Blue Ribbons

by Kim Ablon Whitney

  This wasn’t my mother. Something was terribly wrong. I felt terrified and confused. I had no idea what to do. There was no brochure they gave you for moments when your mother became another, unrecognizable person. She still hadn’t budged, which maybe was a good thing. She wasn’t fit to drive. Even if we made it to the barn, how could I possibly let her drive back alone? I’d have to make up some reason why she should stay and watch me. The car behind us honked again.

  “Mom, are you okay?” I asked.

  “Of course I’m okay. It’s this maniac behind me. I’m going fifty for heaven’s sake and then I’ve got you telling me what to do and where to go. If fifty isn’t fast enough, he should pass me.”

  My head whirled. Mom thought we were going fifty when we were standing still? Things were worse than I had thought. Were the drugs making her crazy?

  I rolled down my window and motioned for the car to go around us, praying that it wouldn’t upset Mom. I could see the guy staring at us as he passed, trying to figure out what our problem was, and I just tried to ignore him. Mom’s eyes were fixed straight ahead, like she couldn’t take her eyes off the road, because we were moving. It made me want to cry, but I had to be strong. I had to figure a way out of this, for both of us.

  “Good, now at least he passes me. You’d think fifty would be fast enough for that jerk.” She peered at the odometer. As much as I wanted her to come back to her senses, I couldn’t bear for her to realize it was on zero—that were were standing still.

  “Oh,” she said, quiet, more like herself, only sadder. She took her hands off the wheel quickly, like it was burning hot. “I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know where we are.” She shook her head, like a confused, elderly person who had wandered away from a nursing home.

  “It’s okay. Let’s put the car in park.” I cautiously reached forward and put my hand on the drive shift. She seemed okay with that, so I slid it into park, like I’d seen her do a million times before. It felt strange to be doing it myself. “Let’s put on the flashers.” I pressed the hazard button. “And let’s just relax. I think something’s wrong with the car.”

  Mom nodded, latching onto this idea. “It could be the engine.”

  “We shouldn’t drive it. I’ll call Martha. She can come pick us up.” It would take much longer for Dad to get here from the city. We needed help now. I didn’t want to be alone with Mom when she was like this. What if she tried to drive again? I’d have to stop her.

  While we waited for Martha, a few people pulled up next to us and rolled down their windows to ask if we needed help. Mom waved them away and I added that we were fine.

  Finally, Martha pulled up behind us and I opened the car door quickly, hoping Mom wouldn’t get out, too. “Something’s wrong with her. Maybe it’s the medicine. She took a wrong turn, then got all angry.”

  Martha went to Mom’s door and tapped lightly on the window.

  Mom opened the door. “Thank god, you’re here. We think it’s the engine.”

  “Could be,” Martha said. “I can take care of it.” She walked Mom to her car and helped her into the passenger seat. She pulled Mom’s car over to the side of the road. People continued to stare at us as they drove by and I wanted to scream at them to mind their own business. I waited for Martha, not really wanting to be in the car alone with Mom. It was like Martha knew just what to do. Would all grownups? Or was she just very capable?

  “It’s going to be okay,” Martha said to me as we walked over to her car. “You did the right thing calling.”

  “You are a godsend,” Mom told Martha when Martha got in the car. She sounded like everything that had happened was completely normal when it was the most unsettling thing I’d ever lived through.

  I sat in the back, shaking, not knowing what had happened to my mother. Had we lost her forever now, even though she might be right in front of us?

  Chapter 47

  * * *

  After we had been home for a little while, Mom returned to semi-normal. Dad rushed home, cursing himself for ever having left in the first place. He called her doctors, who explained that the tumors must have metastasized to her brain and it was normal to have dementia-like symptoms, especially out of her home environment. I could tell Dad wanted to kill the doctors for saying it was normal—there was nothing normal about a fifty-four-year-old acting like she was ninety-eight. It might be normal to them, but it wasn’t normal to us. It was shocking, terrifying. I told Dad about the other times Mom had acted funny—the time in the kitchen when she’d been looking for milk in the cabinet and the time she couldn’t think of the word for shoes. Dad had his own similar examples of things we’d both tried to ignore, but which were clearly signs. The doctors said it was best that Mom stay at home now, and to keep everything as routine as possible. Dad and Martha told me how amazingly I’d handled what had happened, but it didn’t make me feel better. I wondered if I shouldn’t go to Pony Finals, but Dad told me I should most definitely go. He’d see how Mom held up the next day or two and decide whether he could come.

