Cowboy at the Crossroads

by Linda Warren

  “No, it’s not, but that’s no reason to get angry at you.”

  “It’s okay, Cord.”

  “But it isn’t,” he said earnestly. “I’ve tried everything I know to help my daughter deal with her mother’s death, but nothing worked. Things just got worse and worse. You’ve been here two days, and she’s almost back to normal.” He sighed. “I’m thrilled—and deeply grateful—but I don’t feel like much of a father.”

  She hated that look on his face. “I’ve been trained to deal with children. Sometimes I can read them, other times I can’t. I got lucky with Nicki.”

  “I don’t think luck has anything to do with it.”

  “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

  His eyes met hers. “It was meant as one.”

  He was the first to glance away. He rested his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands. “You see, I’ve only been to the cemetery once since Anette died, and that was when they installed the headstone. I’ve been so angry at her that…”

  When he didn’t say anything else, she asked, “Is that why you locked her room?”

  His eyes swung to hers again. “How do you know that?”

  “Della mentioned it.”

  “Oh,” he said in a quiet tone, staring down at his hands. “Partly, I suppose. I didn’t want to be reminded of those memories, and I didn’t want Nicki going in there and remembering, either.” He paused, then added, “I felt the same way about the cemetery. That was selfish on my part. I should have considered Nicki’s feelings, but I thought it would just hurt her more.”

  “Stop blaming yourself. You did the best you could under the circumstances.”

  “No, I didn’t. I never should have married Anette. Ranching life wasn’t for her, but a man doesn’t think too clearly with his head in the clouds.”

  He loved his wife. She should be happy about that, but she wasn’t. She didn’t want him to love… Oh God, she was getting in too deep, too fast. She had to stop this.

  “The main thing is that Nicki’s getting better,” she said to return to a subject she was comfortable with.

  “Yes, thanks to you.”

  Their eyes met again, and for a moment she was lost in feelings she wanted to deny.

  “Colton called this morning,” Cord said abruptly.

  “Oh.” Her voice was low and detached.

  “I invited him for the weekend. I thought you might like that.”

  She swallowed. “What did he say?”

  “He said he had a lot to do, but he’d try.”

  “Colton’s always busy.”

  “But he makes time for you, doesn’t he?” If she was the woman in his life, he’d move heaven and earth to be with her.

  She frowned. “My relationship with Colton is hard to explain.”

  “You don’t have to explain it to me.”

  She didn’t seem to hear him. “Colton and I have been friends for ages.”

  “I know. He’s talked about you a lot.”

  Her eyes grew mischievous. “Don’t believe everything you’ve heard.”

  “Oh, I think I will,” he said, getting to his feet. “I’d better let you take your shower. And thanks for everything.”

  She stood, too. “You’re very welcome.”

  They stared at each other, and then Cord started to move away, but he turned back. Almost in slow motion he took her in his arms. She wrapped her own arms around his waist and laid her head against his chest. Her heart was beating so fast that she couldn’t hear or think. All she could do was feel his hard, lean body, the strength of his arms and the sadness that was such a part of him.

  “Thank you, Becca,” he whispered, then released her and walked out the door.

  Becca felt empty and alone. She wanted his arms back. She wanted all of him. For years, she had waited for these feelings, but she’d never dreamed they’d happen with a man who didn’t want her in the same way. She sank heavily onto the bed. Now what?

  WHAT WAS HE DOING? Cord berated himself as he strolled to his room. He shouldn’t have touched her. But he couldn’t resist. He could still feel her softness, smell the scent of her hair. And she was Colton’s lover. That truth jolted him and stiffened his resolve to stay away from her. He had to, no matter how he was beginning to feel about her. She belonged to Colton.

  CHAPTER SIX

  BECCA FOUND that the next few days were easy and difficult at the same time. Nicki was progressing. She was playing, laughing and learning to be a kid again. She didn’t mention going to her mother’s grave; she now knew where her mother was, and that seemed to satisfy her.

  Dealing with Nicki was not a problem. Dealing with her father was. They discussed Nicki every night, and she was so drawn to him, so aware of him, but he was creating a distance between them. He left early in the morning and didn’t return until almost dark. He seemed to be avoiding her, and she didn’t understand it. He’d been so considerate, even loving, that night in her room. She thought they’d reached a new level in their relationship, but evidently not. If he wanted to avoid her, that was fine, but he couldn’t avoid his daughter. Things had to change. In fact, a lot of things had to change in the Prescott house.

  Nicki needed a stable family environment. Becca didn’t see any of that. She and Nicki were alone each and every day. When Edie wasn’t at church functions, she stayed in her room. Blanche slept till almost noon, then left to go to her club in Houston and didn’t get home until Nicki was in bed. Becca was the only person Nicki consistently interacted with, and she needed more than that. She needed grown-ups to guide her and she needed to be with children her own age. Becca planned to talk to Cord about this as soon as possible.

  She had told Nicki she’d only be here for a few days and that Mrs. Witherspoon would be returning. Nicki seemed to understand, but Becca wasn’t sure. If Becca became too attached to her, then her departure would be traumatic. It would destroy all the progress they’d made. She didn’t want to think about her own feelings in the matter because they were irrelevant. Besides, she could handle them.

