by Angela Drake
“I’ll put him down.”
“Thanks Jennifer. Then I’d like to talk to you.” She turned to Kimberly. “Did you have fun?”
“It was okay.” Her tone gave Stephanie every indication that things hadn’t gone well.
“Brendan showed me the studio and stuff. I think I’ll go to bed.”
“Alright sweetheart. You can tell me about it tomorrow.”
She watched her daughter slowly climb the stairs. Something had snuffed out the girl’s sparkle and exuberance. The light was gone. She heard the bedroom door click shut just as Brendan came into the foyer.
“You,” she whirled on him. “In my office.” Brushing past him, she left no room for refusal. “Just what did you think you were doing?” The fear she’d felt at Brendan’s phone call multiplied a hundred times at the sight of her daughter moments before.
“I just wanted some time with the kids. Alone.”
“You couldn’t ask? You had to sneak behind my back?” Her voice sounding shrill, even to her own ears.
“I should have asked. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry? What happened?” She used every fiber of her being to force her voice to a semi-normal point. “Why is she going to her room at eight o’clock on a Saturday night?”
“It’s been a long day. We did a lot of shopping.”
“Steph, it was my fault,” Jennifer joined them in the office. “I didn’t tell you my plans and I apologize.”
“How could you?” Her voice cracked with emotion she tried desperately to hide. “You of all people knew what was at stake.”
“Dad just wanted some time with the kids. Under the circumstances I knew you’d never agree to it.”
“It wasn’t your call to make.”
“I know and I’m sorry.”
“What circumstances?”
Stephanie felt like a participant in a game of Hot Potato and he’d just passed it to her. The blood pounded in her ears and her mouth went dry. The words wouldn’t come.
“I’m going to leave. You two have things to talk about. Call me tomorrow if you want.”
Stephanie wasn’t entirely aware of Jennifer’s exit. Walking over to the collection of photos, she picked up one of Matthew in uniform. Laughing blue eyes stared back, his smile confidant. He’d been her strength when she realized she was pregnant. They had talked long into the night. He didn’t judge her, just held her while she cried. She’d been confused but not alone. He knew the baby wasn’t his and loved her anyway. From that moment on, Kimberly had become his daughter.
Clutching the photo to her breast, she turned back to Brendan. He sat at her desk, watching her. Just like the old days, he waited for her to talk when she felt ready. How many nights had he sat silently, waiting for her to tell him what was on her mind?
“We need to talk.”
“I know.”
“Mom, can I talk to you?” Kimberly stood timidly in the doorway, twirling her hair tightly around a finger. Stephanie looked from Brendan to her daughter.
“Sure honey, come in. What’s wrong?”
“I’ll leave you two alone. We’ll continue this later.”
“No Brendan!” Kimberly snapped. “Stay.”
“Kimberly. Don’t be rude. I think you owe him an apology.”
“If anyone owes him an apology, Mom, it’s you.” Her daughter walked over to stand beside him. Tears welled up in the girl’s eyes and her bottom lip trembled as she tried to control whatever was upsetting her.
“Sweetheart, what’s the matter?” She reached out. Kimberly took a step back.
“Brendan, please stay. I want you to hear this.”
Kimberly reached out a shaking hand and placed it on his shoulder. A burning sensation ate at Stephanie from the inside. Fear grew inside of her, creeping along her spine as she looked from her daughter, to Brendan and back again.
“Sounds serious Kim. What is it?”
Kimberly glanced at Brendan for a moment before turning to face her.
“Mom, is Brendan my real dad?”
Chapter 11
“Mom, I need to know. He’s my dad, isn’t he?”
Stephanie looked from daughter to father and back again. Nodding her head, she couldn’t stop the flow of tears sliding down her face. It shouldn’t have come to this. Two of the people she loved the most sat staring in muted disbelief. Kimberly stepped slowly across the office to stand before her. Stephanie reached out and touched the young girl’s face.
“Since before you were born, Matthew has been your father. We never meant for it to be any other way.”
“Did you know?” Kimberly looked at Brendan.
“No.” Stephanie didn’t wait for him to answer. “He didn’t know. Not until now.”
She handed Matthew’s photo to Kimberly.
“This is the man who watched you come into this world. The same man who helped you take your first step, taught you to ride your bike, and to swim in the lake.”
“I’d have done those things Stephanie.”
The fortress Stephanie had built around her secret crumbled a little more at the accusing tone in Brendan’s voice as he joined them in the center of the room. She had never given him the chance. That was on her.
“Like you were there for Jennifer? That’s why I didn’t tell you about the baby.”
Angry tears came in a torrent. How dare either of them make her feel as if she’d done something wrong? She had done what she needed to do to protect her daughter. Matthew had been the knight in shining armor, offering her a kingdom of security. Security Brendan hadn’t understood at the time.
“You wouldn’t change for me or for her. One more on the list wasn’t going to make a difference.”
“Neither you nor Debbie gave me the chance.” His hardened tone stabbed her to the bone, but he didn’t stop there. “Each of you made the decision to exclude me from my girls’ lives.”
“Because you weren’t capable of making them.”
“Well it beat the alternative.”