  The ponies left for Kentucky at the crack of dawn on Saturday. I flew with Susie later that same day. I was glad to get away for a few days, but it felt all wrong to be going without Mom and to be going at all given how she was doing. What if she died while I was there? Could it be coming that soon? Worse, though, was the gnawing feeling that my mom as I had known her already might not exist anymore.

  Pony Finals wasn’t just a horse show. It was a larger-than-life pony extravaganza, kind of like Disney cruise meets horse show. The Kentucky Horse Park had lots of rings—indoor and outdoor—multiple barns and a huge cross country course used for the biggest eventing competition in the U.S., the Rolex Three-Day.

  Some of the big barns had been in Kentucky for an entire week showing in the regular horse show before Pony Finals started. Our ponies got there late on Saturday and we just hand walked them. Sunday we flatted them and rode in the schooling rings. Sunday was the last day trainers could ride the ponies and the schooling ring was full of trainers schooling ponies in draw reins and custom bits. Kitty was on Dakota’s pony. In the corners of the ring, she overbent him, pulling in his nose and jabbing him with the spur of her inside leg. Susie never let us use draw reins. She said pulling a pony’s nose to its chest wasn’t the way to teach it to frame up and that ponies had to build up the neck and back muscles to carry their head low. She also rarely schooled our ponies, only if it was absolutely necessary. Besides the no trainers schooling ponies rule, starting on Monday at noon, only the rider who was showing a green or medium pony could ride it or else you were disqualified from the whole show. The cut-off for the small and large ponies was later in the week because those divisions didn’t go for a few more days.

  Jane, Hailey, and I trotted and cantered around the schooling ring next to the ticketed warm-up rings. Susie had us school over a few jumps before it was our turn to go into the rings. The jumps in the ticketed rings were crazy, dressed up with brush and flowers. They were more elaborate and beautiful than nearly any regular show during the year and this was just the warm-ups. Of course Tyler couldn’t have cared less. Susie looked at me and smiled. “He looks great. Let’s quit with that.”

  I walked out of the ring and stood by the in gate to watch Jane on Frankie. Frankie was wired—his head was high, his eyes were wide, and his breathing bordered on snorty.

  “Just try to keep him calm,” Tommy told Jane. “Do the best you can. He needs to relax and settle in.”

  Jane picked up a canter and headed to the first jump. Frankie grabbed the bit and ran at the jump, crow-hopping it.

  Jane pulled him up hard. Too hard. Over the past few weeks, Jane had been patting Frankie more often and generally just riding him with more patience and kindness. It was as if what she’d learned about him had made her understand him better. He’d been going so much better and some trainers had even asked Tommy about him in Vermont. But all the good feelings Jane had developed toward Frankie seemed
to have disappeared when she’d seen Ike on our way up to the ring. It was the first time Jane had seen Ike in person since he’d been sold. He was impeccably turned out with gleaming tack and fancy front boots that I’d only ever seen on grand prix horses. When Jane saw him her face turned pale. She shortened her reins on Frankie and the hurt on her face turned to a kind of bitterness and anger. Now, Frankie seemed to be paying the price as Jane yanked him up with unnecessary force.

  “Easy, easy,” Tommy said. “Pick up a canter, jump the line, halt, canter the next line, halt, all the way around the course. Try not to get upset. Just try to work through it.”

  I wanted to be on Frankie so badly. I had pushed my feelings about Frankie and how much I liked riding him aside because of everything with Mom. I knew she didn’t want me riding him. But now, away from her again, I wanted to be the one riding him.