  That night, Becca waited for Cord in the den. Every evening he bathed Nicki and put her to bed, then read her a story until she fell asleep. It was their little ritual, and Becca didn’t intrude. Nicki needed all the time she could get with her father.

  Deep in thought, Cord walked into the den—and stopped suddenly when he saw Becca sitting on the sofa. She was usually in her room by now. At the sight of her in jeans and a knit top, with her dark hair hanging loose around her shoulders, his body tightened with unbelievable need. That reaction seemed to be getting more frequent—which was why he was trying to stay away from her. She was beautiful, fresh, exciting and young, young, young—way too young for him. And she was Colton’s. He had to keep saying that to himself, but somehow it wasn’t working. God, he was in so much trouble.

  “May I speak to you?” she asked when she saw him.

  Cord moved to his chair and sat down. “Sure,” he replied in a distant voice.

  She frowned. “Cord, are you upset with me?”

  “No, of course not,” he answered in that same tone. “How can I be upset with someone who’s given me back my daughter?”

  “That’s what I want to talk about—Nicki.”

  “Is something wrong?” he asked urgently.

  “Yes, she needs more interaction with her family. Blanche and Edie are never here and you’re gone all day.”

  “It’s a busy time with roundup and baling hay.”

  “You’re here on the ranch. Why can’t you have lunch with her?”

  “It’s not that simple. When I have a pen full of calves to be tagged, vaccinated and branded, I can’t just drop everything. Besides, I’m miles from the house.”

  “Don’t you eat?”

  “Gus always carries an ice chest full of cold cuts for the ranch hands. We have a quick bite and get back to work.”

  “Can Nicki and I join you?”

  “Beg your pardon?”

  �
�If you’ll give me directions, I can drive us to where you’ll be working.”

  “This is a ranch. We don’t have highways.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “I didn’t think you did.”

  “If I told you to drive due south for fifteen miles, would you know what I was talking about?”

  “Yes, if you gave me a starting point.”

  God, she was serious—absolutely serious. Anette had lived here for years, and she’d never left the house or the backyard. The cows and horses frightened her, and she found the vastness of the property terrifying. Apparently Becca didn’t have that problem.

  She watched him for a moment. “Cord, you’re acting like you’d rather I wasn’t here anymore. If that’s the case—”

  “No,” he interrupted. His emotions were contradictory. He was trying to stay away from her, but he didn’t want her to leave or feel as if he didn’t need her. “You’re the only thing Nicki talks about, and now that she’s better, I’m trying to catch up on the work I’ve put off to be with her. That’s all, Becca. You’re very welcome here.”

  Too welcome. That’s the problem.

  “And you can bring Nicki to where I’m working anytime you want.” His eyes held hers. “Can you ride?”

  “You mean, like a horse?”

  He grinned. “Yeah, like a horse.”

  “No, I’ve never been near one.”

  Another city girl.

  He shook off that thought. “We have a couple of Jeeps you can take. You’d ruin your car driving it in a pasture. Can you drive a standard shift?”

  “Yes,” she replied in a bright voice. “I learned in my dad’s old—” She stopped as she realized what she was saying. “I mean, in my grandfather’s old truck. Sometimes I have trouble keeping parents and grandparents straight.”

  She was trying to be lighthearted, but he saw the bewilderment and pain that flashed in her eyes. “Colton told me what happened. That must’ve been hard for you.”

  She linked her fingers. “Yes, it was.”

  Cord felt an overwhelming need to comfort her. He wanted to put his arms around her, the way she’d done to him the day of the funeral, but he couldn’t touch her. He’d made a promise to himself.

  “I’m sure that’s why you’re so good with Nicki. You can identify with her pain. You didn’t actually lose a mother, but you…”

  “Yes, I did,” she said quietly. “I lost a mother and I gained my real one. I was confused, and I was angry, especially at Emily because she gave me away. But love has incredible healing powers.” She smiled slightly.

  “You’re incredible.” He meant it. Colton was the luckiest man on earth.

  “I don’t know about that,” she said quietly. “I’ve rarely stayed angry for long. Once I tell the person I’m angry with how I feel, I’m able to deal with whatever’s bothering me. Back then, though, I didn’t want to talk and I went through a destructive period. Emily was patient and understanding, even though she was hurting as much as I was, which I didn’t understand until later. Luckily, we got through that rough time, and I’m grateful for the relationship I have with my parents and my grandparents.”

  Becca couldn’t believe she was telling him all this. Maybe it was because she knew he had a compassionate heart and she was consoled by the empathy in his eyes. She glanced down at her hands. “But sometimes I feel…”

  “What?” he prompted.

  She looked up. “I feel as if they’re smothering me. So many people love me and I love them. But I feel pulled in too many directions and I…” She blinked away a tear as she tried to regain control of her emotions.

  He got up to sit beside her. He’d said he wouldn’t touch her, but he found himself reaching for her hand. Her fingers locked tightly around his.

  “At times I still have difficulty figuring out who I am.”

