 Tomlin & Tomlin

  10:30 T2

  There were several security guards standing in front of the doors.

  “Sorry, we can’t let anyone in until ten,” one of them said.

  I showed him my conference badge. “I’m here with Tomlin & Tomlin. I’m supposed to meet Charlie Tomlin in the Green Room.”

  “Oh, okay,” he said and opened the door just enough to let me slide in. “Head straight back toward the stage and then it’s the door on your left.”

  The stage, flanked by massive screens, towered over the round tables and chairs set up all around the room. The room was dim and there were a few people in the back of the room trying to make sure the stage lights were positioned correctly for the Suki5 performance.

  I couldn’t believe Suki5 was going to be here on this stage—like our own private concert—and yet, I was more excited about whatever T2 was doing after their performance.

  And I was excited to see Charlie, too.

  And nervous.

  I just didn’t know what to expect—on many levels.

  I didn’t see Charlie anywhere so I kept walking towards the door on the left side of the stage.

  When I opened the door, I immediately saw Charlie standing in front of a table of deli sandwiches and soda. Charlie’s dad was on the phone, while Jayla was sitting on a couch nervously checking her iPad.

  She sprang up from the couch. “They’re here! I just got a message they’ve arrived.”

  I looked at Charlie and suddenly realized Suki5 must be on their way to this room!

  “Did anyone see them?” Charlie asked.

  “They don’t think so,” she said. “So far the plan seems to be working.”

  Charlie told me how Jayla arranged for Suki5 to wear the same coats that the kitchen staff wears and come through the delivery entrance. If anyone had known they were coming it would have been total mayhem.

  Now, in just m
inutes, they’d be here in this room with us.

  Jayla went over some last minute details with Charlie’s dad. I heard her say something about one of the dancers filling in for the youngest one since he was sick or something.

  “Thanks for getting me back here,” I said quietly to Charlie.

  “There’s that Suki5 smile,” Charlie said, but I hoped he knew that I was happy to be there with him for other reasons. Charlie pointed out another door in the room. “That’s where they’re going to be coming in—”

  The door burst open just as he said it. A woman wearing a convention center badge was the first to enter the room followed by some very recognizable faces—even in their funny kitchen staff hats and coats.

  I looked over at Charlie, speechless. Even though I thought it was pretty lame of Suki5 to be in a Clearagel Cool video, they were still Suki5—standing just a few feet away from me. I was trying not to stare, but I couldn’t help it.

  They quickly took off their coats. One grabbed some water while another checked his hair in the mirror to make sure the hat hadn’t messed it up—or maybe he was trying to mess it up. A woman who had followed them into the room pulled a comb and hairspray out of her bag and started teasing his hair, then sprayed it while pinching it in different directions.

  Jayla introduced herself and explained their cue to come on stage.

  By now, I could hear the ballroom filling up with people. Charlie and I followed his dad out of the Green Room to the Tomlin & Tomlin table in the ballroom.

  I immediately spotted Terry a few tables away and kept looking to see if maybe Dr. Lee was with him, but the lights faded down and I didn’t see her.

  The room quieted and Jayla walked over to a podium, on the far side of the stage. She stood under the glow of a spotlight.

  “I’m Jayla Fabray from Tomlin & Tomlin. What we’re about to unveil today is the result of countless hours spent with consumers listening to their skin frustrations. We believe we’ve found the perfect complement to our very successful Clearagel product line. And it’s so gratifying to hear from people who have used this extraordinary new product that it’s helped take their pain away, sped up the healing process, and reduced inflammation. It’s easy and effective. And it’s cool. Tomlin & Tomlin proudly presents . . . Clearagel Cool.”