  Jane was locking her elbows and bracing her weight against him. All it did was make Frankie go faster and get more scared.

  “Okay, that’s enough,” Tommy said.

  From what he didn’t say, I could tell Tommy was frustrated with Jane, too. Jane kept her eyes down as she left the ring. She rode over to me and said, “I can’t believe I have to show this pony.” I thought she would say something about Ike, since we’d never talked about seeing him, but instead she said, “Did you know Maddie’s pony, Enchanted, was sold?”

  Enchanted was from Florida and was one of the other top mediums in the country, right up there with Tyler. Maddie was the daughter of Jen Stiller, one of the top pony trainers.

  “But Jen made the deal so that Maddie gets to show him here.” Jane shook her head.

  Looking at her, I began to think this had to be the stupidest situation ever. Here I was, not wanting to ride Tyler and here Jane was, not wanting to ride Frankie. It would be my dream to ride Frankie in the greens, which went tomorrow, and if Jane rode Tyler in the mediums she’d probably be overall grand champion. He wasn’t Ike, but he was as close as she could get.

  After doing our ticketed warm-ups, we rode up the hill to the Walnut Ring, where the real competition took place. The Walnut Ring was enormous, like Yankee stadium compared to a town baseball field. It was where all the grand prix classes and other big hunter derby classes took place during other shows. We didn’t get to jump in the Walnut before the classes, but it was open for riders to hack around to get the ponies used to it.

  On the short end of one side of the ring was a mini derby field with grass footing and a hill. For some other finals and big classes at the Horse Park the course designer used the derby field for natural jumps. It had never been used as part of the Pony Finals. Some trainers had their riders walk their ponies around on it and Kitty and Lenny had Dakota gallop up the hill just in case this year the course designers used it. Susie said there was no way they’d use it—riding in the Walnut Ring was tough enough.

  It was fun to look at all the different ponies and riders as I hacked around the ring. I recognized kids from our area, but there were plenty of riders I didn’t know. I saw Tinley Haskell, who did a lot of catch-riding and winning. We only saw her in Florida because she was from South Carolina and did different circuits than us during the rest of the year. Tyler and Donald were fine hacking. Of course Frankie was on edge. Jane kept cantering him around and around. He was drenched with sweat, but didn’t seem to be getting tired. As I passed the in gate I saw Emily coming into the ring with Ike. Just what Jane didn’t need. I quickly searched the ring and located Jane down at the far end, but there was nothing I could do. There was no way she wouldn’t notice Ike. Jane cantered Frankie down the long side toward the in gate as Emily moved Ike off into a floating trot. Jane pulled Frankie up like she’d had it.

  Again all I could think was how crazy it was that we were both on ponies we didn’t want to ride. I looked up at the big scoreboard, which would show each pony and rider’s name and their scores. I imagined Frankie’s name with mine next to it and a jolt of excitement ran through me.

  As we left the arena, I heard Kitty telling Lenny she wanted their older pony jock to school Dakota’s medium pony in the ticketed warm-up before the deadline passed. “One last tune-up,” Kitty said.

  That’s when it hit me.

  By the time we headed back to the barn, I had it all worked out.

  Chapter 48

  * * *

  After the ponies were put away and we’d cleaned our tack, we went over to pony land. Inside the tent miniature jumps were set up in a course. There was also a bouncy house and an obstacle course. Some small pony kids were skipping over the jumps, playing horseless horse show. One stopped at a little oxer and pretended to smack her pony with an imaginary crop for refusing the jump.

  We decided to go in the bouncy house. Hailey and I jumped as high as we could while Jane sat on the floor with her arms crossed.

  “I have a way we can turn that frown upside down,” I said to her, feeling giddy and lightheaded with the idea of my plan.

  “Yeah, right,” she said. “There’s nothing anyone can do. I have to watch Emily ride Ike and Maddie ride Enchanted while I’m stuck on a circus pony.”

  I jumped closer, jostling her. “What if you rode Tyler and I rode Frankie?”

  “Why would you ever want to do that?” Jane said.