  His other hand touched her cheek. “You’re Becca, a beautiful woman, inside and out.”

  She smiled through the tears. “I think I’ve heard that line before.”

  “From many eager guys, I’m sure.” He was suddenly jealous of all those guys.

  She took a quick breath. It was so easy to talk to him that she’d told him things she’d never shared with anyone, not even Gin.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have unloaded on you like that. I’m not usually so weepy.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” he said softly. “After what you’ve done for Nicki, you can unload on me anytime you want.”

  She removed her hand from his and brushed her hair back in a nervous gesture. If he kept holding her hand, she was going to kiss him—to experience all those feeling that were about to overtake her. He didn’t reciprocate her feelings, though, and that was the only thing that stopped her.

  “Nicki,” she said quickly to cover her embarrassment. “That’s who we were talking about before I got sidetracked. As I started to say, I feel Nicki needs more interaction with her family, especially Blanche and Edie because they live here.”

  “We’re not much of a family, Becca,” he said in a regretful tone, “but I guess you’ve figured that out. Edie and Blanche have been at each other’s throats since the day Pa married Blanche. That’s been going on for over forty years, and it’s not going to change, not even for Nicki.”

  “Has Edie always lived here? Has she never married or left home?” Becca thought that if she knew more about Edie and Blanche, she might be able to understand them—at least a little.

  “She went to Texas A&M to become a veterinarian. She came home for a weekend to see her sister, who’d been married a couple of years and just found out she was pregnant. They went on a shopping trip to Houston with their mother and were involved in a bad car accident. Edie’s mother and sister didn’t survive. Edie was injured and spent months in the hospital. She was engaged at the time. Pa said the guy came around for a while, then eventually stopped coming. After Edie recovered from the accident, she never went back to school. She took care of the house and helped Pa. It was just the two of them for several years.”

  “Then he married Blanche,” Becca murmured. “And things have never been the same for Edie.”

  “That about sums it up. And Pa didn’t help matters. He was from the old school, where the man was the head of the household and his decisions were not to be questioned. The women were supposed to be pampered and taken care of. Pa never explained anything to them or tried to help with the transition. He just expected them to accept his decision.”

  “That must’ve been difficult for both of them,” Becca said.

  “Yeah, Edie was twenty-seven at the time, and sharing the house and Pa with a younger woman didn’t sit well with her.”

  “How old was Mr. Prescott when he died?”

  “Ninety-six, and he rode a horse until the day before his death. He got dizzy after riding and I had to carry him into the house. The next day he quietly passed away with Blanche and me by his side.”

  She could hear the love for his father in his voice. “So your parents were married for thirty-six years?”

  “Yep.”

  “He lived to see all his sons grown,” Becca added.

  “Sure did. I was thirty-two when he died.”

  “And the apple of his eye,” she said, smiling.

  He glanced at her. “Some people say that, and I have to admit Pa and I were close. We both enjoyed ranching, and he taught me everything I know. He argued a lot with Clay and Colton because he didn’t understand either of them.”

  “Did Blanche?”

  “Blanche is Blanche and it’s hard to explain her, but she’s never had much interest in her sons.”

  “But she was always there for your father.”

  “Yep, I’d have to say she was.”

  “Then, that has to count for something.”

  “Becca, don’t go looking for miracles,” he told her shortly. “There aren’t any in this house.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “What do you mean?”

  �
��I mean, have you asked Blanche or Edie to share in Nicki’s life? Like having supper with her in the evenings or just spending time with her?”

  Cord rubbed his jaw. “No, because I know it’s a waste of my breath.”

  “Do you mind if I try?”

  He shook his head in amusement. “If you can get my mother to take an interest in my daughter, hell will freeze over, as the saying goes. Blanche is interested in no one but herself. I learned that when I was a kid, but if you want to try, go ahead.”

  “I will,” she said, determined to make some changes for Nicki’s sake. “I’d also like to enroll Nicki in a play group. She needs to be around children her own age.”

  He frowned. “Do you think she’s ready for that?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then, I trust your judgment. It hasn’t been wrong so far.”

  “Thank you,” she said sincerely. “And tomorrow we’ll pay you a visit on the ranch.”

  He shook his head. “Not tomorrow. It’s Saturday and I have to take care of business in town. Besides, Colton will probably be coming for a visit. Don’t you want to stay close to the house for that?”

  “No. Anyway, if Colton was going to visit, he would’ve called me,” she said, to his surprise.

  “He hasn’t called you?” He couldn’t keep the shock out of his voice. “He’s not coming to see you?”

  She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, deciding to set him straight about Colton. “No, we don’t have that kind of relationship. Colton was there when I found out about my parents. I didn’t like him at first, but he spent a lot of time at our house because of his business dealings with my father. Gradually, I began to like him and we became friends. When he opened an office in Houston, I saw more of him. He’d call and take me out to dinner, to a movie, whatever. Colton and I are friends, very good friends. That’s all.”

  She could see he didn’t believe her. “It’s true. You can ask Colton.”

  Cord still wasn’t sure about that; however, it really didn’t make a difference. Becca was too young for him, anyway. But, oh, she was so damn good to look at and to be with.