“What? Facing life? You had me, Brendan, but you drank anyway! But then, you never did claim to love me. Some things don’t change.”
The quiet undertone of a raging storm fueled her emotions.
“Are you going to deal with this or would you prefer a drink?”
She’d gone too far. The wounded look in his eyes chiseled at the fragmented wall around her heart, yet she couldn’t stop the tirade. She hurt too much--for all of them.
“Oh yeah, I forgot. You learned how to face your problems in Program. Did they also counsel you in how to raise children?”
“That’s not fair, Steph.”
The slamming of the front door sounded like gunfire.
“Kimberly!” Stephanie screamed her daughter’s name as she ran to the hallway. Brendan was close behind her. Opening the door, she frantically looked up and down the street. There was no sign of her daughter. “Kimmie.” Only the darkness replied.
Turning back into the house, she shut the door with as much force as the angry teen.
“Now do you see why I didn’t want you here? Why couldn’t you have just done the Gala then quietly left town?”
“Because I wanted to spend time with Jennifer. Last I checked the map, this town is still a part of free America.”
“I’ll call Becky’s. I’m sure she’s gone there.” She pushed past him, going over to the desk. She slumped down into the chair and picked up her cell phone. Only a couple of minutes passed before she disconnected and looked at Brendan.
“She hasn’t seen Kim.”
“Where else would she go?”
She shrugged her shoulders helplessly. “I don’t know. Becky’s really the only one she is close to.”
“Why don’t you give it some thought while I make tea? I could use a cup.”
“I don’t want tea! I want to know where my daughter is.”
“Our daughter. I’m concerned too, but we’ll find her.”
After Brendan left the room,
Stephanie leaned on the desk, covering her face with her hands. She needed to think. Where could Kimberly have gone if not to her best friend?
She grabbed the phone before it had completed the first ring. “Kim? Oh...Jennifer. Is she okay? I’ll be right there, thanks.”
“Was that Kimberly?” Brendan came back into the room and sat the tea tray on the desk as Stephanie stood to leave.
“No, it was Jen. Kim’s with her.”
“I’ll come with you.” He grabbed their coats from the hall tree.
“No. I need someone here with Max.”
“Then let me go. You can’t leave me out of her life anymore.”
“This is different Brendan. You and I will talk later but right now my daughter has questions that only I can answer.”
She saw the hesitation in his eyes as well as the resignation that followed. He and Kim would have their time to sift through the mess she had kept locked away for years. Right now, no matter how mad she was, Kim needed her mom.
“Fine.”
The drive up to the Crescent didn’t take long. Apparently, she had headed for Jennifer’s cottage but when she didn’t see the car in the small parking area, she’d walked the rest of the way to the hotel where Jennifer was finishing up some things at the office.
Jennifer opened the door to Stephanie’s light knock. She stepped aside and motioned to the Queen Anne sofa on the opposite side of the room. Stephanie was vaguely aware of Jennifer leaving. All she could focus on was the little girl huddled against the back of the sofa, clutching a throw pillow to her chest and staring at the picture she’d brought from the house. Her eyes were puffy from crying. With cautious steps, Stephanie made her way across the room and sat next to Kimberly.
“Why’d you marry Dad?”
“Because he asked. Because he wanted to take care of us.”
“Did you love him?”
Her daughter wasn’t pulling any punches with this conversation. While Stephanie had always seen Kimberly as mature for her age, she hadn’t expected this conversation at least until she thought her daughter was old enough in age to understand all the complexities of the puzzle that was her life. She had known there would be lots of questions and she had spent what seemed a lifetime preparing for them. Did she love Matthew wasn’t one she had considered.
“Yes, I did. Honey, there are different kinds of love. The best way I can define the two I felt is that Brendan was a ‘young love’, the kind that makes you go all mushy inside.”
“What about Dad?” Kimberly continued to stare at the picture, never looking at Stephanie.
“With him it was more mature. We liked the same things and we were friends. He was ready to settle down and start a family.”
“Why didn’t you tell Brendan about me?”
As they talked, Kim slowly came out of the fetal position and for the first time in several hours, Stephanie sensed things might work out.
“Brendan wasn’t ready to quit drinking and grow up. Not having a mom of my own to ask advice, I followed Debbie’s example.”
“You mean about her parents not letting him be a dad to Jennifer?”
She nodded. “The more I looked at the whole picture, I figured her folks knew best.”
“I don’t mean this the way it’s gonna sound but…”
Stephanie watched as her daughter’s cheeks flushed a bright crimson. “But…?”
“How’d you know which one was my dad?”
The question was barely audible. Her little girl was growing up so fast. She had given the situation a lot of thought in a very short time.
“Matthew wanted to wait until we were married. Brendan was the only man I’d ever been with.”
“Did you ever plan to tell me?”
“Your Dad and I’d talked about it. We decided that as far as we were concerned, he was your father. Until a few months ago, I never imagined you’d ever need to know any different. But we were wise enough to know that if this did come up, we had hoped you’d be older.”
“Do you still love Brendan?” Kimberly asked, twisting a strand of hair around her finger.