  Hailey stopped mid-jump. “Have you lost your mind?”

  They were both staring at me. I was still jumping, smaller pogo type jumps now.

  “I don’t like riding Tyler,” I said.

  “Yeah, and I don’t like chocolate,” Hailey said.

  “I don’t,” I said, coming to a standstill. Suddenly it felt weird that we were in the bouncy house and not jumping. “I didn’t want to buy him and I’ve been making mistakes on purpose so I don’t win.” I started bouncing again and felt like I could bounce all the way to the top of the tent. Why had I waited till now to tell my best friends the truth?

  “Really?” Jane said.

  I was sort of surprised that they hadn’t guessed—I mean Hailey had totally seen through my feelings for Alex.

  “That time you went off course at Fairlee?” Hailey asked.

  “On purpose.”

  A few of the younger pony kids burst into the bouncy house, all braids, ribbon belts, and giggles. Jane crawled out. Hailey and I followed.

  The three of us walked in silence out of pony land. I desperately wondered what they were thinking. Suddenly I worried that they were mad at me, furious even. I mean, who got the top pony in the country and then tried to lose? Outside, I said, “I’d much rather ride Frankie. I know you hate riding him but I love him. It’s like finally people see what I can do right, instead of just seeing whatever I do wrong. And I like working with him. So, what if we swapped? What if I rode Frankie and you rode Tyler?”

  “Me? Ride Tyler?” Jane shook her head in disbelief.

  “Right, how exactly would that work?” Hailey said.

  “Just like I said. I show Frankie in the greens and Jane shows Tyler in the regulars.”

  “Uh, minor details? Your mom—” Hailey looked at me and then turned to Jane. “—and your dad?”

  “Yeah, I don’t think my dad would go for that and your mom never would.”

  We walked past the pens where Danny and Ron had dogs up for adoption. They were all new dogs—Peanut and the others had found good homes already. We stopped to pat Cheeky, a hound mix with long ears and a speckled coat.

  I laid out the beauty of my plan. “Tomorrow in the warm-up ring before we do our ticketed rides, we switch ponies. Then they’ll have no choice—we ride each other’s ponies or we’re disqualified.” Susie wanted us to school early, before the models started, so if all went according to my plan, I’d be modeling Frankie and Jane would be modeling Tyler.

  “You’re serious,” Jane said, gaping at me.

  “Yup. Your dad likes the way I ride Frankie.”

  “But your mom buys this amazing pony for you and then you don’t show him at Pony Finals? She’ll t
hink I made you do it. She’ll hate me.”

  Cheeky licked my hand and I rubbed behind one of his floppy ears. “We’ll say it was by accident. That we forgot the rule.”

  “That makes no sense—why would we switch?”

  He leaned into me more as I scratched him. “We could say I was just helping you out because Frankie was being bad . . . Okay, or say they find out we did it on purpose . . . it’s your way of finally showing your dad how much you want to have a good pony to ride every once in a while.”

  “And your mom?” Hailey said. “You’re really going to do this now?”

  It was as tactful as Hailey got, alluding to the fact that this might be the last show my mother was alive for. But in a crazy way, that made it even more important to me that I do this show on my terms and not wait for her to no longer be here for me to follow my heart. “She’ll finally see this isn’t what I want. I don’t want a pony like Tyler.”

  Jane took a deep breath. “I have to think about it.”

  “Okay,” I said. “Think about it, because we have to decide soon.”

  Chapter 49

  * * *

  The next morning we led the ponies out to the ring. We had been strangely quiet in the barn. I’m sure Susie and Martha thought it was just because we were nervous. They didn’t know the real reason we were acting odd.

  In the schooling ring, a few riders were flatting their ponies. There were two trainers I didn’t recognize in the ring. I said a silent thanks that it was trainers from the Midwest or West Coast and not Hugo, Kitty, or someone else we knew. I locked eyes with Jane. We had only a few minutes till Susie and Martha arrived in the golf cart. Tommy was over at the annex ring watching a few auction ponies go. He would learn the news secondhand.

  This was the moment.