“Boy, you ask the tough questions.” Stephanie attempted to lighten the somber cloud that hung over the room. How did she answer that without belittling the love they’d shared with Matthew? Deciding it was time to take a lesson from Brendan, she answered her daughter the only way there was… with honesty.
“Yes, I do but that doesn’t change the way I loved your father. My heart has room for both of them.”
“Nothing personal Mom, but I don’t need any more surprises like the one I got tonight. I just want to know what’s going to happen next. I mean, is Brendan going to be my Dad or what?”
Reaching across to Kimberly, Stephanie removed the pillow and took her daughter’s hands in hers.
“I honestly don’t know. Brendan has his own questions I’m going to have to answer. What do you think should happen?”
Kimberly’s eyes pooled with tears again. Taking a tissue from the box on the table, she wiped at her eyes and sniffled.
“I really miss Dad and I know you do too. Max has never had a father and he likes Brendan. No one can take Dad’s place but I’d like to get to know Brendan better.”
“Sounds fair. For now, I think we need to go home. Brendan’s waiting and we’ve all had a long day.”
“Mom?” Kim stood, wiping the remaining dampness from her cheeks.
“Hmm?”
“I’m sorry I ran off. You guys were arguing and it was like I didn’t exist.”
“I know sweetie. I’m sorry too.”
* * *
For what must have been the hundredth time, Brendan peered out the window as Stephanie’s SUV pulled up to the curb. He opened the door.
“Thanks.” Stephanie said, taking off her coat and hanging it up. “Everything okay here?”
“Uh huh. Max hasn’t made a sound. I checked on him a couple times.”
“Good.”
“Brendan.”
“Kimmy.” They both spoke at once and then laughed. Brendan felt an immense relief. Kim’s ability to laugh after the way the evening had started out was a good sign.
“You go first.” He said.
“No, you.”
“I just wanted to say I’m sorry about earlier. The news caught me off guard.”
“I know, me too. I’m sorry I ran off.”
He returned the hug she gave and sent a silent prayer of thanks that she still wanted to.
“You guys have to talk and I’m beat. I’m going to bed. Night Mom, night…Brendan.”
Their chorused good night gave Brendan the feeling of hope. Their voices in unison sounded natural. They were parents telling their pre-teen daughter to sleep well as if they too would be going upstairs. The thought that the possibility lay ahead somewhere made him smile.
“I’m ready for that cup of tea now.” Stephanie turned to walk down the hall towards the kitchen. “Want some?”
“Sure. I’ll help. I’ve already cleaned up from earlier. We’ll need to start fresh.”
Breathing a sigh of relief, he followed her. Starting fresh sounded like a good plan. When she’d gone after Kim earlier, he didn’t have a clue what to expect when they returned. Stephanie wasn’t throwing him out, leaving hope for the two of them.
Stephanie didn’t say anything as she busied herself getting cups and spoons. He heard her movements as he put the teakettle on. Waiting for it to whistle, he leaned against the kitchen counter, watching her.
Something in the back of his mind, like a forgotten photograph flashed through his mind. He vaguely remembered her fixing dinner for him one night. He’d come home from work, thinking to take a quick shower before heading across the bridge to his favorite bar. She’d been there, her hair in a ponytail and an apron tied around her waist as she sat the table for dinner. She’d given the impression of a 1950s housewife. That was the only time he could remember not going to the bar after work. He couldn’t recall what she
had prepared or if they even ate. He only remembered dessert.
Setting a place for each of them, she then selected the tea packets. He smiled with chagrin, noticing she chose the exact same two varieties he had the night of the art club meeting. Even after all these years, they knew each other well; their likes and dislikes. They probably discovered more about each other in these past two months than they’d ever truly known about each other the three plus years they’d been together. So how had he missed the most important information all those years ago? The answer was simple. He hadn’t been drinking tea then. She knew him then and now. Thirteen years ago he wouldn’t have been anymore ready to be a dad to Kim then he’d been to Jennifer. Stephanie made the only choice she could. Now it was his turn.
Pouring water into their cups, he put the kettle back on the stove then sat across from her at the table.
“Now what?” He couldn’t bring himself to look at Stephanie, instead focused on stirring a spoon of sugar into his tea.
“What do you mean?”
He still wasn’t sure how to react. He’d known deep inside what he’d find at the eye of the storm. On the drive from Branson and while he’d waited for Stephanie to bring Kim home, he’d thought about the whole situation.
“I can’t leave the road. You know that.”
“Then nothing’s changed.”
“I told you before, it’s how I make a living.”
“And the children are my life.”
“She’s my daughter, too.” How could he get through to her? He wanted…no, needed this chance. Having the opportunity to raise a child was the one part of recovery he’d never dreamed of being able to correct. A tragic trail of events brought his life full circle. He’d prove to her that he was capable of being the father she needed for the kids.
“How does Kim feel about things?”
“She wants to get to know you.”
“I’d like that, too. I’ve missed out on so much her life already.” Brendan could barely contain his joy.
When he’d first seen Stephanie that night at the Gala, he felt as if he could finally have closure with his past and move forward. Initially his only hope was for Stephanie to forgive him. He’d never imagined that his past would be a large part of his future.